Boyfriend can't get me there... why?

[confuzzed1]

I've been with my boyfriend now for a little over a year now and we've been -partially- sexually active for 3 months. I'm not exactly religeous but I don't believe in sex before marriage. So we've only been doing small things, like mutual masturbation.

 

The only thing is, I can get him to orgasm no problem, he can't get me to orgasm. The whole time we've been doing things like this I haven't orgasmed with him once.

 

I can orgasm just fine on my own, but not with him. Is there something wrong with me? He also gets tired very soon. He won't do oral on me and while his hand is... down there... it only takes like 5 minutes before he's saying "hurry up", but not that harshly I have to add. I really love him but I want to get some pleasure too. I've had to fake orgasms every single time we've been together in that way and I'm tired of faking it.

 

Is there anything I can do to make the orgasm happen? Is there something I should be telling him to do?

 

All comments are appreciated

[kitten]

Sounds like he's not giving you the time you need to get there, and to make it worse, it sounds like he's pressuring you. Whether he's saying it harshly or not, telling you to "hurry up" makes you feel like there's a race, and probably drains some of the mood. You can't hurry something like that.. it builds as it builds and he needs to accept that, and keep going until you're there.

 

I suspect that, if he can deal with "getting tired" and just keep going, you'll get there, and after a few times, you'll feel less pressured about it, and it'll come easier.

[darkblue]

If you can do it on your own, and not with him. It must be something he is doing - or your psychological state of mind.

Do you feel self-conscious or nervous when he is doing it?

 

You have to relax and enjoy it.

 

Show him what you like, what gets you going, etc.

Maybe introduce sex toys.

[RayKay]

Well, you are not going to get there with him pressuring you to hurry up, I can guarantee! Sex, and orgasms, at least for woman, are more then 90% mental in my opinion. I

 

f you are feeling like the only purpose is to "get off" (by his rushing you) rather then it being something you can enjoy together, and a way to share intimacy and explore one another....well, I don't blame you for not being able to get there! When you become so focused on getting there, the pure experience is lost, and with it the orgasm potential.

 

If you are feeling guilt, this may also add to the stress level and to not being able to get there. Perhaps there is also some resentment that you are probably pretty willing to please him, and he seems less willing to do in return.

 

Also, show him how you get there, your technique. This can help too...he won't know what gets YOU excited as every woman is a bit different.

 

I would suggest you talk to him...when you are NOT being intimate...and let him know that when you are so rushed, and focused purely on having an orgasm, you cannot get there. That sort of anxiety and pressure will only kill the endorphins you got going and the signal to the pleasure centres!

 

Sexual pleasure isn't really about whom gets to the finish line the fastest...but about the journey you have together on your way.

[Day_Walker]

I've had to fake orgasms every single time we've been together in that way and I'm tired of faking it.

 

Is there anything I can do to make the orgasm happen? Is there something I should be telling him to do?

 

All comments are appreciated

 

This is partially the issue, as long as you are faking orgasms then he doesnt think that he is doing anything wrong. Perhaps you need to have a discussion with him about what gets you off.

[Jeremyg77]

well when i was with my gf it took time and if she couldnt get off by fingering i went down on her and she got off quickly see if he will do that

[ShySoul]

When you aren't used to it, its less comfortable and your thinking of it too much, which makes it more difficult to completely let go. It isn't helped when someone is telling you to "hurry up." Relax and try to lose yourself in it. Set a more romantic mood that helps you too relax. If you feel guilty about faking orgasms, tell him how you feel and talk about it. He should be understanding that you are having a mental block and want to try and do more to help you.

[daredevil]

Actually I would like to know as well... I haven't had my gf to go off yet, but still got close, I go down a lot, I change the rhytm of it, i finger her different times speed etc, i've asked but no answer, any ideas like the thread writer would be nice

[Mavh25]

I was the same for the first part of my raltionship, think it was because i couldnt relax. But then i realised i cannot be scared to show him where i like it, even if you have to close your eyes and fantasise, do it. Dont feel bad because of it, and if he tells you to hurry up tell him to shut up, that is definitely not gonna get you there!

[flutegirl23]

yeah, i'm in the same boat. i feel like i spend so much time getting my bf off and then when it's "his turn" it's like he's distracted or something. it's like stop and go and i have to keep telling him that it's not going to work like that. i know he wants to do it, but he always complains of being tired. i know i never say anything when i feel like my jaw hurts....

[Ash]

Is he orgasming first every time? Or does he wait? If he's not getting you there first that could be an issue. The chemicals in his body associated with sex are no longer evident after his orgasm, so he will appear disinterested. It takes a strong mental constitution to overcome that. It's far easier for him to delay getting off until after you have. That might cause him to put more effort into it.

 

As far as things to try, have him put his hand (or fingers) over yours when you touch yourself, and keep them there until you orgasm. He might get some insight as to where, how, how long, low hard (or gently! to press). It will also get him "close to the action" even though you're still the one doing the actual touching.

 

Relaxing is huge. If you're uptight, hurried or nervous it will be far more difficult for you. He will have to understand this, it's pretty much a given for most couples. In other words, you do not seem at all different from other women. I'd have to say it sounds like he might be in more of a hurry than most guys (sex is fun, right? and fun things are even more fun when they last longer, right?). As an example, my lady takes about an hour of stimulation to orgasm. Suffice it to say we don't just do one thing for a while hour. Alternating between touching and oral is one thing we sometimes do for example. I usually delay until after she has orgasmed before I do (sometimes I mistime, but I still help her as much as I possibly can and never try to hurry things along).

[Mavh25]

yeah, work it both ways, 69! lol