Advice for coping finding out ex has new GF

[lonelyfish]

Feeling kind of low after finding out ex has new girlfriend or at the very least seeing someone new. NC was doing me a lot of good but then just had that urge after the new year to contact him and see how he's been doing. For all the baggage that my ex has and troubles in his life I can't believe someone would date him but I guess I did. He is a nice guy afterall. Doing NC helped me so much and I wish I didn't contact him now but maybe this will help me move on. I was starting to realize that he probably was not the best guy for me afterall, I deserve so much more than he can give. But it still hurts. Any advice in moving on from here and dealing with those feelings that finally sink in would be appreciated!

 

Thanks!

[chai714]

Lonely,

 

I think one good way to tackle this is to shut every aspect of him, out of your life. What I mean by this is don't ask about him, tell people around you that you don't want to hear about it if they seem him, etc.

 

Meanwhile, re-ignite the fire inside of you. Shake up your life and change your old routines. Start working out or change your current workout routine. Go volunteer in a hospital. Do a lot of things different in your life, starting now. And finally, get out there and date when you're emotionally ready. You can do it and anyone else can do it too. It's simply a matter of taking action.

[danylion]

Im sorry you're going through this, it is an awful time an especially hard at this time of year. Don't feel bad about contacting him everyone does it and you have been very brave.

 

I have been in a similar situation before except the new girlfriend was a a family friend so it was very much in my face. It was, as Im sure you know a real blow and very painful but it does push you to move on and face reality,a harsh push I know.

You will become stronger and feel that you have learnt from your time with each other and that you will know exactly what you want from a future relationship, when you're ready. ( also what you don't want )

 

Take this time to grieve and heal from the relationship, make yourself the No1 priority, pamper yourself and tell yourself you did the best you could and you're a better person, cos you are sweetheart. I am sure he has issues and they won't disappear simply because you both broke up and he's with another, they will be there in his new relationship so don't think its all hearts and flowers. At the end of the day its a rebound relationship for him, both the dumper and the dumpee need to grieve properly and equally.

 

Stay postive, I know its easier said than done. Surround yourself with loved ones and its a new year so a fresh start.

 

Above all you have clarity now, of course no one knows what may happen just concentrate on you. Be strong and take care and don't keep it all in.

 

(((big hug)))

[kellbell]

Hi there LonelyFish!

 

So sorry for your situation right now. Big hugs. I know exactly how you feel. I felt so low and strangely betrayed...and one of my ex's used to bring his "new squeezes" to the restaurant I used to work at...how humiliating!

 

The best advice I can give you is try to stay busy. Surround yourself with friends (helped me soooo much) and I focused on myself. It helps so much to do that. After that dingdong broke up with me, I joined a gym, lost about 30 pounds, my niece was born, I delved into my studies and made new friends, went on a trip. I was all about myself. It helped me so much and I found a new beau in the process. Focus on things that make you happy.

 

Also, I would try not to contact your ex for a very long time. Just focus on you. I know it's hard but you can do it. Take care and wishing you all the best.

[lonelyfish]

Take this time to grieve and heal from the relationship, make yourself the No1 priority, pamper yourself and tell yourself you did the best you could and you're a better person, cos you are sweetheart. I am sure he has issues and they won't disappear simply because you both broke up and he's with another, they will be there in his new relationship so don't think its all hearts and flowers. At the end of the day its a rebound relationship for him, both the dumper and the dumpee need to grieve properly and equally.

 

Stay postive, I know its easier said than done. Surround yourself with loved ones and its a new year so a fresh start.

 

Above all you have clarity now, of course no one knows what may happen just concentrate on you. Be strong and take care and don't keep it all in.

 

(((big hug)))

 

Thanks Chai and Danylion for your support. I agree, he will run into the same relationship issues with this new girl as he did with me. Except I know I was not the one creating the problems, it had to do with his personal issues and things going on in his life. I'm sure it will only be a matter of time that this new girl faces the same truths with him. I know I shouldn't worry about him and just move on. I'd like to believe there's someone who is really meant to be me with me still out there, my patience has worn out some though. Thank you again, it helps!

