my over weight sister

[brahman]

okay so im 20 and i have a little sister who is 9. she eats all the time. the doctor says shes borderline obese. she is less than 5 feet tall and weights 135ppounds.

 

she eats really unhealthy foods and no matter how far my mom seems to go she is finding ways to get around eating healthy foods. she is one of the most annouying kids you have ever met. not like in the average way, but in the anti-social i dont care what anyone thinks but hate the fact that no body likes me way. she has got no friends.

 

whenever i watch her for my mom i put limitations on what she can eat, so most of the time when im the only one home she sneaks food. i have to watch her get a snack to make sure she doesnt have 3 or 4 more hidden somewhere on her body.

 

even though my mom has stopped buying the really good food she still buys unhealthy stuff, which my sister goes straight for. my parents have just about given up on getting her to eat healthy. besides hidding food that they buy for themselves.

 

i really dont like my sister and my mom says the only way to get through to her is through kindnes but i have like ten million things going on in my life and any time i am nice to her she clings to me really badly. i try to explain to her how to act around people in order to get friends, but she doesnt seem to care. she is mildly depressed and im sure this is one of the many reasons why she ovber eats. i figure the reasons are.

 

1. depressed

2. bordom

3. doesnt know any better

4. needs attention, she is constantly lieing and making up stories to get attention. when she eats she will stuff her mouth and try to talk to people and will sometimes smeer the food around her mouth while she is eating.

 

honestly she is one of the smartest in the family. she just doesnt know how to control herself. i want to help but i have no real backing.

[RayKay]

That's a tough situation brahman.

 

I have a cousin whom is young too and very overweight....it's sad, because I know how rough it is for kids like that, and teens, and adults....and apparently, the fatter you are as you enter your teens, the likelier it will be a lifetime battle and harder to lose. I have never been overweight, but have known some whom have, and HAVE battled an eating disorder and body image issues.

 

And, it's not just appearance and self esteem, at her young age, her body is already "dying" in the sense that she is damaging her heart health, her liver, lungs, etc.

 

Unfortunately, it is VERY hard to fix it. Criticizing, or forcing her on diets, or telling her there are BAD foods, can all add to the issue, or give her eating disorders of other sorts. She does need to learn better choices, and to exercise, but it also needs to come from her. She probably feels terrible though, so deals with it by eating. Honestly, it may even be a way of rebelling - knowing how much it bothers the family, she is at least given attention. Depression is another issue again.

 

You do have to be kind, and be there when she IS ready to work on it, and when she does feel down.

 

Have your parents taken her to any form of counselling?

[d1whoutf]

Hi There!

 

Well, I agree with RayKay in the point that it can be quite difficult to solve this issue.

First I would recommend to go for counselling/professional help.

 

I could also say that maybe you could actually give her a bit more attention; afterall she's only 9 years old. What hard is is to know what is the proper way of doing it.

 

Why don't you try playing games/sports with her? Not videogames, or board games, but some game including physical activity: running, jumping, cycling around the neighbourhood, chasing, swimming... any of those will do. It will give you time to have fun with her and give her attention and excercise! Also, if you keep her busy enough, she might not spend her time eating, would she?

 

Also, sports can be an excelent way to socialize (which may help her loneliness)

 

Remember, that if you do want to help her, you must sacrifice some of your time. A few minutes less of tv won't do any harm to you, and besides physical activity can be good for you too! (and if you have a gf (assuming you're a man. A Bf, if you're a woman), taking him/her along could show your fun/sweet side... that could be good!

 

Finally, you must also remember that it's not really about being fat or thin, but healthy and happy!

 

Good Luck!

Keep us updated!

 

D1whoutf

P.S.: Ice Cream is really really fattening!

[RayKay]

I agree with D1, and the physical activity should really be something your whole FAMILY gets involved in. It's hard for a CHILD to suddenly be told to be active, when everyone else in the family is staying in to watch the latest Survivor epic......

 

I was blessed to have an active family, so for me it was always part of my life, but I know for others, it was very hard to get into exercise without having that background.

[Relationship Coach]

I agree with the others and I think she probably needs a good medical exam as well. Her habits can be a sign of more than just poor nutrition. She needs to have a full blood work up and the physician needs to be given all of the facts as far as her eating habits and behavior.

 

There very well could be "more to this than eats the pie"! I know pretty lame...

[melrich]

It is likely one of your 4 points is the reason for her over-eating and like the others have said, anything you or the family do to directly try to intervene will probably only make the situation worse.

