never go out

[KissMe_KillMe]

okay so me and my boyfriend have been together for about 4 months now and at the beginning of our relationship we did stuff together... we went to partys, chill with our friends, go to different cities.. but for the last 2-3 months we have done nothing but basically stay in my room and watch tv and sleep. Almost everytime he comes over he falls asleep.

I mean dont get me wrong i love spending quality at home time with him but everyday is just rediculous. I understand he has work and he gets tired but i know there has to be days where we can go out and do something. If he can make time every weekend to have band practice than why cant he make time for me?.. i have confronted him about this and his response was "well what is it you want to do?" do i have to tell him what i want to do?, why cant he say "well lets go here"? Then he said "if you want to go somewhere do something about it", then he fell asleep.

hmmm what should i do?

[orgasmictofu]

do i have to tell him what i want to do?

 

Unless he has psychic abilities, YES!!! If you want more excitement, tell him that, and take action. Plan something with him. Or heck, if you know he doesn't have plans on a certain day, tell him what you're doing, don't ask him beforehand, don't ask if it's ok, just say "Friday night there's this show at this venue, I bought our tickets, so don't make any other plans".

[KissMe_KillMe]

aww thats a good idea... i like the whole take action thing..

hopefully this will work.

oh by the way...

here is one problem... i dont drive.

[orgasmictofu]

aww thats a good idea... i like the whole take action thing..

hopefully this will work.

oh by the way...

here is one problem... i dont drive.

 

Doesn't make a difference. If your bf drives, get him to drive, take public transportation, ride a bike, walk, get a bunch of friends together with at least one of whom drives.

 

And you're 18, I'm going to tell you the same thing I tell my 19 year old little sis all the time: "get up off your butt and get your damn license!!!!" I am mostly kidding of course, there could be tons of reasons you don't have your license yet. But if you're like my sister and just like being chauffeured around, my outburst stands

[renaissancewoman101]

You can always take the bus or subway (depending where you lived). When I was dating my ex, on the days I didnt want to drive, if I was down by him, we would take the "L" around Chicago or the bus and it was ok. And it wasnt expensive.

[KissMe_KillMe]

hahha...trust me i want my license real bad!!

my car needs a new transmission before i can take my test.

[orgasmictofu]

hahha...trust me i want my license real bad!!

my car needs a new transmission before i can take my test.

 

Oh lord I know how that is!

 

Can you borrow a car for the test? That's what I did. And then went right back to driving my crapbox for day to day use.

[DN]

hmmm what should i do?

 

Plan something and take the initiative. You are the one who wants to go out - why can't you be the one to take him out?

[KissMe_KillMe]

true true...

i never thought of it like that i guess.

i just got to think of something we can do together that he will actually want to do.

[DN]

Well, whatever you plan he should go along with it if you have taken the trouble to organise it. If he doesn't, you may want to re-evaluate if you want to be with him. If you are putting in all the effort and he does nothing then that is not a fair or balanced relationship.

[OceanEyes]

Hmmm ... I would say to take some initiative here like everyone else has, but I've been in this situation before, and if you're always the one who has to come up with the activities and are the only one being spontaneous, you're going to get incredibly bored with this guy.

 

If you're the type who likes to go out a couple of times a week, and you always feel that you're the one who has to 'get the ball rolling', then I would suggest that you talk to him about that. Trust me - if you can't find some way of having an equal amount (or almost equal) of initiative-taking when it comes to going out and doing things, picture what you'll be like in 6 months? I think it's really important that this is initiated from BOTH sides, just for compatibility reasons alone.

 

Some people are cool to just hang out while in a relationship. But I've found that when one person prefers to go out more than staying in, they end up getting bored pretty quickly. Talk to him and see what he has to say about it.

[KissMe_KillMe]

Yea your so right i have been wondering about this for a while now cause like im the kind of girl that likes to go out and party and it seemed like he was like that at the beginning of our relationship but then a coiple of weeks after we got together he stoped all that.. he dosent drink or smoke pot anymore..

which is fine, im proud of him but i want to do things.. and it seems like he dosent have the time or oney to do that... which i know he does.

[OceanEyes]

^ Sounds like he's gotten a bit too comfortable, which for some couples isn't a bad thing, but you obviously need more (which is okay too!).

 

All you can do is tell him what you need, and hope that he hears you. I say this all the time because IT'S TRUE! We, as human beings, can't just bully or nag our partners into doing what we want. And, even if they do change, it's temporary and usually ends up frustrating us even more in the end ("why hasn't anything changed?!").

 

You might find it tough to change things. If he's truly happy just hanging out all the time, then you may find yourself very unhappy and insanely bored in the future. Trust me, I KNOW what it's like to date a boring guy whose idea of "a night out" is ordering junk food and watching South Park. It doesn't work in the long run because different things are going to make YOU happy.

 

Talk to him respectfully and calmly and see how it goes. Let's just hope that you're not with one of those people who thinks that, just because they are happy, that it automatically means that you are.

[eleanorrigby1]

My friend is going through something similar. Ask him if there is anything wrong gently not nagging and then say "could we maybe try to go out once a week? I work all week too (or whatever you do) and feel like we need to get out, let our hair down! once a week?"

 

compromise. Dont nag, dont sound needy and he should be fine with it. If he says "I like sitting in" say "so do i, sometimes! but i also like going out, cant we compromise?"

 

hope it goes well.

 

My boyfriend says i am bossy because i just TELL him what we are doing sometimes, but sometimes i can be a bit sneaky instead of leaving it open for him to say "No lets just sit in" I say "oh babe, this Saturday there is a party my mates are going, do you fancy it? I do..." he will um and ah and before he answers I then say "you dont have to come if you dont want babe, if you dont fancy it, i will go on my own?" and he then says "oh no i will come, yeah sure i will"

[Hernj62]

I do agree with all the replies...But...I don't agree that you should be making all these plans for both of you. The beautiful thing about a relationship is doing things that make both of you happy. Maybe try picking out a list of things to do and asking him to do the same and then together once a week decide which thing you want to do. Whether it be go out to a movie or go out to eat or even take a walk. Something else besides sleeping and being bored. Theres so much to do in so little time, don't waste your life away and make him help you. Take initiatve but stop when it gets to the point where you're the only one trying. He needs to try too. He needs to want to go out too.