ReadyorNot Posted February 27, 2006 Author Share Posted February 27, 2006 I think that I have to say that for awhile I have put the wedding planning ahead of my fiance... In November he asked if we could get married with a JOP so I could move to be with him.. and then we would have the real wedding in June still.. I freaked out and said that I wanted the day in June to be my wedding day blah blah blah so we didnt do it... apparently that hurt him alot... Link to comment
friscodj Posted February 27, 2006 Share Posted February 27, 2006 apparently he came down early afternoon and left by 2pm.... I think you're overanalyzing this. You really need to get together and talk... Link to comment
friscodj Posted February 27, 2006 Share Posted February 27, 2006 I think that I have to say that for awhile I have put the wedding planning ahead of my fiance... In November he asked if we could get married with a JOP so I could move to be with him.. and then we would have the real wedding in June still.. I freaked out and said that I wanted the day in June to be my wedding day blah blah blah so we didnt do it... apparently that hurt him alot... Well now we seem to be getting to the bottom of some of the problems here...good things for you guys to talk about... Link to comment
ReadyorNot Posted February 27, 2006 Author Share Posted February 27, 2006 oooh apparently it was LAST NIGHT at 11pm that he went ot his buddies.. he left at like 4am..... Link to comment
ReadyorNot Posted February 27, 2006 Author Share Posted February 27, 2006 His friend just told me that he talks to him on MSN.... apparently they were chatting all day yesterdya and my fiance was saying how bored he is so he finally came down late last night... I didnt know he had MSN Link to comment
Scout Posted February 27, 2006 Share Posted February 27, 2006 What are you planning on doing? Are you going to try and call him? Link to comment
DN Posted February 27, 2006 Share Posted February 27, 2006 If you are giving him the impression that the wedding is more important to you than the marriage that could also explain his attitude. No man wants to be thought of as a irritating necessity whose only purpose is to enable a woman to have the wedding of her dreams. I say again - you guys need to talk and you need to decide what is important about your relationship. Link to comment
friscodj Posted February 27, 2006 Share Posted February 27, 2006 I'd give it some time before talking. You seem to be all over the place with your posts and need to settle down and think clearly before talking and confusing things more or making them worse with unbridled emotion...no pun intended... Link to comment
ReadyorNot Posted February 27, 2006 Author Share Posted February 27, 2006 He just called... and he called me a bad name for telling his best friend that he is cheating on me.. then the phone died.. but his friend told me he is calling me back Link to comment
ReadyorNot Posted February 27, 2006 Author Share Posted February 27, 2006 I feel like we are friggin 10 years old Link to comment
Scout Posted February 27, 2006 Share Posted February 27, 2006 Hmmm, this situation is getting highly emotional. Look, you've behaved wrong, he's behaved wrong by disappearing...and now calling you names...you two need to really approach your next conversation with some level of maturity if you hope to salvage this relationship. Things have definitely escalated out of hand and you both need to treat each other with respect here if you're serious about being married adults. Link to comment
friscodj Posted February 27, 2006 Share Posted February 27, 2006 you two need to really approach your next conversation with some level of maturity if you hope to salvage this relationship. Things have definitely escalated out of hand and you both need to treat each other with respect here if you're serious about being married adults. Yes! Take some time with this! What's a week or two without talking and figuring out your respective ends of things relative to a whole life together? Or a whole life not together Link to comment
DN Posted February 27, 2006 Share Posted February 27, 2006 I have to disagree about not talking for a while. What you need is not to talk with anger but with a loving determination to sort things out. But if you just let things go what is likely to happen is that anger will intensify or even change into cold indifference because nothing that is wrong will have changed - it will still be between you when you eventually do talk. Absense can make the heart grow fonder - it can also make it become colder. Relationships need work not neglect. Link to comment
friscodj Posted February 27, 2006 Share Posted February 27, 2006 I have to disagree about not talking for a while. What you need is not to talk with anger but with a loving determination to sort things out. But if you just let things go what is likely to happen is that anger will intensify or even change into cold indifference because nothing that is wrong will have changed - it will still be between you when you eventually do talk. Absense can make the heart grow fonder - it can also make it become colder. Relationships need work not neglect. The thing is it doesn't sound like he wants to talk right now...and I'm not sure forcing him would be the way to go? I'd also disagree with equating taking time and working to sort things out individually with neglect... Link to comment
