A letter to myself...

[spunkykatt]

There is a quote that Ive heard several times....and maybe it can help you some, or I hope so anyways, since you have helped me so much.

 

"I think god wants us to meet a few of the wrong people before we meet the right one, so that when we finally do meet that person, we will be greatful"

[Jjasonn28]

I realize that...but it still hurts sometimes man...

 

Yeah bud, I know. And why? Because what you felt and still feel, is TRUE LOVE. And no matter what the situation, that doesn't just fade into nothingness. And though it wasn't 'meant to be', that doesn't mean that the love wasn't either. She played a roll, and one product of that roll is that love. So if nothing else, you can take with you that experience.

 

I commend you for putting it out there like that. And would like to thank you like everyone else. For your thought provoking reflections, inspiring thoughts and strong support.

 

Be strong!

 

JP

[friscodj]

Yeah bud, I know. And why? Because what you felt and still feel, is TRUE LOVE. And no matter what the situation, that doesn't just fade into nothingness. And though it wasn't 'meant to be', that doesn't mean that the love wasn't either. She played a roll, and one product of that roll is that love. So if nothing else, you can take with you that experience.

 

Hear, hear!

 

And this is precisely the reason I don't want to have anything to do with her. That love for her I have is mine, and she doesn't deserve that love for the reasons I outlined in my letter, so I keep that to myself...and file it away to leave room for the love for a woman who will love me the way I love her, and who deserves that love fully and unconditionally...

[friscodj]

"I think god wants us to meet a few of the wrong people before we meet the right one, so that when we finally do meet that person, we will be greatful"

 

I have been meeting the "wrong" women for me for 15 years...it's getting really old and really exhausting...

 

I feel like a guy who's played in the NFL (American football) for 15 years...beat up, worn out, and just about done...

 

But thanks for your words!

[Jjasonn28]

I feel like a guy who's played in the NFL (American football) for 15 years...beat up, worn out, and just about done...

 

So then keep in mind that winning the Super Bowl will be THAT MUCH sweeter. Ask Jerome Bettis He'll tell ya!

 

JP

[friscodj]

So then keep in mind that winning the Super Bowl will be THAT MUCH sweeter. Ask Jerome Bettis He'll tell ya!

 

JP

 

AH HA HA! You're right!

[spunkykatt]

You know you find love when you least expect it..and your one who really deserves to have someone to love and loves you back. I am so glad that there are people like you still around, because its rare you find someone who can love with such intensity as you obviously do. Whoever the woman is that receives that love from you will be extremely lucky.

[metalheart]

Wow Friscodj! Good work man!

 

The last time that I tried to talk to my ex Gf and sent her a letter was something very seemed to what you wrote to your ex.. That was in December 2004 (you know.. the christmas time and all the roller coast behind it) and to me was like some kind of: "I tried so harder, but I quit.. you cant see how much i love you and i cant take it anymore"

 

I think that's the best way to say and express the "things"

[friscodj]

You know you find love when you least expect it..and your one who really deserves to have someone to love and loves you back. I am so glad that there are people like you still around, because its rare you find someone who can love with such intensity as you obviously do. Whoever the woman is that receives that love from you will be extremely lucky.

 

Well, again, I appreciate you kind words!

 

Now don't get me wrong, I am not perfect by any stretch of the imagination either. I have been weak and made mistakes too. I feel in some ways going through this ordeal is payback for all the pain I have caused others in past relationships including this one. I just hope that after this is complete, I will be "due" or in the very least...even with the house...having my emotional debts paidback in this way...

[ShySoul]

spunkykatt - Great, heartfelt, and brillant posts.

 

friscodj - I just read your story and the update and have to say...... she has no idea what she is doing. I'm putting her with the girl I used to be into in what I call "the psycho club." You really are better off without her and the games she has played with your heart. In my situation, it was similar. Though she never actually committed to a full relationship, it might as well have been. We'd get close, then she'd run away. But because I loved her, and because I could see a great person underneath all the issues, I stayed and wanted to help her through it. I had never felt like I had with her. She was the first girl to show real interest in me, first time I admitted to liking a girl, and first girl I truly loved. So my heart was running with all kinds of emotions. Each time things were good, it was the best experience of my life. Each time she ran, it killed me inside.

