He's Having A Bachelor Party. How To Cope?

[greenowl88]

Cute Patrick pic Hope75!

 

Anyway, I guess there probably isn't as much appeal as I originally thought. This won't be his first encounter with a stripper, so he knows what it's all about, which does make me feel better.

 

All I can say is she better keep her hands off!!

[chai714]

Green,

From my experience, there are two types of men when it comes to strippers and seeing strippers

 

1. Those who go to "get off" or "get a thrill" from seeing them.

2. Those who go for strictly entertainment.

 

Typically, guy #1 will frequent strip joints and get lots of lap dances. He'll spend lots of money and would love to have sex with a stripper.

 

Guy #2 will go once in a great while, usually less than 1-2 times a year. He goes with some buddies, have a good time, drink some beers, comment on how a certain stripper looks, and call it a night. Maybe one lap dance, but not much more than that.

 

As long as you don't see your guy as guy #1, you've got nothing to worry about. I purposely stereotyped and categorized men, but that is my opinion.

[Hope75]

greenowl,

 

I know how you feel. I am not thrilled when my bf has gone either. I guess it's just one of those rites of passage that men feel they need to do sometimes. I trust my bf too and I know he loves me and would not hurt me in this way. I think you have the same feelings about your bf too, right?

 

I think it's good that you were able to convey your feelings to your bf, and he seems like he is taking them into consideration.

 

Remember, YOU are the one he wants to marry!

 

(and thanks for the compliment on Patrick, I just LOVE him and Spongebob! embarrassing I know, a 30 year old who loves Spongebob and Patrick, hehe)

[miracle29]

greenwolf, I hate to be the barrer of bad news, but please don't fool yourself into thinking that you have any control over this because sadly you don't HIS FRIEND DOES. You can scream from here to London, but since this is a "Surprise B Party" he has no control over this and if she is ugly, or if she is naked will be something you wont know and don't want to know. So don't even waste time setting rules for a party you wont be at or know much detail about. What happens in Vegas...

 

 

Now put yourself in your guys shoes just for a second.. If he tells his guy friend that he doesnt want one, he'll look like a punk in their eyes. They will know why, and they will never let him live it down. He may even show some slight resentment towards you for making him choose between looking like he's the man in control vs. him looking like a man without any cahone's. I know this sounds petty, but me being married, I know.

 

However I will tell you something to put your mind at ease about the stripper and what she will do and if he'll be aroused. I can't say 100% that he wont be turned on, but I do know from PERSONAL experience and talking to many guys, that the truth about the B Party isnt even about the Groom, crazy as this may sound, its really more about the groom's friends.

 

TRUST ME ON THIS, they are the ones who will be getting aroused, not him. He'll be so darn embarrassed because all of them are watching his reactions, that he will probably admire, but he will not desire.

 

There have been so many of my guy friends who said they were so nervous that they didnt know their shoe laces from their hair combs.

If he is a good man, then he will go, talk trash with the guys, look at this stripper and turn into a 9 yr old boy. If he is a dog, you will find out that stripper or no stripper, you can't teach a dog new tricks.

 

I think he is smart enough to not let some woman getting naked in front of him for a second make him lose the woman he will see naked (and with more class I may add) for the rest of his life.

 

I know you don't like it, and I will tell you that most women don't but there is a way to even the playing field. WHY DON'T YOUR GIRLFRIENDS throw you a party and have a stripper. I think if you do that, not only will he understand how you feel, but you can get a first hand experience on just how "harmless" it is.

 

My husband and I did not have either one, because we did not have the time for our friends to plan it, but if they had, you can rest assured that he would not have been the only one with a stripper.

[justlookin]

I think you should have a party.Have a male stripper come.That way after you are married you both can live with suspicion.Is not Marriage about the ones getting married.

[miracle29]

I can't name one wedding...except the fake ones on TV that are EVER really about the two getting married. Married people have so much stress as it is trying to plan a marriage. The money, the food, the activities, the places, the this and that. Its always about others and not really about the two people getting married! That was a good point by the way to whomever posted that.

 

P.S.

