Once a cheater always a cheater?

[karen95]

i dont think its an excuse at all but i think it may cause some people to cheat!

[DN]

ibut i think guys are more likely to cheat. if a guy was in a club drinking with is friends without his g/friend and a girl all dressed up in a short skirt and a low cut top threw herself at him and did not listen to his refusals i believe he would be very tempted espeically if he thought no one would ever find out.

 

You may find this article instructive

 

[karen95]

that was an interesting article. i was only basing my opinions on my relationships and on my friends. i was not looking at being married as a factor

[darkblue]

I disagree that alcohol could ever 'cause' any one to cheat.

I've never cheated while drunk - just because I was drunk.

[karen95]

i have a friend who was with her boyf for three years. she loved him but always cheated on him when she was drunk (i dont mean every single time she was drunk, but she only ever did it when she was drunk)

 

but i do agree that it was prob not the drink alone that caused her to cheat. she obviously liked the thrill of cheating but only had the courage to do it when she was drunk.

 

but i really do not understand her, she is now with her new boyf for 2 years and has never cheated on him. whereas it was a regualar occurrence with her previous boyf????

[darkblue]

Maybe she has found that she does not need any other man in her life, with her current partner.

[karen95]

yes that could be true. but i found that she did not have sex with many of the other guys. and none of them turned into what you would call an "affair". it would just be a random guy in a club that we would be at. she would usually only kiss most of them and rarely two timed him with the same guy twice.

[karen95]

i mean she never looked for emotional support or anythig from any of these guys. but the 2 boyf treat her differently. the first guy loved her to bits, told her and told the world that, and she knew he would always be there for her, he still would be if she wanted to go back.

 

whereas the new guy keeps her on her toes so to say. he does love but he as a life of his own outside the relationship. he does not cheat on her or anything like that but i dont think she feels as secure within this relationship as she did the last. the first guy made her his life, whereas with this second guy she is part of his life.

[OceanEyes]

The view of lying and cheating are part of a core value system in everyone and that value system is formed throughout childhood. While it can be changed in adulthood, it's unlikely to happen.

 

This is a bit of a generalization. Again, ultimately, I feel like this is suggesting that people cannot and do not change. I agree, that the values and morals that you are raised with will carry onto your adult life, but some people develop and grow into better people, learn tough lessons, etc.

 

People who cheat repeatedly are obviously less likely to get the 'benefit of the doubt'. However, you can harly judge someone who made one mistake in high school. We're human beings, so behaviour can't be reduced to scientific equations and probability scales. The reason that most psychological 'assessments' are theories, is because it's impossible to know everything about the human mind or emotions.

 

All I'm saying, is that people make mistakes. And by "screw-ups", I was suggesting the "big picture", not just with regards to cheating. I wouldn't want to be judged eternally for mistakes I made several years ago. Just like I wouldn't judge people for their past mistakes. Life goes on. Some people change and grow into bigger, better people, and some don't.

[Jadtt]

I think it's hard to generalize and say "once a cheater, then always a cheater".

 

I find that in many situations where someone cheats, it is because they are unhappy and lacking something in their current relationship and they are unable to express their feelings with their mate. As such, I think they psychologically feel as if they are getting some emotional fulfillment in the cheating relationship.

 

However, there are those individuals that do receive an ego boost from cheating, or from the level of attraction and thrill they experience when they are cheating. With these people, I believe that they are not committed to any sort of relationship, and should choose to get out of it.

 

Also, one of the biggest things I see is, irrespective of the love two people might share, there is a sense of boredom that may exist in the relationship if they have been together for a long time. That is why I like to continue to add spice, sexual tension and regular date nights to all LTR's that I am in. I also believe that people should continue to show each other affection (i.e. kissing, cuddling, hugging) throughout the duration of their relationship. Lack of genuine human contact (not necessarily sexual) can often lead someone to feel empty and alone, which might lead to cheating.

 

I've cheated on one LT b/f. The simple reason I cheated: I was unhappy, I knew I would be getting out of the relationship and I needed to have a level of emotional fulfillment while doing so. If I did not take that route, it would have been hard for me to remember that there are better men out there. I am not saying it was right nor am I saying I am proud of myself, but I am guilty of doing it. Quite frankly, if I was with someone that I truly loved and was right for me, cheating would never be an option.

