LiquidCherry

I know you're hurting badly right now and I think this is blinding you to a simple truth. A person's heart can't be stolen and no one can be seduced unless they want to be. I think the last think you want to be right now is the crazy ex boyfriend she's warning a new guy in her life about. If you can't let go she'll soon realize how you've been holding on.

This happened to me when I was pregnant but it could probably be due to a number of things of which I have no idea what they are. Keep your appointment and I'm sure things will work out fine. I know it's hard but there's really no point in stressing now, you're doing what you can and being responsible.

He may simply have wished you a happy birthday to wish you a happy birthday. Perhaps he thought it would be rude to ignore it because of the time you did spend together. Also, he probably cut the conversation short because he didn't want anything to get awkward. I wouldn't read into it.

When my ex-now-boyfriend-again and I first got back together it was me who felt weird and awkward. (I was dumped.) I was very insecure as well and I told him so too. He told me that he was very sorry and he had no intentions of hurting me ever again and that the only thing that could really help would be time. I don't think you were wrong at all for telling her how you felt. There are a lot of old hurts to work through and a lot of new hurts to work through as well and they need to be discussed. There is no reason why you should have to feel this way in silence. It takes a little bit of time for things to feel normal again. Everybody says to treat it as a new relationship but.. I found that impossible. Neither one of us could just forget almost a whole year together.. We already knew each other so well... But starting off again slow is a good idea. I think it took a little over a month for our relationship to feel normal. We didn't wait at all to be physical again. I think we both wanted that intimacy to resolidify our bond and while it did help a lot by making us feel more connected again it didn't recreate a spark. That being said.. She's telling you that she's confused and she doesn't think you should be "completely" back together yet. Ugh. Maybe she is just feeling a bit awkward which would be understandable but that shouldn't make her confused about what she wants. It's something I would talk to her about and get some clarification on. Maybe it means she is rethinking getting back together or maybe it means she wants to take things even slower. Either way, you deserve to know what's going on.

Being sad doesn't make you pathetic and I think you're very strong for sticking with NC.

You could tell them that a real man would've at least asked to dance first. I don't think there's anything wrong with being witchy though, especially when a guy invades your personal space in a sexual way.

I ran into this situation once. I told him that if I ever fell in love with him I'd be miserable and dissappointed. That was the end of that. I hurt for.. 2 days tops. End it now.. Before you end up miserable and dissappointed.

I heard once that you can always judge a man by how they treat others... And eventually you'll end up being treated the same way. I'm also recalling: "thou shal not steal" (and isn't not returning something borrowed stealing?)

I'm so sorry you're feeling this way. You've described perfectly how I've felt more than once in my life. I wish I could give you a hug.

Thanks for all the great advice guys. I had every intention of ending things with him. I do think it was very disrespectful what he did and I can't really think of any excuse for his actions. I could blame it on beer but I don't think drinking is ever an excuse for inexcuseable behavior. I didn't have the chance to talk to him for almost 24 hours. I'm in school and have other responsibilities and he works.. I thought all day about how I was going to bring it up and talk to him about it. In the end I ending up telling him that I was still very angry with him. He didn't say anything really but spent the rest of the evening being very sweet. I didn't hear an apology but it felt like one. I know I'm not stupid, not anything close, and so his words didn't make me feel bad about myself.. Just bad that he would treat me in such a way. Not that it matters, it's just not a self esteem issue. He's never done anything like that before, never even so much as called me the B word, but he does have an anger problem and a terrible time resolving conflicts. It would be easier to end things if we had fights like this all the time.. But we don't. It's rare but I still know that I don't want our fights to turn out like they did and they do. He has made some improvements and so I guess right now I am hoping that it will continue. Pip's Estella- It's not that I'm afraid of being alone, it's that I'm afraid of being without him. I love him and I would be heartbroken. Maybe that's the same thing though. I feel kind of confused. When we fight we fight in such a way that I doubt our entire relationship but when it's over it's like, "poof," and nothing happened. I feel like he sweeps everything under the rug and it's just frustrating to say the least. I'm pretty good at forgiving a mistake once. Maybe that's all this was and he'll never call me stupid again. If he does I'm going to have to leave him because I won't hang around to be degraded. Would it be fair to tell him so or would that be viewed as a threat? Thanks again to all of you!

