Annoying Sayings About Break Ups

[ONE SXXY LADY]

Just wanted to post a few thoughts and ideas that pop in my head from time to time while surfing ths site.

I see a lot of things said..and I am just curious as to where these things are based...

 

For instance..I have read that "if someone REALLY loves you or cares about you, they would be with you". Now is that REALLY true? Is it really that cut and dry? Isn't this forum about Getting BACK Together it's not called .."YOU'LL NEVER GET BACK TOGETHER" I think to tell someone that completely crushes their hope. Hope is all some people have ..why destroy that?

 

I personally don't believe that all reationships are supposed to be wrapped in a pretty package and served to us on a silver platter...if it's "meant to be". I believe the TRUE test of people that are meant to be together IS going through break ups...or trial and error. Hell it's EASY to be nice and kissy face..but what about when things aren;t so great? Life is NOT that cut and dry. It's not easy to love someone when they are being an a**hole to you, or to admit you are sorry when you are wrong about something, but we DO it because that's what it takes.

What annoys me to no end are posters who have SOMEHOW managed to reconcile with their ex;es..and then they suddenly become a "professional psychologist" in thinking their advice is the be all end all....well here's a clue. You got LUCKY. It just so happens that what you did WORKED for you. Goody gum drop. Not everyone is so lucky in love.....

 

Another saying I hate is "A good relationship should not be so much work"...

What planet are you from?? Get real. A good relationship takes tremendous work...if only ONE person is making the effort, then of course, it's too much work! That's common sense.

 

Another famous line..... "Move on"..yeah, I'll get right on it, right after I take these pills with this bottle of vodka. Who doesn't hate it when somene tell you to "move on" right after a break up? People..moving on is a PROCESS..it takes TIME. Have some sympathy!!

 

Here's another gem... You're better off without them....Then why the hell aren't I laughing??

 

"It's not you..It's me".........Nuff said....

 

"I need space".....Yeah right...according to the restraining order it's about a thousand feet huh??

 

Feel free to throw in sayings that annoy you....

[lady00]

 

For instance..I have read that "if someone REALLY loves you or cares about you, they would be with you". Now is that REALLY true? Is it really that cut and dry? Isn't this forum about Getting BACK Together it's not called .."YOU'LL NEVER GET BACK TOGETHER" I think to tell someone that completely crushes their hope. Hope is all some people have ..why destroy that?

 

 

Hoping usually causes pain when the hopes are not fulfilled. Destroying someone's hopes of getting back together with someone isn't a always a bad thing, often it's just being realistic and saving the person a whole lot of unnecessary anguish. After a breakup, the most important thing is to heal, not to hope. Healing absolutely has to come first even if the person eventually wants to reconcile with their ex. No one wants someone who thinks they can't live without them and who isn't happy on their own. So, hope is one thing and there's nothing wrong with hope unless it's totally unfounded and causes the person doing the hoping unnecessary pain. If hope is "all some people have" then they are clearly not healed OR happy. And they need both in order to be with someone else, whether that person is an ex or a new partner.

[selfi]

i think its possible to carry a happy medium of hope and moving on. if your looking at getting back together you have to have the balance.

 

you do have to take care of yourself first! because nobody else is!

 

i dont think its as cut and dry that if somebody wants to be with you they will be. thats a very "Hes Just Not That Into You" method...hmmm

but then again, how much pain and waiting do we have to go through in the meantime?

[Mstyiyd]

I can see everybody's points who have already posted here, and I kind of agree with all of them in a way. Each person and each couple in this world are so varied and different, there is not one way to think or do things, esp. in the complex world of relationships. I personally think a good, healthy relationship takes a tremendous amount of sacrifice and selflessness on both parts. The marriage vows of "for better or worse" even if you are not married, really comes into play here. You can go months or even yrs with someone in your life, lover or friend, and not have a major crisis hit in either person's lives. When it does, is when you see a person's true character. If they're there for you and how. And it often takes people by surprise with the way someone close to them reacts.....alot of times it's not how you expect!

Also, no one should put up with physical/verbal/emotional abuse of any kind, yet I know from personal experience (and I am a master's degree level counselor myself who is also IN counseling!!) that its easy to say that but not realistic for alot of people to just "get out of". Relationships are not black and white. More people would make the healthier choices for themselves/their families if it was that way. It is hard to just forget about someone who was significant in your life. What you do have to do is work hard to keep a relationship that is fulfilling and the ones that do need to be let go of happen the best way possible. By choosing to learn within yourself, support from friends, coworkers, family.....and places like these boards. I'm a counselor and I am having a hard time letting go of my ex. But I sure am trying, have made mistakes along the way, yet keep attempting to learn from them. What do others think?

