How Did You Know It Was Over?

[Echo]

How did you know it was "OVER"? Did they just tell you? What were the signs? Was it more fighting?

Was it just a feeling? Did you ignore it or attempt to save it?

[OCD]

Hi Echo,

Good question...for me I didn't hear from my ex for a week...she started to blow me off, not be as available...so a week goes by...I see her in church...she doesn't sit next to me...that was a tip off. So I called her that night to find out what's going on...that's when she says "If you need an answer, yes it's over and I have no answers for you, click!" Very rude, no respect at all for me, just a very cowardly way to end it. I tried that whole night to get a hold of her, talk to her, ask for a chance, etc...all I could do was leave a message asking her not to do this, at least give me a reason and another chance, etc. The next day I was sooo upset how she ended it. She tried to call, but I didn't answer.....I didn't hear from her for about a month later when she started calling me once a week or so basically to see what I was up to, curious, then she started getting a little jealous that I was dating, I asked her to work it out, she said she needed time, that's when I asked for her to stop calling because it was hurting me and prolonging the pain I was going through....that was 6 months ago...nothing I could say or do, NC or Contact to get her back, I still haven't heard from her since a month and half ago....bummer!

 

OCD

[Echo]

WOW OCD.....what a biotch!!!!! You are SO much better off without that woman. Heartless!! I'd say the best thing she HAS done for you thusfar is leave you alone!!!

[NJRon]

So many relationships...

 

The day she said she loved me but wasn't "in love" with me

The day she told me about her fling and didn't feel guilty

The day she started waiting until I went to sleep so she could talk on the phone

The day she told me that she wouldn't be home when I got back from work

The day she said that cheating was just a sign that something was worng with the relationship

 

Hmm... i think I have quite a few others though. Each one is different...

[deejay74]

i started sensing something was happening a few weeks before she broke up with me. we had xmas together - xmas eve was great, but xmas day was bad. she was so distant from me i had to say something. i still wasn't sure what was happening at this point but my gut knew something was up. i told her that she was being really distant lately and i was having a hard time putting all the effort into the relationship.

 

i had to go home on xmas day and i had to leave my ex cuz she wasn't coming. i call her when i landed at the airport, she said she tried to leave me a voicemail but it didn't take for some reason. she said she apologized for being distant and thanked me for a wonderful xmas.

 

i come home thursday, the 28th, and give her some gifts from my mom and step dad. we made plans for her to come over the next day to spend the weekend together.

 

she comes over the next day, friday the 29th, but she doesn't have any of her things or her dog. i ask her where her stuff was and then she says "i'm not staying" - this is right when i knew she was going to break up with me. i will never forget it for the rest of my life. she then sat me down on my bed and proceeded to dump me.

[sukerbut]

got back from vacation 8/15 started having little fights , i tried fixing the problems but she was purposly trying to piss me off so i could get her "i should dump you folder" bigger...started to be late consistently...lots of phone calls from old male friends that were squashed when we were good...after she would sleep over she would run back home..saw less of her consistently...finally blow out fight at a rest...9/18 after that it was basically over. for me what took the cake is when i called her twice with my phone and she did not pik up..then called with a restricted # she piks up , i hung up, call with my numebr again, no pick up, call with a resticted again she piks up....i hang up..then she calls me back and tells me my phone was in my bag and i did not hear you calling! so i just sai you heard the restricted numbers right.she started calling me insecure ..psycho, mad amn ..please B___ch i have played this game when you were in you diepers.sorry man..i knew something was fishy i had to find out for myself..after that i knew it was pretty much over! i should of dumped her a ss on the spot, but i failed to do that .ccause i loved her and wanted to work things out..i shpould of been a man, probably would of gotten more respect .. ugh dont get me started

[healinginnyc81]

My ex had been growing distant for about a month but I thought it was the stress of school because we were still going out on dates and having fun. But the week before the breakup she was acting a little more distant and I felt something was wrong. I didn't suspect at all that she wanted to break up. The day before we broke up she suggested that we spend some more time apart because we spent all our time together. That worried me a little but the next day she said we should take a break and start dating other people. She said she was too young and she needed to be independent. I was so shocked that all I said was "are you sure?" "okay, if that's how you feel" and I left.

