Is this what women, really want??

[Miss M]

Miss M is just mad that you are the kind of guy she will never have control over. She is used to manipulating guys and doing what she wants with them. Well getting a possible taste of her own medicine has already made her naucious* regardless.

Ahh, PavPPZ1, this is such an interesting comment from you. I also appreciate your frankness as well, very much indeed. I genuinely find it hugely valuable when men are this honest. And it seems I'm still learning so much from this thread. ;-)

[DN]

Where did Miss M say or imply she was manipulating guys?

[PavPPZ1]

Ahh, PavPPZ1, this is such an interesting comment from you. I also appreciate your frankness as well, very much indeed. I genuinely find it hugely valuable when men are this honest. And it seems I'm still learning so much from this thread.

 

Where did Miss M say or imply she was manipulating guys?

 

This is just my intuition speaking, she has a similar auora as an ex I used to date, and she was infact manipulating and so on...

 

Seems like Miss M has found some reason to critisize and put down fctex's good fortune with women.

 

If he was hurting or mistreating them he would not have them coming back to him.

 

 

 

Miss M wrote:

If I didn't want a meaningful relationship I know I could have all the guys that I could want. There's plenty of that kind around in both genders, and it seems it's a lot easier to find lots of companionship when you don't want anything deep and meaningful.

 

This basically leads me to believe you are this kind of a woman, you could have all the guys you could want. I doubt that, and this is where all this interest in this thread is coming from, at least as for the negative responses.

 

Everyone is entitled to an opinion, yours is not wrong, in fact its quite agreeable, but its motivations should be brought to light. What you have said has nothing to do with helping fctex, but rather voice your loathing in avery polite way. Well I just dont buy it.

 

The only positive comment for fctex would be: Stay positive, do not mistreat women, but rather create a happy enviornment around yourself for them. The fact that they get back to you is proof that they are cunfortable and happy with you. So good job... that is what oculd have been said.

 

Best Regards,

[sibling295]

Okay this is driving me crazy -

 

I am a month into my break up with the man i considered "the one" He dumped me out of the blue and i was devistated. A couple weeks ago i decided to say forget him. Well since then i have answered a few of his calls but they all left me heartbroken . He still doesnt want to get back together. whatever .... old story ....i postedeit called Take the Lout of lover and its over.....

 

So i have been back out for a couple weeks now. And the men are like fly's to ****. I too am sooo thinking i am in a crazy set. I swear they are falling at my feet. I have already slept with one . Safe , of course, . I have a date tonight (kind of like this guy) I have broken many coffee dates , been sooo up front with all of them - and they wont leave me alone. Yes its all an ego booster - yes i am probably hurting feelings - yes i dont call when i say i will - but this is all a healing process for myself. So i can totally relate to you. And i do say congrads on getting out there - i say it to myself - I do want another relationship when i am healed - i do want to fall in love again. I am dating . I am not a saint. I amnot intentionally hurting these guys. They just go googoo on their own. I am not leading anyone on. I am honest. I have no control over how they act. So i say - as long as you are honest - go on with it.Its fun again - and at least we are not at home crying like doormats.

[sibling295]

And by the way fctex- i feel like superwoman now that i am no longer counting NC days - I am living my life !

And this is the dating game !!!!! Please people this is THE DATING GAME!!! This is where they get idea's for tv shows movies novels !!!!

Again FCTEX as long as you are honest i say have fun. We cannot control they way these women/men are behaving. Keep posting , i look forward to your coverts. BTW- just broke the date tonight with the guy i like- My girlfriends and i are going to a Halloween party and why bring sand to the beach!!! OH and i was honest with him - he said cool have a nice time!!! Call me next week. and i will!!!!!!

[annie24]

I must say, I agree with sibling. FCTer - I read through your post, I don't see really much of what you are doing wrong. You seem to be rude to these girls (ie cancelling dates at the last minute), but they keep coming back for more! As DN on here can vouch for, the last guy that did that to me - that was it - I'm not going to give a guy a second chance to treat me badly.

 

I don't know if these girls really have a self-esteem issue, so much as "wishful thinking syndrome." They're hoping if they stick around, they'll snag you. I'm sure that they're making excuses to themselves to excuse how you treat some of them. But, it seems right now that you are content to date many women at the same time - and I see nothing wrong with that In general, people like a challenge. You're not being emotionally accesible, thereforeeee girls become interested because you seem "mysterious."

