Lily04 Posted February 3, 2006 Share Posted February 3, 2006 I'm 21 years old, but am typically into guys who are older than me. I'm just sorta worried because I'm attracted to this guy who is 26 and I'm sure has had sex before, probably with a few different women. But I'm still a virgin and only had one boyfriend... I'm generally a confident, social and attractive person so it's not like it's because I'm socially awkward & no guys like me... I've had my chances. But it's just very hard for me to find guys I'm really into and I would only have sex with a person if I were in a relationship with them. Guys -- would you feel put off by a girl if she were still a virgin at 21? To be honest, I just feel a bit awkward/embarrassed about it because I'll be learning everything and it will be new (and he can probably tell.) But as I said, I am an attractive person so maybe that won't be such an issue? Then again, he is attractive as well... Any input would be great! Lily Link to comment
Tigris Posted February 3, 2006 Share Posted February 3, 2006 I think the guy will be pleased to find out you are a virgin. Be honest with him and say you are saving it for someone you love. He'll respect you for that. Good luck and take care. Link to comment
annie24 Posted February 3, 2006 Share Posted February 3, 2006 I've been in a similar situation - what I have to say is that if he doesn't care much for you, he'll be annoyed that you're a virgin. He if he loves you and respects you, he'll wait for as long as you need Link to comment
mjctraider Posted February 3, 2006 Share Posted February 3, 2006 I think any guy that would have a problem with you still being a virgin at the age of 21 isn't the kind of guy you would want to get involved in a relationship with. Personally I would not have a problem if the woman was a virgin at the age of 21 or at the age of 30. It should not be a big issue for a guy. Link to comment
Lily04 Posted February 3, 2006 Author Share Posted February 3, 2006 Thanks Annie, that's sweet. =) But that's the thing... there is a sexual chemistry between us, but we're not 'in love'. We're just in that initial lust phase now... we haven't even started dating yet actually. I'm just placing the question out as a hypothetical... if I do date an older guy (and most guys I'm into are older, so it's not completely unreasonable) would they be put off by it... I guess it depends on how much he's into you. If he's mostly physically attracted to you (which I suspect this guy may be right now..) then maybe he wouldn't be so much into the idea. To be honest, if I date him I don't really picture us dating long-term. I am physically & emotionally attracted to him, but I don't see this as being a long-term relationship.. more just for fun to date. Link to comment
ocrob Posted February 3, 2006 Share Posted February 3, 2006 I think the fact you are a virgin is awesome. I don't think any guy would mind, if he really likes you. If I like a woman, then I am totally respectful and would respect her. Us guys love sex and sometimes we have sex with people we don't care about, but if we or I like someone, then it is not a problem at all. It is so awesome that you respect yourself and that you will only be with someone that you care about. if you meet a guy that has a problem with it, then he is not the right guy. Link to comment
LotusFlower Posted February 3, 2006 Share Posted February 3, 2006 Well... i would love to be a virgin again...congratulations. Atleast you are dating older men...men at 21, I would imagine would be hard to find that would wait a LONG time after dating someone. Older ones who have had more experience might have more patience. someone in the same situation might be good too? I imagine it also depends on where you live and the social circles you subject urself too. Always be sound on your needs though...always. Link to comment
acuraman Posted February 3, 2006 Share Posted February 3, 2006 You have nothing to be embarrased about. If a guy has a problem with you being a virgin at your age, then he most likely is not the person for you. I hope you find someone that will be patient and understanding. Link to comment
Meow18 Posted February 3, 2006 Share Posted February 3, 2006 There really is no need to be embarrassed about it. That's just something about you that should be respected. Every guy is different and will prefer something different. However, you shouldn't let that bother you. If a guy really likes you, that's not going to matter. In fact, I think that most guys will prefer hearing that rather than hearing that you have been with numerous guys. Just be proud of who you are and what you have to offer someone. Link to comment
dax321 Posted February 3, 2006 Share Posted February 3, 2006 I would say it's a 50/50.. There are alot of guys who would cherish it and others they may not care.. You need to stick with the ones who find it very impressive.. It does not mean they are going to stay with you forever, but atleast if u have a long term relationship they will treat you with the right expectations.. I am 30yo and I think it would be a wonderful experience to be with a virgin. If I was dating a virgin I would definitely make sure I was taking her seriously and not just for the time being.. Dont waste it on just anyone.. It would be a shame for you to give it up to some one who you are just head over heels physically attracted to.. You need to make the first time count.. You have plenty of time to be wild if the first time does not work out Link to comment
ShySoul Posted February 5, 2006 Share Posted February 5, 2006 Lily, the guys who are worth it won't have a problem with you being a virgin. If anything, they would like it. I find it refreshing when I come accross a virgin your age or older, male or female. It tells me they have values and don't just want to have sex to have sex. They actually care about when it happens and are waiting, have managed to hold onto it for that long. Tells me a lot about the person, and I like what it tells me. If the guy is right for you, he will like you for you. Your sexual history won't be a top concern (unless the person has been sleeping around, and then its more a health matter). A person's virginity is a personal thing. You shouldn't feel embarrassed about it. You should do it when you are ready, not for something that is lust but for something that is real. And any guy who deserves a girl like you lily, will respect that about you. Link to comment