[arwen]

Well, this is material from different breakups:

 

* when I got the "I just need my space talk"

* or the "I don't want to be in a relationship"

* when his texting and emailing me seriously decreased (this was a longdistance relationship)

* when they became distant (applies to all of them)

 

Not the greatest moments to remember, but I survived all of them

 

Ilse

[Echo]

OK...I see a lot of "they didn't call as much" "Seemed distant" "Started picking fights"...this seems to be the dumpers "M.O. I guess it's good to know the early warning signs.

 

This happened to me...I called my now ex on his work phone..and we were chatting. He was at home..I heard his home phone ring in the background...and mind you, this was at like 8-9 pm. I heard him answer "Hello"? HEY! How you doing"??? All excited...he had put his work phone down to answer the phone...next thing I know.. the phone goes dead. Itry calling back over and over..no answer. Called his home phone, (knowing he was on the other line) No answer. I'm thinking..This motherF%%er thinks I am stupid. I called again...he answers..saying it was his "work" calling..... yeah right. Then why didn't they call his WORK phone??? I didn't make a big deal about it. I simply stopped calling him cold turkey...I figured he wasn't worth the breath because I KNEW he would lie..he already had. I feel good that I am the one that stopped calling HIM. Let her have his * * * * *. LOL

[drum4god]

My story isn't that bad, because it was only 3 months. We both go to the same church (we are both Christians). We started to date in November, and I must admit I moved real fast (not sexually, but compliments, talking about our future etc). The first 2 weeks were pretty good, but there were some warning signs. She hardly complimented me, she was very closed and mysterious. On Dec 11th I asked her if she wanted to go to my parents for Christmas, she said she didn't feel comfortable, and didn't feel the same way I feel. My heart dropped, and we almost broke up there, but in desperation. I asked her, if she felt anything when we kissed (I know the difference between a casual kiss, and a passionate kiss) she said yes. I also asked if she could see herself sleeping with me (I am trying my best to wait until marriage, I am far from a virgin, but I really want to wait) she said yes. So I said what is the problem. She said because she was hurt, she was scared to love me, and said "I want to love you". We went on from there, but of course I felt we were on shaky ground. She was basically hot and cold with me. Christmas was pretty bad. She gave me a card that said "You have been a blessing to me and my family. (I went to the hospital to pray for her Uncle with cancer, that is why I am blessing I guess) Not exactly something you want to hear from your girlfriend you love.

Fastforward to New Years, she went to Puerto Rico with a friend to visit family, and I have to admit I was jealous, but I didn't say anything. She came back and I noticed she was a little distant. She showed me some pictures, and I really got jealous. She looked amazing in this pictures. She was dressed up more than I have ever seen her.

 

Fastforward to the following Wednesday. She didn't return my call for 2 days, and when I called her on it, she said she wanted to spend time with the Lord. Like an idiot I bought it. UGH. But I then asked her if she was pushing me away. Then we broke up. She told me she doesn't have the same feelings, she is concerned about my age (I am 36 and she is 29) and sees I want to get married. She wants to go back to school to get her Masters. I said if you love someone you work those things out. She agreed. She said you don't know what could happen in the future but she doesn't want me to hold on to hope. She told me nobody made her laugh like I did, and I am great guy (I KNOW KISS OF DEATH).

 

So did breakdown and cry, and said because of what she saw as a kid and her past relationships she doesnt' know if she could ever get married. I don't know if she said that to make me feel better, but I really believe she got scared and them bolted. But I am not sure. I am moving on. I won't contact her, but I do see her in church. That is hard, but I am not showing I am hurt. She sees the happy outgoing guy that I always was.

 

Hopefully time away will recreate feelings, but I am not banking on it.

[Mun]

Wow drum, looks like you got plenty of warning signs right there.

