Well I have an update.....

[sibling295]

stay tough ocd , def answer when she calls again!!!

BTW- I read your new years eve post - FUNNY!!!!!

Man i was pretty drunk too . Read my new post - give me your thoughts - i need your help too now , my friend.

sib

[OCD]

Thanks for the heads up...I will wait for her to call now...I was a little drunk there Sib, had a good time though..haha...I'm going to read your post right now...wish me luck....thanks.

 

OCD

[OCD]

Happy New Year OCD,

 

Since you sent your ex the text message I think maybe you should wait and see if she calls you back. If she called you before she will most likely try to call you again. Just answer the phone this time! I never understand why she never leaves you a message? If she doesn't call you by the end of this week, then maybe you can give her a call. I know this "game" sucks but again, continue to play it off as if you've been busy doing stuff.

 

I know Lonelyfish, I have no idea why she doesn't leave me a message? She really never did unless it was important...I hope she wants to be with me and want to work this out...I will answer next time for sure...This game does suck! Oh well if that's what I have to do then that's what I have to do...I will play it off that I've been busy...thanks for your advice as usual

 

Happy New Years to you too!!

 

OCD

[healinginnyc81]

It helps to play it off that you've been busy but it helps more if you can try and really BE busy. It's always good to have things to do and then you can talk about the fun you've been having when your ex does call.

[OCD]

Thanks bkjsun,

I have been pretty busy lately with family and the holidays among other things...so I do have plenty to talk about. I suppose that never really is the problem with my ex...we can always talk about anything and everything...there never is any uncomfortable silences...

Let me get this straight, I want to make it seem like I'm busy so she thinks that I'm not thinking about her and in turn might make her want to be with me? The old push and pull and also the ole' always want what you can't have? Is this right? I think she knows I do care about her, I don't see how she doesn't at this pointe, maybe since I didn't answer she's thinking I may be over it or upset...but I still have hope deep down about her even though everyone tells me that she's being selfish and isn't treating me good even as a friend...even friends treat each other better than what she's throwing me at this pointe....I hope she turns this around and really makes an effort to be with me...

If you care about someone shouldn't you always want to talk to them, like everyday or every other day? Shouldn't she care about what I'm going through or even be curious if I'm alright? I don't know what to do about her except take my sister's advice and "forget her"..."she's treating you like crap!" oh and also sis said "tell her next time she calls that you don't want her to call you any more because it isn't fare what she's doing!!"...pretty wise words from my little sis don't you think?? thanks.

 

OCD

[healinginnyc81]

Your sister does sound pretty wise. Often outside observers can see things that you aren't seeing. You are letting yourself get treated this way because you are holding on to a hope that may not be there.

 

The reason I say to BE busy includes things like letting her see that you're moving on and improving her respect for you and maybe desire for you, but mainly it's a great way to actually help you move on and feel better about yourself. Once you've raised your self esteem and self respect you will see that you shouldn't be allowing anyone to treat you poorly and you will be strong enough to move on and be happy.

[OCD]

Thanks bkjsun,

I'm trying to stay busy and I am...very busy...the holidays were ruff, but I'm glad I made it through without making any major mistakes with me ex...I am holding onto hope a little I suppose, that's why I came to this site originally, because I wanted to get advice on how to get her back and what 'not' to do...so I've just been giving her the space she needs hoping that she comes back...I didn't want to push her away...

I'm trying to move on and you're right, I'm letting her treat me this way...I shouldn't...any other girlfriend I've had wouldn't be a problem letting go...I've had few girlfriends in my life, but this one is special and it's very hard...I've met my match...thanks for your input.

 

OCD

[ONE SXXY LADY]

OCD,

 

You keep making the comment..."I'll try not to make any mistakes"...I'm sorry, but WHERE are YOU making mistakes?? You are merely living your life, nothing more nothing less. NOT answering a phone call, is NOT one of life's "mistakes"..let's put this in perspetive here. If you keep tiptoeing around this girls feelingsYOU are going to grow extremely resentful, I can promise you that. What if you pine for her another couple months, and she STILL doesn't say the words you want? Or worse, she says she just wants to "be friends"? You can try to play it down by saying it wouldn't bother you, but I can ASSURE you , you will be furious. You know why? Because you will have built up all these expectations, while keeping ALL YOUR feelings and thoughts and emotions to yourself.....for NOTHING.

