Fun Nc "test"

[ONE SXXY LADY]

Hey All!

 

I have decided to try an experiment on two guys with this No Contact concept. I am dating two guys at the moment, (neither serious) BUT I like them both a lot. It's kinda weird but they are BOTH at that "lukewarm" stage with me right now. Meaning they don't seem OVERLY excited as they initially did about me, which is normal once you see someone I guess...but I am just interested to see which one reacts to my NC first...and how. This might sound mean and manipulative to some..but as I said neither are serious and it will give me a chance to step back and see which one is REALLY worth my time. As far as I am concerned they're both being knuckleheads for not appreciating me more anyway!!

 

Ok...I will give them both initials....

 

There's T.

Who I've dated the longest....

 

and C.....

 

I've not contacted EITHER since Monday, so I am 4 days in already.

I'm trying not to put a time limit on this....but I'll give it 30 days.

 

Remember..this is JUST a test..lol

I'll keep you posted...

[redandblack]

Hmmm...

 

The no contact "rule" wasn't made to toy with other people's feelings. It's mainly for someone to get over a partner they loved. If I found out someone I was dating was playing games like this with me, I would be confused and would not date them again.

 

Sorry if it sounds harsh!

 

See ya

[RayKay]

The thing about giving tests when the other person is not aware of it....it tends to bite you in the butt. Have you considered maybe your "NC" will tell them you are simply not interested in return in them, and so they opt to just forget about it? Have you thought that as you get to know someone, relationships have to change over that time, and they can't continue to put their entire life on hold to woo you every minute? Men are not puppies, they don't need to wag their tail and lick your face everytime they see you to care about you and want to be with you.

 

NC is not for "testing", or getting someone to "prove themselves". It's for people whom are genuinely hurting and in pain, and need time to get over their feelings and heal themself. Or it's for people whom just need someone out of their life.

 

This might be novel, but communication is a much better option in cases like this, or choosing to stop dating them and move on cleanly.

 

You are right, it is mean, and it is playing games, and personally if someone were doing this to me, I'd know it, and think they were rather immature....sorry, but the silent treatment is the last way to get me to come around and "show my love".

 

I would see a big problem with you thinking NC, or toying with people, is 'fun'.

[wwj]

Hey! How are you? I don't think there is anything wrong with your 'experiment' it may very well give a lot of insight into the human mind when it comes to dating.

 

My ex dumped me over a month ago. Oddly enough, the day that he walked out, I was walking thru a convention center for business, and a very attractive man approached me to chat. It turns out we live in the same city. He said that we should get together and I gave him my number. Of course, he called right away and we set up a date. I forced myself to go b/c I love my ex---but he obviously doesn't love me----we had a nice time. We went out the following week and had another good time. He started asking me to call him, but, like he was into me chasing him. I would have to go into more detail, put it's pointless. So, I thought, you know what, I love my ex, I know he dumped me and probably will never contact me again, but, I am going to back off of this guy and just get my head together. So this guy called Sunday. We talked briefly. I am very busy with my job and travel, so, I didn't want to commit to a date on my few days off that I needed to get everything done. Anyway, he called on Tues. I let it go to voice mail b/c I thought I am going to let this die down---there has been NO intimacy with this guy. Yesterday, he called again. I answered. He said, "Why haven't you called?" And I said, "Well, we just talked on Sun, and you know how busy I am--I'm flying to Phoenix in a few days and need to get everything together" And he was like, "You know that I'm into you right?" And I said "Yea" So he asked me to call him while I am away.

 

I just think, you will be surprised what will happen if you don't call someone. I didn't do it to be a game player. I just wanted to back off b/c I want to take any relationship slow and casual. I have a big issue with trust now, and I do still love my ex even though I know that he was not deserving of it.

[ONE SXXY LADY]

See I disagree....

 

NC IS to heal and move on BUT it is ALSO a way to step back and gain "perspective" of the person you are dating.

 

The fact is that I have become the "pursuer" in these relationships..and this is simply my way of balancing the scales. Whats wrong with that? Who am I hurting? If ANYthing I think I am giving them BOTH the opportunity to either a) begin to pursue me again....or b) decide that I am not what they want. In the process I gain back some of my dignity here.

 

For the record, if they both decide to NOT pursue this..I am completely fine with that. ..this is simply MY way of taking the bull by the horns and NOT getting too emotionally invested.

[ONE SXXY LADY]

Dogg.....

 

You're entitled to your opinion...and somehow it doesn't shock me that YOU are attacking me. You have shunned almost any and every piece of advice from anyone suggesting NC on your ex..and look where it's gotten you. So if you wanna point fingers.....not a problem.

[DropToZero]

See I disagree....

 

NC IS to heal and move on BUT it is ALSO a way to step back and gain "perspective" of the person you are dating.

 

The fact is that I have become the "pursuer" in these relationships..and this is simply my way of balancing the scales. Whats wrong with that? Who am I hurting? If ANYthing I think I am giving them BOTH the opportunity to either a) begin to pursue me again....or b) decide that I am not what they want. In the process I gain back some of my dignity here.

 

For the record, if they both decide to NOT pursue this..I am completely fine with that. ..this is simply MY way of taking the bull by the horns and NOT getting too emotionally invested.