[drum4god]

Wow drum, looks like you got plenty of warning signs right there.

 

Yeah, I am just mad at myself because I let my guard down. Its strange, we have known each other for 2 years, and when I was dating someone else (who was much prettier than her) she wanted me. In fact my ex-girlfriend would get so upset she would call my mother crying that (my new ex) liked me. There was an attraction, and a connection but I think I scared her off when I moved to fast. But who knows, maybe she just wanted the challenge for her ego. She got me to like her, and when she had me she backed off. She could have really liked me, but got scared, or she could have met someone else. I really don't know, and that bothers me. But I am not going to try and find out.

 

She really gave up a great guy, and I think she knows it. However, I can't waste time trying to figure out what happened. I had a life before her, and will have one after her.

 

NC has been great, because it really makes you reflect, and the more I reflect the more I realize she gave nothing to the relationship. NOTHING! She never went out of her way, she never complimented me, she didn't take interests in my band which is a very important to me. She basically gave me crumbs, and though I was very attracted to her, she isn't the prettiest woman out there. Also attraction isn't everything, it wears off after awhile, and for someone who wants to settle down I need more than attraction.

 

Just needed to vent. Thanks.

[Mun]

Here's my list:

 

I knew it was over when he said "you're not even my girlfriend " and we had been together for 2 years and been through many ups and downs by then...

 

When he said " I just want to have sex with lot's of different women" ... yea pretty blunt. No guesswork there...

 

When he said " why don't you come over after I get home from the bar, which I'm going to after the game...sure you can drive half an hour at 2 am...right?" ...Um...No!

 

 

[spunkykatt]

Im confused, if not calling as much, being distant, and picking fights are clear signs that the relationship is over....then why havent I dumped my bf. I mean I have become more distant, I dont call as much, and yeah I tend to pick fights more often now than ever before....but I dont want to break-up, nor have I started to want to see other people, and I love him just as much as ever....guess Im that one that throws a curveball into the mix.

[Spawn]

huh...lots of signs.

 

They just came struck me from all places but i dunno why i kept on going...

 

Like when we were talkin on phone, she gets a call from her ex who asks her out, she asks me to hangup to talk with him...ouch.

 

On the new year, i calling her up for wishin her and her phone was keepin busy for a long time....she told me her ex was the first one who wished her and he really made sure it was real special one from him.....huh.

 

and then on some occasions comparin my behaviour/reactions to her ex.....huh

 

the list is huge thou

[NJRon]

Im confused, if not calling as much, being distant, and picking fights are clear signs that the relationship is over....then why havent I dumped my bf. I mean I have become more distant, I dont call as much, and yeah I tend to pick fights more often now than ever before....but I dont want to break-up, nor have I started to want to see other people, and I love him just as much as ever....guess Im that one that throws a curveball into the mix.

 

The 'distance' is not always a clear sign. When people start reaching a comfort level in their relationship, they lose that infatuation and just get a little distance. I am concerned about the picking fights though. If they are minor, it could just be that you are comfortable anough to voice your concerns... but if they are constant or large, then that would indicate an issue.

 

If you are picking fights just to pick fights, that stumps me... under a lot of stress lately? If, there are issues you are trying to address, then maybe it's just that you need to go about addressing them better.

 

There's a difference between trying to discuss an issue which turns into a fight, and venting frustration or irritation by picking fights.

[bcuzitwasfun]

I started wondering from her actions first. As it has been said "Actions speak louder that words".

 

I heard the classic words:

 

"We spend too much time together. I want too ...."

"We see each other everyday, I need too ..."

"I need space to figure out things ...."

"I don't know what the future holds ...."

"I'm not one to hop from one to another ...."

"You deserve somebody better that me ....."

"You are more committed to me than I am to you ...."

 

And then the all time classic:

"I want to have my friends and I want to do with them what I want."

 

Behavior patterns (actions) changed in that she became very condescending as well. I was "stoopid" to everybody she and I were around, including our kids.

 

Ah well, so it goes.

 

bcuzitwasfun