I don't know if this will apply or not but I also want/wanted nothing more than someone to share mutual love with. It was my deepest desire and I dreamed about it. I always found myself in destructive relationships. I always picked guys that were abusive, had intimacy issues, or other issues that made a long standing relationship impossible. I always ended up either hurt or heart broken. I also managed to find a wonderful relationship that I promptly sabotaged myself. I started to think the issue was me.. And it was. As much as I wanted to love and be loved I was terrified of commitment and so I chose partners that were able to nullify this fear. It worked but I was left unsatisfied and alone. If you find a negative pattern in your relationships it often has to do with yourself because untimately you decide who you are with. It's a terrible feeling to be left heartbroken and I really feel for you and anyone else experiencing it. I also think that you have some very positive thoughts that will help you on your way. That you know the break up is for the best and that you want to spend your energy healing rather than trying to get her back... It's okay to hurt, in fact you'll have to in order to heal but you'll come out stronger in the end.

He thinks he may just be gay and not bi. I'm almost sure that will be your answer. He's probably struggling with that thought as I'm sure it's not an easy realization for some people to make. He's also probably struggling with leaving the security of your relationship and I'm also sure that he cares for you a lot. People can care deeply for one another, even love and form meaningful bonds regardless of their sex and sexuality. Also, instead of getting mad at him for smoking a cig or two when he was trying to quit he deserved a lot of praise. As a former smoker it is an VERY hard habit to break and one or two a week is well on the road to success. It can eveb take a few trys to finally do it right. I know that's in the past and isn't the main point of your post but for future reference encouragement and support is helpful.

When I was in fourth grade I befriended a girl that had just moved to the US from Russia. At first her English wasn't very good. Larger mistakes I would correct her with and sometimes she would ask me for help. I never made fun of her, not once. Not even when I introduced her to our friends did she get made fun of and we were only 9 or 10. There are certain things it is okay to tease someone about but you have to take a cue so you don't end up hurting any feelings. You've told one of them how you feel and your friend responded defensively. Tell the others too. The next time you hang out with them see if there are any changes. Maybe you won't get an apology, deserved as it is, but if they subside you know that they care. If they continue making fun of you I'd cut them loose.

Estended eye contact is usually a means of intimidation.

The level of eye contact someone is comfortable with is personal, depends on many different factors and the situation. It is possible to flirt by giving someone a "look" but I don't think it's possible to tell if someone is interested simply by the amount of eye contact they use. I think you're right that a shy person might generally make less but as to if they look down or around, that could be random.

I used to believe that everyone had a soulmate, that there was someone out there that would be perfect for you and you were destined to be with them. It was very romantic. I thought I found my soulmate. Then I found out I was wrong. Rinse and repeat. I find the belief in soulmates to be sort of depressing. I like the idea of a sexy best friend I also happen to be in love with much better.

I think that's what I'm going to do, I'm just afraid. I don't want another failed relationship and I don't want to break up. I'm also afraid that when I try to talk to him he's going to react the same way he did. But I don't want to deal with that either so I guess in a way it would be an answer. I've posted before about how we communicate. He just can't seem to do it and I'm tired of crying. Everything is wonderful until we get into a fight and then it all goes to hell but I guess that's the way it is when your relationship sucks.