Now you can do what you want, because it's obvious you are going to wait until you explode at this girl, and believe me , you will. You can waste another 6 months of your life, or you can get it over with now.

 

Sorry to say that, not to be harsh, but I have been down this road.

I am just advising you to not make the same mistake sweetie.

[OCD]

Thanks Sxxy Lady...

Do you suggest that I just don't talk to her anymore? Next time she calls just tell her not to call me anymore? I guess that would just end it, right? When I first started NC I did it because I was trying to heal up before I started taking her calls...after she started calling numerous times I figured that there might be some hope there....so I answered and started lines of communication....now it's come to this....she calls every few weeks, didn't call me back for three weeks, very speratic...it sucks bottom line...so I do need to tell her this sucks and I've had enought of this back and forth garbage she's tossing me...thanks for your advice...

 

OCD

[nataliejulie]

Do you suggest that I just don't talk to her anymore? Next time she calls just tell her not to call me anymore? I guess that would just end it, right?

 

I can understand if you two talk on a regular basis, I would tell you to not to NC. I would tell you that establishing a friendship is great for wanting to reconcile. But she's giving you scraps.

 

HEAL. Everytime she gives you that call that's way too far and inbetween, she rips that scab off faster that you can say "Hello!" I wouldn't tell her, to stop calling. I wouldn't tell her that you need time to heal. I would just let it be and not pick up and move forward.

[ONE SXXY LADY]

Well be honest with yourself sweetie. Is this what YOU want?? I mean you can justify here actions till you're blue in th face but that doesn't change a thing. She is STILL not back with you, is she? The important person here is YOU,NOT your ex. How bad can she want you back if she won't even leave a message when she calls you?? That just says..oh well, I'll call him back when I'M ready, OR well if he sees my number he'll probably call ME back. Thats total arrogance in my opinion.

 

So should you tell her to stop calling you? I would say for the time being ..YES. You have only gone backward since that one two hour conversation, when ALL she gave you were crumbs. Now she's back to her silly phone routine. She is the one who said she would call you last time, so let her. You might even want t consider sending her an email....getting it ALL out if you need to. Then walk away.

[healinginnyc81]

OCD, I don't think there's anything wrong with having the hope in the back of your mind that she will come back at some point. But when you make that hope the center of your life you are really hurting yourself.

 

I'm saying this b/c that's exactly what I've been doing. I've been torturing myself by checking my phone to see if she's called, thinking about what's she's doing or what she's thinking, all of that.

 

Your ex knows what you want. She doesn't know what she wants. You've been doing great with not answering everytime she calls and not calling her. But you've been thinking too much about how SHE feels and whether or not SHE will call you. Don't worry about it. Do things that you enjoy and think about yourself more. When you feel strong enough think about dating other girls.

 

If she calls again, be strong and tell her that it isn't helping you to keep hearing from her and that you have decided that you need to move on with your life. Ask her to stop calling you for a couple of weeks. Don't give a deadline or set time to call you back, just say to give you some time. End the call as soon as possible.

 

It won't be easy to not hear from her for a while but during that time you will really need to work on getting your peace of mind back and enjoying life without her. Whatever you do, I wish you the best.

[OCD]

Thanks for all of the responses...you're all right...every since that 2hr phone call a few weeks ago I've been building my hope back up and checking the phone, etc...I need to stop all of that...it's not doing me any good...It has been hard not returning calls, picking up her phone calls, etc...

But she didn't send me any Christmas card, no texts, no emails, nothing so she doesn't care about me at all, just her self...

I'm going to try not to think about her any more and not expect anything...I've held on for too long now...it sucks...and by the way I have been dating...it's just not feeling right and I'm not into any of the girls really...I'm hoping I come accross a great girl...but i know I need to heal up...Sucks because I was on my way to feeling better then I answered her calls and that took me right back....like you all said Ripp that scab right off!! Thanks and i'll try to move forward without focusing on hope...

 

OCD

[shadylady1979]

Not sure if you are religious at all, but when it got too hard to bear...I prayed, and not that it happened in a day, but I did get help and peace fairly quickly. I never really believed in prayer, but I do now. Just a thought.

