She broke up with me, still has my things.. what to do?

[TooNiceAGuy]

My gf of 4 months broke up with me two weeks ago on monday. She gave me the "need space" speech, and claimed some things I had said scared her off (aparently I had talked too much about marriage and kids, not even knowing). And if that's not enough, I go the "lets be friends". Then she emails me saying how much she missed me (thankfully I just read the "guilt" post someone did, that really helped!)

 

We spent alot of time together, and everything seemed fine (although the more time I've had to think, the more I realize maybe that's not so true, she actually didn't treat me that great). I know I treated her too nicely, and was too available, but I guess I learned that lesson. I'm in horrible pain still, and I cry my eyes out randomly, and even though we had a talk on the phone the day after where she basically said "I need space, lets see how I feel in a few weeks", it's dawning on me that there is probably a 1% chance of getting her back, or less.

 

My friend adviced me to do NC from day 1. I did. We've been NC for almost two weeks now (tuesday is 2 weeks). I'm trying to move on, but as everyone knows, it's very, very hard. I actually felt better last week.

 

The problem is, she still has some of my things, camping gear, wine (we both collect), movies etc. I obviously want them back. When we spoke on the phone I said "let's deal with that later" (as she said let's see in a few weeks), and she said "thanks". I also host a website for her that I built which (if it's really the end) somehow has to be transferred to her. It's a bit of a process. So as I'm in NC, what should I do? There's two things I want really. One being her telling me it's truly over, or that it's back on. (I just want to know at this point), and two, I want my things. But at the same time I don't want to screw up the NC part...

 

Any ideas are much appreciated.

 

What should I do? Should I wait longer for her to contact me or should I contact her? I don't want to look like the weak link, and there's the "what if" in the back of my head.

[TooNiceAGuy]

I can't just delete the website. It's a money-making site, and as much as I hate her for breaking up with me, that's simply not a thing I could do. If it's truly over, it'll have to get transferred.

[acuraman]

Your relatioship sounded a whole lot like mine a month ago. I would just continue nc with her since she said that she needs time to think things over. If you call her now or even tried contacting her, you will seem to be needy and clingy to her.

 

My best advice is if she doesn't call you, let her keep those items, they aren't worth the headache to get back. They could all be replaced. Also, those items could make it hard for you to move on because everytime you see them, it will remind you of your relationship with her.

 

Be strong and stay busy. Family and friends are the best support for this kind of situation.

[Frank1607307300]

Treat it likes its completely over. Yeah forget about that stuff you need to get back. If she calls then handle the website situation and get that over with. You gotta move on ASAP. If she wants you back, then make her crawl on her hands and knees. Move on and build strength and courage to do so. Read my post because I am getting help from people from this forum and it is helping me tremendously. HEAL yourself NOW and at this very moment. Let go and show her how its gonna be without YOU... You can do it and let out your grief, but not to her. Read Superdave71 posts, his advices can help you a whole lot. Be strong my friend, don't wait for her to tell you it's completely over... Tell YOURSELF its completely OVER and accept it. Get in that mind state and use your head from now on to protect and heal YOU.

[heloladies21]

Stay in No Contact. Anything she still has of yours can be replaced. If you don't have any financial liability, let the website go. This is the time to work on making your life better than it's ever been. All of your feelings are normal. It's only been 2 weeks. It takes longer than that to heal (unless you find someone else you really like).

[DN]

I think you should contact her about your things and about the website. Be pleasant and calm. Do not say anything about the relationship at all, just say that you need to make arrangements to pick up your stuff and to transfer the website.

 

What you need now is to proceed on the basis that the relationship is over, heal from the hurt and move on. So long as she has your stuff you will have the lingering thought that she is holding on to it because she might want to come back. If you ask for it back she will know that you are not just sitting around hoping that the relationship might resume.

[TooNiceAGuy]

Thanks for the advice! Funny how when you talk about NC, she breaks it. She emailed me last night. She says "I hope this doesn't come accross as superficial, but I really did want to send you a note to see how you are doing. It's hard not to talk to you daily and it's a bit of an adjustment. I do want you to know that I'm thinking of you and hope you are well". Then she proceeds to send me an eVite to a Halloween party that I knew about since before we broke up.. mixed signals here. God I hate that shred of hope. Is this just her guilt-tripping? continue NC or reply?

[heloladies21]

That was just an email to ease her guilt. She wants to see if you're still mad at her or not. Don't reply and keep doing what you're doing. She's going to have to do better than some cold email to get your attention.

[babe23]

Hi everyone,I also have been through all the pain it is getting easier now.

My ex and I were together for 5 1/2 years. we were on again off again.She would want me and then wasn't sure if i was for her.She told me she needs space because she does not no what she wants.I did the n/c thing and she would break it .We would get back together and she would be gone again.The n/c would happen for 2 weeks or so.

I'm now on my 1st week again.But this time I'm going to do the n/c

longer to let her miss me.

 

You should do the same.Read what super dave has to say.

I have and everytime I read his post it makes me stronger.

Good Luck

[Smarie]

Let things ride out for a little while, if it bothers you that much have a mutual friend contact her to get back you belongings. I know how it is to lose your possessions. But make sure that you really want everything to be over because as someone has previously said, she might take that as a *its really over sign*.