Please look if you can, Thanks.

[misery12]

Hey guys,

I just wanted to update you on my situation, I told this new girl that I couldn't see it evolving into anything, because deep down, I could kind of see it the whole time. So I felt as if I should let her know that I felt that way, to be as fair as possible in that situation.

 

Anyways, I've been starting to talk to my ex more. Actually the other way around.. Out of probably the past 10 conversations on the computer, she's started 9 of them. We hung out last night at her / sort of my friends house. Watched a movie, bond fire with a group of people.

 

She started talking to me this morning too, and everyone asks if we're getting back together, and it's clear to see we're sharing feelings again, and it feels like it did months ago, when we started going out, and she called me a few times yesterday to make plans.

 

I know you all don't really like hearing my stories because most of the time I end up doing what i'm feeling. The only reason I do that is because if I did go against my inner judgement, I'd feel somewhat guilty, and it's not because I dont appreciate all of your advice, because if I didn't like it, I wouldn't be posting all of these.

 

I am just wondering as to what precautions to take in order for the relationship to take an opposite turn as it did the first time.. I felt as if I gave too much, and was TOO available, maybe? I don't know.

 

Advice, if you can.. please/thanks

[annie24]

Has she actually told you that she wants to get back together with you? Shouldn't you clear that up first?

[misery12]

How would I do that, without scaring her off.

Maybe the reason she hasn't said anything is because she doesn't know.

So I'm just taking things slowly.

 

We talk at school everyday as well, and play volleyball together.

[Beec]

I would not ask her if she wants to get back together. Because for me that would be saying that you wanted to, which would tell her she could have you when she whenever she wants, and then she would say "No, she does not want to get back togehter now."

 

I think what you need to do is jsut make yourself more independent, more aloof, not there all the time. Don't just give to her, give to her, then wit for her to give to you. If she does great, if not, then back off. If you have backed off for a while and gotten nothing form her, go give a little more, then back off again. Repeat as necessary.

 

Also, give her the idea you might not be available.

[misery12]

Alright, gotcha.

So far it seems as if she's the only one who has been giving.

Starting all the conversations, she volunteered to play for us, and making plans involving me. The beginning plan was 5 girls/5 guys.. and all paired up.. they didn't say that, but I could tell. And she was the one who invited me.

 

All of her friends always say she likes me too, I know her personality, she is more subconscious with her feelings, and lets you know if she likes you in actions..

[annie24]

How would I do that, without scaring her off.

Maybe the reason she hasn't said anything is because she doesn't know.

So I'm just taking things slowly.

 

We talk at school everyday as well, and play volleyball together.

 

She's the one that broke up with you, so it's really her place to tell you that, IMO. You don't do anything here. Listen to Beec. And don't assume that you are getting back together just because you are talking. It sounds to me like she is just interested in being friends. Until she says that she wants a relationship again, don't assume anything about her intentions!

[misery12]

Im talking to her now, and she just told me to call her.

[DN]

One of the reasons she broke up with you before was because you were too anxious to please her - it was a one way street then. Don't make the same mistake again. Beec is right - let her come to you. If she wants to talk to you let her call you. Don't just do as she tells you.

[misery12]

Shoot, I called her.

But what could I have said.. "no sorry, im busy"

even though I clearly wasn't.

 

I called her and we chatted for 10 minutes or so, and then told her I had to go. Now I will pull.

 

Here's the thing, I feel I have an advantage this time because I feel more emotionally secure than I used to.

[DN]

Well that's good. But always bear in mind what she put you through last time you were together. You don't want to go through that again.

[Relationship Coach]

M12,

If your neighbors dog who you have been around hundreds of times before all of the sudden, unprovoked bit you. How cautious would you be next time the dog wagged his tail at you hoping for a pat on the head?

 

Make your self too available to her and overly eager to be with her and you may get bit again. Remember what you have gone through with her and how it ended up. Question (to yourself) her motives and offer her nothing. Let her come to you with her intentions and don't assume anything. Your instincts have gotten you in to trouble before, learn from the past.

