Well I have an update.....

[OCD]

Thanks Keefy....that does make sense. I suppose I was the one to ask if we were going to start working it out, but she didn't say no? I did get my hopes up a little, can you blame me? Once I asked if she wanted to start talking again, she started opening up about us and memories she's been having and it just started pouring out. Yes, she does have a lot on her plate right now, and I'm not a priority, obviously since she hasn't called back.....so do I just go back to NC? Forget her and or if she calls tell her to go away, since that's what she wants? I did remember asking her "do you want me in your life or not?" She did say yes....and remember I told her that it couldn't be as just good friends so that's where my confusion is](*,) She wants me in her life, not as good friends, but I guess when ever she needs me.....that's what I gather. Sorry, I won't let her walk all over me like that....I'm much stronger than that. I just thought, ok hoped, that we were starting to work things out based on the things she was saying. How could I not figure she wanted to work things out after saying things like "I miss you", "I miss talking to you every night", "my son keeps asking about you", "I went by the place we went on our first date...", etc, etc. Perhaps like Lonelyfish said, wait until all of this holidays settle down and things in her life, then maybe she'll have a more clearer vision as to what she wants....as for me, after getting ticked off about all of this, I moving forward. Sure I still miss her and love her, but what she is doing to me is just wrong, period. I do think she knows what she is doing is wrong also, she just doesn't know how to handle everything.....she's getting flustered (speeling?). Thanks for giving it to me straight Keefy, I appreciate it.

 

OCD

[lonelyfish]

I know it will be hard but try not to worry so much about your ex over the holidays. Enjoy yourself and have fun. I think you are thinking too much about her actions, why she did this and didn't do that, I know whats that like and it just makes you restless. You have to believe that if its meant to be it will be and have a little patience. I would go back to N/C but I pesonally don't see anything wrong if you choose to send her a card (just sign it and leave it at that) though I know others have objected about that. Do what you feel is right for you.

[OCD]

Thanks Lonelyfish....I do appreciate your thoughts. I'm trying not to think too much about all of this. I do believe if it's meant to be it will be....I do believe in fate. I've thought about sending that card, but I'm not sure how that would make me look in her eyes??? Like others have said I need to be a little more firm with the matter....she seems to not care at all about my feelings. I have reached out more than enough, don't you think? I really don't know what else to do to show her that I'll be out of her life and/or that I care about her. I know she has a lot going on right now, but I do deserve a call back. That would have been a nice thing to do even with all that's going on. It takes 2 seconds to say hi, or what ever....My feelings are going from hope and happiness to frustration. I'll take your advice and keep moving on and still leave that little window open for her, but I need to move on and I don't plan on calling her again, well forever for that matter....I've done everything and it hurts. Not as bad, thank goodness...I hope she comes to her senses and when she calls again, I'm just going to flat out tell her that I'm not putting up with these games any more and if she wants to work it out then there are some things she needs to say and address, period. I hate to throw down conditions, but what else am I to do? Thanks.

 

OCD

[keefy1972]

Do what you were born to do! Stand up for yourself and don't accept less than you obviously deserve. You're a good man and shouldn't have to settle for whatever she "decides" to throw your way.

[Lil Punkin]

OCD,

 

From this whoe thread you've posted, it sounds like your ex has you right back where you started with her. Square one. She wanted to make sure you weren't going anywhere BEFORE she did. Yeah, she called you over and over again, but so what? She has not said anything definitive about working things out with you.

 

I understand she has a lot going on in her life right now..and not to sound harsh, but BIG DEAL. Those are HER issues. You're not her b/f or her caretaker. She has told you SHE will call you when SHE'S ready. Do you see where I'm going with this?? This is ALL about HER. On HER terms, HER timetable. What about YOUR life OCD?? Dont YOu have important things going on? Is she calling to see aboutYOU? This is a two way street here, and as long as you try to be the "nice guy" all the time, she is going to walk all over you.

 

I think you sound like an awesome guy..but truthfully...too awesome for her.

