I'm such a

[Big Jim]

Man, shes acting like a late teen, early twenties girl, guess she has never really grown up or found out who she is exactly. Shes 29 now, there is a chance shes not going to for a long time. She has to grow up. She is into the "bad boy" right now, loves that idea. You are her prince charming, she loves that idea too. She is just mixed up bad, i wouldnt hang around for her.

[markm]

Man, shes acting like a late teen, early twenties girl, guess she has never really grown up or found out who she is exactly. Shes 29 now, there is a chance shes not going to for a long time. She has to grow up. She is into the "bad boy" right now, loves that idea. You are her prince charming, she loves that idea too. She is just mixed up bad, i wouldnt hang around for her.

 

right you are

[markm]

well, anyway it's her Birthday today.

I feel like crap.

Good news is that my buddy is flying in from San Fransisco tonight and we're gonna hit the town.

Sucks that I'm not a part of her B-day, and some other guy is.

It hurts.

 

I'm not even gonna break the NC to wish her Happy Birthday, "F" her.

I'm sure in some way that'll bother her.

[solo34]

What's gonna bother her? That U "F'd" her, or that U aren't part of her B-day?

 

-Solo34

[markm]

What's gonna bother her? That U "F'd" her, or that U aren't part of her B-day?

 

-Solo34

 

That I didn't call to wish Happy Birthday

[solo34]

I know, I was trying 2 joke with U.

 

-Solo34

[markm]

I know, I was trying 2 joke with U.

 

-Solo34

 

got it

[markm]

Well, last night was her B-day.

I went out with my buddy and met a couple of girls (married )

We hung out and it was pretty fun.

We ended up going back to their hotel and all went into the jacuzzi with nothing but our underwear.

So we all just hung out till about 3:30 am drinking wine and talking.

It was interesting to say the least, but of course I couldn't stop thinking about Karen.

 

Guys, I am missing her so badly right now and I am so scared because she is with someone else.

I am feeling like some contact needs to be made, and I have only ignored all her attempts (text messages,email)

She still has to pick up some of mail so I am sure I'll see her eventually.

I still want her, what can I do?

[Scout]

This is the last time I'm saying this: you should seriously seek some counseling. Mark, you have been unhealthily obsessed with this girl for three years. The relationship you two had was chiefly marked by one repeating pattern: she would leave you for someone else, while keeping things open if it didn't work out. She even did this while you two were living together.

 

This thread is now at almost 35 pages. You've gotten the same advice from every poster (dozens of posters at this point): no contact, permanently. Yet, despite the fact you keep getting the same advice, you continue to ask again and again what should you do?

 

You are obsessed, and there is nothing anyone else can say here to help you. You've been snooping in her email account. You stood outside her apartment and listened to one of her phone conversations. Do you not think those are indications of obsessive behavior?

 

Mark, I'm sorry, but you truly need help we can't give you. I really hope you'll seek counseling. Years of your life are being wasted with this obsession.

 

And one more thing...you've gotten hours of other people's time. Have you made the same effort to post to some of their own threads? I don't see you posting on too many other threads at all. If for no other reason, perhaps it would help if you unglued yourself from this going no where relationship and focus on other people's problems for a bit.

 

I do wish you luck, but I don't think you are honestly seeking help here. I will also say for the last time this thread is simply another way to feed your addiction.

[markm]

This has not been going on for 3 years.

We had ups and downs in the past but have been fine for over a year now.

We broke up 1 month ago.

No I havent been going over to her house, that happened once 4 weeks ago.

[Scout]

Mark, your threads clearly indicate this situation has been going on for three years. I forgot to say, you're also in major denial, another indication you should finally seek therapy.

[markm]

Mark, your threads clearly indicate this situation has been going on for three years. I forgot to say, you're also in major denial, another indication you should finally seek therapy.

 

I'll say it again.

This situation has not been going on for three years.

Our relationship was 3 years.

We had ups and downs.

For the past 1.5 years we lived together and we were OK.

We just broke up last month.

 

Sorry if I am repetetive.