[misery12]

Thanks, I see where you're all coming from.

I just don't want to keep a grudge if there's a new relationship, because isthe past.

 

But I do understand where you're coming from.

I went driving wtih my mom since I phoned her, and when I came back online afterwards she talked to me again. It seems as if she's pursuing me constantly, which seems like a good sign.

 

I'll keep my eyes peeled though, for odd behavior and I'll watch her motives.

[Hope75]

How would I do that, without scaring her off.

Maybe the reason she hasn't said anything is because she doesn't know.

So I'm just taking things slowly.

 

We talk at school everyday as well, and play volleyball together.

 

If she wanted to be with you, asking her how she felt would NOT scare her off. Wouldn't you agree that you have a right to know?

[misery12]

I agree with you.

But if I ask her, it will seem as if I am eager to get back, and I don't want that. Doesn't seem too smart.

 

I am just wondering if I wait for her to come to me, what if she thinks that since I am not making the effort she has, I don't want anything, and she gives up. I don't want that either.. that's all.

[annie24]

Trust me, when the ex wants to come back, they say JUST THAT!!!! I've said to my ex-boyfriends (and I've had ex-boyfriends say to me), "I miss you, losing you was the biggest mistake of my life, let's try again."

 

Anything short of that is not notable. It sounds like she's just being friendly, not necessarily that she wants to get back together.

 

If she wants you, she has to EARN you back. Trust me, if you start acting a bit aloof, if she's interested, she'll try to "chase" you a bit more.

 

Read Keefy1972's post on the front page.

[misery12]

It's tough acting aloof to her when she is constantly bringing up conversations with me a few times a day, and when I come online too, so she knows im there.

 

So I talk to her. We're talking about plans for next weekend right now.. because im planning on having people over, and she's wondering who's invited.

[patience]

oh, for crying out loud...just ask her what her intentions are, you deserve to know, afterall, she did dump you

 

do you want a woman who can get 'scared off'?

 

do you want to always be walking on eggshells, holding back your feelings,hiding who you really are, etc...what the heck kind of relationship would that be?

 

here's the thing...a woman who WANTS you, won't get scared off!

[Hope75]

This is a girl who has been jerking you around on and off for the better part of 6 months, maybe more at this point.

 

How much are you willing to put up with?

 

You are allowed to ask her what her intentions are. If she doesn't say, "I miss you and I want to try again", than really, what is the sense of playing any more games with her?

 

How much more of yourself are you willing to sacrafice for a girl who gave you no concrete reason for breaking it off and who has been ambigious around you ever since?

[misery12]

You're both completely right. Don't think that I take your advice and let it leak out my other ear, because that's SO far from the truth, I read what everyone writes to me and think deeply about it.

 

This girl, she isn't very open about her feelings.. and im not trying to defend her or anything, she just isn't the type of girl that would do that out of the blue. I really wish you could feel exactly what I do, so you could realize the difficulty I am having.

 

Here's the thing, right now.. we're just hanging out as friends, and she hasn't really given me any concrete reasons to ask if she likes me or not, but the reason I suspect something is up with her, is because I 'know' her, and I can tell. I feel that if I just keep doing what I'm doing, something will either form with us, or not. Either way, I still have my health, and I'll be happy.

 

She is more likely to 'show' me that she is interested, such as getting really close to me (physically) and other things. This weekend im having some friends over, and I'm pretty sure something will happen, I can sense it.. I think she just has a hard time saying things, despite how strong/weak her feelings are. But, it does seem like she's being a lot more open with me now, than before.

 

After school today she came up to me and started talking to me about one of her classes, I didn't even see her coming, she goes out of her way to talk to me now, and I really like it, but I am in NO rush to get into another relationship, and right now.. I would rather take things slow, and don't really mind if she doesn't say she wants to get back together with me right now, because either way i'll know how she feels, when im suppose to know.