Once a cheater always a cheater?

[skyblue1]

Just a quick question for the guys and girls. Do you believe if somebody has cheated on their partner in previous relationships can be faithful?

 

Cheers!

[darkblue]

It depends on the individual. If they have changed their principals and have new found honesty - it is possible they can hold a monogamous relationship.

 

I know of people who have cheated - that don't now.

And people who continue to cheat...

[yeawutever]

Depends on whether they actually have never how cheating hurts that person, affecting the relation or whether they have learned to become better cheaters through that experience. There those that do learn and never do it again and yet that those that contivue doing it. I know that if I was in a relation and got cheated, I would never trust that SO again and he would be long gone.

[melrich]

The best predictor of future behaviour is past behaviour.

 

If someone has a history of cheating there is more chance that they will cheat in the future than someone who has not.

 

That's not to say they will and the counter to that may be that they have learnt a lesson from cheating in the past. Whether that lesson is not to do it again or how not to get caught is probably the question.

[DN]

Too many variables to give an accurate answer. But I am sure there must be people who have cheated on one partner but not on others. People who have grown up for instance, or who are so happy in their current relationship that they have no reason to cheat.

[lovecrazy]

you know that is a hard answer!

 

My current boyfriend cheated on his girlfriend of four years. And as far as I can tell he hasnt cheated on me!

 

I would say once is a mistake...but more than that is BS!

[kaoticbaby]

well when i was younger i "cheated"... but it was only in stupid relationships that only lasted a month anyway. with my first real bf, i never cheated, never had the desire to, and as far as i could tell he hadn't either. so yeah, it depends on a million things.

[OceanEyes]

Once a cheater always a cheater?

Definitely not. This is basically saying that people who make mistakes in life are always going to be screw-ups. Everyone messes up and has the ability to commit passionate crimes. Some people learn from their mistakes and change their behaviour. I think that it's judgemental to assume that, just because someone has cheated in a past relationship, that he/ she is predestined to a life of dishonesty and deceit.

[poke]

I think there are usually reasons why a person cheats... usually these relate to issues the person either hasn't dealt with, or hasn't dealt with in a healthy way.

 

IMHO, the likelyhood of someone cheating again is very high, if the triggers / issues / situation that prompted the cheating haven't been worked through, and some changes made.

[theantibarbie23]

I would say if they've cheated on more than one person, they're more likely to continue to do so.

[registered]

In any situation that involves trust I think that if they've broken it once it is then far more likely that it will happen again, whether or not they change doesn't really mean much to me because a promise or words that say "I won't do it again" are then coming from the mouth of someone who has been untrustworty in the past... why should I trust someone who has proven that they can't be trusted?... that's my admittedly disillusioned look at it lol.

 

But I think each situation is different and only if they break your trust will you have reason to no longer trust them. I'd just say it is more likely to occur if someone has a "history". I guess it depends on your level of personal paranoia - mine is particularly high!

[poke]

For sure... if trust is broken, it has to be earned back. Until it is, there are consequences that can't be avoided which make life hard and not much fun, but it is possible to rebuild it.

[darkblue]

I think most cheaters will admit that it is the 'thrill' of having more than one person attracted to them.

Especially men (sorry) who seem to enjoy the ego boost...

[darkblue]

I just feel that men, more than women, are overly obsessed with their ego's.

 

No - I don't, lol.

It isn't normally recognised by the majority of members, because they don't know the time zones.

[RandomAdvisor]

Scotland is what, five hours ahead of EST in the US?

 

You must be a Vampire who's lived many centuries, accumulating lots of knowledge and experience, which is why you give such good advice.

[darkblue]

Y'know - I spend so much time on this site I may aswell be!

[darkblue]

It's 4am.

 

LOL - Yes, I am a vampire.

[newts]

I think if someone has cheated in a commited relationship and their partner forgives them, it's more likely to happen again (they have gotten away with it). I believe if someone has lost a very close relationship due to cheating they may think twice about it before they do it again.

[nymph_nmn]

I believe if someone has lost a very close relationship due to cheating they may think twice about it before they do it again.

 

Yup, true,

[skyblue1]

Very interesting to know what people think. Thanks for your input!

 

Say if somebody has cheated 3 times in 3 different relationships. Do you think this person can change?

[novaseeker]

Very interesting to know what people think. Thanks for your input!

 

Say if somebody has cheated 3 times in 3 different relationships. Do you think this person can change?

 

Never say never, but in that case I would say not likely without serious work and probably therapy to figure out what the underlying issues are that are resulting in that repeated self-defeating behavior.

[skyblue1]

Thanks novaseeker totally agree with you.

[DN]

Definitely not. This is basically saying that people who make mistakes in life are always going to be screw-ups. Everyone messes up and has the ability to commit passionate crimes. Some people learn from their mistakes and change their behaviour. I think that it's judgemental to assume that, just because someone has cheated in a past relationship, that he/ she is predestined to a life of dishonesty and deceit.

 

I agree with this. As with most generalisations, to say that someone who has cheated once will do so again, breaks down in specifics.

[karen95]

i think it depends on a number of factors:

 

when i was younger i did cheat but i would not now.

i'd say it also depends on the feelings that he/she has for their partner.

ALCOHOL

if they live in different states/countries.

 

i know that some people may cheat once, but realize that it the biggest mistake of their lives and never do it again. and i also believe that their are people that will never ever stay faithful to any partner no matter how much they love them.

 

but i think guys are more likely to cheat. if a guy was in a club drinking with is friends without his g/friend and a girl all dressed up in a short skirt and a low cut top threw herself at him and did not listen to his refusals i believe he would be very tempted espeically if he thought no one would ever find out.

[darkblue]

ALCOHOL

Not an excuse.

Alcohol will not make a committed husband cheat.