She is NOT respecting you, regardless of whats going on. A woman who loves you and WANTS to be with you would not see these circumstances as obstacles..they would be grateful to have you there holding their hand. That's what caring about someone means.

 

You do what you want to do..but you need to take a LONG HARD look at things here. How long are you willing to wait? What are yu willing to put up with for someone who is just NOT sure about you??

 

These are things you should be considering...because they affect YOU in the long run.

 

I wish you the best...

[OCD]

Thanks Lil Punken,

I appreciate the kind words and view on my situation. I first came to this site to see what I could do or better yet 'not do' in order to have another chance with her. Our relationship was great, she just needed space to figure things out after her divorce. We just met too early and she needed some freedom...I figured playing it cool would make her come back around. I am at the pointe where I'm just upset and yes she isn't looking out for me at all. She's being very selfish and it hurts...I think I'm better off just not talking to her any more....I even told her that I didn't want to talk unless it's to work things out, but yet she still calls. So I figure she wants to talk about 'us'. Slowly her calls have been more and more about 'us' so of course I get my hopes up. I really didn't bring 'us' up in the conversations until she did. I think I just need to be more blunt with her. People here have been saying to play it cool, be patient, give her more time, etc....but that's only getting me hurt. When is it time for me to put my foot down and tell her I'm not playing this game any more??? That's a fine line I'm walking because I don't want to ruin a possible second chance, but yet I don't want her to walk all over me either! I guess next time she calls I'll just tell her enough is enough, period. I know that will hurt, but it's come to that pointe that she needs to know what she's doing...I really don't think she knows what she's doing to me?? Do you? Thanks.

 

OCD

[keefy1972]

I think I just need to be more blunt with her. People here have been saying to play it cool, be patient, give her more time, etc....but that's only getting me hurt. When is it time for me to put my foot down and tell her I'm not playing this game any more??? That's a fine line I'm walking because I don't want to ruin a possible second chance, but yet I don't want her to walk all over me either! I guess next time she calls I'll just tell her enough is enough, period.

 

OCD

This exactly right bro. The thing is, words are only words, you telling her anything means nothing. ACTION is what counts! Don't tell her anything. Let your actions say it all.

[OCD]

Thanks Keefy...that's exactly what I plan on doing, even though I'm a little hurt still. I'm heading out of vacation today, but will be checking in here once in a while because I'm sure I'll need to vent a little over the next week or two I guess it's back to NC for her...you can't say that I didn't try right? Have a great holiday and New Years and talk to you soon. Wish me luck and good luck to you and all of the others going through heartache this time of year. Hopefully our my ex and yours will come around and realize what they are throwing away....Thank you.

 

OCD

[OCD]

Hi all,

Well, today is the day of my ex's surgery and I must say I'm feeling a little down about it. It's really driving me crazy that I can't talk to her and I really don't know why I'm still worried about her since she dumped me?! All I do know is that I'm having a rough day just thinking about it. I'm trying to block it out and being on vacation is helping, but it's eating me up guys. I'm having a bad day and just wish I could talk to her. Thank goodness I can come here instead of calling her sounding like a fool. I just wish she would call to tell me she's alright....why do I still care for this person that doesn't seem to give a crap about me?? I have many great things in my life happening, I'm dating, getting out more, family is in town, etc.....but I just can't let go....dang I hate feeling like this....sorry guys, I'm just having a bad day!

 

OCD

[healinginnyc81]

Don't be sorry man. We all feel your heartache. You're a good person with a heart that's why you still care about her.

 

Things like this always seem to set us back in our progress but don't be too concerned, you're still making progress.

Enjoy your vacation as much as you can.

[OCD]

I know it will be hard but try not to worry so much about your ex over the holidays. Enjoy yourself and have fun. I think you are thinking too much about her actions, why she did this and didn't do that, I know whats that like and it just makes you restless. You have to believe that if its meant to be it will be and have a little patience. I would go back to N/C but I pesonally don't see anything wrong if you choose to send her a card (just sign it and leave it at that) though I know others have objected about that. Do what you feel is right for you.

