Its been 10+ years

[HappyPainter]

Ok to make things as short as possable I need some help with a letter and some of the things it said.

 

First off just a little background. I was married 5 years and dated my ex 4 prior. We were young and things didn't go so well. Confussed and lost in work we ended up getting divorced. Now I ran off and rebounded into a relation that didn't work out and ended up with my daughter. She basically did exactly the same thing. She has a daughter. They are 3+/- months apart. Aproxamitly 2 months after our divorce she showe up at my company asking about tax stuff. I gave her the information she need and she went on her marry way.

 

Fast forward to 2 weeks ago (10 + years later) My mother recived a small package with a photos and a short letter. The letter was addressed to her. The photos were all mine except 3 of them. The letter had three paragraphs the first was basic stuff hoping my mother was well. The next two were basically geared twards me. The letter ended with these lines that really has me thinking.

 

"I pray that (my name) has found someone worthy of the love he has inside. I'll just leave it at that." You are both in my prayers and forever in my heart."

 

I had my mother send a thank you note and she added that if she ever needed anthing to call. Well its been almost 3 weeks now. I have done nothing but look back on my marrage, divorce, us, this letter. Ill tell you this has been the bigest shock of my life. Not to hear from my ex in 10+ years not a peep. Now this. My first gut feeling and still is something is wrong.

 

I know we both have changed drasticly. We both had to grow up and become parents. She is some 400 miles away. I myself know I've changed and have almost compleatly diffrent aspect on life and its meanings. Things we both didn't really think of then. People do change but it does take a loooong time. Its been so long that I have basically written her out of my life and went on with my own. I've had a few relations sense then and at the moment I'm single.

 

Now there hasn't been a day for myself that I haven't thought of her. I still very deeply care for her. And just as she said she will always be forever in my heart. I have absolutly no clue whats going on in her life.

 

Now reading the letter myself I feel that it can go in so many directions.

 

I feel I'm beating myself up on this. I could probably write more but this is the basics to this situation. Should I contact her?

[curlygirl47]

I'd say absolutely! Write her, if you can't face calling her --- in fact, writing would be better because there wouldn't be any pressure to respond. How about just saying some of the things you just wrote on your post. Keep it fairly short. It will be a kind of invitation for more talk. But I'm the wishy-washy one on this board, so take what I say with not just a grain but a whole can of Morton salt. I wish you the best.

[77streaks]

hi there, sounds tough.

 

hmm...so you guys been married before, and divorced. Are the issues causing the divorce still there?

 

are there things to resolve? if so, if you guys talk about it, it may be good to have a relationship counsellor involved.

 

i've never been married so i can't be a good advisor on this.

do you still love her, or are you just lonely?

 

 

Good luck.

[HappyPainter]

Thanks CurlyGirl47 & 77streaks.

 

No there was no other marrage before. This as far as I know was the only one for both of us. Well with myself I feel there isn't closer.

As far as issues causing the divorce still there? No. I feel that most of the probelm was me and not ballancing things. For the most part I took to work more then I did our marrage. I neglected her needs and the marrage. Work became so stressfull and faught with her on stupid things. In the fight I said things that were not even true. I had ill feelings when the divorce happened but that was part of my own problems. Rather then just cool off I would yell. In a nut shell after 9 years working for my excompany I left the company and started my own business. Our divorce happened aprox 2 years working that company. In the end the company was never worth the marrage.

 

We had a counsellor during a short seperation but that really didn't help because they were no good and made us feel that we should "Do what we want" Rather then look at things from both prospectives.

 

Your question made me think a little. Hummm Do I love her or am I loanely? Well if you think like this... "I'm still loanely". Ever sense our divorce and Yes I still lover her then yes.

There hasn't been anyone who makes me feel the way I did when I was with her. She made me feel alive, part of something more important, my other half if you will. I don't want this to sound as if she was my crutch. Not at all. Just two peas in a pod thing.

 

I want to wait a while and get some more input before making any dissions of contacting her.

As I said that letter can go so many ways. I'm more affraid of intruding on some life she may already have. If she did, I would hope for the best for her.

[HappyPainter]

I need more input on this please. So I'm bumping

[solo34]

Wow happypainter...it's kind of like a movie thing. Such as...U just might be able 2 get that 2nd chance at your true love that we all long 4. I would definitely, WITHOUT A DOUBT or HESITATION on my (your) part keep this contact going. I mean, yes...the letter could go many different ways, but let her write another one. It might just be the answers 2 so many questions that U are pondering upon. Don't hesitate at your chance 2 be with your true love. I know that I wouldn't....this isn't high school, U 2 are both adults. It seems that she was attempting 2 reach out without really putting herself out there because she doesn't know if you're married or etc.

