i looked good when we first met, now i look like crap

[SeaBisquit]

this might be a silly question, but i'm looking for some honest answers. Would it bother you if your gf/bf got fatter while you were dating them? say if they gained over 20 lbs. when i met my bf a few years ago i weighed the amount that i'm suppose to weigh. now all of a sudden it seems like overnight i weigh 20 lbs more. it bothers me alot i feel really unattractive and i won't take my clothes off in front of him. i'm trying my best to loose the extra pounds i have joined areobics but i now it's probably going to take about two months to loose the weight. so in the meantime i feel like crap. so seriously would it bother you in your s/o put on excessive weight?

[annie24]

hmmm..... it would bother me a little, but it wouldn't make me love him less. 20 pounds is ok. 100 would be a bit disturbing.

 

don't think of it as "you're not going to look good for 2 months." Even if you lose 5 pounds, you'll be thinnner.

 

If he were THAT bothered by your weight, he would have left you, right? He must love you and not mind the extra 20. Don't worry Just ask him for encouragement, I'm sure he'll comply....

[SeaBisquit]

thankyou annie

but for me it's alot deeper. my looks are really important to me. somehow i feel that if i don't look good for him. he will find someone else who looks alot better.

[annie24]

It's all about your attitude and how you feel about yourself. If you don't feel that you are good enough, then he won't feel that way about you too. He's been with you for a while, even with the pounds, so I think he must really love you.

 

Haven't you seen plenty of tubby women with husbands and boyfriends that adore them? (I'm not even saying that you're tubby, just saying weight isn't as big a deal as you may think it is.)

 

Well, starting today, start going to the gym and eating healthy. You'll start to feel better soon!

 

Take care!

[Itsok]

Completely agree. It's about how you see yourself.

 

Start doing a simple diet and continue with your exercise program. You didn't gain that weight overnight, you won't lose it overnight either.

 

It is something to work towards, not something to hate about yourself. Keep working at it and stick to a simple diet.

[theantibarbie23]

thankyou annie

but for me it's alot deeper. my looks are really important to me. somehow i feel that if i don't look good for him. he will find someone else who looks alot better.

It sounds like you are very insecure about yourself. Almost as though you feel you have nothing to offer anyone other than physical beauty and that if you were to lose some of that, there would be nothing else to compelling enough to make your boyfriend want to stay.

 

If you continue to act as though you are oh so undesirable in front of your boyfriend, your vibes might inadvertently cause him to subconsciously start to agree with you. Understand that you are a beautiful woman because of all that you are, not because of the numbers on a scale.

 

If your boyfriend ever left you for someone else based entirely on the fact you gained twenty pounds, you should be glad he's gone and go look for someone whom will accept you as you are. It never does a woman any good to be with a man who's very critical of her appearance. It just eats away at her self-image until she's a nervous wreck about her flaws and filled with dread that her significant other will leave her if she gets a wrinkle or gains a pound.

 

Who needs that kind of pressure?

[arwen]

Hey girl,

 

These things are all things you are saying about yourself. I don't read in your message that your bf made any comments on you gaining the weight. However, if you want to lose it, it should be because you don't feel happy like this, and not because of your bf.

 

I think you did great in taking up aerobics. I think you'd also feel great if you'd take up some swimming. Do you know, you can exercise even without sports, by just taking a bike if possible to work, by not using elevators but the stairs, etc.

 

Try to eat lots of fruit and drink a lot of water. Especially the last, I don't know where you live of course but I come from a colder country and I think most people drink too little water here. Water is great for the transport of 'waste' that your body contains, it gives you a full feeling. The first days you'll feel like you live on the toilet, but your bladder will get used to it

 

Good luck and chin up!!

 

Ilse

[Tigris]

If he cares about you it will make no difference to him whatsoever.

[Mun]

I think most people want to be with someone who takes care of themselves. In these couple of months while you are working on your weight loss, don't forget to do your hair, your nails, and wear flattering clothes and colors. Just because you've gained a few lbs doesn't mean you should let yourself go completely until you get back in shape. Be proud of yourself and of the fact you are working on your weight loss...it will show.

 

One tip: Once you lose those lbs get rid of the "fat" clothes. I lost 20 some lbs in the last 6 months and that was the first thing I did....it helps keep you on track.

[theantibarbie23]

I don't really agree with that. We don't cause others to feel a certain way about us.

So you don't think the way we look, act, and view ourselves influences other people's perspectives of us?

