Why?

[RIPDIME]

So here I am at a happy enough mood that I can actualy express my past sorrow, I have many questions to ask so I hope its not too much of a burden.

 

You see lately I have been seeing a few of my friends getting girlfriends and it really struck me, why? A lot of these guys are cool and nice but when it comes to women they treat them like pieces of meat or they arent really nice to them at all. Then theres myself always trying to be as nice as I can to girls even if I am in the worst mood possible and I dont get any. You see I have always been told that I am really cute and that I should be able to get girls but it doesnt happen. I mean people have told me that I could get any girl in the school and not to be egotistical but I feel that I am cute since I notice a lot of girls looking at me etc and ive even sometimes heard girls saying "hes cute" etc. So then girls talk to me. I become tense and shy but I still have been able to get myself to say hey hows it going and then the conversation goes further. As the words transcend I guess I must not say anything funny or interesting at all since im nervous. You see I wouldnt have any problem with the fact that I cant get girls right now, I mean im only turning 17 soon and im sure its not that early not to have a girlfriend. But anything they do even any girl looking at me, makes me feel sad and eerie. Just to give you an example for the past four months or five months just because I really liked a girl who seemed to share this at first, I had felt empty and cold every day. So it turned out that she liked another guy so I moved on. I found another girl that I liked. You see this girl seemed to like me as well, so I got the courage and I started to talk to her on the way from the bus stop. It all seemed to be going well we would talk in the hallways not very often but she seemed very pleased when we do. Then today I talked to her for a bit said hey hows it going, and she didnt really do anything, and on the way home from the bus she didnt even talk to me..

 

Anyways im sure you dont want me to keep on ranting but why do girls act this way? They always seem to say "guys are * * * * * * * *, I wish I could find a nice guy", when they are right there. The only thing is that these guys are shy, but what is wrong with that, I guess being nice isnt approved in our society?

[melrich]

Hi RIPDME,

 

I won't comment on what sort of guy gets more girls except to say they probably have one thing in common...they ask for a date/relationship/ and make their feelings and intentions clear.

 

I'm a long time out of the dating scene now but I suspect that the tactic of talking to a girl over a period of time hoping she is going to be forward to give you all the signals you want or even make the first move is as hopeful today as it was 20 years ago. sure it happens occasionally but probably not often enough to get you a date.

 

I don't know, I guess my advice to you would be to try and be a bit more upfront with your intentions.

[jurupa]

The main reason your not getting any girls is becuase your not being aggressive enough. It is ok to be nice to girls, but there is a point of being to nice which makes you look like a push over which no one likes, unless they want to use you. On the other hand you can be to aggressive as that can lead to bad things as well.

 

Now your friends are idots for what they are doing to their "girl friends". But when they do become single again, watch them when they hit on girls and ask them out. Becuase I bet you that they are more aggresive than you.

[knglerxt]

I've just begun to realize this. I'm just not aggressive enough. But, with me, it's that I don't say much. I don't even talk that much around people I've known my whole life. So, it's hard for me to be aggressive when it comes to asking women out and stuff. It's not that I'm a push-over. I won't let a woman run over me. I'm just reserved.

 

I have the same problem as the original poster. I've been told by a lot of people that I'm a good looking guy, but I never meet any women.

[Taomagicdragon]

I look like a horse kicked me in the face

 

However, different girls are attracted to different guys, shy, proud, ugly, handsome. What matters most is if you are true to yourself or not. If you are okay with who you are, then you'll meet a girl that feels the same.

[RIPDIME]

I am true to myself, I mean because I enjoy playing guitar and heavy metal I have grown long hair etc and even though I look different than anyone at my school I dont care because I agree with you, being yourself and acting on what you enjoy is the most important thing in life. The problem is I just get so nervous with girls that, I cant act myself, the only time I am myself around girls is when im drunk and the girls that I like arent into that. You see I used to be so shy that I wouldnt even be able to say hey to a girl, but now I have got a lot further than that. Problem is.. that sure il say something but it wont be funny like the other guys conversations or interesting for that matter. I know what everyone means about being aggressive but how can I accomplish this if im shy? Look, I really really like this girl, she is the only thing I think about so I have decided that I am going to tell her I like her. I want to tell her on msn but I know thats pretty lame and im going to have to tell her in real life, anyone have any tips on getting the courage to do this?

[ShySoul]

The reason you haven't found someone has nothing to do with you being aggressive or not. It has nothing to do with you being nice or you not being someone girls would like. It's all because you haven't found the right girl yet.