 

I agree with the others that you should look at a combination of professional help, finding a physical activity she enjoys and encouraging a healthy food eating habit.

 

On the last point, I'd suggest the best way to ensure she does not eat junk is not to buy it.

 

When my son reached 3 and a half we found his tastes ran to cheese, sausage, cookies and anything fried. Unless it was one of those things he would not eat it.

 

So we just stopped buying it. Now if he asks for it (he did for the first couple of weeks but has never since) we tell him "sure, if you can find some". So at home it is now fruit, cereal, vegetables, fish, lean meats and water. He can eat as much as he wants.

 

I know there is an age difference and your sis will still be able to eat junk outside the house but at least it may be a start.

[Jinx]

she is one of the most annoying kids you have ever met. not like in the average way, but in the anti-social i dont care what anyone thinks but hate the fact that no body likes me way. she has got no friends.

 

As others have mentioned, this is probably the core behind the obesity that is soon to come. If she is showing depressed and anti social behavior with low self esteem she is setting herself up for a world of hurt aside of being overweight. All the kindness in the world may not fix these three and near four issues, she will most likely end up needing professional intervention, medical and/or psychological.

 

I realize nine year olds have that element of needing attention but by the sounds she is well past the border of normal behavior. If she cannot help herself, she needs outside help. Secondly, when you're nine years old and have a problem forming, that stubborn stage is setting in and not wanting to listen. She most likely could care less about a lot of things other than the self pity and loathing that seems to be occurring.

 

Only she knows why she believes no one likes her and binges on sweets and insists on resisting health foods. It may well be a school problem which needs pinpointed, she may be bothered there which is causing the problem. Children are ruthless, for all we know, someone may of called her Fat at some point and thus overreacting she takes up a reverse solution by fulfilling what others say.

 

The lies are another serious point which makes me recommend further action. All of this together is pointing towards a horrible set of problems developing which will on escalate upon being a teenager.

[darkblue]

It is likely one of your 4 points is the reason for her over-eating

Or all 4...

 

I do feel that she is acting out to gain attention, and over-eating is used as a comfort to combat other underlying problems - which is not healthy.

[theantibarbie23]

From the way you describe it, it sounds like your sister is hurting and is using junk food as a way of coping. Plus, I am sure that her added weight is making her feel even more miserable yet food is her coping device. It's where she'll continue to turn for some sort of comfort. Hence the cycle continues.

 

Her being antisocial is just a wall she built around her so that she can try and keep people from hurting her feelings. She feels isolated and lonely because she has no friends, which is why she clings to you when you show her an ounce of kindness. Is she being builled? Do kids make fun of her because of her weight? Just telling her how to act to make friends isn't going to do much if she's being seriously picked on or considered a social outcast that no one wants to be seen with at school.

 

I would tell my mom to go ahead and get her some councilling. The councelor would be able to help her to learn new coping skills and maybe help her to improve her self-esteem.

[Hope75]

As others have alluded to, I think part of the problem is that your family sort of has a double standard, your parents buy "bad foods" for themselves and hide them, and your sister is expected to eat the "good foods" and seeks out the bad ones.

 

It's sort of hypocritical to say to a child, "you have to eat all this veggies and lean meats and low fat yogurt and milk, while I hide and eat chips and soda, because I am a grownup and can do that."

 

Your parents need to set a good example for EVERYONE in the house by eating healthy themselves, and then getting everyone into an active routine, as RayKay's family did.

 

Things like an after dinner walk that you all take, ice skating as a family on the weekends, or a family membership to a local gym where you can all swim or do some cardio workouts. It would benefit all of you, and if your parents (and you,) show your sister that they are all working hard to get and stay healthy, rather than just telling her what to do and not following through themselves, your sister might find herself more motivated to work at it too.

 

Also, has he thyroid ever been checked? A full workup at the doctor's including a blood panel and thyroid panel would be a good idea, just to make sure it's not her endocrine system working against her.

[brahman]

the whole spending time with her trying toget her to exercise is hard, because im busy between my college working over 30 hours a week, my girlfriend and a few other small responsibilites. and my parents are always working. my parents dont really have the energy to do alot of stuff at the end of the day

 

with me i dont really care about how much exercise she gets. i know she gets enough to not be a total sloth but it is the food that really bothers me. i have cuaght her taking bites out of butter before. and when we have corn or anythingt requiring butter she mostly eats the butter and then asks for more butter to go with the food. she has a few other habits, cant think right now though.

 

 

i think trying to get her professional help is a good idea. but i think she has no chance without the backing my parents. which isnt really supportive right now.

