this is getting ridiculous.

[deejay74]

it'll be 2 months since i got dumped and i am still filled with sadness and this void in my life right now. i know everyone says give it time but i can't take this anymore. i've had this heavy, tight feeling in my chest and stomach for weeks and it hasn't gone away.

 

every night and morning i lay in bed thinking about my ex and the relationship and i can't go back to sleep. i have been doing what i can to stop the thoughts and the sad feelings but it only works for small moments, then i go back to those thoughts/feelings. i do see a therapist and she's helped but no one can stop these thoughts i have except me, and i feel i've lost control.

 

my relationship was only 6 months, how come i am still feeling this way? we've been broken of for 1/3 of the duration of the relationship itself. i feel pretty weak mentally.

 

i also feel i am starting to get on my family and friend's nerves for being such a downer and talking about this all the time. i don't know what else to do. some days are better than others but there are more bad days than good, such as today.

 

this whole experience is making me afraid to love again. the pain of this break up is horrible. i don't know how some people can just bounce back so quickly. and i've wondered this many times: does my ex hurt sometimes too? this really feels like i am going to be this way for a long time.

 

thanks to all the entoaloners for your support. i know this is not a new topic for me but i am glad i have this website to get my thoughts and feelings out.

[Dako]

iwant,

 

You seem on course to me for a guy trying to get over lost love.

You are progressing, and in a few months you'll recognize the progress that your sadness is masking from view. In the next two months, healing will accelerate even more. As DN so wisely told me during a setback, recovery isn't a linear process. Yes, in the process you will sometimes feel stalled, but at other times the reverse will happen and you'll experence breakthroughs and later, genuine refreshing joy.

 

It doesn't matter how long you were with her, you gave your heart fully and got it back broken. The heartbreak can take place in minutes.

I see it like a plane crash. The length of the flight doesn't change the severity of the impact one bit.

 

You will love again. It took me 6 months to learn that was possible.

Be good to yourself. You'll appreciate it later.

[Norlund]

Hey buddy.

 

Its really tough I know, I got my marching orders in August last year, left in October, and we still went out together a lot until early January. Then she hit me with a new guy. Thats when the penny dropped.

 

I have had a couple goes at NC, and today is day 4 of the latest attempt.

 

Not knowing what she/they are doin is a bummer, but much better than knowing it, believe me.

 

Thank God for ENA, or I would never have had a handle to hang my grief on, nor yet a method for moving on.

 

Keep up the effort mate.

[healinginnyc81]

hey iwantherback, i'm sorry you're so down right now. i wish there was something i could say to stop your thoughts of her. but you know the only way to stop thoughts is to have something else to think about or focus on. you really have to throw yourself into other things that you like as much as possible. when you do something that you really enjoy, it relaxes your mind and you get into what you're doing and stop your mind from racing with other thoughts. i know you feel like 2 months is a long time. how long your relationship lasted doesn't really matter to the healing process. don't be hard on yourself. if it takes you longer than you expect, it just means that it has been a tougher loss than you thought. loss of love is probably the toughest thing to deal with. I dealt with the death of the closest person to me - my grandma - and this breakup has been harder on me than that was. Allow yourself all the time you need to heal and work through your feelings.

 

another suggestion is physically challenging activities. i'm not sure if you're into sports or working out, but there's also running, running up stairs, walking/sightseeing, swimming, bicycling, using a hammer and nails (build something), go to a batting cage, shoot a basketball around, go to a park and throw rocks (or a baseball) as far as you can, skip pebbles at the beach, get a punching bag or take boxing lessons, do jumping jacks, skip rope, etc. ..... but doing anything that challenges you physically helps to destress, helps focus your mind on something else and releases endorphins. believe me you'll feel better and it will help your appetite and sleep as well.

 

I hope you feel better, man.

[Hunny1607307342]

But just KNOWING that you'll come out of it should make it okay! If you're going through hell, keep going; you'll come out the other side. Anything that doesn't kill you makes you stronger. The worst thing about getting over someone is the not knowing how long it will take. Think about it, if they said to you, "your post break up syndrome will end on 25th August 2006 14:23", you would feel less crap, because you would know that it is NOT forever, and you'd have a day to look forward to and work towards. In real life you feel like it WILL be forever, but that's ONLY because you don't know when that day will come. But it will! I don't know how long it will take, 2 months is not that bad, I'm still feeling that way after 2 months. There will be a day, when these feelings and thoughts will have gone through your head so much that they will have just simply gotten OLD and will no longer affect you. XXX

[ElektraHere]

Hunny that is an awesome way of putting it. I never really thought that if someone were to tell me the exact date and time when I would be "over it." Then why can't I look a the pain I am going through now as sort of a road to that "time?" I am gonna look at the road a little different now. Thanks so much Knowing the pain isnt forever and that day will come sooner or later.