[goddess23]

hi. well i may be young, and maybe naive. however i disagree with a large amount. i agree that a relationship does require a lot of work, however for a lot of people on this forum who are under 25 probably not interested in marriage and busy with school and settling a career a relationship simply cannot be very high maintenence and i think thats why often young relatinships dont end in marriage. now was far as break up cliches go, i think a lot of them have earned their right in the world, and frankly they help put a persons life back into perspective. for example "you're better off without them". now when i personally give this advice i remind them that ive been there and i know darn well that it doesnt feel that way and as the dumpee you feel completely betrayed and foolish. however, this is true and it reminds the dumpee that they are a great person and are better off without that person because that person makes them feel like this (usually in a crying or fetal position!). and yes, that saying that if someone really loved you and cared for you they would be with you! its not rocket science! and its unrealistic and fooling oneself to believe that the person does love them but simply cannot make any sacrifices or be with them because of other situations. sometimes life is simple, we just make it complex (especially girls). we analyse every word that the guy told us to come to a very vague conclusion! and about dashing hopes. THE ONE THING THAT HELPED ME MOVE ON WAS TO LOSE HOPE. because when you have hope you will not move on and constantly ask yourself what if. that time could be better spent healing and moving forward with life instead of dwelling on the idea that they might get back together (even if there is a possibility). and break ups. they say that when the going gets tough you get too fustrated to deal with the situation. i doubt that 10 breakups during that 2 year relationship really say "we are marriage material!". but hey thats my two cents.

[coooolsome]

I think you need to let go of hope to actually move on. Otherwise you will still think they could come back and that could endanger any future relationships you might have. Yes you need balance, they could change their mind, but eventually you have to accept the fact they are not coming back otherwise you will be on this forum saying "its been 1 year since me and my ex broke up" I personally do not want to be that person. I dont think anyone truly wants to be that person and eventually you have to give up hope so you dont become that person.

 

Keeping hope is like saying, "hey, eventually they will come back no matter how long its been"

 

The statement move on is something that must be said again and again b/c its one of the easiest things to say but the hardest to do. The reason these sayings are annoying is b/c they are easy to say but hard to do. There is no magical statement that is going to make things easy. If they were easy, then we would never learn from our mistakes and become stronger people.

 

The "I need space" is stupid. Its a cope out so they dont feel bad tearing your heart out. Its not a clean break. I hate it.

 

Your better off without them is just something to build your confidence. Yes you may not believe it at first, but if its said enough, you will eventually start seeing it.

 

Yes, they are annoying but only because they dont do anything with helping us get our ex back. They are long term healing sayings instead of short term gratification sayings. I could easily say that your ex will come back to you in 3 months, but how would you feel about me when they dont.

[LearningProcess]

In response to the whole needing some space thing:

 

Some/Most of the time it is a cop out.

 

But there are times when the space is for you guys to grow a little bit before giving it another shot. Good luck. Nothing is really over...if you want it back bad enough you need to work your *CENSORED**CENSORED**CENSORED* off.

[LiquidCherry]

"if someone REALLY loves you or cares about you, they would be with you".

 

I disagree. I have broken up with someone I really loved and cared for but I DIDN'T want to be with them. I believe that if someone really wants to be with you, if there heart is really set on it, they will be with you and wouldn't leave you for the world. There are so many reasons why relationships fail that have nothing to do with love.

 

Isn't this forum about Getting BACK Together it's not called .."YOU'LL NEVER GET BACK TOGETHER" I think to tell someone that completely crushes their hope. Hope is all some people have ..why destroy that?

 

No one here knows if a couple will reunite or not so I would never say never. As an optimistic pessimist I like to say, "Expect the worst, hope for the best," EXCEPT when it comes to matters of the heart. Unrequitted love is painful and often the most effective way to start feeling better as soon as possible is to expect nothing.

 

I believe the TRUE test of people that are meant to be together IS going through break ups...or trial and error.

 

I disagree to an extent. I don't believe in soul mates, one true love, yata yata but I do believe that a lasting relationship is possible even after a break up so long as both people are determined to make it last though I wouldn't call a break up a true test. The true test to me is time.

 

 

What annoys me to no end are posters who have SOMEHOW managed to reconcile with their ex;es..and then they suddenly become a "professional psychologist" in thinking their advice is the be all end all....well here's a clue. You got LUCKY. It just so happens that what you did WORKED for you. Goody gum drop. Not everyone is so lucky in love.....

 

I did somehow manage to reconcile with my ex but it wasn't because of anything I did, it was because of my ex. My break up taught me two painful lessons: That there isn't anything you can do to bring someone back and loving someone doesn't make them love you.