 

Eventually she breaks it off and goes to a new guy two weeks later. We have a falling out, me writing my own letter saying just how I feel. It wasn't as angry as yours here, but it was pouring my heart out. She agrees with it and we give it space for awhile. Next thing I know, she is engaged and married. So after all the times I was there for her, opened my heart like I never had and was afraid of doing, her running away over and over again.... she runs off with some guy that was barely around.

 

In my heart, I still feel for her and probably always will. But thanks to the support and love of a wonderful friend, I've seen that it was her that was wrong and that I shouldn't blame myself. You shouldn't blame yourself either. Yes, each of us could have done some things different. But we did darn good. We tried and let them back into our hearts repeatedly, because we really cared about them.They took advantage of our hearts and they are the ones who messed up. We deserve better then that, and one day we'll find it. Writing that letter was good for venting. A little anger is good, I've come up with some twisted ways to get back at the girl who used me. But even if we don't show that anger to them, just letting it out is healthy. I think you are well on your way to being over her. Just take it day by day and focus on the rest of life. Before you know it, you won't think of her and you'll be meeting someone better. And if you want to talk or vent somemore (or find out the rest of the twisted story that I edited out) feel free to write me.

 

Hang in there.

[need2bme]

That letter was right from the heart. I needed to read it. I shut myself down so long ago. You seem to have a gift with the words...

 

I was told that if there is stuff in your head, you should write it down. This will never be sent to my GF, but I wanted to put it here.

[bstrong2day]

Hey brother. Thanks for your help during the first few days of my break-up. Did you send this letter? While reading it, I couldn't help but see myself. I could have written this exact same letter with all of the exact same words. Well, except for the * * * * you part. I'm not at that stage yet, and I don't think I'll ever get there. It's so hard when our ex's don't truly understand the magnitude of love we have for them. They

don't see the self-sacrifice. They don't see the big picture which is that they were/are the most important thing in our lives, and that we made a conscious decision to plan a future with them, stick it out with them, go to war for them, and continue loving them no matter what. I've been told they see it as being pathetic. I don't know how the hell I'm going to let go. Thanks for sharing.

 

Mike

[lioness726]

Hey friscodj.

 

Ok, I feel bad for this but I didn't quite read the whole thing. I probably will later, but I read parts. It's just that I almost started crying and I had to stop.

 

I mean, my ex and I JUST broke up on Tuesday, the 13th, so... I feel like I might be in shock because I haven't out-right cried yet. It has only been a choked up, tears in the eyes thing. What's funny is I've also been thinking of only the bad things between us. It's been helping me.

 

I did read a few parts about loving them soo much... and I had to stop. I thought, this isn't me. I'm not going to dwell on GOOD things in the past and how I felt because it's gone. There's no point except for it hurting me now.

 

I know getting your thoughts out in writing is very cleansing. I write all the time. Unfortunately, the second time my ex and I broke up I wrote blogs on Myspace about how I was feeling all the time. Some mutual friends saw it as trashing him, and of course others would tell him all about my blogs... He might have read them too.

I thought that if he saw what the break up was doing to me, and he saw how he messed up, that he would either be just as hurt as me or he would realize things. In that way though, I was still trying to keep some kind of connection with him. He was a part of my thoughts too much.

 

And, friscodj, you're ex sent you something for your birthday? How long was the time between when you broke up to your birthday?

 

I ask this because my birthday is at the end of next month, and I wonder if he will call (probably not) or send me an e-card. I don't think he will, but... I'm just hoping that by that time I really won't care and won't find myself slightly expecting it- and when it doesn't happen, being depressed all over again.

 

Ugh, I'm not hurting as bad as the first two times but I guess it's been because I've been expecting this and realizing that he didn't treat me right. Or, because I've been hurt soo bad in the past by him, I'm not letting myself go.

I think about him, but I'm thinking of all the bad and how I KNOW I'm better off. It still hurts. I want my heart to catch up with my head.

 

I tend to bottle things up sometimes, so maybe I'm doing that. Maybe my body hasn't fully grasped that he's ACTUALLY gone now.

The past break ups had me loosing weight, crying constantly, slamming my fists against walls, and caused me to look at his pictures and hold them close as I cried my eyes out.

 

Maybe I just hated that soo much and one of the reasons why I took him back the other two times is that I never wanted to feel like that again...

 

AH! I'm really scared of a break down.

[need2bme]

Lioness:

 

Thank you for your post. I feel the same way.