[lonelyfish]

Thanks Kellbell, I really enjoy reading your posts. You have a very positive spirit. Is it bad to wish I never met my ex? I've never felt so much hurt before and accepting it's over is really hard even though I think it maybe really was not meant to be - felt like I just wasn't given a chance to find out for myself. I have such a big heart, I just don't get why he couldn't see that.

[danylion]

believe me there is someone out there, lots in fact. There is a whole lot of experience to be had. You can do what you want and You are sounding stronger already, use this site whenever you feel out of water, its helped me so much.

[kellbell]

I know what you mean....there is one of my ex's I wish I NEVER met but it's part of the process and journey. You are going to come accross people you wish you never met but it only makes you stronger and more weary for the future.

 

The ex finding a new GF is such a symbolic thing because it's so final....the door has been closed.

 

I know you have a big heart. He could not see that because he was not the one for you. The right guy will see it and appretiate it. Remember, everything happens for a reason. Big hugs.

[SilverManic]

I think of all the things I did that made me feel better with a past breakup and I'll pass them on to you.

 

1. Compleatly cut him out of your life, though everything he gave you either away or put it to the back of a draw. That includes photographs etc.

2. Watch lots of girly films, eat loads and then go run it all off the next day. Girly films always give you a good cry which is probably what you need.

3. Candel light is always a good healer.

4. Find new things to do, things that you can enjoy and forget about him with. Something like painting, drawing, swimming, running etc.

5. Meet new people, mabey a change of screenery will help you get back on track.

 

I hope they are a little bit of help. I doesn't work for everyone but it worked for me.

~S.

[OCD]

Hi Lonelyfish,

I'm sorry to hear about this...I know you've helped me through some very tough times. Like some of the other posters have said, now you need to change up your routine a bit. If I found out my ex was with someone, that would actually make it easier for me to move on. I know it hurts, but maybe this will be that force that drives you to move on...sorry again for hearing about this because I know you and I were in the same boat regarding a break up with someone that went through a divorce. And you and I still had a little bit of hope there, heck I still do, but we need to move forward...I told my ex that I couldn't talk to her because it hurt every time, pulled that scab right off, then I was back to square one. Now that you know he's with someone or at least seeing them, I hope this helps you going in the right direction. Take care and stay positive, be strong. Things will turn around for you and me too Take care.

 

OCD

[Dako]

I understand what you're going through, and you can get past it. It takes a while to accept that he's moved on, but the alternative would be to be back with him. That sounds unacceptable to you. He must have valued his relationship with you or he'd dread getting back into a new one.

 

Maybe sincerely wishing him and his new gf the best would help you.

I know it's customary to secretly hope they fail miserably to prove some final point, but a more optimistic outlook could serve you well.

You know, high road and all that stuff.

 

I once came home to find my live-in gf had moved out and gotten married to another guy all in one day. It was quite bothersome to know she'd found a new guy. When I met him a week later, I wished him luck with his new wife.

I still get a chuckle recalling that scene.

[lonelyfish]

OCD, Dako

 

Thank you both for your replies. It means and helps a lot. Everyone's comments on here do and I am grateful for finding this Website/Post. Doing N/C for two months helped me tremendously. It's definitely helps you out for the better. I was starting to feel torn about whether or not I really wanted my ex back after all because I don't think he ever or ever could give me the attention that I need and deserve. I was really starting to feel like myself again. My ex had so many personal issues that he needed to figure out on his own and he said he needed time by himself. I didn't think he'd be with someone new so quickly. I guess I wanted to believe that he would find out he made a mistake by letting me go, maybe he still could as his new relationship is very new and it's just roses & cookies right now. I am also very competitive by nature and I think others will agree that sometimes it's not just the person who breaks your heart but that the fact you feel like you lost in love that really hurts. I think that may have been posted by Dako at one time actually. And yes, I admit I'm not ready to be back with him because of his problems, that is why I'm so taken back with him being with someone new already. I know I have to move on and can't look back. There has to be someone out there going through the same thing as me and wondering were the hell I am!

 

"He must have valued his relationship with you or he'd dread getting back into a new one". That is a very nice comment Dako. Thank you for that!