Male Stripper, Male Stripper, Male Stripper

[Hope75]

green,

 

the others are right, you do have a right to level the playing field. If you want some male entertainment, go for it!

 

I have a female friend who got married this past spring. She was adament that her fiance (now husband) did NOT have any strippers at his batchelor party. Out of respect for her, and with some heckling from his guy friends, he did not have a stripper. On the night of HER batchelorette party, she called him, drunk as a skunk, and confessed that at a bar some guy sprayed whip cream on her breasts and licked it off! Her fiance was less than thrilled, shall we say...

 

In this case the balance was really not there, but I think in your case, you are both entitled to have some fun!

[miracle29]

see greenwolf. Hope is telling you a story about how sometimes "SOME" of us women can take things a bit too far, so its not always the men who do it, sometimes its us women who are as guilty as sin.

 

But let me tell you, if i ever tried my husband like that, he would not have married me. If I told him some guy licked it off my breast, he would have told me to get to stepping. And rightfully so! To me that is cheating. Letting someone touch or lick your privates. I could see if he licked it off of her cheek or navel even, but her nipples....NO MAMMM

[Hope75]

Not that this makes it OK, but he licked it off the tops of her breasts that were exposed above her shirt neckline, not her nipples... she was not exposed!

 

( I didn't think that the "rules" were fair in this case since he was asked not to have a stripper, but she did not expose her breasts to anyone.)

[justlookin]

I think if the right string of events or circumstances arise.we are all capible of doing anything.We all have choices and decisions to make in our lives.I think it is ok to get advice,but beware of believing just because others believe.I think you already know what is best for you,or you would not be here.I believe in common sense thinking,I only trust in the truth.The truth is reality for me! and trust is something that is earned.

Sounds like your marriage is getting off to a good start! I would ask--Is this bringing you closer together???????

[greenowl88]

To answer your question justlookin, at the moment, the situation is not making us closer, but I think after it's done with, and I find out nothing happened, then we will be closer.

 

We have always been able to talk very easily about issues and feelings. We have a great relationship. That's why we're getting married!! Yay!!

[justlookin]

Congragulations on your marriage!!!!!!! I do not mean to imply that you do not have a good relationship right now.All I am saying is that this has the potential to bring division.I was in a similar situation back in 1980 and nothing happened between me and the stripper,but later on one of the guys who was there who did not like me started spreading rumors that we're not true.Though I was only married for 7 yrs it was a subject that came up when we had a disagreement,basically It would of been better if I had done something with Her,at least I could of asked her to forgive me.I have learned since not to put myself in compromising situations.

 

"The Heart is the center of the thinking process"

[novaseeker]

I really have to say I never really understood the fascination with strippers (male or female) at bachelor/bachelorette parties. My own bachelor party involved a very expensive and great steak dinner, expensive wine and expensive cigars ... no strippers, lots of guy talk, plenty of fun. I really don't get the stripper thing. Strippers are kind of ... gross, to me.

[greenowl88]

I'm glad someone thinks they're gross!

[Luciana]

Greenlow, don't let anyone say to you it is ok. It is not. It's almost like cheating, without the emotional content. Even if he tells you he won't touch her, the strippers love to touch the groom and tease him. Lap dances are like having sex without penetration-she puts her breasts on his face, her coochie on his face, he hugs her from behind and she rubs her butt on his c**. Tell me this is not almost plain sex!!

 

I would tell you that since you don't feel the need to see another man's penis in front of you days before the wedding, he shouldn't either. Tell him to buy an issue of playboy if he needs to see another naked woman before he gets married

 

This is a sexist and aggressive old fashioned tradition that is very demeaning towards women.

 

I would just say no. If he respects you, he will tell his horny buddy that. Or maybe you should call the buddy and tell him you do not want this sort of behavior, but then your fiance can feel humiliated and controlled.

 

The whole bachelor party thing is ridiculous and outdated. But if they have to have one, why don't they go play pool or any other competitive game that men like (paintball, bowling, etc).

__________________

"God is an imaginary friend for adults."