[hardcharger]

It would bother me quit a bit if my mate gained too much weight. I like women with a little meat on their bones, but it would be hard for me to fall for a fat lady. I work out regularly, watch what I eat etc. If my wife sat around eating junk all day, throwing on the pounds, she wouldn't look good, I might not want to have sex with her, etc. None of that is good! That is just how it is. Plus if you allow yourself to gain weight, it will lead to a myriad of health problems, do you want to be burdened with all that? Life is tough enough as it is. Unfortunately, it is easy to gain weight because live in a society where french fries and doritos are the norm. It takes a little thought and effort not to go with the flow and just say no to the norm.

 

Folks might say, oh it is just imortant how you feel about yourself. I say, you feel about yourself such, that you allow yourself to get fat.

[MRSinPA]

I know how you feel. I weigh nearly 50 lbs more than what I should. For a while I was just trying to deny it, but finally I got so self conscious that I couldn't even stand to be intimate with my husband because I was so embarrassed! My husband didn't MIND my weight gain, but he knew i felt bad about it and he wanted to help me. He has been a great encouragement. Luckily that was the motivation I needed to do something about it!

 

All it really takes is the will to eat better. Snacking here and there is fine, but try eating lots of veggies and fruit, and drink lots of water. Just doing that will help you feel better, and then maybe start working out! Just keep in mind that the main concern here is your METAL health! You won't see physical results right away, but you will definitely feel better and your personl view of yourself will start to improve! Just by eating better and walking, I've lost 4 lbs in two weeks.

[theantibarbie23]

Folks might say, oh it is just imortant how you feel about yourself. I say, you feel about yourself such, that you allow yourself to get fat.

 

Are you suggesting that every person on this planet whom is fat has low self-esteem? That's as silly as saying that every thin person feels good about themselves. Not everyone values themselves based on their looks. I actually feel quite sorry for those whom do.

 

I should know, I'm fat. According to you I should be wallowing in self-pity right about now cursing the gods for my horrible fate but the truth is, I learned to like myself a long time ago and things have never been better.

 

You seem to think that every overweight person becomes this way because they have no self control and sit around on their butts eating chips all day. That's a steriotype. There are people out there who do that, but there are also fat people out there like me that eat the same or less than a normal sized person.

 

I wasted YEARS trying to fit into society's narrow little box of what a woman should be. Being thin became the top priority in my life. I spent far too long anxious, depressed, filled with self loathing, and obsessed with every single calorie and fat gram that went into my body. Sure, I was thinner but I was absolutely miserable.

 

Once I chose to love myself for who I am, fat or thin, is when I found true inner peace. Now that my energy was longer being spent on beating myself up, I've been able to accomplish so much more with my life. I only wish I had figured this out years ago, how futitle self-loathing really is.

[metro_girl]

You don't mention your BMI (body mass index). Your age and your starting weight AND height and your muscle tone have a lot to do with the extra 20 lbs. I'm no fitness expert or nutritionist. I've read a lot about how women lose about 5 lbs. of muscle each decade and gain the same amount in fat unless they work out with weights or do some type of strength training. So, maybe you're eating the same way and you need to change how you're exercising. The other point is this: I've easily gained 20 lbs in the last twenty years and I get more compliments now than I did when I was younger. I used to wear a size 3 (loosely), eat whatever I wanted, and NEVER had an ounce of fat. I struggled to gain weight. Then, I turned 25 and my metabolism really did change. I now happily wear a size 6. For some people, going up three dress sizes and 20 lbs. may sound like a lot. For me, it was a healthy direction. If you go to a gym, they can check your BMI and let you know how should approach nutrition and exercise. Muscle weighs more than fat. Try using measurements or even how your clothes fit and feel. I have a lot of cute clothes (not bragging) but if they start to feel too tight, I know I need to cut out something fattening from my diet. I don't own a scale, and I don't obsess over calories. I look at food portions and whether I'm eating enough fruits, veggies, lean protein, and whole grains throughout the day. Starting at the grocery store is important too. I don't buy the chips, etc. The other thing is, with weight training, you will see the greatest improvement over aerobics alone. And, you can't keep up with your boyfriend and eat and drink the way he does.

[ComputerGuy]

BMI is a horrible measurement. It does NOT take into account body type at all. Two people can both be the same height and have very different weights and be perfectly healthy. For example, if I was to hit my BMI ideal weight, I'd be anorexic in size.

 

Unless you FEEL unhealthy and unfit, I wouldn't worry about it too much. I know personally if my g/f put on weight it wouldn't bother me. And I don't meant hat as in it's there but I don't worry about, I mean it as in I would like it because it's who they are, and who they are is who I'm with.

[Belinda]

If they did it delibrately (God knows why) then I wouldnt be too happy. Otherwise if they were extremely fat after, Id help them to lose the weight and see it as something fun to do to help each other out.