I broke the "golden rule"......now what?

[hoppy27]

i broke the "golden rule" of not contacting your ex.................................

 

we havent talked or seen eachother in over two years. she tried emailing me once along time ago(over a year) and at that time i never responded.

if i ever thought a girl i dated was "the one" she was it. when she left me i was devistated. to be totally honest her leaving was what triggered a year battle with depression. when she emailed me i was still in that bad place and i just couldnt respond. anyway..........................i emailed her last week. i have always thought about her in the back of my mind. she still holds a place in my heart actually. i didnt even really expect a response. i just emailed her to tell her i thought of her occasionally and that i hoped she was doing well and happy. i also wished her a happy holidays and new year and that was it.

 

she was shocked to hear from me............and to my surprise wants to see me. i didnt email her with the intention of this response. i didnt know if she was or wasnt in a relationship at the moment. she said "name the place and time and ill be there". oh boy..............what now?

she gave me a link to her "my space" profile in the email and said check it out. so i did. in her profile it appears she is in a relationship at the moment. this may very well be the guy she left me for. i know another guy was in the picture when she split up with me back then. this may be the same guy. who knows?............ anyway im stuck between really wanting to see her and not wanting to see her. i really havent been in any serious relationship since her and i. not because im stuck on her.......i just havent really met anyone i would consider "what im looking for". she has been in a relationship since she left. what do i do??? she wanted to meet up and i told her i was busy.................i kinda freeked. i didnt know what to say.

 

since ive already broken the "golden rule" of No Contacting Ex's...............do i dare break the rule seeing them in person??????

 

so confused!!!!!!!!! this girl had my heart like no other. sometimes i wonder if ill ever feel that way again. i suppose time will only tell.

 

any advice?? or stories to help my decision??

 

or should i just forget i we made contact and not respond/contact anymore?

[Scout]

Definitely make a date to see her. You might be surprised at how much she's changed in two years, and you might discover you've changed a great deal as well. No matter what, this person was special to you at some point, and I think you'll kill yourself with curiosity if you don't make that date.

[hoppy27]

thanks for the quick response scout. you may be right.......................but i fear what could be the other outcome. and thats that all the feelings come rushing back. she's in a relationship and probably very happy. atliest she looked it in some of her my space photo's. i almost feel "guilty" if i saw her.

[SuperDuper]

Agreed -

You've done well in the past 2 years. That can be unbearably hard.

Reward yourself and see her familiar face again, but only in a friendly context.

 

If you go with expectations in the back of your mind, you could be setting yourself up for depression once again.

[hoppy27]

by the way im now 28 and she's now 25

 

as is it here and think "gee over two years and i havent been serious with anyone"....................i feel like a loser or something. i just havent wanted to be in a relationship since the demise of ours. am i still holding on or something subconsiously?

[AC874]

What happened during your relantionship.

 

Why did u break up?

[hoppy27]

i suppose what lead to it was me slowly slipping into depression.

it all started with me getting laid off from my job. finding decent work was hard at the time. i felt like the biggest loser collecting unemployment checks. i couldnt affford to do alot......go out, etc. i had bills i had to pay and that didnt leave much for anything else. i became less affectionate towards her. towards the end i started to pick myself backup..............i started my own business. she was a big part of my drive to do so.

soon after she left. the damage had already been done. she simply fell out of love with the person i had become. even though i thought things were on the up. needless to say my depression all cam back...........mulitplied by 10. i couldnt keep myslef together. i couldnt even concentrate on my new business. my life was officially a wreck. i struggled wih the business and that came to end. i was done. i just couldnt handle anymore.

 

she doesnt know any of this......................of course i did the crying and begging at first. the day i learned there was another guy in the picture i walked away and never said another word.

 

that brings me to today..............over 2 years later. with my mind straight, a good job again. life is good. except im still missing that one thing we all yern for..............a sole mate. i feel i may have blown the chance to be with my "soul mate". all i really want is for her to be happy. if thats what she is at the moment........i think id rather just let it be and not see her. her leaving was a very bad time in my life. it almost over shadows all the good times we had together. what i put myself through i wouldnt wish on anybody. your mind can be your worst enemy and it certainly was mine.