 

Maybe I just hated that soo much and one of the reasons why I took him back the other two times is that I never wanted to feel like that again...

 

Thank you for that line. I kept wondering how my GF and I kept getting back together and maybe that was it. I still cannot see the light at the end of the tunnel and I am sick to my stomach all of the time.

 

I admire your resolve to let it go. I cannot do that yet. Thanks for posting this.

[lioness726]

Lioness:

 

Thank you for your post. I feel the same way.

 

 

 

Thank you for that line. I kept wondering how my GF and I kept getting back together and maybe that was it. I still cannot see the light at the end of the tunnel and I am sick to my stomach all of the time.

 

I admire your resolve to let it go. I cannot do that yet. Thanks for posting this.

 

Yes, when you have that much pain, them wanting you back is like the quick fix drug. You're clouded by pain and you just want it to go away soo bad. Not healthy, but it's the easy way out. When you've gone through soo much pain, and the person who inflicted all that pain then turns around and tells you all the things you want to hear, you're elated. It's euphoric almost. As if you've transcended to a higher plane.

 

And then you both are in the honeymoon phase. And then the reasons why you broke up in the first place come back or it becomes something else.

 

Hang in there need2bme. That light at the end of the tunnel WILL come. You just can't see it yet because you've fixed your pain from past break ups by doing the "quick fix". You can't see what it's like to actually get over this person.

 

I don't quite know what it's like to get over my ex either since I have not done it before. But I DO know that I DON'T deserve the pain he caused me in the past and till now. I DON'T deserve to be constantly worrying about him, wondering if he's confused about us, stressing about where it's going, and more. I DON't want to be in a relationship like that. I know I'm a good person and I deserve better. I have people who love and support me, so I must be worthy of a great person's love AND COMMITTMENT. (my ex's problem)

 

AND SO DO YOU. You deserve better. And when it comes to break ups and make ups. I only think that can successfully be achieved when a lot of time has passed between the break up and the make up. And I'm not talking about a couple months. A lot of people get back together after years, and are inseperable after.

 

I guess letting go is the first step, so I'm happy this time around that I took that resolve. I stayed in the relationship because I was terrified of going through the break up and healing process. I tried to make it work because I would literally get sick to my stomach everytime I thought of us breaking up.

 

I used to have nightmares about it! I would be sleeping at his house and have a dream that we broke up and I would be devastated beyond belief. I would awaken from the nightmare and see him sleeping next to me. My thoughts would be, "Thank God! It was just a dream. We're still together." Thinking about that hurts now, but I don't want to stay in a relationship just because I don't want to have to go through the hurting and healing process. That's not fair to me.

 

We ALL need to move on here. But it is hard. But we CAN do it. That's why this message board it here, right? For other people going through the same things. And when you've exhausted your friends' and family's ears on talk of your ex and the break up, you come here. Let it all out.

[need2bme]

I know I need to feel myself. I need to learn what it in your post, because I never have before. I need to know that I am strong and can get through this. Right now, I don't want to. I am trying to tell myself that I was looking for a quick fix to make the pain go away, but I do want what I had. I need to figure out a way to learn from this or I will do it again and again.

 

I need to try and remember that our partners deserve their time too. Maybe they hurt sometimes just as much. I wish I could fix everything in 2 months, but I think you are right, I probably cannot.

 

It saddens me to think that something so right, turned so wrong. I want to be sure of myself and know that we both deserve more, but I am so tuned in to the self loathing that I may have wanted her to fix me.

 

I held on so tight and took every little word as an afront to our relationship. I have realized that I am a saboteur.

 

I realize too that I have brought way to much of my parents into my adult life. WOW! I never thought I would say that. Not a blame, just a realization. I wonder what I can do with it. Sometimes my nervous system takes over and I end up solving something by yelling. I do realize that I fall into the pattern of "no, you hurt me more". If I can be louder and stronger in a discussion, then I win. That is all I know. Maybe realizing that will make me learn how to sit and hear someone.

 

I self loathe way too much and hang on to lifes imperfections. I want to go back and correct every missspelled word. Clean every little piece of dirt off of my car. I want to just le stuff go. I want the little stuff to not rattle around in my head anymore. Above all, I want to be liked.

 

I have not realized until this breakup and actually until maybe right now, that I don't think I can do anything. Losing people in my life and not finishing anything, proves that out. I give up way too easy on everything and hate myelf for doing it. I cannot enjot the process. When I am here, I think I should be working. When I am at home, I think I should be working out.

