My boyfriend read my emails!

[hilary19]

This is my first post, so hello to you all!

 

I logged in to Yahoo on my boyfriend's laptop, and his internet browser remembered the password. When he came to check his own mail, mine came up. He rang me saying he couldn't resist having a look, and had read my emails. He was very apologetic and ashamed.

 

Perhaps understandably, I'm annoyed. I have a right to my privacy. However, he was very honest and deeply sorry. Should I let this one go?

[WildChild]

My concern is what is he so curious about that he couldn't resist?

[DN]

Yes, you should let it go - he 'fessed up when he didn't need to, took responsibility, apologised and said he was ashamed. You either accept that or you decide to make the situation worse, possibly sacrificing the relationship.

[hilary19]

I'm a model, and get a lot of emails from photographers/agencies etc. This one simply said ''Greetings from Heidi and Tobias!'' However, it comes up with ''Honey Heidi'' - guess that caught his eye.

[WildChild]

So if I am understanding you correctly, it wasn't like he was out trying to figure out how to get into your account, but more or less you hadn't logged out? If so, I agree with DN. He called you right away and told you about it, you didn't have to inquire or ask him.

[hilary19]

I do see what you and DN are saying. I also understand that things like emails and diaries are very tempting to read. It's the fact he gave into that temptation and looked into a private part of my life that bugs me. Perhaps I'm overreacting.

[annie24]

hmmmmmm..... You know, I would never ask a bf for his password and I'm a big believer in privacy, but if it just kind of "popped up", I think I couldn't resist... And then I'd feel bad afterwards (if nothing "bad" showed up).

 

It seems he really feels bad. Forgive him, and maybe have a talk with each other - that you will tell each other the truth always - something like that.

 

good luck

[WildChild]

Have you voiced this to him, that you understand but you still feel like it was a violation of privacy? How long have you two been together?

[cruisin]

Sorry, hilary, I'd say you were overreacting and to be honest I think your boyfriend is bizarre to have apologized to you. You didn't log out properly, well, you may have logged out, but the computer put him back at the door. Curiosity. It's human. Give me a break with the privacy stuff. It sounds like you had something to hide. He is, after all, your boyfriend and you're not supposed to have all that much, if anything, to hide, are you? If I were him, I'd be wondering what the fuss was about. If you want privacy stay off his laptop or learn to cover your tracks. When you use the restroom and, naturally, want privacy, you don't scream at people who come in, you lock the door, no?

[annie24]

Well, she did log out, but some browers "remember" passwords, even after you've closed the browser. It's a quite common problem.

[melrich]

I have to say I agree with cruisin here.

 

If he'd purposefully gone snooping I think you have a right to be peeved but really you lay it all out in front of him, he's only human and the fact that he rang to apologise says a lot about him. I'd actually be pretty happy with his response if I were you.

[cruisin]

annie -- yes, I realized my mistake and went back and edited my post. But still, like mel, I think the bf's calling went well beyond the call of duty. If I'd been him, I wouldn't have said a thing. Maybe I would have even gone and sent some replies to people....NO, just kidding!!!! Really, hilary, if you think this is something to scream about, I'd start questioning your "control issues." Be lucky you don't have someone devious in your life because you sound like you'd be a sitting duck. You've got to remember that privacy is not a right. It's merely a preference unless we're talking about legal matters and in light of the current U.S. administration I think even that is totally up in the air, isn't it? Definitely talk with your bf about what you like, what you dislike. Don't look at this as a right of yours and what he did as a transgression. There is no right and wrong here. Like I said, for me, if the opportunity presents itself, I'll take it. I won't use anything I've learned to hurt someone but I would have zero qualms about having a look-see into something that popped up at my door.

[lady00]

Forgive him. And change your password

[thinkstoomuch]

Sounds to me like you have something to hide. I leave myself logged into my email account all the time, and my girlfriend shares my computer. She's welcome to look at anything in there she wants to, although if I order a Christmas present I'll warn her to stay out of there or she'll ruin my surprise. I think the openness of it makes it completely unappealing for her to go in there.

 

Same thing with my voicemail. She's knows the password and can listen anytime she wants to. Same with my PIN number to my bank account. Che can pick up my phone and read my text messages whenever she wants. She has a house key. I trust her to not abuse any of this, and I have nothing to hide in any aspect of my life. She's welcome to the whole thing. If you ask me, that's how it should be.

[acuraman]

You should forgive him and move on because he was truthful and honest about the whole situation.

[lady00]

Everyone is different. Personally, I prefer to retain my privacy in some respects even when I'm in a relationship. That doesn't mean that I have something to hide. And it doesn't mean that Hilary19 does either just because she doesn't like the idea of her bf reading her emails.

[Kyoshiro Ogari]

Well if the computer kept the password, it is not his fault that he logged in. I bet a majority of people here would open an e-mail or two from their boy/girlfriends if the chance fell in their lap. It is wrong because it's an invasion of privacy, it's sort of like "stumbling" on a diary. Curiosity is a powerful magnet. If he was honest enough to admit it, and you never would've found out about it unless he told you, then you have nothing to worry about. I'd let it go... but bring it up during crutial situations.

[cruisin]

... but bring it up during crutial situations.

 

Really, DO hope you were joking!

[hilary19]

I'm not the type to share absolutely everything with a boyfriend. I love the fact that he knows me better than anyone, and that I can tell him anything, but what I email work related people/friends/family is entirely personal.

 

However, you were all right in saying that he was honest, upfront and apologetic. For that reason, I've dropped the issue.

[WildChild]

His honesty is credible, and I am happy to hear you have come to your own terms with this. I do however believe you need to tell him you forgive him, that yes the temptation was there but you are hurt that he would open an email he thought looked suspicious. Anyone (or a great percentage) would be tempted but you hope now that he should trust you.

[hilary19]

He knows it was wrong, I know temptation and curiosity are very hard to deal with. If I'm really honest, I probably would have done the same.

[DN]

He knows it was wrong, I know temptation and curiosity are very hard to deal with. If I'm really honest, I probably would have done the same.

 

In that case not to forgive him would have been hypocritical - so you avoided that charge!!

[ocrob]

I would not be too upset. He did not try to look and he told you. He soundsl like a good guy.