I'm such a

[Nathalie1970]

As far as her texting me, I don't know if she will anymore.

She probably figures I'll never respond since I haven't responded to her last 6.

 

She will text msg you just for the fact that you haven't responded to her last 6. If she doesn't txt then she will just show up like she did this last weekend (with her whole family to boot). She will make herself visible in your life so that you don't forget about her. If things don't work out with the current jerk (as we know it won't), she will come running back and I hope you are strong enough to say "Don't let the door hit you on the way out"

[markm]

Well nothing yesterday and nothing today.

I'm hurting a bit tonight.

But, I'm maintaining N/C.

Just can't get her out of my head.

Always thinking what she is doing with the other guy. ](*,)

Trying to stay busy.

[Scout]

Don't cave. Whatever you do, don't cave. You'll experience so much more pain if you do.

[solo34]

Hey M&M, are your posts written in Haiku or something? It's funny 'cause every one that U write goes line 4 line down the page like a poem...

 

-Solo34

[markm]

Hey M&M, are your posts written in Haiku or something? It's funny 'cause every one that U write goes line 4 line down the page like a poem...

 

-Solo34

 

No.

It's just the way I type to make things easier to follow

[markm]

Don't cave. Whatever you do, don't cave. You'll experience so much more pain if you do.

 

Well I'm dying right now!!!!!!!!!!!!

Saw a couple of emails that she sent to 2 friends:

 

"Hey Stacy,

Have to tell you that things with Carlos have been going well. Sometimes I have some doubts sometimes, not sure he's the forever kind, but enjoying it while it lasts. Well, hope things are going well. Take care and have fun! Miss you too!

-Karen"

------------------------------

"Looks like I'll be staying another 3 months most likely. I started dating

somebody new and I'm enjoying things with him. And of course my new rock

climbing friends, loving that. I figure I might as well stay here and live

it up a little longer."

-Karen"

 

I haven't heard from her since her last text 2 days ago.

3 days ago when I saw her she was so eager to hug me and seemed to miss me so much, but she has no mention of me in her emails.

I am sure they are snuggling together in bed as I type.

I am in tears a I type this.

It's over.

I miss my baby.

[jenny_mcs]

Mark-

 

I’ve been following your thread and I wanted to post to tell you that I am rooting for you. I know you have some guilt because of the way you were emotionally withdrawn during the last part of your relationship.

 

When your ex ended things, from what I understand, and you asked for another chance to put things right. At that point any what a mature, together woman would have done is 1) said yes, let’s try again and both do our best to make it work OR 2) said no, I’m sorry, the damage is done, and I feel I must move on.

 

I think most everyone on this board would understand either of these decisions. Heck, I think most of us would have understood it if she had broken up with you and called a few times, feeling sad, feeling lonely. That’s natural and expected when a long relationship ends.

 

Where I lose respect for this girl is when she quickly enters into another relationship with some sleezy guy, and whenever he doesn’t treat her right, initiates contact with you to make herself feel better.

 

Cause that’s what she’s doing. This guy sounds like a total slime. So whenever he treats her like crap, or whenever she needs a boost, she texts, or calls or stops over. You seem like a really great, together guy. She is getting an emotional boost knowing that you still care for her.

 

This girl is behaving so incredibly selfishly right now.

 

But, in your time apart, you have grown used to her texts and stop-overs and calls, and it hurts when they stop. Every text that you ignored was a small step forward for you, and this “silent” period is a chanced for you to take a huge step forward.

 

When your feelings of sadness/emptiness/longing overwhelm you, try to picture yourself tied up in a rope with many knots. The more you fight & engage (like calling, texting, talking to her) the knots get more tangled, and you are drawn back into her neediness, her immaturity, her selfishness.

 

But when you can just breathe, and let the moment pass, the ropes get looser, and these knots *will* untangle, and some time soon you will walk away, free.

 

Good luck and stay strong!

[solo34]

Hey M&M, I know what you're going through, homie.

 

My girl has a new man, and I envision them all snugglin' each other in bed. It's very painful, and it really hurts your heart. I don't know why your girl's doing this...acting all into U, then nothing. It's probably because she don't even know what the hell she wants, anyway.

 

Try and stay strong, man...just try. Always remember that it's her loss, not yours.

 

-Solo34

[markm]

Thanks guys.

I just never want to feel like this ever again.

I went thru this once before with her, and I promised myself "Never Again"

Well, here I am. ](*,) Again.