 

Thanks for this quote Lonelyfish...I keep thinking about it tonight...these holidays are very hard on me...I haven't heard from my ex and I can't stop thinking about her right now...I know I shouldn't think about it, but it's hard. I've had a fun week being busy, but I can't stop thinking about her surgery...I really is unfortunate that she didn't want to call me to tell me everything went well or went bad...It hurts that I have to sit here and just wonder...I didn't send her a card like I thought I was going to...Why is she doing this? I'm trying not to over analyze this like Lonelyfish said, but it's pretty hard...Why does she call only when she wants me around? And why do I keep caring for her?? At this pointe I should be so upset with her never calling me back that I shouldn't even want to think about her, but I do. Why did she say all of those great things a couple of weeks ago and then nothing? It hurts guys, I'm trying to be stronger, but I'm so confused right now...Happy Holiday, right?

 

Keeping my chin up.....thanks.

OCD

[lonelyfish]

OCD, I was really hoping she would have contacted you by now but don't let it get you down. Keep doing N/C and let her come to you again. I'm sure she is still in a daze with everthing that has been going on plus the holidays. I really think she is missing out on a wonderful opportunity with you but I think she has to realize that on her own. Give it some more time, take care of you, and maybe when things calm down in her life after the New Year she will be ready to contact you again if she has not already!

[OCD]

OCD, I was really hoping she would have contacted you by now but don't let it get you down. Keep doing N/C and let her come to you again. I'm sure she is still in a daze with everthing that has been going on plus the holidays. I really think she is missing out on a wonderful opportunity with you but I think she has to realize that on her own. Give it some more time, take care of you, and maybe when things calm down in her life after the New Year she will be ready to contact you again if she has not already!

 

Thanks Lonelyfish, I appreciate it. So xmas came and went. I had a great time with family and really didn't think too much of her all day. Just a really great day. I still haven't received a call from her, but like you said she's the one that's missing out. I do realize that I am a great person, I just feel down sometimes that she doesn't want to work it out, but like you said there is a lot going on her life....her surgery, her mother's surgery, her birthday, her son, etc....I'm just bummed that she felt like she couldn't talk to me or want me to around for that...perhaps she felt pressure and guilt since she broke up with me and didn't want to face all of that on top of everything else? I do hope things calm down so I get that second chance....I haven't called her, although I wanted to, but I know that NC from me is the only way to show her that I deserve better from her....I didn't send a card either, I feel a little bad about that, but I look at it like this.....I've made plenty of effort and it's up to her now....she broke it off with me and I admit I'll chase a little, but she needs to do a little chasing herself, right? Thanks for the kind words, it gives me a hope.....we'll see what happens...thanks again!

 

OCD

[keefy1972]

I've made plenty of effort and it's up to her now....she broke it off with me and I admit I'll chase a little, but she needs to do a little chasing herself, right?

OCD

 

If working things out with you is what she wants, then absolutely she needs to be the pursuer. Anything less than effort on her part is just you fighting a battle you will never win. If she isn't trying too, that means she just isn't ready yet. Remember...reactive and not proactive.

[OCD]

If working things out with you is what she wants, then absolutely she needs to be the pursuer. Anything less than effort on her part is just you fighting a battle you will never win. If she isn't trying too, that means she just isn't ready yet. Remember...reactive and not proactive.

 

Thanks Keefy....I'm still having feelings of hope, which is why I'm probably feeling a little down the last few weeks. I'm trying not to have too much hope, but that's why I came to this site, so I can have a second chance. I'm wondering if I should even be on this thread for "Getting back togeterh"??? I do think I may have a chance, but time is going by and although I am moving forward dating, etc.....I have those feelings for her. And I really think she has those feelings for me, she's just confused in her life right now...I suppose my best bet is to keep NC...I think I've called her enough this month; I think it was two times and one text....she still hasn't called me back which I'm a litte upset about...So I'm moving on and going on a little trip for a couple of days since I'm on vacation...I'll let you all know how it goes and if I get a call from her in that time....I hope she's ok after her surgery?? I wonder who's taking care of her?? It was supposed to be her mother, but she had a surgery herself....I don't know why I still worry about her so much,,,,,it's killing me and I would just like to hold her and start fresh....thanks for the advice...