 

So naturally, she didn't want 2 intrude. I think she was making a last effort at her true love as well. Write her back, tell her it was nice hearing from her and let her know that U aren't with anyone. Ask if she has a significant other in her life...when U get that letter back from her, maybe U can turn up the heat by calling her. Keep it going, this might be the 2nd chance at happiness 4 U. U might even be a "happiesteverpainter" in the not 2 distant future. Good Luck with this situation!!

 

-Solo34

[HappyPainter]

Yeah, I've already have a Blog from some time of my feelings etc. So maybe someday you see a bio of my screwd up life and how it turns out.

 

I have come to many of the same conclusions you stated. That she is testing the waters to see where I'm at. The one thing that bothers me most is making all this attempt. All this twitching from thinking about the whole thing. Just to find out that she has moved on. Then the onlything that I can come to the conclusion is that She is as cerious as me at where we are in life. If people only knew of the things that have been happening lately they would probably freak on my situation. They say that there is one twinflame. Well if there are signs of this and its true then you would see it in my life and probably hers. With me there isn't just one or two things.. I'm talking 100's of things and it bothers me. Well I'm off to send this letter.

[solo34]

Great! Send that letter!!!

 

-Solo34

[HappyPainter]

Ok I sent the letter yesterday.

 

I thanked her for the pictures. I commented about the ending lines she wrote. That I basically didn't want her ever to think that she wasn't "Worthy" of my love. that even though so much time has passed that there was still so much feelings going on. I apoligized for not keeping in some form of communcations, if not for the sake of my mother and her friendship. And finally that she is always in my heart.

 

So well see. I'll post what happens to help others. I really not expecting much but I sure am hoping.

 

Here is a partial posting from my personal blog of just one of the weird happenings regarding my life.

 

I decide to mail the letter today.

I went to pick up my daughter, on the way there. I asked "GOD" to give me a sign. When I got there and parked a little squarl was peeking at me threw the fence. He froze as I parked. Then ran around a little and seemed to get scared from something and ran off. I was thinking to myself. Na.... Then I looked up and two Red Tailed Hawks were buzzing around above. The were beautiful flying and floating in the sky. Almost like a graceful ballet. peacefull. You could tell they were a pair. Outloud I said "Na, not just two hawks, I need better then that. Make it snow".

 

I then got my daughter from her class and we got in the car. She told me about the friday prize she got and that there wasn't anything in the treasure chest this week worth getting so she got troll trading cards. We went to the Post office and she didn't want to go in and stayed in the car. I got the mail out of the PO box, nothing from my Ex. A little disapointed but oh well. I'm sending this letter anyways. Ok so I have to send the letter certified and require a signiture to make sure she gets it. Well as I'm fillin out the return card the other lady in the back yells out, "Its snowing!". I'm like "NO WAY". OMG NO WAY It started snowing and it hasn't stopped. At this point I'm freaking.

 

I had no clue about the forcasted weather. I hadn't herd the weather report. It just was out of the blue. We have had weird weather lately, it wasn't cold enough for it to snow (Later that evening it did finally drop to below 34). I had checked a weather graph for at the time it started to snow the tempature was 45. We get weird winds that can make this happen.

Now I'm not really a religious person but this was more of a blert of flustration outloud. So maybe this was a sign but it was awfuly coincidental. Anyone else find this unusual? As I said this is just one little thing there are so many more......

[solo34]

HappyPainter...I think U got the sign that U needed, my friend. Don't doubt signs that U asked 4. I mean, U were in the Post Office sending the letter 2 HER...a lady says OUT LOUD "It's snowing..." I mean, damn, I think U are almost wanting this NOT 2 be true. I understand that U don't want 2 get your hopes up and all....but I think even before the signs, that she is and was reaching 4 U. Best of luck....keep me updated.

 

Your friend,

 

-Solo34

[HappyPainter]

I guess I'm doubting a "sign".

 

And I am finding it difficult in the amout of time that has passed. I guess this all could actualy be happening. This is all probably just wishfull thinking.

