Dogg Posted November 24, 2005 Share Posted November 24, 2005 My ex contacted me today for the first time since the breakup. I have been in NC for a while (a little more than three weeks asside from one phone call) but today she sent me a text message saying: "I hope that you have a happy thanksgiving" I know that this is probably not a big deal to all of you, but it is to me even though it shouldn't be. I do not know whether or not to respond to her text. I do not want her to think that I don't care or that I am being a jerk and simply ignoring her. basically i do not want to turn her off from contacting again. what should I do? Link to comment
DN Posted November 24, 2005 Share Posted November 24, 2005 If you feel you should reply send back a simple "Thanks, you too". Link to comment
VeRiTaS Posted November 24, 2005 Share Posted November 24, 2005 Nothing! She's fishing. You are hungry and looking for something to nibble on. The bait is right there in front of your face and you are getting ready to bite. Know what happens when you swallow that lil' mealworm? She's going to take you off that hook and toss you right back into the water. Yup, she just wants to take a look and congratulate herself on her fishing expertise and toss you right back where she found you. Would you like to be the catch of the moment just for the day, or the prized trophy Bass she wants to show off to everyone? You make the choice. The text was simply a greeting. No I miss you, no I am thinking of you, no mixed signals. Stop thinking about it because it is already setting you back. YOU ARE NOT GOING TO RESPOND. Link to comment
ChrisA Posted November 24, 2005 Share Posted November 24, 2005 Well Dogg, I'm not a solid person on strict NC. I think it depends on the dynamics of the relationship, why it went sour, and how you feel right now. An example of this is you neglecting her...if this was the case, i'd say send a .txt. See my jist? I think i'd suggest holding off on returning the .txt, however I'm not sure what I would do myself. Link to comment
heloladies21 Posted November 24, 2005 Share Posted November 24, 2005 "I hope that you have a happy thanksgiving" does not = I'm thinking about getting back together. Don't misread signs. She's still confused about what she wants and needs more time on her own to figure things out. Stay in NC. She's going to have to do a little better than that to get your attention. It's her job to get you back because she's the one who broke it off and she's going to have to be very blunt about it and come back to you 100% full force. Link to comment
Dogg Posted November 24, 2005 Author Share Posted November 24, 2005 I know that it doesn't mean anything more than what the message said, I just want to know whether or not a reply saying something like "thanks, u too" is warrented. I do NOT want her to think that I am being a jerk... Link to comment
Anthony M Posted November 24, 2005 Share Posted November 24, 2005 I do NOT want her to think that I am being a jerk... But it's ok for her to dump you while she watches your life crumble in front of her when you cry and beg for her to take you back and she does nothing about it? C'mon man.... NC!!!! Link to comment
AC874 Posted November 24, 2005 Share Posted November 24, 2005 Cmon Dogg. Be tough man... You can do this. Link to comment
heloladies21 Posted November 24, 2005 Share Posted November 24, 2005 Don't reply, you're not a jerk. You have no obligation to respond, especially because you're not in a relationship with her anymore. She can't have it both ways. You're still a good guy if you don't respond. You're taking care of you right now which is the most important thing. Link to comment
Dogg Posted November 24, 2005 Author Share Posted November 24, 2005 I'm just feeling like ignoring the message is wrong, I mean it is the holidays. You all really think that not responding is the way to go huh? Well, ok I guess I will not respond, its been 5 hours since I got the text anyway, maybe this no response will keep her guessing, I just hope that it doesn't make her think that I don't care or that I am being a jerk about things. Link to comment
teacup Posted November 24, 2005 Share Posted November 24, 2005 dude. you guys are broken up. that means you dont owe her anything. no obligations. nothing. forget her. Link to comment
mrskier Posted November 25, 2005 Share Posted November 25, 2005 I disagree with what everybody else has said. It is polite, and mature, to respond. As long as you don't read too much into it... You are not "taking the bait" by being polite. If the point comes that you need to say "don't contact me ever again" it will come. Cross that bridge when you get to it. I don't think you are there yet. Link to comment