There are really 2 issues here and it is the second one I am more concernend with as it seems to be a pattern in our relationship. This weekend my bf and I went to a LAN party. I like to game but really I know nothing about computers. I didn't know how to set my computer up to the network, suck off the right patches, things like that, and when I would ask my boyfriend for help he'd either ignore me, get mad at me, or talk to me like I'm a total idiot, even using a mocking tone. At one point when he was being mad and mean my ex boyfriend (a mutual friend) came over to help me. And it's not that I wouldn't expect my ex to be nice because we get along fine but I was hurt that my ex was being nicer to me than my bf. I even pointed this out to him and he seemed to understand but then he went back to just treating me the same way, like I'm stupid. The last straw for me was when I needed help moving some files around because I didn't know the right place to put them and he started helping but was talking to me in a retard voice. (I know that's not politically correct term to use but really there is no other way to describe it.) It made me feel horrible. I told him so many times to stop treating me in this way and he never did. I went to bed as I wasn't having fun anymore. The second issue is what happened after he came to bed. He went to lay down next to me and of course I woke up. I started to tell him how much he had hurt my feelings and he just seemed not to care at all. He told me I was asking idiotic questions that didn't deserve an answer which was why he was ignoring me. Then when he finally apologized he managed to say, "Sorry but.. And the "but" was basically followed by another insult. This happens a lot, or similar things anyway. He'll apologize in a way that actually makes things worse because he'll say it in an angry tone or in a way that makes it totally obvious he really isn't sorry. And then I'll get upset about that and he'll get mad because his "apology" didn't work. All it would take would be a sincere apology but I never get one. He seems to think the way he treated me at the party was okay because I deserved it by being so stupid. Also, if I'm upset about something he almost never trys to comfort me. Instead he'll get really angry and make threats like, "If you don't stop it right now..," and I'll say, "You're gunna what?" I hate all of this. I'm seriously rethinking our relationship. I love him but.. I'm not stupid and if one thing fills me with rage it's someone calling me stupid. Seriously I felt like slapping him or punching him. I actually felt violent and I don't think it's fair for him to talk to me like that at all. I don't make people feel stupid when I know more about something than they do. I'm glad we don't fight a lot, once every couple of months, but when we do it always ends up like that. I actually mentioned something about this to his mother and she said she didn't want to say anything bad about her son but his father is the same way and she thinks he learned it from him. She told me that she rememberd going on a fishing trip and his father yelled at him the same way he was yelling at me because he didn't know how to fish like a pro and he was only six. She said his temper was the reason why she left him because she couldn't take it anymore. Sometimes I think she's trying to tell me that it probably won't change. I don't really know where I'm going with this post. I love him so much and he can be a great guy but one of these times I'll stop loving him. I know myself and it'll be like a light switch going off. It's like I'm looking at the switch now, not walking towards it but I know it's there. I don't even know how to make this better. I don't think we can. If I start talking about it I'm sure he'll get mad and I'm sure he'll be mean and pull away like always and leave me feeling alone and sad. Make me run and chase after him to resolve a right... I'm sick of that. [i wanted to add that we talked about the fight we had gotten into for about 30 seconds. Hold me I was upset because he wasn't spending enough time with me. He couldn't have been more wrong! I just wanted him to be kind. He's the one that INVITED me to go. He WANTED me to be there with him. I never once told him that I was unhappy with the amount of time he spent with me, I said the way he was talking down to me made me feel terrible. So I feel like he OBVIOUSLY either doesn't care how I feel or doens't care about what I say.]

I'm the type of person where I fall in love right away or not at all so I know it's possible to feel love that quickly. Impulsive maybe? Even so, I think it's best to wait to say those big/little words.

I don't believe you. Or at least I won't believe you if you go through with cheating on her. Why? It is bad enough if someone makes a mistake and cheats on their partner but sometimes one mistake can be forgiven. You are considering this as an actual option, a conscious decision to be made and if you do it it's because you've concluded that it is a correct choice. You will have justified infidelity. If you can justify it now there is nothing to keep you from doing the same thing once you are married. I've heard people say it helps improve their marriage/sex life. I've heard people say it keeps them from getting a divorce. Married or not cheating is wrong. Do you think your girlfriend would like an open relationship with you? No, she wouldn't? Well, then you can't make cheating on her right. It's just not what she signed up for. Condoms don't keep you safe from everything you know so no matter what you would be making a decision concerning your girlfriends health for her if you were to cheat. Do you think you have a right to do that? I don't. I'm sure she doesn't either.

Your son is the most important part of your life and he wants nothing to do with him. If it was a sort term relationship I would sort of understand because it's an important step to introduce children but being cautious and careful because of that is a bit different that just wanting nothing to do with it. I'd move on. Wouldn't you be happier having both the men you love in your life rather than just one at a time?

I've always thought it was cruel when people say that they were going to do something nice for you but now they're not. The remark is made with no other intent than to hurt. He could of simply told you that he'd like a little bit of space. And when someone asks for space it's always best to back off 100%. Let them come to you after making such a request.

I've had guys tell me that they like lesbian porn better because because they don't have to look at a male too.

It's always best to gain trust through your actions because the words of a liar are often, "You can trust me," if you get what I mean. Tell her how much fun you had and just ask her out on a date.

You have to be emotionally ready is what I mean. Often when people have been hurt in a previous relationship they are not ready to love again until they have healed. Other times it is stressful situations (school, family, health, etc) that can make people closed to love at the moment. Being ready for love means being able to accept love and give it in return. It also means being content without it.