[RayKay]

It does sound like she has an eating disorder of sorts.

 

I watched a recent show on TLC called the 750 lb man, it was heartbreaking really. This guy was in his 30's and weight 750 lbs! He was bedridden, had been for 7 years. He never THOUGHT he would get THAT big, but one day his knees just gave out and he became bed ridden and put on even MORE weight.

 

He was eventually put in a nursing home that specialized in obesity, and he still could not change his habits though he "wanted to". He was covered in bed sores as he could no longer even roll over on his own *they were hideous sores* and he soon DIED of a blood infection from those sores.

 

On a brighter side, I have watched all the Biggest Loser series so far, and they are very inspiring, as overweight people truly change their lives, and their bodies, and their minds. But it also shows it is a LIFESTYLE change, FOR life. It's not easy.

 

Obesity kills. It kills you emotionally and physically. If your sister continues on this path she may be dead at 30 of a heart attack, or of the side effects of diabetes. Among other things. Your parents may be in denial of sorts right now, but they MUST take her for professional help NOW. It CAN be done, she CAN change her life, but there needs to be involvement from everyone. They may be always working, but they have to also balance their priorities. Maybe the fact she feels so alone from her family even is part of the problem.

 

I am not trying to scare you, but I am trying to emphasize that obesity IS an illness, and it should not be ignored, because it WILL get worse. She is still a child, and needs that family support. She may get exercise now, but as she gets bigger, she may find it harder to move, and get less...it's a downward cycle. I really advise you stress to your parents your concern and that they need to get her into counselling and to a doctor for tests.

[Hope75]

Rachel is right- obesity kills.

 

It predisposes her to high cholesterol, high blood pressure, strokes, heart attacks, diabetes. It's bad on her joints, heart, and blood vessels, skin....I could go on and on.

 

She is young now, and if her lifestyle were modified NOW, she could begin to establish good habits that may stay with her, exercise, eating right... they are difficult changes to make when you are used to being sedentary and eating bad foods, but once made and established, it becomes like second nature. The longer it is put off, the harder it will be to implement.

 

My mom was boderline obese for years, and she was diagnosed with pre-diabetes 3 years ago. She also had high blood pressure, high cholesterol, high lipids, and has a heart murmer. She was a prime candiate for heart attack or stroke. The doctor recommended she try to lose 10 pounds. She had struggled with her weight for years. She began buying healthy foods, fresh veggies and lean meats. switched to 2% milk and began exercising on her treadmill. She lost 60 lbs in a year, and she's kept it off! She looks great. And 60lbs off a 5'2" frame is ALOT. She basically had to change her lifestyle, but she did it.

 

Her blood sugar is now in the normal range, she no longer needs to take her blood pressure meds, or cholesterol meds. (she was also diagnosed with mild hypothyroidism, and is on meds for that, which helped speed up her metabolism and keep the weight off).

 

Now when she and my dad go out to eat, they pick veggies and fish, chicken, or have a salad and soup. My dad, who has diabetes also, has lost 20lbs and is controlling his diabetes with his diet and no longer requires insulin shots. The weight loss has also lowered his cholesterol and has made his arthritis less painful, as there is less weight and pressure on his joints.

 

What I am trying to say is that even 10lbs can make a difference. I'm sure your parents are tired, but it only takes 20 minutes after dinner to take a walk, even 3 times a week. Have them buy vegetable spread instead of butter, (country crock or similar). Talk to them about better food choices, such as lean meats, fish or chicken. Fresh vegetables, less pasta or processed foods. Less fried foods. Low carb breads. Low fat milks and cheeses, yogurts. High fiber cereals. Fresh fruits.

 

And look into counseling for your sister if you can. It might take an hour out of your busy day, but this is your sister, and you love her and don't want to see her go down that road.

[d1whoutf]

I totally agree with RayKay and Hope75: Obesity can be very dangerous on the short and long term. Whatever you do, you shouldn't wait long.

 

I also agree with the other member that said that it would be a good idea to simply not buy, in this case, butter. There are plenty of substitutes for butter, and maybe if your sister couldn't find that much junk food and instead there was only healthy food in the fridge, she would have no choice but to eat it (the healthy food).

 

And as I said before, results need sacrifice; time and attention are needed for her condition to improve, and as hope75 said, it's your sister.

 

Have you discussed this matter with your parents and included all these points mentioned in this thread? Working and thinking together (now that you have these ideas we have given you) could bring you to the best solution to this problem.

 

Good Luck

D1whoutf