 

I'm a little sarcastic with this kind of thing. You could say that "Asking" is what started this whole thing way back before the divorce. There is a saying "Becarful what you ask for, because you just may get it." This has made me very bitter towards any "higher powers". Awe man, I just thought what if all this works out and this clarifies everything in my life. Boy would I feel bad.

[solo34]

Not sure at all that I can follow U. Let me see if I understand U here. U DON'T want this woman????? The love of your life walks back into it after YEARS, and U don't want her? Is that what you're telling me/us?

 

-Solo34

[HappyPainter]

LOL.... I'm sorry I really suck at writing and getting my point accross. One of the reasons I never attempted to contact her before. No, I WANT her back more then anthing in this world, well next to my daughter. Oh jeeze that opens up all kinds of issues. Her daughter, my daughter and all in between.

 

See way back when we were fighting (Before divorce) I "Asked" for the fighting to stop, to get the divorce. That is what is ment by I'm bitter about "higherpowers" and why I said becarful what you ask for. Years ago when I relized all my mistakes and understood myself I started getting these "signs". I would ponder them for a few minetes and go on. (She was probably thinking of me at thoes moments). Here, there, the little things would remind me of her. I would continue to push thoes thoughts out. Occasionaly something would really break me down and really think of her. This would go on for days. Eventualy I would continue on. Sometime around September05 I really started noticing these things. I started commenting about them in my private blog. But nothing happened.... My mother recived the letter in mid January. Four days prior to reciving the letter I was having dreams that I rememberd about her. Just out of the blue. Now I haven't had any dreams that I remembered of her in many years.

 

I just find it very hard to believe that after 10+ years with absoultly no contact communcations etc.. That now she would be trying to contact me. Now it has been 2+ weeks since my mother wrote her back. Why hasn't she contacted her yet? It's hard to think that she would contact her with out thinking that the orginal letter was just as it was, to return photos. It is possable that she is opening that door and wanting me to contact her.

 

See I'm still hung up on the fact that we have our own lives now. I know where I'm at in life but have no clue about hers. I have an opening in my life for her, is she looking for it? Does life really work this way, so destined, so mapped, so eventful? It hasn't up until this point. I haven't had actual "signs" that actualy were provable to me. So I'm being sinical twards this and maybe just using Occam's Razor is the solution to this whole ordeal.

 

 

As I said this has been the bigest shock in my life and it has my mind going in all directions. In reality I need to just forget about this whole thing. Stop thinking about it. If it was ment to be then it will happen, then I will get a reply or phone call back.

 

One can only hope!

[solo34]

Now I better understand....thanks 4 explaining. No, U only JUST sent the letter, and YES, I do think that she was waiting 4 YOU write her. I think that U shouldn't worry at all about U having a life. She does, and I'm sure that she's intelligent enough 2 realize that U do as well. The point of a relationship is 2 share your 2 lives 2gether. U 2 will combine your lives if this is 2 work out, which I think that it will. Don't doubt yourself, don't read into it; just let it happen. U waited 10+ years, just wait a few weeks 2 get the response. Good luck, and we're all here 4 U.

 

Your friend,

 

-Solo34

[solo34]

Another thing HappyPainter...it's weird U said that U got these signs, because I myself have been "seeing" things. Visions somewhat, about my ex. I've also dreamt of her exclusively the past 2 nights in a row. I don't know what this all means, maybe it's also when she thinks of me. I guess I can only hope 4 that. Just figure that I'd let U know U aren't alone in the vision/sign dept. I thought I was weird until I read that U experienced those as well.

 

-Solo34

[HappyPainter]

I think there is a small diffrence with your dreams. I don't want to sound negitive but you seem to have recently broken up with your ex. So she is on your mind alot. When me and my Ex seprated before the divorce I had nightmars because of it. So possably your subconscious mind is working overtime.

 

I had simular experances with women I dated long after our divorce. You are still in that healing process of the breakup. Don't worrie you guys still have time to get back together. There are a lot of posts in here and others I know of where people are seprated for 6+ months and get back together.

 

Something probably reminded me of her to cause the dreams and just before the letter it was coincidence. I'm not sitting around waiting for her. I would like to but that isn't healthy. I have this theory...

 

There are 4 situations for a relationship.

 

1. Right place - right time (the one we want - happly ever after)

2. Right place - wrong time (doesn't work - I find a lot of these)

3. Wrong place - right time (doesn't work)

4. Worng palce - wrong time (Really doesn't work, get me the hell out of here)

 

 

 

How long have you two been NC?

