Do men prefer sexually aggressive women?

[metro_girl]

I was a virgin until I was 35. I know it's hard to believe but true. I wanted to have sex when I was 19, the setting was perfect in Malibu on vacation, but for some reason it didn't happen with my boyfriend then. Each boyfriend I had after him was actually a virgin also, in my twenties, and they never initiated sex with me. Plus, I lived at home until I was 28, which may have had something to do with it. In my early 30s, some men dumped me for not having sex soon enough (without asking me if I wanted to), or they dumped me because they thought the virgin status was too important and they had no intention of marrying me (not that I wanted to marry them) .

 

Until I met someone who was a Harley-riding "bad boy" type, actually an educated man, who changed my virgin status. However, in the beginning of our relationship he didn't understand why I wasn't making a move on him. Even after I told him why, that I honestly didn't have the techniques down for lack of experience, he never recovered. We both felt "rejected". He found someone who was more aggressive than me (more experienced in bed). He then cheated on her with me, continued to see me, talk with me, email me, had sex with me, and then still went back to the more aggressive woman, still thinking that I wasn't all that into him. This was very confusing to me.

 

Women get mixed messages all the time about how the men should do the chasing and show the interest. With him, he believes that this other more aggressive woman simply knows what he wants. Well, that's because she's been with a lot of other men and I haven't. He sounds dumb to me, but that's his logic. Do you most men feel this way? Do you stop to wonder where the woman in your life learned all of those sexual techniques and who taught her? Or do you think it's just magic that she knows what you want in bed? Would men prefer that over telling a woman what he wants? I'm baffled!

[DN]

It varies from man to man of course, but not many men will make sexual advances to a woman who is giving off strong vibes that she is not interested. Perhaps that is what happened with you.

[Derek]

aggressive is different than experienced. It sounds like the other woman was more experienced...

 

I wonder if perhaps the word you are looking for is more passionate? more in touch with her wild side? Perhaps she was very free, she could let herself go more.

 

Makes me think of dancing lessons. Sure having an experienced partner makes it "easier" and perhaps "faster", but if both people are learning the dance together and from each other, there is a close bond there that is different.

 

Sounds like if you met someone who was in the same boat as you, you'd probably both learn the dance together and be the better for it.

 

There isn't much cure for lack of experience other than experience... and perhaps a few books to fill in the knowledge required and get some ideas. =)

 

 

[metro_girl]

I had really wonderful boyfriends who I was very attracted to in the beginning. With two people not ininitiating sex and not showing interest, both can feel rejected. At least with the last man, he told me that he needed someone who was more sexually aggressive. To me, it's difficult to be sexually aggressive without having the sexual experience to back it up. Interest in sex and romance, from my perspective, is different than sexual aggression.

[metro_girl]

I have been with men who were at the same level of experience and it didn't work out. I've been with men who were more experienced and it didn't work out. I like for the man to take the lead and pursue, although I don't expect him to do all the work and that doesn't mean I'm not interested. I honestly don't believe most relationships work out, even ones that lead to marriage, when the woman is the pursuer.

 

Is there a difference between being the pursuer and being sexually aggressive?

[TiredMan]

The whole idea of the man being the pursuer is an old time idea that doesn't really fit in today's time. Women today work, have many of the same rights, want to be treated equal, so they shouldn't expect me who jump through hoops to pursue them.

 

I know for a fact that if I met someone who was perfect and she waited for me to pursue her, I wouldn't even bother. She is a waste of time then.

[Relationship Coach]

A lack of experience can be send off the lack of interest message. As to the question regarding experience, I honestly believe most men don't care or care to even think about where their wife, GF or flavor of the week learned that technique, mount, dismount or battle cry. This is the year 2005, have you watched late night television with Sue Johanson? Have you seen the DVD collections with actual couples demonstrating everything under the sun and around the world?

 

Men are not stupid, their assumptions as to the who, where and how she got that talented in bed are not at the top of their priority list. Other than the standard Virgin Fantasy, most guys would rather have an experienced partner. If guys loved virgins more than strippers the one dollar bill would be removed from circulation.

[metro_girl]

One of my questions though, is why don't men tell women what they want in bed if a woman isn't sexually aggressive? Why assume that she already knows? If she already knows and she's the aggressor, it's probably because she's shared that experience with another man. If she doesn't know what you want, why be so quick to think she's rejecting you?

[dr_skier]

I'd say this, I love aggressive women and I love being the aggressor. Now that being said we cant' go one way 100% of the time. I personally love it when the girl initates sex, spontainously, or just rips off my clothes and starts giving me head during forplay or talks dirty or whatever. It is a huge and i mean HUGE turn on for guys to know that their girl is as turned on by them as they are.

[metro_girl]

If a woman is going to rip off your clothes and perform some advanced sex technique, she's probably already done it before with another man. Do you assume if you're dating a woman over the age of 15, that she knows every sex technique available?

[dr_skier]

It say's you're 36, yes i do assume most people who are reading a thread about "aggressive women" are over the age of 15 and know how to give a blowjob

 

I didn't know a blow job was considered an "advanced sexual technique"

 

-not trying to be rude, but i also just read you were virgin till recent... ok then i'll comment this way

 

sexual aggressiveness/advances can be as simple as

-talking dirty ( i want to do this to you/ you do this to me/ you make me feel this way / etc)

-playing with his johnson (reaching down his pants or rubbing it on the outsdie)

-personally i like it when my gf sticks her tongue in my ear (gotta try it before u judge it!!!)

-verbal aknoweldgement during intercourse/forplay, let him know what he's doing right or subtlly what he's doing wrong and if it feels good tell him!!! Let him know he's doing a good job, stoke his ego a bit.