[darkblue]

I don't like that justification.

If you are not happy in a relationship - you should have the decency to end it before pursuing 'happiness'.

[Jut]

Jadtt

I would like to know how you would feel if someone with you is unhappy and cheats on you for the same justification you gave? I do understand that being unhappy is one of the primary reasons but cheating on someone to find that "There is better out there" does not quite fit it. Do you think you could hav ebeen more happy breaking up and then cheating.

 

In any case i think are a good person coz rarely do people admit they have done something they feel guilty of(or they think is wrong).

[yeawutever]

Regardless of whether u were abuse of a child, came from divorce parents, was drunk when it happened, etc., there isn't any excuse wutsoever for cheating.

[yeawutever]

If ur unhappy with a relation and want to leave him/her, might as well do it then ran off to another man's/woman's arm.

[novaseeker]

The simple reason I cheated: I was unhappy, I knew I would be getting out of the relationship and I needed to have a level of emotional fulfillment while doing so. If I did not take that route, it would have been hard for me to remember that there are better men out there.

 

Hmmm.

 

What's done is done, and you do seem to see the problem with what happened, but it's odd to say that you needed a level of emotional fulfillment to leave an unhappy relationship.

[diamondprincess]

yes. people who cheat dont do it for no reason. if the relationship is great, and both people are satisfied with their partners there is no reason for either one to cheat...so if they have cheated before, doesnt mean they will in their next relationship

[darkblue]

I don't cheat because I have principals.

Is that out of line? LOL

[darkblue]

I try.....

[Frangipani]

I think that is WAY out of line. Every person is different and you cannot say that someone who cheats 'has no principals'. Life is not that simple, every person's relationship is different. Don't put everyone in the same box.

 

Cheating is not a good thing, we all know that, but you can't judge everyone she same way.

[DN]

It also means first which means that when talking about first principles you could write 'principal principles'.

[DN]

I guess it's just a matter of principle. Principally speaking, of course.

[novaseeker]

yes. people who cheat dont do it for no reason. if the relationship is great, and both people are satisfied with their partners there is no reason for either one to cheat...so if they have cheated before, doesnt mean they will in their next relationship

 

See ... but it follows from what you are saying here that in the next relationship if there are problems and they are not satisfied, they will cheat again, just like they did the last time they were not satisfied ... and what some of us are saying is that this is never a justification for cheating. If there are problems in a relationship and you are not getting your needs satisfied, address the problems in the relationship by trying to fix them or by exiting the relationship. Cheating because you aren't happy in a relationship (which I admit is often the underlying "reason" people give) is never justified and in many cases is simply an indicator of a lack of courage, or an insecurity, on the part of the cheater (ie, "afraid to leave the existing, unhappy relationship").

[darkblue]

I think that is WAY out of line. Every person is different and you cannot say that someone who cheats 'has no principals'. Life is not that simple, every person's relationship is different. Don't put everyone in the same box.

 

Cheating is not a good thing, we all know that, but you can't judge everyone she same way.

I did not say that everyone's relationships were the same, or that cheaters are the same.

I'm saying they should have the decency to end a relationship they are unhappy with before pursuing someone else.

 

They aren't considering their partner's feelings when they cheat.

They don't give a damn about who they will hurt, for the most part - as long as they get their cheap thrills.

 

Principal principles...

[skyblue1]

I agree with darkblue the person should break up with their partner before looking else where. I don't always think it's to do with people being unhappy in a relationship. Quick story to share with you a person has been in a relationship for 4 years and he/she loved this person. They both decide to go away and the hotel they are staying in has a disco. The girl decides to go to your room and sleep and the man decides in stay. Unexpectedly he bumps into a stripper and decides to go to her room which is next door to his room sleeps with her and goes back to his girlfriend and sleeps with her. I asked this person what made you sleep with the stripper and the answer was because she's a stripper. What is that all about?

[darkblue]

what made you sleep with the stripper and the answer was because she's a stripper. What is that all about?

She was easy. It's likely that he didn't care much about his partner, and just wanted sex.

Sleeping with a stripper and then his girlfriend was sickening - who knows how many people that stripper slept with, and what she has...