What is he doing to me????

[RayKay]

Ready,

 

He is being an absolutele jerk. I don't know WHY he is, but it sounds like he is either trying to truly distance himself and justify his own actions and guilt, or make you off to be the bad person.

 

I know you love him, I know he did a lot of good things, but people present their true selves under stress and in the bad times in life - and your ex is showing what he is "really" made of in his cruel treatment and behaviour of you.

 

I absolutely recommend you cut off contact and don't allow him to manipulate you and verbally and emotionally abuse you as he is doing right now.

 

How big is the loan he owes? Is it small enough you can just let it go? If not, you may want to go to small claims court, though if you don't have a written contract with him it may be hard to "prove".

 

Sorry honey, but he sounds like a jerk That is not the way a man whom loves and respects you talks to you and treats you.

 

I am still not so sure there isn't someone else, or the "opportunity" of someone else, some of the things just don't add up. I don't know for sure of course, but I DO know that you deserve better then a guy whom treats you this way even if you are broken up.

[Scout]

I know you love him, I know he did a lot of good things, but people present their true selves under stress and in the bad times in life - and your ex is showing what he is "really" made of in his cruel treatment and behaviour of you.

 

I really agree with this. And since marriage is supposed to be about getting through the hard times as well as enjoying the good...well, you can see for yourself how dependable he would be for that. It may not seem like it now, but this could actually be a huge blessing in disguise for you that the wedding is not going through.

[Mistymo]

Wow I feel for you.

I have been through a relationship where I new there was cheating going on and either the guy gets upset and makes you the bad guy or the total opposite and that is that everything is just wonderful in the relationship….he is all smiles as if the would is rolling along perfectly.

The calling card, the receipt for the non existing flowers, changing an account that was being used by both of you for your life long future together al add up to…he found someone else. Yes I am fairly new here but I have seen it all. Sometime we have to be a little bit of a Bi***. You are young take some time for your self and just have fun. There are lots of great fish in the ocean.

[ReadyorNot]

He still owes me $10,000

I can not let this go. He is here right now collecting stuff... he refuses to sign a new piece of paper regarding this but he swears he is going to pay me back every last cent.

[RandomAdvisor]

If he's really going to pay you back, then what's the trouble with him signing a paper saying that? Difficult as it may be, you should try to sit down and speak to him to get this resolved. You should both be on the same page as to how fast he's going to pay you back. Setting up an installment plan and when that will begin would be best.

[buckley]

hey,

 

wow i real feel your pain, ive been somewhat there b4 also........was with a guy, he so loved me etc etc i loaned him money..ended up breaking up he COMPLETELY turned around, ended up being a COMPLETE jerk, found out he was cheating etc etc.....

 

he also refused to sign a contract saying he woould pay me back ( granted it was only a thousand n was kinda willing to let it go) so what i did is the ext time i saw him i taped out conversation, i made sure to get his name in there and bring up how he still hadnt paid me back n how he said he would and how he wouldnt sign a contract etc etc basicaly got him to say everything to prove he owed me money......

 

i then made a copy of it n sent it to him.........needless to say he ended up paying me back cos i went to small claims........

 

on some phones nowadays u can even tape the phone conversation....that would b way easy for u n u dont even have to see him.........

 

but 10,000 is alot and a grand wasnt alot for me but it was the fact that i didnt want him to have gotten anything more out of me, u know, plus i wanted to show him i was storng n wasnt to be walked over...n made me feel great n empowered n helped my self esteem

 

do u think maybe its weird he dumped u just months after the contract he did sign passed over the expected date of nov 2005???? i wonder if he stuck round for the date to pass........ he sounds like a REAL creep.....

 

stay strong, it does get easier, n i have this lil belife that women who go thru these really bad rships get good karma.....youll meet the best guy eve rn b so glad its not him

[WildChild]

Although at this point (after reading all of this) I don't know if you will ever have the answers, what you do need to do is take care of yourself from here on out.

 

Ten grand is a huge amount of money to take his word on. Put it to him like this, "Hey, I trusted you the last 6 years. I trusted we were getting married and that you loved me, but your words and actions in the last month have shown I shouldn't have trusted your word, why should I trust your word now." The amount he owes you is probably higher than a small claims court will hear. Call your district court and they will tell you.

 

Unfortunately it is not uncommon for people to get wrapped up in the planning of the wedding. Some people want informal weddings and some want formal weddings. I think a vast majority of women would agree that when you are only getting married once, and if you want a formal wedding, you want everything to be perfect. It is the day that many women dream of since they are little girls. However, it is also not uncommon for the stress of the plans to roll over into your relationship and make each other wonder/doubt if it is the right thing or not.

 

Not to add fury to this fire but his behavior is not normal. Although I try hard to not bring my being cheated on into every post of possible infidelity, there are some pretty questionable things that he has said and done. Not only his behavior about the flower receipt, cell phone, bank accounts, calling card, but what really struck me as "Hmmm" was that you didn't know he had MSN. It's hard to believe someone you love would do anything like that especially when you believed they loved you, but his behavior is not uncommon of someone being unfaithful.

 

Again, although you want the answers I don't think you will ever get them from him. I know you are crushed, angry and hurt but you need to let him go and realize that it is better it happened now than after the wedding. It is going to be very difficult, but you will survive.

[DN]

I think the issue of whether he cheated or not is probably beside the point because this scanty evidence is not proof.

 

There are a number of issues that need to be dealt with separately so they don't overlap and cause confusion.

 

First of all, you need to take him at his word and accept the fact that the relationship is truly over. That is going to be even harder than usual because ideally you would go into no contact, heal from the hurt that has been caused and then move on to another relationship. But there is also the issue of the money.

 

For two reasons I advise playing this one a little tough. You need to get this resolved soon so that you can go no contact and you need him to understand that you are serious about getting the debt repaid. I advise writing him a letter in which you say that unless he acknowledges, in writing, the debt and makes reasonable arrangements to pay it back, that you will immediately take him to small claims court. And then follow through.

 

But there is another issue that you will need to address aside from the aftermath of this break-up. And that is taking responsibility for your part in what happened. Remember that you cannot change anything either of you did in the past, nor can you influence how he behaves in the future. But you can change yourself and this will be a vital process so that you can alter any damaging behaviour or characteristics that contributed to the break-up.

 

That is not to say that you need to beat yourself up - it means you learn from the experience so you don't repeat in a future relationship the mistakes you made in this one. Ultimately, that self-analysis will be more important to your happiness than recovering the money that he owes you.

 

Don't make the mistake of transferring all the fault onto him, especially because of his behaviour since the break-up, or because of the money. It may make you feel better in the short term, but it will not serve you in the long term.

[bingfei]

yes ,he need some space...........