 

Hope that helps.

[metro_girl]

For me, I think my lack of sexual experience wouldn't have made a difference if I had been with a man who really was a good lover. Sometimes the men I dated weren't even good kissers or good dancers, but they expect women to give them blow jobs, etc. that are out of this world. Men who have a lot of experience and still aren't great lovers in my book, are a little on the selfish side, and no other woman has clued them in that maybe they really aren't that great in bed. They have the "experience" and they know what they want and what makes them feel good, but still not the moves it takes to be a great lover.

[Derek]

Metro-girl you said:

"Men who have a lot of experience and still aren't great lovers in my book, are a little on the selfish side, and no other woman has clued them in that maybe they really aren't that great in bed. They have the "experience" and they know what they want and what makes them feel good, but still not the moves it takes to be a great lover."

 

And that is completely sensible and right to think so!

 

You sound like a very real and practical person and of course those guys' expectations are silly when they don't have the moves themselves. They can't expect to get everything they want without any effort on their part.

 

The answer to your question about whether men prefer aggressive women (sexually or otherwise) is in the question. Do most men "prefer"... well preference is a subjective thing. I think alot of guys are knuckleheads that need to be told directly what is going on. (me included sometimes) If you think that telling your guy what you want, what you like, what you expect is aggressive, then yes I bet most men would be flattered and glad to get over that awkward stage with some assertive directness. But aggressive to the point of clingy and desperate is probably not what most men prefer.

Even so, that doesn't mean you should change who you are to accommodate loser guys who can't take the time to grow and explore with you, sexually or otherwise.

 

They weren't worth your time anyway.

 

 

 

[Mommys Home]

old news!!

[Day_Walker]

Typically people learn by doing and its no different with sex. It is also possilbe that some people have a natural talent for something. If you want to be mature about the situation then you have to realize that a person is going to have partners before you and what they learned is what they learned. If you dont want to accept that then, thats your choice. I cant say that I just like aggressiveness in the bedroom but what I ultimately like is when a woman is confident enough in her abilities. That has a tendency to show in her actions in the bedroom.

[TIGRONETTE]

Careful not to mix up technique, agressivity (more being active than literally aggressive) and experience.

 

I'll answer re agressivity

 

basically, it's important to 'get on' sexually with your 'playmate'

and that has nothing to do with how you respond, as long as you feel comfortable of course. I'm not boasting but i am pretty forthright and confident when it comes to sex. Now I've had guys who hated that and who begged me to be more passive (I tried...I couldn't), others who really liked it

 

hard to explain, but you've got to make that 'connection' and generally I can tell by kissing someone if it's going to be a complete disaster

 

knowing this kind of thing comes with experience, this has nothing to do with technique. Most of the time, i give a lousy blowjob (usually cause I can't be bothered), but hey, it doesn't bother me that much, might get round to learning one day.

[TiredMan]

It depends for what though.

 

For a fling or one night stand, the more aggressive and dirty, the better.

 

For a caring relationship, I like her to be sweet. If she turns out to be like the fling, then I will leave her in a split second.

 

Now, with the opposite, if a woman refuses to do oral and doesn't care enough to even try to be decent at doing it, then away she goes too. I remember one girl who didn't do oral ever but DID expect the guy to do it to her. I laughed in her face.

[Shadows Light]

If a woman is going to rip off your clothes and perform some advanced sex technique, she's probably already done it before with another man. Do you assume if you're dating a woman over the age of 15, that she knows every sex technique available?

 

Metro... When I first started having sexual relations, I remember my very FIRST partner was SHOCKED that I was a virgin. The way I came accross to him during our make-out sessions was confident, experienced... and that came from... Just the type of personality I am. I am confident, and I will am inquisitive. For example, the conversation in my head might be saying something like.. "hmmm if I touch him here, how will he react."

 

And much of my sexual prowess and inquisitiveness came from.... READING. I was a ROMANCE NOVEL JUNKIE. LOL. I could probably list at the time who the most Sexually Explicit Romance Authors were. Sometimes while reading these novels I would find things that .. hmmm TURNED me on. And it'd get me to think... of wanting to re-create it. Wanting to set that tone, that mood... or find out.. hey, I remember that scene on such and such Romance Novel where the HOT STUD did the Chick on a HARLEY in that position.. hmmm I wonder if thats possible.

 

There are TIMES when its great to be the one "in charge"... I hate the word "aggressive" And there are times its great to be the one thats "passive".. such as.. Giving ORAL. Now there is definitley a time that YOU are in charge. You are running the show. or When you are getting ORAL.

LOL.. and here, passive is cool.. but don't stifle your emotions. Let yourself go and if you want to moan, writhe, arch... just let er rip. Its makes for a better ORGASM.. and certainly tells him he's doing the right things.

 

Communication. I think communication is so important. Especially while making love...and shortly there after. I mean, what is there to hide?? You've seen each other NAKED. If he's not hitting the right spot... let him know, gently and with finesse. LOL.. ok.. sometimes not so gently you can scream.. "OH GOD DON"T STOP.. RIGHT THERE!!!" grin. And it goes both ways... we're not mind readers. As a species we haven't cultivated that skill yet.

 

YOU ARE OK... This was one of your first SEXUAL RELATIONSHIPS... and it had NOTHING to do with your lack of skill or you personally. He knew you were inexperienced?? Well... he just lacked finesse and talent. Don't give him a second thought.

 

You are a flower in your first BLOOM... LOL. And he just didn't know how to stop and smell the roses. Give yourself a big hug. You are ok.

 

Educate yourself... Knowledge is power. You don't have to have experienced a stable of LOVERS to be a great lover.