Lily04 Posted February 6, 2006 Author Share Posted February 6, 2006 Thanks everyone, Shysoul included. =) It's nice to see that the general consensus is that most guys won't (or shouldn't) make this an issue. I will keep this in mind for the future... to be honest, I'm not so attracted to this particular guy anymore. As I said, there's lust but his attitude turns me off too much (he is quite arrogant.) At first that attracted me to him somewhat, but I have a feeling that I might get hurt... I was really hurt by someone who was also quite arrogant and it didn't work out. We didn't even date but he just sorta strung me around and when I think he finally wanted to ask me out and tried to approach me, I just turned the other way and started talking into my cell phone, so I never did find out. But I am quite cautious, and was even then to maintain my self-respect... so I'm not really sure I'll act on lust this time either. Thanks, Lily Link to comment
Lily04 Posted February 7, 2006 Author Share Posted February 7, 2006 nevermind... i'll post later. Link to comment
Lion-Guy Posted February 7, 2006 Share Posted February 7, 2006 Guys -- would you feel put off by a girl if she were still a virgin at 21? To be honest, I just feel a bit awkward/embarrassed about it because I'll be learning everything and it will be new (and he can probably tell.) But as I said, I am an attractive person so maybe that won't be such an issue? Then again, he is attractive as well... Any input would be great! Lily Heck No. That is very much a good thing in my mind. Link to comment
Gregorysc76 Posted March 12, 2006 Share Posted March 12, 2006 Stick to your morals Lily! The right guy will come along and love you for who you are. Be proud of the decision you have made. Link to comment
yeawutever Posted March 12, 2006 Share Posted March 12, 2006 If he really cares about you, then he'll have no problem with you being a virgin at 21. Link to comment
Lily04 Posted March 12, 2006 Author Share Posted March 12, 2006 Thanks, I forgot about this thread. It still bothers me every now & then, to be honest I wish I would have found the right guy earlier & had some experience... but I've only had one bf and he didn't turn out that great. so, alas... I am a virgin at 21. But since i'm a girl and attractive, I don't think guys would mind that much, maybe... hopefully not. At least the right ones shouldn't. Link to comment
mystik Posted March 13, 2006 Share Posted March 13, 2006 I find it refreshing when I come accross a virgin your age or older, male or female. It tells me they have values and don't just want to have sex to have sex. They actually care about when it happens and are waiting, have managed to hold onto it for that long. Tells me a lot about the person, and I like what it tells me. I don't mean to hijack this thread/ or cause a big debate but I just had to comment on this. I know you didn't mean anything by this Shysoul, but not all older virgins are virgins by choice. Being a virgin at an older age doesn't necessarily mean they have higher morals or values. It's not always that they care and are holding out, but perhaps are virgins simply because they haven't had the opportunity to have sex. Those who aren't virgins also aren't necessarily having sex just to have sex. Don't get me wrong, I think it's wonderful when people do wait for the right person and the right time, but I don't think that someone being a virgin should implicate them as a righteous, moral person - just as non virgins shouldn't be seen as less moral. It should be the reasons they choose to be one or the other In response to Lily's question though, I agree with everyone else. How the guys will respond is 50/50. I know guys who won't care at all, but will probably want sex eventually, guys who will drop u in a second, or guys who completely respect that and leave it up to you. I also have a guy friend who is 21 and he is waiting until marriage for any intimate relations further than kissing and hugging. It's a matter of finding the right guy for you* Link to comment
Lily04 Posted March 13, 2006 Author Share Posted March 13, 2006 Thanks mystik, I really appreciate your comments on this thread & my other one. Glad to see another Canadian online as well, hehe. Link to comment
ShySoul Posted March 14, 2006 Share Posted March 14, 2006 Good point mystik. In general though I've found those who are older virgins to be those who hold to higher values. Either that or someone who has had bad experiences in dating, gotten fustrated, and given up thus sabotaging themselves from getting what they want. They could have sex if they really wanted, but theres something in them that tells them it isn't right. There are those who just hire a prostitute, or who find someone to hook up with even though there is nothing there. So those who wait have some level of respect and morals that prevent them from just having sex. I also agree that just becuase you aren't a virgin doesn't mean you don't have morals. It comes down to who the person is and what they stand for, virgin or not. I'm just saying that in general, the longer you wait the better the odds are that you are waiting because you want to. Don't mean anything against non virgins, I don't even expect to find any virgins by age. So when I do, it makes me pleasantly surprised. Lily, don't worry about this. Eventually everything will fall into place and the experience will be perfect. Link to comment
melrich Posted March 14, 2006 Share Posted March 14, 2006 In general though I've found those who are older virgins to be those who hold to higher values. Don't you mean different values? Link to comment
DN Posted March 14, 2006 Share Posted March 14, 2006 Don't you mean different values? Exactly - let's not be judgmental of those who have actually had sex and don't hold the same views about it as some other people. Link to comment
melrich Posted March 14, 2006 Share Posted March 14, 2006 Exactly - let's not be judgmental of those who have actually had sex That's right. I mean have I got this right? Because I have had sex and you have not, you probably have higher values than me? Is that really what is being said here? Link to comment
ShySoul Posted March 14, 2006 Share Posted March 14, 2006 Don't mean anything against non virgins Read the entire post and you'll find that I was not making judgements against anyone, just stating my opinion. For those people who treat sex as baseball cards and trade it with just anyone, yes I would say a virgin has higher values. They also have more respect for themselves and for the people they are with, because sex with multiple partners like that can lead to very serious consequences. Don't think that can be debated. I have never intended, in this post or in any post, to imply that those who are not virgins are somehow lesser or that virgins are in some way better. Instead, I have always said that it comes down to your reasons and motivations for having sex. If it is to just have sex, to have fun, to see what it is like, then I find that lowers the sacredness of the act itself. If it is out of love, then it is for the right reasons and there is nothing wrong with that. Link to comment
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