"In Reason we Trust"

[miracle29]

Luciana,

 

I dont deny that you may have witnessed first hand this type of thing, but NOT ALL STRIPPERS DO THIS. And not all Grooms men would allow it. Some men would actually push her off on to his buddies. I am not saying that there are no strippers who do this crass and disgusting behavior but some strippers only do what is allowed by the groom. Please don't scare this woman into thinking that this particular stipper is going to just about rape him, because not ALL of them do what you described. I know for a fact...I had a female friend who was a stripper. She showed me the tape and to be honest, the groom was a complete angel. He was like a two year old. She also didnt get completely naked. She only showed breast and danced on him, but mostly he was pushing her off on his buddies.

 

Now..as far as your views on it being a shovanistic and sexist thing. I AGREE. You totally have a point there and I also agree that its stupid. But I dont want her to think that all strippers would be this whorish.

[birdgirl]

Just make sure a male relative of yours is going. A father, brother, cousin, uncle. That's pretty standard, isn't it? I've heard of many women doing this...

[DN]

Let's not forget that it's not just female strippers doing their thing at bachelor parties. Many women have male strippers at their bachelorette parties - is that not chauvinistic and sexist as well? Or is it somehow different?

 

And the purpose of the male relative attending the party is what? As a spy, or to restrain him in some way? Or as a reminder that his fiancé does not trust him?

[Liquid Dream]

Wow. Thats really evil of them to do that. YOU are going to be his wife,

YOU need to make the choice, when its me, there will be no strippers...

that man should be dedicated to you, not some pole humpin stripper,

don't mean to be offensive. Good Luck to you.

[darkblue]

Wow. Thats really evil of them to do that. YOU are going to be his wife,

YOU need to make the choice, when its me, there will be no strippers...t

hat man should be dedicated to you, not some pole humpin stripper,

don't mean to be offensive. Good Luck to you.

Wow.

 

First of all, 'there will be no strippers' is effectively controlling your partners decision - not healthy.

 

Secondly, your comment about strippers IS offensive.

If you did not want it to be offensive - you would not have said 'pole humpin'. That's just degrading the job that they do.

And that's what it is - a job.

[Hope75]

LOL LOL LOL!

 

OK, "Pole humpin" is a riot! And pretty true.

 

And Darkblue, is it really degrading, when essentially that's what they do? (for a job?) If they thought it was degrading, would they do it?

 

Heck, it gets tips.....

[darkblue]

Do you think that is all women's career choice, and aspirations from a young age?

[Liquid Dream]

Darkblue, Don't attack me, you have no right.

If you're over there playing the violin, thats you deal.

I was only kidding, and "pole humping" is what strippers do.

How would like me to sugar coat it for you?

Spinning and thrusting around a candy cane?

And as for you comment about what is and isn't healthy, is your opinion.

I would not appricate my spouse, looking at other women,

God did not put men on the Earth for that.

 

The main idea was

A good, honest husband doesn't need a stripper, his wife is always enough.

[bearsmom]

I SOOO know how you feel. I get that upset if someone I'm dating attends a bachelor party of strip club. As a matter of fact, I've ended relationships over it. I feel that strong about it. No peelers, or peeler bars....period. And if they can't show me that respect, then they can move on. There are too many fish in the sea to put up with that. I've know too many people who say it's not a turn on; or there was no touching when there IS. When your fiance is completely drunk out of his mind and his buddies are egging him on, then what?? If he respected you and how you feel about this, he'd tell his buddy "no peeler". Done deal. And you shouldn't have to feel guilty. If the stripper is no big deal then tell him to prove it. Your feelings should mean way more than some nasty dancer just out to make money on your future husband and his buddies. Good luck!

[OceanEyes]

OK, "Pole humpin" is a riot! And pretty true.

 

Heh, I've seen strippers who do more than that! I won't deny that I wouldn't necessarily want my future daughter up on a pole somewhere, and that it's not an ideal situation for any respectable woman to be in, but it's a job. It's what they do, and believe it or not, I've known quite a few who are totally fine with it.

 

A couple of my close female friends go and see male strippers whenever they visit their town (smaller town, plenty of female strip joints, but no male joints). They always have an amazing time with photos to prove it. It's not just men who like flesh!