 

Uh huh, see I believe you can be right at times....but giving it 30 days? That I disagree with. I was dating a girl, the it was put on hold for a while, then we started dating again, and this girl used to call me all the time, like every two days, at the most, and never longer than a week in-between contacts whether I had called her or not. You know what happened, I thought after we got back together that we would be past all the games now since we were more serious, and what happened was she pulled the same 'crap' you're pulling right after she said she would "call me." This late into the game, I consider to hold someone to their words and won't contact if they say they'll "call me," a month and a half later, she tries to get back in contact casually and act like nothing's wrong(a MONTH and a HALF later), by then, I'm pissed at her and told her that, she screwed it up, and now I'm dating someone else....so don't mess with people and how they feel about you.

[ONE SXXY LADY]

I think many of you take this stuff WAY too seriously. I am not HURTING ANYONE.

 

Chances are these guys have not even NOTICED I haven't called them. Have they called ME? NO....So who am I playing "games with?? You tell me.

[ONE SXXY LADY]

Dogg on a sidenote..you could definetly use some anger management...the name calling is uncalled for.

[Dogg]

think before you speak, if I have shunned everyones advice, then why have I been in NC for so long, and why have I been talking to other girls (even though she turned out to be the poster child for having issues)????? just to put things in perspective for ya, what would you do if someone was doing this to you?

[Dogg]

and one sxxy lady, you need a reality check!!!! I'm just calling it like I see it...

[DropToZero]

I think many of you take this stuff WAY too seriously. I am not HURTING ANYONE.

 

Chances are these guys have not even NOTICED I haven't called them. Have they called ME? NO....So who am I playing "games with?? You tell me.

 

Yes, I understand that you're doing this right from the beginning, no one should get hurt or anything. The idea that you called it a game outright and you're doing it on purpose like a test for the guys is what I imagine pissed some people off. The other thing is like I said, don't pull this stuff way into dating when you know someone really cares about you(which probably isn't the case now, but could be in the future). It's really easy to think something like this could work later on in a relationship and end up hurting someone, or finding someone just as stubborn as you, and neither of you call or contact and it's over. You could just end up losing a good guy because you wanted to play a 'game'.

[ONE SXXY LADY]

LOL Dogg....If I wasn't calling or contacting someone it wouldn't hurt MY feelings if they were doing the same. So again..WHO am I hurting?

 

Now what WOULD be stupid is if I posted here that not just one but TWO guys I was seeing were pulling this "disappearing " crap on me..and I persisted in calling or contacting them...what the FIRST thing I would hear? DO NO CONTACT!!!! NO Contact is a concept ..NOT a law. There is nothing saying you HAVE to be DUMPED to do NC on someone...

 

This is a personal choice....whether anyone agrees or not

[lunatic]

OK Time for a Moderator to step in here.

 

 

Listen I do agree with everyone about using NC as a game. NC is really for a person to heal themselves by removing the ex from their life. I guess you can use NC anyway you like but, One Sexy Lady you may want to rethink your wording here. The way it came off to me was you were playing an immature game. That was at first glance but, after I read that you were dating these men that do not seem that into you anymore. You can do as you wish but, you may want to use better terminology for the title of your post.

 

Please keep this on topic and no more flaming.

 

Next time someone flames in this thread it will be locked for review by the Administrators to see if it should be removed.

 

Hub

[redandblack]

This is a personal choice....whether anyone agrees or not

 

Then you shouldn't post about this kind of stuff if you aren't going to consider other people's opinions.

 

Also, I find your posts to be extremely disrespectful.

[ONE SXXY LADY]

Thanks Hubman....

 

You're right I should have used differently "terminology".

 

My apologies.

[ONE SXXY LADY]

LOL thanks red..I appreciate your opinion

[Hannibal]

I didn't read all of these but I have to say that what you're doing is really not very nice. You just want to see which one will chase you around if you start to back off.

 

No contact is made so that people can heal after a break up, not make someone they are dating chase after them. That is just playing head games with those guys. I don't think that is right at all.

[ONE SXXY LADY]

Oh and your suggestion would be?? To throw myself at them and see if that tactic works? How about I wrap myself in saran wrap ...and while I'm at it, bend over backwards to show them exactly HOW far I'll go to get their attention??

 

Me choosing NOT to call someone is MY choice. It's NOT manipulative. I am protecting MYSELF from getting hurt. If they call they call..if they don't they don;t. Period.

[heloladies21]

Tests such as these are not very nice at all. I would be very insulted if I found out somebody was playing games with me like this.

[Lil Punkin]

WOW...this is crazy.

 

What I see here is one poster being BERATED for doing they feel is right for themselves. Why is that wrong? I don't see how she is hurting anyone here.

She already said neither seems interested in pursuing anything with her and she wants to back out and see what happens. Thats what i'm reading anyway. I would probably do the same thing in her situation, does that make me a game player too? I guess I just don't see the big deal.

[Dako]

Oh and your suggestion would be?? To throw myself at them and see if that tactic works? How about I wrap myself in saran wrap ...and while I'm at it, bend over backwards to show them exactly HOW far I'll go to get their attention??

 

Since you don't have an avatar, that might be an amusing theme.

[Lil Punkin]

LOL dako.....I agree!!!

[wwj]

I totally agree. These are people that you just begin dating. If they don't contact you, why not just back off and leave it be? If they contact you great, if not, nothing lost. I never viewed what she said as being a game to hurt someone. Basically these guys haven't called her and she wanted to she if she doesn't call THEM back will they call her?

 

I know that alot of people here are hurt. I know that I am. I was dumped. And I certainly don't want to chase after anyone, especially after one or two dates. If someone stops calling, why should we call them back? Not calling someone back is not a game. Waiting for someone to call you back is not a game. It's just keeping dignity about yourself.

[moondog627]

I agree with Lil Punkin. Heads are gettin waaay outta control with this.