teacup Posted November 25, 2005 Share Posted November 25, 2005 heh. say i was a girl. wait....i am. okay, if a ex sent me a txt msg back to one i sent him (i would probably be testing him).....i would know he is still paying me attention. and that would be enough for me. im telling you how it is. Link to comment
Bethany Posted November 25, 2005 Share Posted November 25, 2005 Follow your heart. Do what you think is right for You. Link to comment
melrich Posted November 25, 2005 Share Posted November 25, 2005 Follow your heart. Do what you think is right for You. Exactly. Don't get caught up in all the conspiracy theories. You feel like you want to respond do so. Your life is not going to hinge on whether you respond to a happy thanksgiving or not. Link to comment
patience Posted November 25, 2005 Share Posted November 25, 2005 Dogg, She doesn't know whether or not you got the text message. Why not sleep on it, and see how you feel in the morning? Link to comment
Msnak Posted November 25, 2005 Share Posted November 25, 2005 Follow your heart is the best advice, depending on the circumstances, decide what consequences will result if you respond. I nearly sent one of these type of messages to my ex, but didn't because it's likely I'll get him interested again and we'll hit the same wall we hit before. You have to decide if the consequences are worth it. And if you'll have regrets, either way. Link to comment
selfi Posted November 25, 2005 Share Posted November 25, 2005 I dont think its all that important on whether you send her one or not. She sent you a generic text I woud send to most my friends. There were no signals in it or nothing. She was being friendly and civil. So respond to be polite, or dont respond to stand your ground. Up to you. Link to comment
onmyownagain Posted November 25, 2005 Share Posted November 25, 2005 The only thing is. If you do reply to the text she may well text you back with another question. Before you know it you are texting each other a few times a day. You look forward to the texts. You may even start talking on the phone, but you only talk about the weather etc. and not your relationship. All the time you are doing this you are giving her emotional support but without a relationship. She is moving on nicely and getting on with her life but you are just waiting for the calls and texts, hoping she is going to ask you back. Believe me I know as I have been there recently. After a while you have to ask her to stop calling etc. as it is not good for you. Then your pain starts all over. Don't reply! Link to comment
DN Posted November 25, 2005 Share Posted November 25, 2005 Responding with a 'Thanks - you too' is not necessarily the start of a slippery slope. It's a decision to type the words and hit 'send'. Just as not responding to a further message from her is also a decision. Link to comment
sukerbut Posted November 25, 2005 Share Posted November 25, 2005 i agree with the rest of the group..i started no contact but every time she called me i would pik up like an idiot and chat with her for a couple of mints. she called back to back weeks..then when she did not call this week i am not going to lie i def. regressed and not a little but whole lot...for your sanity ..please dont do it...there are many reasons as to why she contacted you but i can assure you its not cause she misses you!..to feel good about herself..guilt. comfort..and any other selfish reason. Link to comment
Dogg Posted November 25, 2005 Author Share Posted November 25, 2005 well, I decided this afternoon to respond. I woke up and I thought about it and decided that it was the right thing to do. I sent her back a text at around 12:30 saying "my thanksgiving was nice, thanks. hope yours was too." thats it. I am not expecting to hear back from her, although of course it would be nice. Oh well, one holiday down, a bunch more to go.... Link to comment
Anthony M Posted November 25, 2005 Share Posted November 25, 2005 well, I decided this afternoon to respond. I woke up and I thought about it and decided that it was the right thing to do. I sent her back a text at around 12:30 saying "my thanksgiving was nice, thanks. hope yours was too." thats it. I am not expecting to hear back from her, although of course it would be nice. Oh well, one holiday down, a bunch more to go.... You'll be waiting by the phone all day now. You broke NC, so back to day 1. Link to comment
bsp_kjm Posted November 25, 2005 Share Posted November 25, 2005 You'll be waiting by the phone all day now. its so true. my ex contacted me last night, telling me that she misses me and to have a good nite. she also said she'd call in the morning. here i am, cell phone in hand, waiting like a dog for her call. im so pathetic! dont let it happen to you! Link to comment
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