It is still hard and I don't want to let her go, sorry.

I haven't called her, or gone over to her house, or anything.

So I'm not all that "obsessed", I just miss her very much.

[Scout]

What I meant was that the same pattern repeated itself throughout your relationship. And the ups and downs you describe were the same thing: she would have relationships with other guys while keeping you on a string, including while she was living with you. Like the time she went for a weekend to stay with that guy and you let her come back.

 

I'm done. Like I said before, these posts are only feeding an obsessive addiction.

[markm]

Well I would still like to get her back.

That is why we are all here isn't it.

Sure, I might get her back and realize I was off without her.

But I would rather that than what I am feeling right now.

So....

My goal is to get her back.

If that is thru maintaining more NC then so be it.

Or, perhaps I need to respond to her texts once in a while.

Sorry.

[Lady Bugg]

Hey Mark.... I understand your point...but I think what Scout is trying to get accross is that this womans patterns have repeated themselves over and over again, so even if you DO get back together this cycle can last for years.

Are you willing to go through this for another 3 years? 5 years? Whatever....

 

This woman obviously has "issues" that you cannot or should not try to "fix" simply by being available to her when SHE is ready. The only thing that may

TRULY eventually work is you actually NOT taking her back. Yes ..it hurts to kow she doesn't care and wants to be with this other guy..but the hard truth is that you just have to deal with it. Period.

 

What do you do to get her back? You do NOTHING. That includes NOT returning her texts. WHY would you return her texts when she is with another guy anyway???

[markm]

Thanks Lady, I know you're right.

I know this is taking me a long time (1 month now).

But, this place allows me to vent and/or post my thoughts.

 

Yesterday was another tough day.

My Grandfather from Italy is visiting for a week.

He comes every year. Unbelievably, during our 3 years Karen has never met him before. Somehow evertime he comes she was out of town.

Anyhow, my entire family (who is all from Italy) has been getting together every night.

My Grandfather is A LOT of fun and super charasmatic. He's Great!

He has a thick Italian accent and I love when my whole family is together and speaking Italian. I wish that Karen was around to experience it, becuase I know she would love it.

We all had dinner last night and listening to a lot of songs that Karen and I enjoyed together.

Man that was so hard. It was hard not to just cry in front of everyone.

I was missing her so much, she really is missing out.

 

I just don't understand why this is getting more difficult.

There was so much that bothered me about her.

I even made a list of PROs and CONs about her, and the Cons won, LOL!

Now it just seems I have built her up in my head to be better than she was and forget all the things that bothered me so much.

For some reason I forget those bad feelings I had toward her that made me distant with her in the first place. WHy?

[markm]

Well, looks like she is back with the other guy again.

(Broke up 3 times in 1 month, LOL)

They are going to Denver for a ski trip together this week.

I just don't get it. Why is she so into this guy?

I mean, This guy is 32 he's got a 6 year old kid with some woman that he still hangs out with, he smokes dope everyday (which she hates), he's been known to sleep around (which he did once to her already), and he went to jail the other day for being a drunk idiot.

I understand I shouldn't even be thinking about "the other guy" since it really doesn't matter.

But, how the hell is she so ga-ga over him?

How is it that she could move on to some other guy so quickly?

 

Funny, I just remembered that a few months ago some guy friend (that she slept with once a long time ago) of hers flew down here for a business trip.

He invited her to hang out and she wanted me to go too.

I said "No! I don't want to hang out with some guy that slept with you. And I don't want you going out to hang out with him anyway!"

But, she argues with me telling me how he's just a friend from back home, blah blah blah.

She should automatically know that it is totally unethical to do that.

So I just didn't want to deal with it an further and gave her the cold shoulder for a few days.

So she goes anyway, even though it pissed me off.

 

It was stuff like that that made me feel like she had no common sense and I had no control over her at all.

That kind of stuff scared me.

[majord23]

Mark - I am going to repeat myself here:

 

1) Limit the amount of information you get about her.

 

How you know that she is back with her bf and that they are going to Denver together is your business...but however you got that information, cut off the source.