 

At your age, girls were not interested in me. That was fine. Sure, it got me down at times. But it wasn't anything I was or was not doing. There were just no girls I was really compatible with at the time. I had plenty of girls who were friends, but none of them were right to be a girlfriend. And that went on for years. I still haven't had a girlfriend (at least officially, long story). But I've met lots of girls who have flirted and been interested. Something just always gets in the way.

 

So you will find someone. It is just a matter of time. Don't change who you are or change what you are doing. When it is right, everything will work out for you.

[jurupa]

I agree with half of your post and the other half I disagree with ShySoul.

 

I start with the part I disagree with. What RIPDIME and knglerxt are doing is just sitting there waiting for a girl to come around that is a match. I know that not everyone has a girlfriend/boyfriend in highschool, but it is not a bad time to work on skills that will get you one later on in life. Yes highschool life is different than real world, but there are many things you can learn and use out side of high school life.

 

But if they never try and get up and at least approach a girl they will basically get nowhere. Yes more and more girls are getting more aggressive, but the percentage is still very low. I am not saying that they be so aggressive that it looks like they are desprate or cocky or out of character.

 

This brings me to the part I agree with, which is not changing who you are. But in high school is a time when people change and start to learn who they are, it is also the time to pick up and learn new traits while improving on the ones you already have. For example when I enter high school I was shy. By the time I left high school most of the shyness I had when I enter had gone away. Now 5 years out of high school I bearly have any shyness left in me.

 

ShySoul you said that something always gets in the way. Does something that comes up becomes an actuall blocker or you were not aggressive enough to over come the obstacle? The reason I ask this is that most obstacles can be over come in some manner. I am not trying to push you into something your not, but I don't know if you have consider this or not.

[ShySoul]

Sigh.... I really hate writing out responses just to be booted offline right before I can send. Here is attempt number two at answering this thread. lol

 

For some, going out and being aggressive works. For others, that isn't there style. However, that doesn't mean you can't have success. In the past year several girls became interested in me, and I really didn't do anything or make any move on htem. I wasn't aggressive, just let it happen, or if anything they came to me. About the most aggressive tactic I employed was going into a chat room and asking if anyone wanted to chat, just cause I was bored and I wasn't even looking for or expecting a friend, let alone more. A girl messaged me and we talked. She became interested in me and started flirting. Things just built up from there with mutual attraction and she ended up saying she liked me first. That's happened a few times in the last year. So it's possible. When you need to do then is take the chance on it and not pull away in fear.\

 

I'm a go with the flow guy. In time the right situation presents itself and you can just feel it. Then you let yourself go and take advantage of the opportunity. But you don't need to try to create those opportunities when it comes to relationships. In the course of life you will be presented with those opportunities through shear circumstances. It's up to you do decide what you will do with them. Hence the reason so many say that love finds you when you aren't looking.

 

As for the circumstances that prevented a relationship in my case, they really were blocks and not because I wasn't aggressive. When the person is seeing someone else, can't really go for it with her. When one or both of us has a freshly broken heart, I don't think its right to rush into a relationship with each other because part of us will still be with the other person. I don't want to be a rebound guy and I don't want to make her a rebound girl. So I figure, wait and if its right it will happen eventually. Or if there is distance, I don't want a long distance relationship and don't want to put her through it. Plus, with the first girl, I did go all in and said just how I felt. Her fears and issues kept her from committing.

 

Bad luck is my nickname, what can I say. But its all ok. The right gal shall come along one day, and then things will work out.

[yeawutever]

It really depends on the type of girl, they all vary in wut they want in a guy. Some like horny and bad ones, others the quiet ones, and so on. For me, I wouldn't have problems if it was a shy one, thats nothing to be a shame off, at least u can tell he is serious and honest and with no intention of taking advantage of you.

[jurupa]

ShySoul - I understand your view and opinion on being or not being aggressive. I am not saying it is completely impossible for a guy to "sit" there and wait for a girl to come around, but it lowers his chances of finding a girl that is a match for him. And I agree that if thats who you are then thats who you are, but like you said the girl in the chat room started to flirt first and then you flirted back which can be viewed as being aggressive how much its hard to say.

 

And ShySoul as far as your circumstances, it sounds like you made a smart choice and a wise one at that. There are people out there that get out of a relationship and then get into another one way to quickly. ShySould going back to being aggressive, in the chat room the reason I said that you where being aggressive is that I bet you wanted to learn more about the girl so you ask questions which is your most basic form of aggressivness. So in reality you are being aggressive, just in a passive manner thats all.

 

Ailec1987 - I most certainly have to agree with that. Today I saw a couple in their late 30's and the guy was on the average side while his girl friend was very attractive, but I could tell that they loved each other and that they are connected with each other even tho physically they where on different levels.