I feel like a prisoner

[StandTall]

My relationship has been through for over a month (4 month relationship), and I feel like she is sitting on my shoulder approving or disapproving of everything I do. I rarely go out and socialize- I hate the weekends. I am scared to death of dating again, and am worried I won't give someone new a fair chance. I am angry at her for the way she treated me, and I'm sad that it's over. I have many positives happening in my life, but I don't enjoy them. I walk around like a victim- As if the world has hit me with a devastating blow, and I realize this is small in comparison to a real tragedy. I just want to get back to enjoying life, and take this weight off of me. Any ideas? Thanks.

[arwen]

Hey StandTall,

 

Sounds like she really had a great influence on you if you feel like this after only 4 months of a relationship. Are you still in contact with her?

 

I think you should socialize, connecting with different people can really alter the way you see yourself. You need to see yourself through your own eyes in the end, not hers, not anyone else's, but I think other people can really help in gaining a better perspective.

 

Take care and do go out this weekend. It's time for a new start!

 

Ilse.

[shes2smart]

If you don't feel you can give a new (potential) partner a fair chance, then perhaps you should consider not dating/looking for a while.

 

If the end of a relationship has left you reeling like this, the best thing to do is take some time for yourself to get your bearings, figure out where you want to end up, and make your life a great place to be. In a lot of ways, it's easier to do this without the distraction of meeting someone new, getting to know them, and trying to develop a relationship with the new person.

 

Once you get your sense of self back, it will get easier. Your post sounds like you are focused too much on your ex and not enough on yourself. There is such a thing as good selfishness, and it is time for you to practice some of that.

[heloladies21]

Best thing for you to do is to get out there and just talk to girls. Nobody said anything about jumping into a new relationship. Just be around them casually. If something deveolps then you can decide what you want, but many girls would be just fine with something casual.

[StandTall]

I am home again tonight, but it is not because I have to be. I had a long day today, and just decided to relax. I don't want to push myself into an uncomfortable situation. I actually went to a restaurant she often frequents, but was scared of running into her. I went there because they wanted to go. She wasn't there, and I thought "Screw her, she doesn't own the place". Besides, it was me who broke up with her. It was a good feeling of power.

[Jut]

Standtall

Good decision to go to the restraunt.

[Hannibal]

I'm with you on this one man, I'm afraid that I wont be able to give the next girl a fair chance at a relationship. However after my previous ex and I broke I thought the same way. So what I did was waited until I felt like I was comfortable enough to start something new. It took a year to get to that point but in retrospect it was the best thing to do because not only was I comfortable but when my most recent ex and I started to date I knew it was simply because I liked her and not for any alterior motives.

 

As for the going to the restaurant thing, good move on doing what you did. I wouldn't go to the gym at certain times because I knew she would be there, but on friday I thought to myself "why am I living my life around her, I'll go if I want to go." Turns out she wasn't there but it still made me feel good to just do something for me.

 

Just take sometime alone for yourself to figure things out. You're on the right path already. Keep this in mind though, never ever force yourself to date someone when you're not ready. You'll just feel worse.

[StandTall]

The thing that bothers me most of all is the coldness of it all. She has not called in over a month, and she won't, even if she wanted to. It is her "Tough girl" image which was something that bothered me when we dated. She lacked the nurturing gene, although she had her moments. It's sad that someone feels the need to stay so guarded, because it ruined something which could have been really great. I was very nervous about running into her, and wasn't even sure what I would say if I did. I am just pressing on and holding together- I have no choice.

[Hawk]

Don't worry about her not calling you. Honestly if it is over it is over and you don't need her callng you, even if it's just to check on you and see how you are going. Count it as a blessing because every time they make contact, whilst it doesn't send you back to square one it just makes harder to move on.

[StandTall]

I know in the back of my mind that is true, but it still hurts. Each day is getting a little better. I look forward to meeting someone who possesses what she lacked.