 

 

Another saying I hate is "A good relationship should not be so much work"...

 

I hate this one too! A good relationship does require work but I've had this said to me a few times and always by someone who was breaking my heart. What they should really say is, "I no longer want to work at making this relationship good because what I really want is out."

 

Another famous line..... "Move on"..

 

Moving on is necessary advice, even if it's not what we want to hear but it's okay to grieve. Like you said, moving on is a process.

 

Here's another gem... You're better off without them....Then why the hell aren't I laughing??

 

It's true in the sense that you certainly are better off without someone who doesn't really want to be with you. It won't make you laugh but it's kind of like spinich.. I sure don't like it but it's good for me.

 

"It's not you..It's me".........Nuff said....

 

They should say, "It's not me, it's you."

 

"I need space".....Yeah right...according to the restraining order it's about a thousand feet huh??

 

Another one that just means they want out.

 

Feel free to throw in sayings that annoy you....

 

My all time favorites? (bold)

 

Him: We need to talk.

Me: ...

Him: I'm not ready for a relationship right now.

Me: *bawling*

Him: I'm sorry. I'm not ready.

Me: *still bawling* How can you say this now when it's been almost a year?

[nataliejulie]

Feel free to throw in sayings that annoy you....

 

Dumpee : Hey, I haven't seen you or talked to you in a few days, what's up?

Dumper : I've been busy.

Dumpee: Is this a break...... ?

Dumper: Yes, it's a break.

 

WELL THANKS FOR LETTING ME KNOW!

[Rickster]

ONESXXYLADY i agree with you strongly. i believe that relationships isn't just about "if they love you they'll come to you". i believe you have to give to get the love. you can't just wait and expect to get something.

 

i have to add that one of the annoying sayings i hate most is "every breakup is the same, and yours just adds to the statistics" breakups are never the same. the situations you are left in is never the same. the relationship and the love you had is never the same. the emotions you have after the breakup is never the same. and this is why i dont believe that if one person successfully gets their ex back, you just do exactly what he/she did.

[seren]

YAY........another poster with the same thought i had a few months ago.....

 

i had posted a similar post previously earlier in the yr..............this was it:

love truths vs love myths

Hey all,

Theres something I have noticed, and although it is only my opinion in the end i suppose I was thinking maybe this would help some people think......

 

I have noticed that MANY people on this site believe that if you loved your boyfriend or if he/she loved you that you wouldnt have EVER broken up........its said to sooo many on this site...the philosophy that 'LOVE CONQUERS ALL'.

 

It just isnt that simple......although I could say research says this statistics prove this bla bla bla, it seems all so predictable.......i just wanna share through experience and thoughts........

 

A rship to last take SO MUCH MORE then just love, it takes commitment, trust, self esteem, shared goals etc etc......

 

I have been with a man i loved more then life itself......i met him when my mum became best friends with his mum.....he was addicted to heroin but was coming clean and after 2 yrs watching him in so much pain from withdrawal time and time again i realised 'LOVE COULDNT CONQUER ALL'. after my first love where i met him at 19 n was so too young and had that niggling thought of needing to live my life and move overseas with my scholarship i again realised 'LOVE DOES NOT CONQUER ALL'.

 

People are brough up in wetsern culture on these belifes that are so easy and simple and so PERFECT, a fairytale......they ride of into the sunset BUT they dont show the day after that.........the day they awake and bills come in and children are born and addictions kick in or money falters.......

 

Please dont tell people here with broken hearts that their loved one never loved them.........it isnt true alot of time........its not always so simple......that means out of my 3 loves ive ha din my life none of them i really loved............thats BS.

 

Heres some myths for thought:

 

Love Myth vs. Love Reality

 

Love Myth

---------------------------------------------------------------

• True love conquers all

---------------------------------------------------------------

• When it's really true love, you will know it the

moment you meet the other person.

---------------------------------------------------------------

• There is only one true love in the world who

is right for you.

---------------------------------------------------------------

• The perfect partner will fulfill you completely

in every way.

---------------------------------------------------------------

• When you experience powerful sexual

chemistry with someone, it must be love.

 

Love Reality

---------------------------------------------------------------

• Love is not enough to make a relationship

work - in needs compatibility and commitment

[Jen - and I will add communication, integrity

and honesty]

---------------------------------------------------------------

• It takes just a moment to experience

infatuation, but true love takes time.

---------------------------------------------------------------

• It is possible to experience true love with

more than one person - there are many

potential partners you could be happy with.

---------------------------------------------------------------

• The right partner will fulfill many of your

needs but not all of them.

---------------------------------------------------------------

• Good sex has nothing to do with true love,

but making love does!