octopus Posted March 5, 2006 Share Posted March 5, 2006 Dear All, I need help. I saw him today after 2 months. We were at a conference and between lectures we saw each other, and ran and held each other tightly for a minute or so. He said it was good to see me... twice... I felt like the first time I saw him. We had to go to different lectures but we will "catch up" tomorrow... Up until now it's been very limited contact. He told me I looked great. But he did not imply anything about our (ex) relationship, or wanting to get back, of course ! I don't know what to expect from tomorrow, I want to pour my heart out and ask him whether it's absolutely impossible to try again. He might say OK, because even when we split he'd said there still was a chance. But even if he says OK, I know that nothing will have changed because the request wouldn't have come from him. I am soo torn. I am OK without him, I'm no where near my horrible trauma 3 months ago, but I love him. I know he likes me, so I just want to say CAN WE PLEASE TRY AGAIN PLEASE PLEASE.... What should I do? We're on good terms. Will I have trashed all my healing effort if I ask him? Help Link to comment
crebma Posted March 5, 2006 Share Posted March 5, 2006 i'm just some kid, but i think you will have trashed your healing efforts if you ask him. if/when he's ready, he will tell you. he knows that you want to get back together, so bugging him about it won't help the case. you must let him sort things out in his own head and take his own time, even though it hurts. if you want to avoid immediately regressing to the horrible trauma, i would let it be, and let things sort themselves out. good luck, and stay strong. a Link to comment
brando Posted March 5, 2006 Share Posted March 5, 2006 I would let it go. Be happy when you see him, forget about the relationship and talk to eachother like people. Begging, pleading persuing, is no good.It will make you look needy. Think back to how you were when you two first met you need to be that person again, for yourself, not just to try to get an ex back. Be positive, esteemed, smile, be happy. Its not about how he percieves you, its how you perceive yourself. Flirt with other guys, date other guys, nothing heavy, just have fun again. Go out with friends. Live. Link to comment
keenan Posted March 5, 2006 Share Posted March 5, 2006 Ditto. Don't ask. That doesn't mean that you can't be really warm and friendly with him, so that he realizes that he might have a chance IF he asks...but I would wait for him to seize the reins at this point. Good luck!! Keep us posted.... Link to comment
ElektraHere Posted March 5, 2006 Share Posted March 5, 2006 I am soo torn. I am OK without him, I'm no where near my horrible trauma 3 months ago, but I love him. I know he likes me, so I just want to say CAN WE PLEASE TRY AGAIN PLEASE PLEASE.... What should I do? We're on good terms. Will I have trashed all my healing effort if I ask him? Help You said it best in your post. YOU ARE OK WITHOUT HIM. Just think of the way you felt 3 months ago compared to today. Why would you want to put yourself back in the muck and mire of that? Begging and pleading does not work. Take it from me I have done both with former boyfriends (notice former) and with a friend (whom I had feelings for). I would plead for them to give me a second chance or to call or email me. It doesn't work it just makes the person think that you are very needy. I think you shouldn't seek him out and just go about with how you have been for the last 3 months. You have made so much progress why stop it now? Heres an analogy for you. For the last 3 months you lost 20 pounds and can finally fit into your "skinny" jeans and they look good and it makes you so happy. Then for the next week you have a craving for fast food so you satiate it everyday. The next you know your pants are tight, you feel like crap, and your depressed. All the work you did in that 3 months has kind of become null and void. In a way this is what it would be if you try and get back in regular contact with him. Keep on the path you were on and stay strong you know you can Good Luck, Link to comment
Beyondthesea Posted March 5, 2006 Share Posted March 5, 2006 Forget him as dating material and continue moving forward. I'm sorry you are hurting so badly, but you said yourself "I am ok without him." Good for you. You can make it through, it will be ok! Link to comment
Titan4Life Posted March 5, 2006 Share Posted March 5, 2006 I feel the same way, its been a month, and I been strong all week, but I have to go over to my old place where she lives today and move the rest of my stuff, out. I feel like I am going to cry and beg her to take me back, everytime i see her I get weak again, and fall back into crying and being sad. Link to comment
Orlander Posted March 5, 2006 Share Posted March 5, 2006 Just let go and move on. I know, its FAR easier to say/write than to do. Link to comment
luvagain Posted March 5, 2006 Share Posted March 5, 2006 Don't cry and beg, you'll just regret it later. I do. You have to put on an act and pretend everythin is okay. Plus, you stated you are better off without him. You're heart and mind, I believe, think different. Right now your heart is hurt and searching for hope. Your mind is telling you you are better off without him. There is a struggle there and you must resolve this conflict. Think about what's best for you so that you don't end up hurt again. I have these struggles as well. My heart still holds a spot for my ex, but I have to believe that she is not coming back even though she said she would find me again and come back to me. Just words from her mouth, she didn't mean them. Maybe there is a chance between you two but don't put too much hope on that or you might get burn again. Link to comment
Diggitydave Posted March 6, 2006 Share Posted March 6, 2006 without telling you my story, but from personal experience. dont. Link to comment
Titan4Life Posted March 6, 2006 Share Posted March 6, 2006 Dont cry or beg, stay strong stick to being strong, cause the last thing you want is him feeling pity for you, show him your strong, I know its hard, but time heals. *hug* (Jay) Link to comment
Diggitydave Posted March 6, 2006 Share Posted March 6, 2006 i know how you feel though, it's tough, very tough. Remember, this is a state of mind, not a state of life. This WILL pass, and when it does i'll buy you a steak lol well probably not but...you know what i mean Link to comment
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