OCD

[Lady Bugg]

OCD...

 

Try to just enjoy yourself while you're away. Leave your phone at home...otherwise you're going to be checking it constantly. Don't do that to yourself. Just blAnk your mind for the next few days of ANYTHING but having a good time and relaxing. Where are you going?

 

L.B.

[OCD]

Thanks LadyBug,

I'll try to blanck my mind for the next couple of days, it's very hard though, I really miss my ex...But I'm heading to San Antonio, Texas....it should be fun. I'm going with a friend of mine and it will be nice to get away for a bit...The past week has been a great time and I'll try to keep it going, just the nights get really ruff when I sit there and think "what is she doing"....I think that's the worst or "why isn't she calling me..." That's a bad one too....I try not to do that all of the time, but I can't help it, you know? Well I have to get ready to go so thanks for the kind words and keep you fingers crossed that my ex finally decides to come back...thanks.

 

OCD

[Lady Bugg]

Can you leave your phone at home? I would recommend it. If your friend has a phone borrow theirs in case of emergency....

[sibling295]

Happy Holidays OCD!

I dont think you should leave your phone , cmon man you are stronger than this. You were prepared for it to not work out.

Its a New Year coming - lots of great things ahead for you. Love yourself right now - stay tough - stay strong.

[Lady Bugg]

Sib I disagree. I made that suggestion because it is SO easy to check your phone every five minutes..waiting for a call or text. Who can relax or enjoy themselves doing that? This would be just ONE less distraction to keep him from completely enjoying himself. Personally I HATE taking my phone with me when I am on vacation..it defeats the purpose.

[sibling295]

well i am pretty much connected to my cell 24/7 . (work related)

I only suggest to bring it because , i dont think it should matter.

Ocd knew when he contacted her that he was taking a chance. he said he was prepared for it to not work out. I am following that whole mind set.

I know its been tough , ocd, i know you love her - but its time to be stronger now -

Why would you leave your phone at home , if you would normally carry it , all because OF HER??? Thats crazy . Cmon , be strong its a new year , you deserve sooooo much more.

now if you would normally not always have your phone - then yeah , no big deal leave it - BUT STOP LETTING HER DICTATE YOUR ACTIONS.

You are broken up - you are single now - maybe a little something something might call you? Maybe you will meet someone in San Antonio and how will she get ahold of you- does this make sense?

Thats what i mean about not taking your phone.

When my ex dumped me - after i was thru with the cryin i switched chairs and stopped him from dictating how i was gonna feel. Or what i was gonna do.

I am thankful he came back , but i am telling you the minute i stopped giving him soo much power - that was when i moved on.

[OCD]

Thanks Sib,

I just got back from San Antonio, had a blast! That's a fun town and yes I did end up bringing my phone with me. I didn't check it all of the time either, thank God. You're right about not letting my ex dictate my life now. I brought the phone because I wanted to. A new year is coming up and I hope I finally get over these feelings I still have for her....every girl I talk to, I can't help but think of my ex....I'm always thinking of her and I'm comparing these new girls to her....that's not right, right? I had a great time, but that part of me is still wanting my ex to come back....

The ball is in her court to make a move...I've done all I could as far as telling her how I felt, told her not to call unless it was to work things out, that I felt our reltionship deserved a second chance, etc.....all of this after she called me up saying she missed me, etc....I would like to just hear from her just to tell me her surgery went well. I can't help but think of that....that's really killing me. I do care for her and love her, but she's not loving me back. I do derserve someone that will treat me like I treat them....I hope I finally get over this and heal up so I can move on and find that special girl out there that will blow my ex away! That's all I can hope for at this pointe....and also that my ex will snap out of it, but I can't count on that any more....Thanks for all of the advice and hope I can just get through New Years!!! Take care.