 

My mind then shuts down and I just watch TV. Then it gets so hard, because I want to call up the GF and tell her when I see something funny.

 

I cannot hold up my end of a conversation. I am always thinking about what I want to say next. I am good at rapid fire convo, but cannot get intimate. I want so much to care for me and not have her do it, but I don't know if I know how. I have validated myself by what others thought of me for so long, that I have no faith in myself at all.

 

The more I think about it, the more I can realize that some of the things she thought was true. Nothing hurts more than when someone quits talking to you or quits loving you. (I wanted to go back and correct the word was, to were, but I want to leave it there as a way to tell my brain to knock it off and it is too little to care about).

 

Does anyone know how to not feel crappy about yourself and not think that others are so much better than me. I cannot find anything I like to do, other than be around people and socialize. What does that make me good at? Is that part of wanting validation? If so, then why do I withdraw the minute I feel inseure? What is insecurity? I am even afraid to go to this new job, because I think I cannot do it. I turned down a wonderful job, where I could have learned so much and not have had to move away from my GF and I didn't take it, because I was scared. I won't even tell you how many classes I dropped out of or how VERY long it took me to get my AA.

 

How do I just enjoy? How do I not want to quit, the moment I cannot do things like others? Why is it I sabotage myself?

 

Lioness, how can I be strong and not take the quick fix? Part of me wants to go back so I can feel better about myself and try to make amends. I do still love her, but is that a weird thought?

 

BTW, not to sound strange at all, but that was a hell of a post from a 22 year old. WOW! Thanks.

[Süsser Tod]

friscodj, If I could only get my gf to read that letter...

[vesper]

friscodj,

 

how are you? you dont really ever talk about this anymore......

 

 

[shadow34]

Wow!!! Is all I can say...

 

That letter Frisc was absolutely amazing..Im sitting here balling my eyes out reading it as it is so so close to how I feel, its almost like it is indeed my own story.

 

I hope you find strength in your faith and there is hope in your future....

 

Keep Smiling, you make the world a better place

[Me and myself]

Hey friscodj

 

I never noticed this post of yours...I was looking into my hurt so much that I couldn't see anything else.

I've read your letter and it expresses right what I'm feeling....questions, a lot of questions through my mind.

You've helped me so much about me sending my letter to my ex. I also have a lot of unsent letters in my e-mail but this one I was feeling I had to send it. I was so unsure if I should send it and you gave me all the motivation I needed. Today, I feel so relieved...and I just don't care if I did right or wrong by sending it 'cause...you know, since I realized I'm not getting anyone back to me, I'm feeling I've made the final effort and accepted the outcome. No one can blame for not trying and I FEEL GOOD ABOUT IT!!!

Many, many thanks for that.

[SadOldMan]

I found it an unbelievably moving thread.

[ruby19]

This is amazing, you have no idea how much this letter meant to me and how well it expresses lots of things I feel.

[Blazer]

Frisco ... I see so much of my present and future in this letter you wrote. It really got to me. Along with seeing so much of my current feelings with my own birthday coming up, it also truly expressed the pain giving 110% to someone who couldnt or wouldnt reciprocate. Your letter is the most moving post I have read on this website. I hope its better now brother.

[comfyshoes]

Bumping this up because it deserves to be!

One of the best posts on these forums. Frisco, your advice is always spot on man!

 

On a selfish note, i'd be interested to hear how people would feel if they were to receive a letter like this from someone they had 'dumped'.

 

Waiting with baited breath to hear what you guys all think!

 

shoes.

[friscodj]

Wow, I can't believe someone dug this out of the basement of the ENA archives!

 

This letter, this woman, this relationship is the reason I am here. I made my first post here covered in tears. I'm a different person in many senses now, thanks to time, thanks to all of you here.

 

Again, I'm glad my words helped someone. I had no idea someone would be touched by them. I've found peace with this situation now, thanks for asking.

 

I haven't seen Jordana in almost 2 years now. I hope she is doing well and is very happy with whoever she is with now. The memories remain but are distant. I see people that remind me of her from time-to-time. I read the letter I wrote here and got a little choked up. She's sent me a couple short, casual emails in the past year or so that I never answered, that's about it.

 

But hey, what can I say? It's not my problem that she made the biggest mistake of her life by chucking me...