I feel hopless, depressed, lonely, sad, angry, tired, and confused.

Why did I let this happen.......I am such an idiot.

I should have loved her every day and made her feel as special as she is to me.

But, if I think about it rationally I realize that this is for the best.

I know that if we got married she would make me nuts for the rest of my life.

Also, I can't be with someone who jumps from me to another guy just like that.

It's crazy!

Also, she drove me friggin nuts when we were together!

She has no self-confidence nor common sense.

This bothered me constantly.

But, when you are with someone for a long period of time they feel like a part of you.

And now I feel like I lost a part of myself and I have absolutly no control over this.

I will not contact her!

I hope this guy uses her and hurts her.

She is weak minded and weak hearted.

I could NEVER move from her to another woman so fast.

She was MORE into me than I was into her, and look how quickly she goes "head over heals" for some guy.

What a joke.

[solo34]

M&M, hey homie...U know why she just jumped 2 this other guy and is doing all these things 2 U?

 

Because: "She has no self-confidence nor common sense." U said it...

 

Keep your head up, man.

 

-Solo34

[Nathalie1970]

Mark,

 

I agree with what everyone has said, but I have one question for you. How did you get the email?? Have you checking her email account again?? If so, stop, it does you and your recovery no good.

 

This girl is so not worth it, the more I hear the more I could just slap her for being a inconsiderate, selfish, b****. (sorry for the violence talk ) Please know that we are all worried about you and just want the best for you.

 

Stay strong, and let the trash stay on the curb where it belongs

[markm]

Yeah, her email is still on my PC.

I know I should delete it.

Why is this so damn hard?

For months I felt like I could have ended it with her and for the first couple of weeks after she moved out I felt kind of relieved.

But, we kept in contact, we weren't broken up.

She obiously wanted to keep it going since she always wanted to talk and spend time together.

We still made love.

She would be angry and sad if I didn't call.

So then I start to miss her and tell her how I love her.

Then she decides to go for this new guy.

Jeeeez!

Then she texts me all day about her family and stuff and comes over all emotional and obviously missing the hell out of me.

She asks to be hugged and cries.

And BAMN the next day everything is great with the new guy, blah blah blah.

[Nathalie1970]

I have said it before and Iwill say it again - You are her fall back guy. When things are rough with the current man she comes running to you for support and the boosting of her confidence.

 

I know you already realize all of this and how hard it is to let go, but for now you need to do it for your own sanity.

 

Let sleeping dogs lie....

 

Stay calm (easier said than done, I know)

[markm]

I have said it before and Iwill say it again - You are her fall back guy. When things are rough with the current man she comes running to you for support and the boosting of her confidence.

 

I know you already realize all of this and how hard it is to let go, but for now you need to do it for your own sanity.

 

Let sleeping dogs lie....

 

Stay calm (easier said than done, I know)

 

I guess your right, I'm not sure.

Do you really think she was texting me just becuase things were on the rocks with the new guy?

If so, things must have been bad this weekend, and must have patched things up just 2 days ago.

I say this becuase she was texting me from Thursday thru Sunday.

Today is Wednesday and she has not contacted me since then.

Plus her emails she sent out to friends yesteday claim that things are going well with the new guy.

Remember from my earlier posts she bought tickets for us to go to a comedy show starring Ray Romano?

She had bought the tickets for us and my folks on my B-day, the day after she said it was over.

We were all supposed to go together.

Well it's tonight and I am taking my Mom and Dad.

I wonder if she'll contact me asking how the show was?

If she does, how should I respond?

1. Don't respond; Ignore her. (like I have been doing.)

or

2. Text back "Please stop contacting me"

 

This is all so ridiculous and confusing.

[Scout]

Mark, I really don't know what else we can tell you. At this point, you are really obsessing over this girl and not fully acknowledging what the rest of us are telling you over and over (and this is turning into one of the longest threads on eNotalone): she uses you as an emotional boost. You ARE her fallback guy.

 

If she really loved you, she would be with you. It's that simple.

 

What's more, BOTH of you have a pattern of wanting the other when the other doesn't. You're just on the receiving end of it now. Look through your posts. Basically, you long for a girl that you don't have much respect for, based on your commments that she has no common sense, she would drive you nuts, and you'd never want to marry her.

 

You're 31 years old. Isn't it time you start seeking a healthy, more mature relationship? Isn't it time you acknowledge that an up and down rollercoaster of a relationship is not an indication of the "real thing" but rather, a reflection of some badly needed maturity growth on both ends?