 

sl

[OCD]

Thanks Shady,,,I'm fairly religious and I go to church on a semi-regular basis...I do think I've gotten this far with will power and self control with the help of prayer...I ask for strength to get me through this, ask that my ex is alright and that she thinks about me, and for wisdom to not make mistakes...so far it's gotten me this far...

A few threads back from me I said that I was reading a magazine and prayed as usuall before I went to sleep that I'd get a call from her because that night I was really worried about her for some reason; more than usual...and guess what the phone rang and it was late...like 12:00am...so someone is watching over me...I'm trusting that I'll go down the right path...thanks.

 

OCD

[lonelyfish]

OCD,

 

I think you've gained enough knowledge/advice from this site and from everyone on hear that you can feel pretty good about doing what's best for you and your situation. Trust yourself, and believe that no matter how you decide to proceed with your ex you are doing what's best for you! I continue to wish you luck and happiness!

[OCD]

Thanks Lonelyfish,

I have tried to learn everything I could from this site...I still have not yet received a call since last Friday, when I got two with no message. And yes it still isn't the call of "I want to work things out..." So I'm trying to slowly take a break from this site and thinking about her. I've focused my energy on other things...I'm getting better, but I still miss her. Perhaps I did move back a few steps after talking to her all of these times giving me false hope...I'm moving on...or trying to anyway, good days and bad days...I still am playing the what if game, who's she with, why isn't she calling, blah blah, I'm slowly letting go and actually getting a little frustrated with her, like one of the posters said I would get, angry. I'm really fed up...and just confused...well, on I march. Thanks again for the confidence in me...we'll see what the future has in store...perhaps she comes back so I can post a happy ending here, I would love nothing more than to do that after all of this...thanks.

 

OCD

[sibling295]

Ocd-

I am glad to hear you are hanging in there. I totally understand about taking a break from this site.

Just know you have friends out there who really want all the best for you. Even if we are all just strangers really!

Keep in touch ,my friend!

Sib

Btw- although i am not a practicing religious type person , i do believe in Angels and I know my 3 angels have always watched out for me.(my granda , grandpa and uncle) So never lose faith!!!!!

[OCD]

Hi all,

Just got another call...started off great then I cut to the chase...I said do you remember me asking that I needed time to heal and that phone calls every couple of weeks were hurting me" She says you told me that? I was floored!!! I said yes I mentioned it a few times and you actually agreed with me...She said "well I thought we agreed to start calling each other"....I said yes, but I did call you and you never returned my call so i thought....she says, WELL I DON'T KNOW WHAT I WANT. Wow never saw that coming So I said look i'm sorry but I can't keep taking calls for just a frienship or emotional pillow...I'm still trying to heal...She says well you've been dating and going out....I said is this what this is all about me going out? I'm not dating by choice, I'm meeting new people to help me get over stuff...I didn't creat this situation" She says "well fine I won't bother you anymore!" So I said softly "look i'm really sorry, but I can't do this, I care too much, do you want me in your life"...she says "what do you mean.." I said as a friend or otherwise....she says "I don't know what I want...." I said then there's the answer....I hope you have a nice life, but I'm sorry I can't keep doing this....after that I thought boy a friend would get better treatment than what she's throwing me; table scraps...just to please herself then she's out...So I ended that call and that was it...I felt a little better, but hurt...I can't believe I stood up and put my foot down with this behavior...I could tell she wasn't expecting that and just thought I'd put up with her calls every 2-3 weeks...what kind of friendship is that? Especially when we talked about working it out....she's not ready I suppose, but I'm not ready for her emotional pillow either...I was going crazy guys, period....

So any thoughts would be appreciated...I feel really bad, but relieved....I still care about her believe it or not, but what she said tonight was one of her most unattractive moments from the deying, and avoiding answering me, etc....I could tell she's just using me and I'm not taking that anymore....she broke my heart and is just dangling me around while she does what ever....I'm not waiting around for her anymore, I don't think...I hope that got her thinking,,,what do you think...thanks for being here through this whole thing...