 

I want - I too had an experience where I went out with a guy for 1 month in the summer and was devastated over it. It took me longer to get over it then I was in it. You WILL get over it its just not your "time" yet. I am starting to think that the grief we go through is some sort of mental growth we can either choose to embrace or disregard. I know in the past i have looked the other way but it all catches up to you. Now I am dealing with a lions share of issues that I kept putting on the back burner.

 

Please know it will get better and you will be a better person for it.

 

Good Luck

[deejay74]

thanks everyone for your support. it really means a lot to me. it's difficult, as i am sure you all know, to see the light at the end of the tunnel when the tunnel seems to be endless.

 

i haven't had a bad day like this in a little while and it's almost debilitating. i had drum lessons today and i couldn't even focus or concentrate.

 

why does losing someone you love hurt so much?

](*,)

[vesper]

have you thought about taking some time off, going on a holiday for a week or something like that??

[novaseeker]

thanks everyone for your support. it really means a lot to me. it's difficult, as i am sure you all know, to see the light at the end of the tunnel when the tunnel seems to be endless.

 

i haven't had a bad day like this in a little while and it's almost debilitating. i had drum lessons today and i couldn't even focus or concentrate.

 

why does losing someone you love hurt so much?

](*,)

 

Well it's because there is a hole in your life where the person used to be. When you break up with a long term partner, it's a life change, not a small thing. And it takes the same kind of adjustment that any other life change does.

 

Ack, it is hard at times. But be good to yourself and take care of yourself: keep busy, get with your friends, take up a hobby, maybe take a vacation. Keep active and busy to keep your mind and body occupied, and it will help you transition through the difficult period.

[heloladies21]

Best thing for you to do at this point is to start talking to other girls ASAP. Talk to a ton of em. It doesn't have to be anything serious, but it's the right answer for you. Girls are not as different from each other as you might think and some other girl will give you everything your ex gave you and more, but it's up to you to go out and get her. Force yourself if you have to, that's if you wanna heal.

[Dako]

Girls are not as different from each other as you might think ...

 

ROTFLMAO

I beg to differ.

[ElektraHere]

Dako I tend to agree with you on the girl issue.

[Diggitydave]

Best thing for you to do at this point is to start talking to other girls ASAP. Talk to a ton of em. It doesn't have to be anything serious, but it's the right answer for you. Girls are not as different from each other as you might think and some other girl will give you everything your ex gave you and more, but it's up to you to go out and get her. Force yourself if you have to, that's if you wanna heal.

 

 

Just my personal opinion, I would not go this route. Your ex made a very unique impression on your life and you would simply just try to mold whatever new girl you met to fill that void, that would be unfair to her and you. You need to become whole by yourself in my opinion. Once you are filled with confidence about the fact that you don't NEED a woman to complete you (yes it is better to be with one than be alone) but not necessary, they will flock to you my friend.

[ElektraHere]

Jerry Maguire really screwed up our thinking didnt it ;-) Should we blame Cameron Crowe for introducing the line "you complete me?" lol

[healinginnyc81]

Talking to a lot of girls is good. Trying to find one to replace the ex is not.

Interacting with girls and people in general slowly helps you to feel better and stop being caught up in your thoughts. For a while you'll still compare them to your ex, but at some point you'll start to see qualities that your ex didn't have that you like in someone else. But you shouldn't start dating until you've gotten over the ex.

 

That's my humble opinion.

[sukerbut]

listen to hello ladies!!! the only way the real healing begins is when you get those butterflies in your stomach. again..with out talking to other girls you will never find the one that will bring these butterflies back...i have found that one..and even though its in its hatchling stage i can see me happy in a couple of months ..real happy. We were dumped because our exes found replacements for us...we chose to still love them..now its your turn to be happy...the only way you are going to heal is when you find some one else..PERIOD! i dont think we are saying your mission is to bed these women..i mean if it happens great but thats not the mission..finding a compatible partner to love is not an easy task and even though 9 out of 10 dates i have been on were busts..(and believe me at times i just wanted to give up..i did not) that 1 that was a total success was well worht my trials and tribulations with the first 9!! if i gave up on date 9 i would of not had 10..so as painful as it is .. you got to do it..never give up and never settle..EVER! cross your fingers this one could be the one that pulls me out of my hole..no go find the one to do the same for you..IWHB!!! The only positive thing about being dumped is that you have no regrets...like the dumper..you are free to love again..while the dumper will always have to question their descision for the rest of their lives...i know i dumped some one very special and i am haunted with it daily..good luck to all

[Dako]

Sukerbut,

You sound really good these days. Good for you, guy!