 

But, like sibling said - it's not like you can control the behavior of others. You're having a good time, you aren't telling any of them you are exculsive. I say, go out there and have fun!

[DN]

I must say, I agree with sibling. FCTer - I read through your post, I don't see really much of what you are doing wrong. You seem to be rude to these girls (ie cancelling dates at the last minute), but they keep coming back for more! As DN on here can vouch for, the last guy that did that to me - that was it - I'm not going to give a guy a second chance to treat me badly.

 

 

Oh, yes, I can vouch for that. After Annie was through with him he probably won't dare open his e-mail ever again. Just in case!

[annie24]

[FCTex]

annie24,

 

I apologize for havin to edit my post! I was getting a little wild there.

 

 

PPv- I dont think Miss M is forcasting the way she treats men, through her posts. Sure I think she has some altered views of things. Perhaps, the same way I gave an example if a women was doing what I was doing. She'd be simply playing games, and that would be socially acceptable.

 

sibling,

 

I'm being honest with these women, up front for the most part. I do have some "lies" in the fact of why I break dates with them, or small details. But I do not lie about my intentions, or about myself. I dont allow myself to have many feelings invovled when I'm with them. They are simply just fun women to have fun with. I'm out doing my own thing and like you said, I broke 2 dates with weekend to go to Halloween Parties. I met some other women there, most of them, dead ends, but 1 was a good catch.. Why bring sand to the beach, like you said you right?

 

This is my healing. I'm not at home crying over it all. I'm not dwelling on my ex, or the failed relationship. I've worked on my short coming, and I'm out using them and having my fun. I'm learning about women more, I'm learning about myself. I think like you said, as long as we hurt people less in the process of this all, we feel as better people. However, we also can't control how people react and feel about us when situations occur. I've slept with 1 of these women this weekend, on multiple days.. I think she's trying to weather some feelings out of it all, after I made it EXTEMELY clear to her I do not want a relationship out of this and I'm not looking for something serious. I can't do anything short of wearing a t-shirt proclaiming this. I'm not ready for something like this.

 

Have you fun missy, It's all in good spirit.

 

Miss M,

 

I'm a very honest person, and certainly wouldnt convey the wrong image of myself, be it in person or impersonally though the internet. I'm not a bad guy, and I'm certainly trying to break and less amount of hearts on the way.. I am getting an ego boost, be it even if it's from women that don't have much esteem of their own. I think these women are fine with themselves and dont need to have a man to validate anything of the above.. I simply think my shortcoming of what they are used to getting, my games persay, lead them on to me. I'm mysterious.. I make them dig for things about me, pry into me to gain information. I make THEM make the dates. It seems like I'm breaking so many dates, that because they propsition several of them. I rarely, if ever, make plans with these women. I figure I shouldnt have to do all the chase, and if they are intrested, they wil come right?

 

I thank you for your views. I know some of what I'm doing is wrong. It's not what a "keeper" wants in a man. It's certainly not something I would want to see in a women long term. However I do think what I'm doing is fun, and it created an exciting dating atmosphere.. And I think within the right bounds, the right person and the right time, I think the games are set aside and our hearts take over. I dont act like this normally, I was just stating my behaviour and have wondered why these women are like this.

 

 

---- As an update on this situation.. I've spent alot of time with one women this weekend. Thursday night, and Friday evening.. We slept together, went out to eat(she bought) and I ended up leaving afterwards to go to a party with my friends in the city.. I played hard to get to see her Friday, but ended up having some time to stop by, which in turn made me late for the evening!

 

I've gotten 2 other women that I've made dates with off hand. I make the first dates, and moves, and then I allow them the chance after that to make something of it.. I have them intrested, now it's time to see their intrest..

 

The women that I was dating after my relationship, who ended up getting into another relationship with her ex, is single now, and has been contacting me(no face to face contact) for the weekend.. She's also asked me to some charity ball that someone she knows is hosting.. She's trying to take leaps and bounds to get me back to like it was 2 months ago.. All the while, I have broken 2 dates with her in the past 2 weeks, 1 of which I didnt want to go to, and the other I had prior plans.. Odd.

[sibling295]

First let me say that you are my hero. I have told all my girl friends about you. Keep it up.

Yeah , the guy i slept with , i think is gonna get hurt too. He called me all weekend and i was just like geez , i have only been up front and honest with this guy. whatever....