 

2) She is choosing a guy that is (from what you have told us) an idiot, OVER you.

 

Why would you want to be second choice to this guy?

 

Let go, and let go now. This is not healthy for you and I, like others, am now starting to get concerned to the point of recommending that you seek therapy.

 

We all exhibit some self-destructive behaviours when we have our hearts broken. Begging/pleading/snooping etc. BUT after realising that our behaviour is actually causing us more pain...we usually stop.

 

You are not however, you are continuing on a path that is not healthy. When I repeatedly experience pain from a situation, or from my own behaviour - I distance myself from it. You, on the other hand, appear to be getting dragged in further.

 

You have to stop this now Mark, and if you think you can't - then like I said - you really do need to seek some therapy bro.

[Lady Bugg]

sigh>..Mark...you're a cutie pie..and very sweet.

 

Your ex made her choice by continuing to see this guy you

think is an "idiot'. Apparently she sees something in him she likes.

Maybe he is appealing to HER...regardless of why YOU don't think she

should be. Maybe she thinks you are too nice, or even TOO obsessed with her. Did you ever consider that? Being TOO nice and accomodating can actually be a turn off and seen as a sign of weakness. So perhaps

THAT is how she percieves you.

 

Mark, I won't berate you about this, because I KNOW how hard it is to get over someone...BUT I agree with Scout in that perhaps you could start posting advice on OTHER peoples threads rather than focusing on yourself.

I personally find it more beneficial to ME if I can somehow help someone else.

A little "therapy" if you will. Heck...even volunteer in real life somewhere.

Obsessing over this woman is simply not working for you.

[annie24]

She's probably with the other guy because the sex is really good. That's my first guess. Maybe he's just different from all the other guys she's ever met. Maybe she's just having a lot of fun with him.

 

It's like Britney Spears. She had her choice of any man in the world. There are plenty of rich, handsome, charming men, and sweet men who would worship her. Instead, she married Kevin Federline, quite possibly, the worst choice she could have made. She went for him probably because he didn't kiss her butt like every other guy she met. He was probably interesting, and a challenge, and enough of a bad boy to keep her interest. And the sex is probably really good.

 

Here's another vote for detaching from her and going to therapy. It's over man. Give up. Move onto the next lady.

[markm]

She's probably with the other guy because the sex is really good. That's my first guess.

 

Ummmm.....that didn't make me feel better at all.

Why did you have to post that?

 

Could that please be erased or at least edited.

It is insensitive and obviouly not posted to make me feel better or heal in any way.

In fact, I feel horrible now. Thanks.

[annie24]

But, how the hell is she so ga-ga over him?

How is it that she could move on to some other guy so quickly?

 

I'm sorry. I wasn't trying to make you feel bad. Just telling you my honest opinion of why she is ga-ga over him. Obviously, it's just a guess - I don't know either of them personally. You listed a bunch of reasons why he's a "loser" (ie, dope, been in jail recently, etc.) Clearly, there is something about him that's attracting her to him, despite some of his bad habits. My vote is for sex. Or, who knows - maybe he's a really fun, cool guy, once you get to know him.

 

But, to heal, you do have to face that she's moved on and found a new romantic partner. You can't ignore it.

[markm]

I'm sorry. I wasn't trying to make you feel bad. Just telling you my honest opinion of why she is ga-ga over him. Obviously, it's just a guess - I don't know either of them personally. You listed a bunch of reasons why he's a "loser" (ie, dope, been in jail recently, etc.) Clearly, there is something about him that's attracting her to him, despite some of his bad habits. My vote is for sex. Or, who knows - maybe he's a really fun, cool guy, once you get to know him.

 

But, to heal, you do have to face that she's moved on and found a new romantic partner. You can't ignore it.

 

She didn't have sex with him when she first moved on with him.

But I really don't need you to post this kind of stuff.

It is not helpful.

[markm]

I defintalty wasn't too nice or too obsessed.

I was more the opposite.

[annie24]

Ok, if you are not finding my comments helpful, I won't post on your thread anymore.