My long over due update

[confusedashell]

Hello all

 

Well its been awhile and a lot has happened. My mother died recently so I have not been much in the mood for anything but that.

 

Anyway, a few days after my last post my wife flew down and pretty much begged me to come back. We talked a lot and I told her I really wasnt sure about anything. Too much had been said and done and that I didnt know if I could ever really be comfortable in a relationship with her again. She explained to me that it all got too much in the end, the fights, the not talking, no time together. I agree with her. it did. But I didnt think it should have been handled in that way. Some of the things she said, hurt. Real bad.

 

anyway to cut a long story short we will work on things. I told her I needed that we live seperatly for a few months. We need to spend a lot of time together and we need to talk about things before they get too out of hand. We both still love one another, both want this to work so lets see what happens...

 

will come back soon enough with something more indept!

[darkblue]

I'm really glad things are working out now, confusedashell.

I've been following your posts for months and I'm glad it's finally sorting itself out.

 

Sorry to hear about your mother.

[confusedashell]

Thanks a lot for the support mate! All you lot! Its great to have a place like this!

 

Right now, I'm real cautious and in a way so is she I think. We are moving to fix this slowly enough, not rushing into it all, just sort out all our problems andget this relationship back on track. So far so good. But I'm not 100% convinced yet..a lot of the security I felt in the relationship is gone. So she'll have to work to get that back and I'l have to prove somethings to her.

 

Guess theres hope for any relatinship aslong as you're both breathing!hehe

[darkblue]

Trust will have to be rebuilt, faith will have to be worked on and you are very right to be cautious and take things slow.

 

I'm glad I could help and I'm glad things are looking brighter.

Take care.

[DN]

Good luck - it will take a lot of work. Did she say why she changed her mond so suddenly?

 

Sorry about you mother. I don't imagine that helped your state of mind either.

[TiredMan]

Congrats Confused. Sorry to hear about your mom though. That's rough.

 

I am happy that she finally came around for you. Wish my situation was the same but at least one of us got it lol.

 

Are you happy about the way things are turning out?

[BellaDonna]

confusedashell,

 

You handled that very very well. I know at some points in your previous posts you wanted her back very badly. Now that she is willing to come back- I'm glad you are not jumping into it. It's good that you are taking things slow. Even your overall tone seems much stronger now.

 

Sorry to hear about your mother passing away. I'm sure that was a lot to go through all at once. Hang in there!

 

I hope things continue to get better,

 

 

BellaDonna

[fIIsion]

Glad to hear things seem to be taking a positive turn, at the very least she is talking now and identifing the things which contributed to her loss of feelings.

 

Understand your caution, but i hope everything works out in the end.

 

 

sorry to hear of your mum.

[confusedashell]

Forgot about this thread

 

Thanks for the words on my mother! That definetly put a lot in perspective when it happened. Just felt like everything was crumbling that time. My marriage was on the rocks, my mother was dying...nightmare!

 

Well no, she didnt say excatly why she changed her mind so fast. and thats what has me a little cautious too. She just said that everything got too much and that she just needed some space. She said (her words; not mind) that she went a little insane on some level. That she just needed the space and too see me again. She said she told me she didnt love me but that she was really confused about it all and just didnt want to say (she did later admit that she just didnt know how she felt - before she came).

 

Yeah I think the cautious approach is the best now. I think I'm in a stronger position than I was. Before this I actually didnt ever think we would finish or that she would fall out of love with me, but now after all this, I guess I've kind of taken 20 steps back from the whole relationship. Which I think, at least for now, is a good thing. She says she'll show me how much she wants this and how much I mean to her and do everything to convince me to stay. But we'll see. I really do hope she does. And I really hope that she can see I've changed from that depression! I really do want this to work out and be good. I think it can and that we can have a great relationship. One of her friends told me that my wife said to her recently that she could never be interested in another man other than me. Now, she didnt say this to me, she used to say it, but not for a couple of months. Hope its true. I dont expect that she never sees men that are attractive. I mean shes not dead! But...i dont even know where I'm going with this

 

Tiredman: Yeah, I'm happy. of course. But a little suspicious too. Guess theres hope for anyone So hang in there mate. The time away from one another does really help. If you dont see them and they dont see you. A call a week to let them know youre still there. the odd bunch of flowers or something. That helps. Its not too forward. I supposse every situation and people are different, but that all seemed to help us.

[DN]

Is she still going out drinking and dancing with her friends?

[confusedashell]

No, seems to have calmed down on that a lot. I dont want to sound like the kind of guy who doesnt let his wife do anything or gets upset when she goes out. Dont get me wrong! i think its GREAT she goes out and does things on her own! I want her to have something that is HERS. Something that we do separately. I have music and she has dancing. She likes to do that. But it was the amount of times. every single weekend, at least once a week, usually twice that just annoyed me. She wasnt like that before and then all of a sudden it was all this and I was expected to look after out son alone. If I brought it up she accused me of controlling her.

 

Up til May of this year she studied so hard that I was almost pushing her out the door when she got hoildays to go and relax with her mates. I really thought she needed to blow off the steam of working part time, studying a hell of a lot and looking after our son and then dealing so much with me and my depression. I was telling her to go and do things on her own with her mates to just take her mind of everything. But it all just got out of control. Seems calmer now. At least, other things are priority it seems. Will see what happens.

 

I mean, by all means: go out, have fun! But just dont have it as the top priority where it means my son and I suffer for it.

[TiredMan]

Confused,

 

I'm happy you guys are trying to work at it. I always felt when you invest so many years in a relationship, unless there is cheating involved, or like beatings or something severe, you should exhaust all options before just ending it.

 

I wish my ex would start trying to make it work too.