 

OCD

[lonelyfish]

Well maybe after that conversation it will get your ex thinking some more. I know you wanted to hear something more positive from your ex, and I'm so sorry. I really thought your ex might come around and you know, in due time she might but you can't keep waiting around for her. I think the best thing you can do right now though it sucks to hear is to keep taking care of yourself and move on. Like me I'm sure you will admit that you'll always have a glimmer of hope in your heart for your ex to give you a second chance. With the divorce thing I think we both feel we were not given much of a chance to see where our relationships with our ex's could have gone. I think that hurts the most when I look back with my relationship with my ex. It's one thing to know a relationship failed or that the love was just never there, I think its harder to get over an ex when you feel it was just bad timing and if the circumstances would have been different it might have had a better chance. I also hate thinking that I may have been just a rebound! Keep dating other girls, you may find one that you like even better than your ex, or at the very least it helps to take your mind off her.

[Danny H]

after that I thought boy a friend would get better treatment than what she's throwing me; table scraps

 

 

Ocd you have hit the nail on the head here.

 

It seems like this is common, walk away, let her see what she lost.

 

well done with keeping your head

 

 

Dan

[OCD]

Thanks Lonely...& Danny, I appreciate your words...I finally just had to stop all of this, I really can't believe how defensive she got, like she wasn't even thinking about how I was feeling, she tried to turn it around and make it all about her, which isn't right...why would she say "fine, I won't bother you any more..."? I hope you're right about hopefully this gets her to think that I am out of her life now and I'm not going to be around for her to just chat, etc....that's not what I wanted....it was really making me feel bad...she also got so jealious that I had been dating, I didn't bring it up either, she just kept asking about that and also that she hasn't been to go out much....is that my fault that she can't go out and have fun and date? Not that I want that at all...but she tried to use that against me? Why? I feel sooooo much better today though that I was actually able to take some of the weight and questions I've been having about all of this and just throwing them out there....

One more thing I thought is was funny that she expected me to do all of the calling after we agreed last month to start talking again??? I did tell her "wait, you broke up with me?" We actually laughed about it that why would I do the chasing......she wasn't making any sense...she left me? Oh well, I feel better and that's the bottom line....I do have the glimmer of hope....we just have "that" connection even after all of this junk...thanks a bunch you all...

OCD

[OCD]

Hi there all,

I was just reading this part of the thread over and over again and it rings home for me...thanks One Sxxy Laddy...I appreciate this wake up call. And you're right...."total arrogance" on my ex's part....she hasn't been thinking at all about how I'm feeling...she doesn't care so that's why "I" did ask her to stop calling...I needed time to heal...even though she wasn't happy with hearing that, which I don't understand...why was she so upset that I asked her to stop calling...why did she get so ofended? If she didn't give a crap then why would it bother her...? Just curious...thanks. I'm moving forward and trying not to think about her, but it's hard....I do feel 10x better after telling her what I was feeling and for her to stop what she was doing....keeping me on the side while she does her thing....forget that stuff...thanks.

 

OCD

[Pikey1972]

Great to hear you're feeling better, OCD, keep up the good work!

 

It's good to get your feelings "out in the open", as it were - I'm planning to do the same: I'm currently still "friends" with my ex (on LC) but have finally decided I can't handle being friends at the moment - so at some point soon, when I feel strong enough, I'm going to have a quiet word with him and then go NC.

 

Anyways, sorry for veering slightly off thread ;-)

 

Keep us posted!

[OCD]

Great to hear you're feeling better, OCD, keep up the good work!

 

It's good to get your feelings "out in the open", as it were - I'm planning to do the same: I'm currently still "friends" with my ex (on LC) but have finally decided I can't handle being friends at the moment - so at some point soon, when I feel strong enough, I'm going to have a quiet word with him and then go NC.

 

Anyways, sorry for veering slightly off thread ;-)

 

Keep us posted!

 

Thanks Pikey, I appreciate it...good luck to you too. Yes, I do feel 10x better after just getting some things off of my chest...I've been holding back those feelings way too long, I would recomend to just tell people how you really feel and then let it rest...that's what I did. Although there is a small set back to this...after a few days I started running out of steam and start missing them again, but not nearly as bad as before....I feel better knowing that my ex knows that I a. Love her b. Would like to work it out c. She knows that she has to step forward if it's ever going to work again....those were my main concerns is that she knows those are the three things that I feel she needed to know. Now I let it rest and am talking to many different girls, I'm not into any of them quite yet, but there will be one lady that knocks my sox off! I hope any way, until then I'm trying to have fun and get on with my life...my ex knows where I stand that's all i could do...I still miss her, but it's out of my hands now, done everything I could.....I have this gut feeling that she'll still call me soon....we'll see....thanks.

 

OCD