ReadyorNot Posted February 27, 2006 Author Share Posted February 27, 2006 I just got off the phone with him.... He swears he never did cheat.. he never would.... but the only other thing I can say is this situation is extremely f'd up... like seriously... omg.... Link to comment
friscodj Posted February 27, 2006 Share Posted February 27, 2006 I just got off the phone with him.... He swears he never did cheat.. he never would.... but the only other thing I can say is this situation is extremely f'd up... like seriously... omg.... Well, you've got a lot of good advice here to ponder. Analyze and trust your best judgment...I sincerely hope it works out for you... Link to comment
DN Posted February 27, 2006 Share Posted February 27, 2006 I'd also disagree with equating taking time and working to sort things out individually with neglect... Providing each partner knows that that is the plan that is one thing - for one partner to impose that time without the other being aware that they are supposed to be taking the time to sort things out on their own is hazardous. They could easily misinterpret the silence as a desire to walk away from the relationship rather than a time to reflect upon it. By neglect I mean neglecting to deal with the problem which can easily be taken to mean a disinterest in fixing the relationship. In any relationship it is important to know what your partner wants - it is crucial when there is a problem because otherwise there will be misunderstandings, sometimes fatal ones. The only way to know what your partner wants is to talk. Link to comment
RayKay Posted February 27, 2006 Share Posted February 27, 2006 I would say you both really absolutely must be able to calmly sit down and talk with one another, rather then trying to one up one another or vent your hurt and pain at each other like you are doing right now. You are entering a partnership together, but you should be partners NOW, before you ever walk down that aisle. That applies to conflicts just as much as finances and the like. I asked you on your last post if maybe you were being a Bridezilla and then you had said no, but your post above that indicates the wedding planning has become more important then anything else IS what a Bridezilla does...they focus on the wedding and forget the relationship which is what the MARRIAGE will be founded on. It sounds more to me like he is rethinking things a bit, he is seeing you in this stressed out, witchy way, and he is wondering "whoa, what am I getting myself into?". I would not be too eager to spend time around a "witch" either. So show him you want to marry HIM, not just get married to anyone, listen to him and show your appreciation for whom HE is too. I would say that he may be telling you the truth - he had not cheated, but that depends on his definition of cheating.... Link to comment
ReadyorNot Posted February 27, 2006 Author Share Posted February 27, 2006 You know... I am 97% sure that everything is too late... we had a long talk and he wants to call it quits.... he wants to start a new fresh life... Link to comment
RayKay Posted February 27, 2006 Share Posted February 27, 2006 You know... I am 97% sure that everything is too late... we had a long talk and he wants to call it quits.... he wants to start a new fresh life... Oh honey, I am so sorry to hear this...big hugs. Did he definitely say that? Did he say why his mind changed this radically from wanting to get married (well, he proposed so I assume he did!) to not? Link to comment
friscodj Posted February 27, 2006 Share Posted February 27, 2006 You know... I am 97% sure that everything is too late... we had a long talk and he wants to call it quits.... he wants to start a new fresh life... There's still 3% left...I'm a believer I guess... Are you sure you really got to the bottom of everything and let things that were said sink in? Link to comment
ReadyorNot Posted February 27, 2006 Author Share Posted February 27, 2006 He told me to cancel the wedding... He said so many terrible things to me... I dont think he actually means these terrible things.. he loved me so much... his actions proved it.. he couldnt possibly mean what all he said to hurt me Link to comment
friscodj Posted February 27, 2006 Share Posted February 27, 2006 He told me to cancel the wedding... He said so many terrible things to me... I dont think he actually means these terrible things.. he loved me so much... his actions proved it.. he couldnt possibly mean what all he said to hurt me Don't be so hasty to jump to conclusions on this. A lot of emotions are flying right now...let things settle down and then talk...that means with you too... Link to comment
DN Posted February 28, 2006 Share Posted February 28, 2006 What terrible things did he say? Are you sure that there is not at least an element of truth in what he said? Be careful that you don't miss what is important here - he may be overstating what he is saying but he may also be telling you things you need to attend to if you want to have a chance to get the relationship back on track. Link to comment
ReadyorNot Posted February 28, 2006 Author Share Posted February 28, 2006 I dont think the relationship will ever get back on track.... He said that he has been trying to get rid of me for 2 years now.. he was just lonely so he made himself believe that he wanted to be with me.... He loves me, but is not IN LOVE with me... that is a LIE because I know how much he loves me.. I can see it in everything he does for me... He even said that lately the sex hasnt been great so he doesnt even miss that... Link to comment
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