[coooolsome]

Im familiar with myspace, does it say In a serious relationship next to status? If you think you can keep it together, and im pretty sure you can, why not meet her? She has probably changed a lot in the last 2 years and that is a long time. It has also been a long time to forgive also. Who knows what may come out of it, but at least later on in life, you wont regret not seeing what could happen.

[karen95]

i think that you should meet, but try and keep your expectations that anything will come out of this meeting very low, and then if it so happens that it is just a friendly chat you may as not be disappointed.

if you dont meet her you could go through your life wondering "what if". and if nothing develops from this it could give you total closure. good luck!!!!

[lonelyfish]

i think that you should meet, but try and keep your expectations that anything will come out of this meeting very low, and then if it so happens that it is just a friendly chat you may as not be disappointed.

if you dont meet her you could go through your life wondering "what if". and if nothing develops from this it could give you total closure. good luck!!!!

 

This is such a great situation and I think you should treat as if. But yes, I agree with the above coments. And just to add my 2 cents, you are still very young and anything can still happen in your life - just go with the flow and see if this encounter is just an encounter or maybe something more. One can't predict the future, just take satisfaction knowing this presenting itself to you.

[hoppy27]

thanks everyone.............you all have valid points. maybe i shouldnt pass this up.

[DN]

Good luck - and guard your heart. Expect nothing and be prepared for anything.

[NR498E]

i agree with everybody here.I say do it and have fun with it.

 

You have to let us know how it went when you do see her though.Inquiring minds want to know.

[pocky_biscuz]

WOW, you were in the same situation as i am in right now. I always imagine what it's like when you re-contact your ex again. It just shows that the future is uncertain and anything could happen. Who knows what the outcome of the meeting would be. I'm sure she's curious as to what you have become since the break up. People are generally curious beings and i'm sure that's one of the reason why you want to meet her in the first place. However, i must agree with the others that don't expect too much out of this. NO GETTING BACK TOGETHER THOUGHTS! Go there with a friendly intention and make us all dumpees proud!

[hoppy27]

ill keep you all posted. the nerves of just seeing her her again are overwelming to me. its been so long and we were so close. ill let you all know what happens. thanks again everyone............you guys are the best.

[karen95]

good luck hope you get on good!!

[hoppy27]

i emailed her last week..........................no response.

 

maybe i jumped the gun and took what she said for more then it was.

geeezzzzzz...she said she really wanted to see me. maybe she really doesnt as much as she said. ohwell. i tried and thats all i can do.

contacting her probably wasnt the smartest idea to start with. live and learn.

[NR498E]

Ahhh well...Now you know.

[stolenshadow]

Give it a few days, maybe even a week, if you don't get an answer I think we can still say you won.

It was a good idea to contact her, you said maybe you didn't try to have a relationship in those two years because you hoped things with her could work one day, now you will have the certainity you need.

[hoppy27]

no response...................do i leave it at that or send one more email??

[stolenshadow]

I would say don't e-mail her again. It's a good moment to leave her in the past, you gave things a chance, now you can move to better things.

[Scout]

I'm almost positive she'll get back with you. It may be next week, it may be a month, but she will. In comparison with the two years since you've spoken, this really isn't that long of a period of time. No need to email her again; just sit back and wait. She may be weighing in her mind if she should get back with you, but curiosity WILL win out for her to see you. Just be patient.

[passions_just_like_mine]

Wow, I Was thinking of contacting my ex after three years.

 

Your story is similar to mine. Almost identical reasons for her ending the relationship. A bad time in my life, my depression. Me turning into a different man than the man she fell in love with. Then she left. Almost identical to your situation. I am still contemplating trying to reach her but am fearful she may think I am a stalker or something.

[hoppy27]

ok.............ill leave it at that. boy this is tough for me. this may have been the very thing i needed though. maybe this was the last hope ive been holding onto for so long.

 

passions.............be carefull bro. think hard about what it is you might do.

[passions_just_like_mine]

Thanks Hoppy

 

I am seriously having second thoughts about this now. It would be nice if she seen it all as a big romantic gesture but she may just see it as me being a stalker.