So I did, however meet another guy last night that i REALLY aminterested in. And he called this evening to say how nice it was to meet me. His schedule is crazy this week but he would calland hopefully we could meet up for dinner. I amvery excited about this!!

I also heard from my ex AGAIN tonight. He tricks me with caller ID. I told him i was dating and that i accept his break up. He pretty much hung up on me. I hope this ends contact for us. I am still sooooo heartbroken but geez , i am back in the ring now for another swing !!!! Yeah!!!!

I am going over to my girls tonight for wine and movies....

Cant wait to hear more about your daily life FCTex!!

I love feeling positive again!!!

[annie24]

Sibling and FCT - You are both my heroes!!!!

[FCTex]

Sibling,

 

Thank you for the kind words. You sound very fun! While I'm out having my fun, I still have to venture back to my old self, and not be so wild.. I have so much respect for people after my break up, and I certainly do not wish the heartbreak on anyone that I've felt.. Hurting somene as little as possible on our own accord is always respectable, but it certainly doesnt keep it from happening on their accord.

 

It sounds like your doing great with your break up. Keep going out, and having your fun.. As a tip from a guy out "taking another swing", have some respect for yourself first.. I think this is the key I've learned in dating.. It's contagious and I think when your having fun and you have respect for youself, and feel great, you project that towards the other sex..

 

 

Annie24,

 

Thanks!! I'm proud of myself. Not for some of the things I am doing, or the things I have done. But I'm proud that I'm out there. I'm doing my thing, I'm growing, I'm dating, I'm learning, and I'm becoming a better man for my experiences..

 

 

--- Also, The women that asked me to go to her charity ball with her in 2 weeks, also asked me for another date on Tuesday. I havent seen her I think in well over a month or two.. I have been very aloof to her, and for some reason she still chases.... I'm flattered she would ask me to this, even after how I've treated her.. Ironically, I didnt act so mysterious and distant from her when we started dating 2 1/2-3 months ago.. It was slow, and cautious, but I so hurt I didnt let much of it past my aching. She saw what a great man I am, and I think this only feeds her persuation to keep at me..

 

 

They want what they can't get to hold for only just a minute..

[teacup]

what are you here for anyways FCTex? it seems you are seeking reassurance that women like being treated like crap.

 

that already shows that you're not a good person. if you were a truly decent person, you wouldnt be feeling good and patting yourself on the back that women come after you when you dont treat them right.

 

i mean, wtf?? i dont care if u think my remarks are "snide" or watever because at least im honest.

 

but ur not. ur only seeking rational that it's okay for u to treat women like that. but you know what? it is NOT okay.

 

you're also flaunting how "great" of a person you think you are. ugh??!

[annie24]

Someone tell me what I'm doing here, and explain why this is working so well.. I think I have an idea, but I wanted some other opinions on this.

 

You have to remember that this was his original question. He wants to know why, after acting like a jerk, girls are still coming around. I think that's the main focus here. And, I think it's a pretty important one to ask.

 

I used to be one of those girls that endlessly put up with guys who treated me badly. For several reasons - I didn't know better, I didn't have a guy who had treated me really well, so I didn't know that the guy's behavior was bad. Or, I would put the guy up on a pedestal, and just think that he's so sweet and wonderful and whatever and that I was willing to wait until he decided to settle down with me. Yuck. I finally learned my lesson.

[teacup]

he knows why. he already knows why girls keep coming around even if he is a jerk. he knows it's because they like him, feel something for him, care about him, and hope he can be something more and that he will treat them nicely if he chooses them.

 

this dude already knows this. he's not concerned with that as an issue per say. he's more interested in congratulating himself that he gets girls even though he's a total #$%#$ and in justifying his right to treat them that way.

[sibling295]

Teacup -

When i read FCTex's thread on this forum , i had already seen some of his stuff on the break up forums first. This is the dating forum which I myself have now come to since i feel it is part of my healing process to move on beyond pining over my lost love.

You must remember that everyone handles break ups different. I seem to be doing the same thing as he, as far as , you know - going out - flirting - basically i am trying to remind myself that my ex was not the only fish in the sea.

I am not sure how some of the ugly threads have started here. But , no one is better than the other. We come here for solace - For me , I am too busy to see a therapist -plus i am online all day - so this is basically like therapy. I can no longer read "broken heart - Woah is me forums" It just DEPRESSED me - and made me think even more of my ex.