 

Sorry if this sounds harsh. But you've got many, many people trying to offer you guidance and support here, and we keep getting back to the "what should I say if she texts me" question.

 

It's almost as if you're not fully acknowledging the big picture here.

[markm]

I never said I would never marry her.

I wanted to marry her many times.

I just had my doubts due to some of her traits.

I've always had feelings for her, no matter what the situation.

I don't want to be her fallback guy, that sucks

I am just wondering how/if I should respond if she contacts me tonight about the show.

[Lonelyinasmalltown]

I have said it before and Iwill say it again - You are her fall back guy. When things are rough with the current man she comes running to you for support and the boosting of her confidence.

 

I know you already realize all of this and how hard it is to let go, but for now you need to do it for your own sanity.

 

Let sleeping dogs lie....

 

Stay calm (easier said than done, I know)

 

Nathalie's absolutely right. Never be someone's fallback guy/girl. You deserve better than to be someone's runner up prize. As long as they think they can pull you back in, you'll aways be that to them.

 

Good luck and be strong (I know it's hard).

[Scout]

I am just wondering how/if I should respond if she contacts me tonight about the show.

 

After all you've been through, you still honestly don't know how or if you should respond to any more texts from her?

 

Mark...let go. Seriously. You're making this all so much worse than it has to be.

[Lonelyinasmalltown]

Scout said it best

 

Sorry if this sounds harsh. But you've got many, many people trying to offer you guidance and support here, and we keep getting back to the "what should I say if she texts me" question.

 

To which you responded with

 

I am just wondering how/if I should respond if she contacts me tonight about the show.

 

Simple answer to that. "Stop messaging me, you made your choice, leave me alone and get out of my life."

She's USING YOU man and you're happy to just keep letting her use you. It's time to stop obsessing and let go. Plenty of fish in the sea, you'll find someone else when you get over her.

[Scout]

Wow. I just realized something. I was looking back at other threads you've posted, Mark, and you've on and off had almost the exact same problems with this woman for three years. In fact, I had posted to one of your threads back in 2004...when she went to visit some guy in San Francisco she had been romantically involved with! And she made this trip when you two were living together!

 

It's all coming back to me, I remember being in shock you would even let her continue to live with you after she did that.

 

Mark, seriously...this is an obsessive, very unhealthy thing you have going with this woman. Can you honestly say you have much self respect left after letting yourself be treated like this by her for years?

 

In my opinion, it's time for you to get some professional counseling if you're still going down this same dead-end path over and over. I really hope you'll consider it. Precious years of your life are going by, my friend, and you are missing out on what real love really is.

[Lady Bugg]

WOW....I am just catching up on this thread.

 

Mark....in MY opinion, you invite yourself to be beaten up over and over again by this woman. I am with Scout 1000% here. You are obsessive about this girl. Asking the same repetitive questions OVER and over but choosing NOT to hear the advice.

 

You could change user names..and because of the story we'd STILL be able to tell it's you. It's actually pretty sad. You're a GREAT looking guy (if that's you in the pic). Why are you doing this to yourself???

 

I believe this goes a LOT deeper than any of us can help with...and what's going to happen is you are going to end up being the "boy who cried wolf". Poeple are going to stop advising you and trying to help....when you will need it the MOST.

 

Time to get off the rollercoaster.

[markm]

Thanks everybody.

I've been so stupid.

I am letting go.

I am done.

I appreciate the support and words of advice.

After 3 years of ridiculous B.S......

I cannot wait to meet someone that I can finally have a positive relationship with.

 

 

Whew.....feels good to say all that.

 

P.S. - Yes, Lady Bug that is me in the pic

You are georgous btw!

[solo34]

Hey M&M, yeah...congrats, homie. Hopefully U mean this stuff and ain't just saying it.

 

And I have 2 agree with U about Lady Bugg...the girls got it goin' on. U should holler at her, man.

 

-Solo34

[Lady Bugg]

Thank you Mark smart on top of cute

 

Seriously...I really HOPE you mean this. We all would love to see you finally put this ungrateful woman behind you, and find soemone who deserves you.

 

Best in all!!!

[markm]

Hey M&M, yeah...congrats, homie. Hopefully U mean this stuff and ain't just saying it.

 

And I have 2 agree with U about Lady Bugg...the girls got it goin' on. U should holler at her, man.

 

-Solo34

 

Thanks Solo! I mean it.

Yeah, sure wish Lady Bugg was in Arizona.