 

OCD

[OCD]

Hi all,

Just woke up and had some thoughts that I needed to get out...venting basically. So far the last week has been great, family, gifts, fun, drinks, laughing, the whole nine yards....I still have that sinking feeling. As many of you have read I've tried to do, or better yet not do the things that would push my ex away. We had a great relationship, one that deserves a second try...it was just bad timing because she ran into me about 6 motnhs after her devorce and she says that she didn't have enough time to heal. Our relationship took off and we were together for about 2 years. So she broke up with me and I stayed cool and didn't push anything, basically just started NC....the calls started coming in and continued to come in until I finally answered...this is where I'm at now...she called earlier this month and said that she misses me and wanted to start talking again, but I haven't heard from her in about 3 weeks?!

 

That brings me to my questions....I know I need to move on and can't wait for this person...that's what I've done, dated, talking to different people, having a great time, etc....But what can I do to get her back besides NC now. Is there anything I haven't done? Is it even possible to work it out now?? Has anyone gone this long, a little over 4 months, and then got back together?? I suppose my best bet is to continue what I've been doing, not calling her. It's killing me that I wasn't able to talk to her or even get a card from her this year....I didn't send one either, but she broke up with me, right. So, I'm moving on, but I don't want to make excuses on why I need to talk to her or why I should call her....that might only push her away, right? She's had a lot on her plate this month with surgeries, son, Christmas, etc....but she could have at least given me a call? What is going on with her that she couldn't call me after that long 2 hour talk about 'us' and how much she missed talking to me, blah blah blah....? I don't understand, but I wish I could send her a card or something, but I need to be strong and show her that I'm not waiting around forever, perhaps that really is the best way? I don't know but I wish there was another way to get her back? Any ideas? Thanks all.

 

OCD

[Pikey1972]

I've been following this thread for a while, OCD, and I really wish I could help you win back your ex, but there's no magic potion I'm afraid YHou clearly love this girl and have done everything you could possibly do to tell her how you feel and that you're there to support her.

 

It may be that she needs a little more time and space. Like you said, she's had a lot on her plate this month, so I'd suggest giving her a bit more time and space to work things through.

 

Again, she knows exactly how you feel about her, and the ball is now firmly in her court. Try NC for a little while longer - contacting her at this stage / putting her under pressure will only push her further away. Be patient and remain supportive, and continue to focus on yourself and your own happiness.

As SuperDave said, you can't screw up if you don't do anything!

 

Again, I wish I could help you more - I genuinely hope it works out for you.

 

All the best,

 

Pikey

[keefy1972]

the calls started coming in and continued to come in until I finally answered...this is where I'm at now...she called earlier this month and said that she misses me and wanted to start talking again, but I haven't heard from her in about 3 weeks?!

OCD

 

I hate to do this again buddy, but, YOU are the one that suggested that you guys start talking again. She simply agreed to it. This was your idea from the start and, if you think about it, you shouldn't be so surprised that she isn't blowing your phone up with calls. You were being strong and not taking her calls for so long, then when you talked to her, you started propositioning her about talking again and maybe working things out. She has since pulled back because, despite all of the unanswered calls, you let her know that you're still there waiting for her with the one time you answered her call.

 

The next time you guys talk you should do your absolute best to keep from mentioning "working things out" or "talking more" again. Both of those things equate to a commitment on some level. That can also be identified as pressure. You absolutely MUST keep the conversations light and pleasant. Think about it, if you're trying to straighten your head out and there is a special someone waiting for you, how anxious would you be to call them knowing it's going to turn into a serious conversation. They're nice to have every once in a while but most people want to leave a conversation just feeling good without having to think too much. THAT is what makes them WANT to call you again. Because you made them FEEL good, not THINK too much.

 

But what do I know? I'm as clueless as anyone else here and in just as bad of a spot.