I feel lucky to have found some peeps out there who are excited to go out again. Even if we are all just covering up our heartaches- ya know?

I think FCTex is being honest with these girls - even when there are little lead her on lies involved. I mean thats just kinda of the dating scene.

I live in Hollywood - work in Hollywood and I am surrounded by fake people all the time. In fact I am pretty much the stereotype LA girl.

 

But I am also a human being - one with faults - and one with feelings. And threads like this help me soooo much.

Its not about congradulating (sorry spelling) - its more about Wow - I can pick myself up and try again.

I dont think anyone really wants to hurt anyone. Did my ex really want to hurt me? NO - we try to all get along and sometimes it just doesnt work out.

BUt there is life after death. and thats how i feel about what i am doing.

Yes- life after death.

No more crying games - no more boo hoo he/she broke up with me .

( I take that back - sometimes i do still cry ) But its not gonna stop me from my meeting guys rampage. Always be honest - always lay the cards on the table and remember you cant control other peoples behavior.

 

So i guess what i mean is : I like feeling in control again. I can no longer read the" I want him back" or "Help me analyze every word he said, cause i want him back " threads . I love feeling good about myself - looks included - sorry maybe shallow - but its my life - But i deserve to have what i want and i want this positive thread to keep going.

Thanks

Sibling

[FCTex]

teacup,

 

Your more than welcome to think about me as you please.. I know I'm not a bad man, and that I'm more gentleman than most women will ever get to experience first hand in their lives. I don't need to prove that to you, or anyone.

 

Your right, I do know what I'm doing. I'm a very intelligent man, and I fully understand for the most part, of what I'm doing to these women.. I wasn't coming here looking for congrats on how well I'm doing, or how I'm treating these women. I know some of what I've said and done to them is wrong. I'm not perfect, and in this instance, I was only asking a question of why women go to men like this over and over.

 

I wanted to know why when I break dates so often, and don't respond to these women, why they all of a sudden can't help but blow my phone and e-mail off the hook. Why these women so suddenly can't help but try and make plans with me. I'm a nice guy, I've always been the nice shy guy. I'm still the nice guy, only I'm not stupid to womens games anymore. I know some of how they handle things, and I think I'm proud of myself to go back out after my heartbreak and really understand what went wrong and how to avoid women like that..

 

--As an update on my situation-

 

One girl has like I said, invited me to her charity ball, She's been trying to contact me all day, and even keeps telling me she misses me and our times together months back... She keeps trying to make plans with me, atleast 2 plans this week. I agreed to one, and I'm going to keep it.

 

My ex is trying to contact me too, since I've been out, and I'm sure she's heard about me.. I ignore all her contact, even in person just about.. She says she wants to talk to me..

 

 

One of the other women who's so into all of this, has tried to make plans with me tonight. I have her set on the fact I am a busy man, so she leaves the door open till the last minute with me.. She offered me dinner... More importantly, she offered to TAKE me out to dinner, and pay for it all... This comes after I told her last night I wasnt going to lead her on, that I do not want her as a girlfriend, and I would be okay with not talking to her anymore if that was her choice..

 

I dont get her.

[sibling295]

HAHAHAHA!!!!

So Boy i met Sat that i like must have called this afternoon. Said just wondering what you were doing tonight for Halloween .I just got home its 9:20 - not calling himback.

 

Ex called too - left a message left 10 mins later saying " I dont want you out meeting other guys - I am just confused right now - why are you ignoring me -i still am in love with you - i am never gonna meet another woman who loves me as much as you and i know that - i feel like i just made the biggest mistake of my life -i am just confused - haha not calling him back either ....

 

Going to a girlfriends get together tonight - she said "lots of potientals here get over here now!" and i am on my way.......

Check in later!

Sib

[sibling295]

Hey guys -

Whats going on out there???? FCTex what are some updates man !!!!!

[FCTex]

Hrmm.. Updates huh..

 

Well.. The other night I let one girl take me to dinner. She offered to pay, set it all up and had it planned out.. It was pretty good, she dressed up really nice, heels, the full thing, and took me to dinner. We had a good chat, hung out, and walked around downtown a little bit. I dropped her off and promptly left. She asked me to come in, but I told her I had some things to do before work in the morning.. She's kinda getting the hint I'm not definitely going to be easy to get. She told me at dinner I was the biggest challenge, that she's ever had in her life, as far as guys. She said that normally she would just give up. But she said she sees something in me, and for some reason she's so attracted to me that she can't stop trying for me, and loves spending time with me.