[solo34]

Been NC since January 4th on my part....she left me on Oct. 28th, though. Last I heard, and not from her....she's got a new BF. Does your theory of 6+ months of people getting back include the person that did the dumping realizing that the grass wasn't greener/new BF involvement? Thanks, man.

 

-Solo34

[HappyPainter]

Yes. People do relize that. I did...

When they hook up with another with out taking the time to recover its called "Rebounding" and

that usualy doesn't work out well

 

How long were you together?

[solo34]

We were 2gether 4 2 1/2 years....Although, I don't think she was rebounding, because I think that she lost interest in me 4 some time, and just developed feelings 4 this new guy along the way. I think that she really was quite over me. Probably about 95% or maybe even more, even though it seems like they've been 2gether almost right after she left me. I'm not sure about this, just what I believe happened and all. So if she did get with him right after, they're going on almost 5 months 2gether....so obviously it's either going really good, or she's starting 2 realize maybe she shouldn't have left me. I don't know, I guess either way U look at it, it IS a rebound kind of thing.

 

Thanks HappyPainter,

 

-Solo34

[HappyPainter]

Just remember that 2 1/2 years is much longer the 5 months. It will take aprox 14 months just to start to feel normal again for both ends. Regardless of her being with someone. If there were problems between you two and she jumped into a relation right after you two then thoes problems will carry over. Giving you an a chance to get back together. Thoes problems will be working against their relation. You will have the time to get thoes problems worked out of you.

 

The problem here is if she does come back to you after she figures things out. She will not have had any time to work the problems out for herself.

 

Its going to take time for you in any situation so I figure you should problem find something to take your mind off the entire situation or you will drive yourself nuts thining about it. You might as well start working on yourself. Pick up a new hobby, work on work, get out etc....

[solo34]

HappyPainter...."Funny" U brought up the fact about her getting in the mix with another BF so "soon." I was thinking the EXACT scenario about it causing problems between her and him, and also if she wants 2 come back. She's going 2 have the issues of me and her, PLUS her and this other cat on her mind and in her thought process. If she happens 2 come back, I'm going 2 be here 4 her...but I'm going 2 tell her that she needs time 2 think about things so that this time will be 4ever with US.

 

In the mean time, I HAVE been doing things 2 better myself, and I actually do feel a little better. I noticed that the person that did the dumping usually "realizes" in about 6 months or so. It's going on 5 in a few days 4 me. Not saying she will come back or anything...guess I just threw that out there 4 anyone that's following your post. Alright, take care HappyPainter.

 

-Solo34

 

P.S. What does your Mom think about U and your lost love? Does she tell U 2 pursue her or no??

[HappyPainter]

Yeppie.. My post made page 3... LOL

 

Just something to make myself feel good!

[HappyPainter]

Ah she knows the connection we have. She is very close to her as well. remember I dated this girl 4 years and married 5. When she gave me the letter. We had gone over it many times trying to anlaize it.

 

Back at Xmas one of thoes "Signs" popped up for her. She was diging thew the closets she said. I guess looking for stockings to hang. When a Santa hat fell on her. She came running out to the living room in tears with it in her hands.

 

The Santa hat had been in there for 11+ years and forgot about. It was last warn by my ex the last Xmas we had together at my parents. She played Santa handing out gifts. I have photos of her handing out the gifts wearing it. (Some of the only photos I have of her)

 

We figure that sending the letter to my mother checks to see if its ok to communicate with me. For her to send back a letter it was her telling the ex it was perfectly fine and looked forward to it.

 

My mother was shocked about the divorce and I have this weird feeling my father (Passed in 2000) is quite upset with me about leaving her. He never said anthing to me about it. I think he was hurt I didn't talk to him about it befor it happened.

[solo34]

I see now. Sounds like this is a chance at reconciliation with the one that got away. I really think U 2 are going 2 get back, and it's going 2 be greater than ever. I mean, your Mom cares 4 her, and we all know that U do, 2. Keep us posted, HP.

 

-Solo34

[HappyPainter]

Yeah but this all falls back to just one letter. The orignial letter "to return photos" Yes it was mostly about me. All the other stuff could be just coincidence and whishfull thinking.

 

 

I estamate that if I'm going to hear from her. It will be at least 3 weeks. Week for the letter to get there. A few days to think things over. A week to get something back.

The thinking could take longer or less and I could just get a phone call.

 

Ok so ill shut up now...