 

 

And.. My ex has been trying to get in touch with me. I've kinda lead her to believe I'm not ready to listen to anything she has to say. It's 3 months too late at this point, and unless she's wanting reconcilliation, then I don't even have ears.

 

 

The other night this week, I met up with a new girl, for a small meal in town. We hung out, it was really short, I had a long day at work, and had some things to do, and we got a late start on things.. She was cool, but kinda childish I think.. She asked to see me later this week, I said to call me. I think I'll write her name in pencil....

 

 

Last night I went out with a girl I dated right after my break up. I hadn't seen her in over 1 1/2 months, almost 2 months... I basically burned her bridge, and she's trying to rebuilt it to get back to me. We met for coffee. She asked too, and then she didnt even get coffee. She was excited to see me. Told me she missed me, told me she loved seeing me tonight. Told me how handsome I looked last night, etc.. She was quick to kiss me goodbye, not once, but twice.. had me almost pinned against my truck.. So.. Who knows.. I'm physically attracted to her more so than some of the others, but I don't know.. She's wanting to see me Thursday..

 

So I've gone one asking for tonight, and one asking for Thursday, and I'm leaving my Friday open for me.. Who to turn down..

 

For some reason however, I've lead myself to realize that I'm not being bad in what I'm doing. I'm really just having my fun, and I dont want a girlfriend out of these women. They are nice and all, and most guys would jump at the chance of these women to offer them, what they have to me, but I'm simply just not intrested..

 

Like one girl told me the other evening.. Timing.. Everything could be great, but the timing would be off, and nothing would work out.. It's just not the right timing I don't think for these women.. They know I dont want them, for the most part, and they all tell me thats what makes them want me more.

[PavPPZ1]

AHh,

 

well it seems like this has become a competition between siblings and FCT, about who can get more of the OS interested without flashing their own cards. Go wild, but keep your objectives in mind. Do not hurt the people you actually like, this could come back to haunt you. Another thing to keep in mind, what ever goes around comes around. So whatever you dish out expect in return at some point or another. This is a rule of thumb to try to live by. Not saying you are doing anything cruel or crazy, but whenever there is competition it can get out of hand. So I suggest tryign to keep that perspective in mind. Have fun but not so much fun that you are leaving deformed carcuses in your wake (some holloween references, but u get the message).

 

Lastly, to keep mind, always play it safe, or be sorry.

 

Have fun GL

[sibling295]

hey pav -

I think we need to hear about your coherts too!!!!!

[FCTex]

It's not a competition..

 

It's just fun I reckon'!!

 

In any case, I've kinda realized some of the "ways" I'm acting, and as bad as it sounds.. It's not really!

 

I think one of the girls has caught on, and she's giving me the silent treatment. She offered plans, and didn't come through with them.. In the midst of it all, I had a real interception of my time this evening and had to decline this afternoon... In any case... I like it. I want someone to go against my grain. I want someone to catch me, and put me on the spot..

 

I had one women catch me in my "game", and found out I didn't go where I said I was, instead I went to a football game with 3 other women, instead of taking her like I offered earlier that morning. It's not big deal. I got it all smoothed over, and now she's apologizing to me because I'm not talking to her anymore. A women with NO attachment to me, prying into my business and calling me out on something I'm doing with OTHER people, and considering it wrong... I've dropped that drama queen!

[Miss M]

FCTex, would you want anyone to treat you the way you're treating these women? And if a woman stood you up and went out with 3 other guys instead, how would you respond to that?

 

In any case, I've kinda realized some of the "ways" I'm acting, and as bad as it sounds.. It's not really!

If a woman was doing these kinds of things to you, would it still be not "as bad as it sounds"?

[Jadtt]

FC,

 

Wow! You sound like me....

 

I was very shy and came out of a long-term relationship about 8 months ago. I have since been super confident, outgoing and the guys seem to be flocking to me left and right.

 

You know why these women like you?

Because you are confident...that's why. They sense that and are immediately drawn to you....

 

However, my piece of advice. QUIT BLOWING THEM OFF!!!! Treat them with respect, you don't have to have feelings for them...just treat them well. Karma can come back in a big way!