Husbands Co-worker perhaps trying to move in

[miracle29]

Hi,

 

Ok where do I begin. I'm new here to this town and my husbands job is pretty big. Everyone is acting like he's this huge big shot and kissing his butt to get something from him. HOWEVER:

He has this co-worker that I am not too comfortable around. She is not the prettiest thing to look at (so really i'm not jealous of her) but...she is a little to up in his face for me. I notice that she has to sit next to him all the time even when he and i are at a game together...(he's in sports Admin) then I notice that she always has to speak with him. This woman is pale, over weight, and has a very strange look. It would SHOCK me if he was into her, but I know my husband is a very handsome man and it would not shock me if she as into him.

 

I don't know what to do, I have told him that I don't like her and that I feel she is a little to gigly and up in his face. He says there is nothing there and maybe to him there isnt, but i'm a woman and I have my instints. I think she is after my husband and is trying to move in. She smiles in my face but my guard goes up whenever I see her. I know that since she is not attractive people would say "why worry" but Its just the principle. I'd hate to have to have a "chat" with her in the ladies room, but her over the top antics have gotten me very upset.

 

What do I do? I usually don't let things like this bother me, but this time.. I feel that since he's fresh meat, that these women don't care that I'm 6mths preggo and that we are married. You all have read the post...women are very sneaky when they want what they want.

 

P.S.

she is married, but her husband is always out of town or working over time and they barely see eachother. I think she's lonely and after my husband.

[DN]

The really important question is - do you trust your husband?

 

At six months pregnant, it is not unusual for a woman to feel that her husband might be 'available' to other women. Are you sure that is not the reason for you feeling that way?

[miracle29]

Me being pregnant? Is that the question? Are asking if my pregnancy harmones are getting to the best of me?

 

I don't doubt that this happens to many woman, but there is just something about this woman. I don't like her..she has alterior motives. I doubt he's into her..its her I think who's into him.

 

I honestly when I see her, want to just trip her down on the floor. Her fake smiles and always in the mix personality has me upset. Maybe that might be the harmones..but the rest of this is pure instinct.

 

Now that i've answered that...my question again..please..

[DN]

If your husband is oblivious to her 'charms' then I would let it go. Making a big deal about it only makes you look jealous and that you don't trust him. And that won't be good for your relationship.

[miracle29]

Can't I just slap her...wouldnt that solve it?

 

JOKE/ it was just a joke (twiddling fingers together, thinking of a banana Peel)

 

I don't know why some women always want to go after the "taken" man.

 

[darkblue]

I agree with DN. Confronting your husband will only make you look overprotective and jealous.

 

If you trust him - it won't be a big issue.

[PartlySunny]

I just want to say, I had the SAME problem!!!

 

Not with a coworker but with my ex-boyfriend's neighbor at his apartment complex. He is now my ex-boyfriend because of it.

 

My boyfriend was (and is) madly in love with me and we were going to get married. I can objectively say that I am very attractive, have a great personality, am intelligent, and loving.

 

Before I go on, a caveat: I am not saying these things about her due to "sour grapes" but because it's the absolute truth. This girl is ugly, obese, insecure, ghetto, clingy, immature. The moment I met her, I automatically knew that not only did she have a thing for my b/f, but she was a schemer too, even though she presented as shy and sweet.

 

I never doubted for one minute that she would do anything to get her hands on him. And she did.

 

1 year later, she is living in his apartment, as I write this. Due to a "temporary emergency situation" she had. I broke up with him over this. She managed to wheedle her way into his life. Believe me when I tell you I am angry and hurt as hell, and p/o'd at him, and I find him equally at fault. But she certainly found a way to do it.

 

And I just broke up with him this week. It will be interesting to see if he wakes up and realizes he lost the most important thing in his life over some dumb sl*t.

 

Good luck to you. Trust your instincts.

[miracle29]

Wait a minute Partlysunny,

 

I read your post and if i'm not mistaken, your boyfriend/ex cheated on you with this "so called female friend" before? if this is true, then I think our situations differ slightly. And how obese arewe talking?

[DN]

This girl is ugly, obese, insecure, ghetto, clingy, immature. .

 

What do you mean by 'ghetto'?

[miracle29]

If he cheated on her once with this "FRIEND" then i'm thinking that he has hidden motives again..but i need her to clarify before I can make that assessment....

 

But My husband and i are newly married. I'd hate to think he's toss it all away..to have a quickie with some hideous female... That would be a bit much.

 

So my next question is...

 

How do you keep a man /woman faithful and happy in one relationship. Is being manogamous...impossible. It doesnt seem that hard to me.

[melrich]

Is being manogamous...impossible. It doesnt seem that hard to me.

 

Of course it is possible....likely probable. One of the things that helps keep a coupel together and in love is trust.

 

Until one partner breaches a trust, a loving, monogamous couple should have at the core of their relationship, trust. Overt jealousy drives people apart. It makes the object of the jealousy (your huusband in this case) feel guilty when he has no reason to feel guilty.

[annie24]

I read something a while back: If you want to make a woman who is a "6" (on a scale of 1 to 10) look like a "12", just act jealous and threatened by her.

 

So what if she has a crush? That doesn't mean that your husband will give in.

[annie24]

This girl is ugly, obese, insecure, ghetto, clingy, immature. .

 

What do you mean by 'ghetto'?

 

Ghetto = opposite of classy

[miracle29]

Oh nooooo, then i think I really messed up when I went off about how much she was flirting and how he was looking in her eyes. He and I got into a fight over this. Great now this ghastly looking woman might actually be appealing to him..thanks to my antics.

 

now what do i do..ive already brought her up from scale -9 to a 6!

 

P.S.

 

the book is called. "Why men love B***hs" by Arkov..I have it...I need to read it.

 

 

P.S.S.

 

Annie, is it too late to fix this, or has this urchin of a female just moved from Ugly to.."maybe my wife is right, she is kinda hot"

[annie24]

Oh good lord, I don't know - I've never been married before! I would think that a loyal and loving husband wouldn't cheat even if Halle Berry/Cindy Crawford/Heidi Klum/whoever jumped into their lap.

 

Just don't act bothered anymore. Or, tease him about the crush playfully. I dunno - what do the rest of you think?

[rionmccloud]

My ex would do that to me. I had a friend in college that was a chick who I would give rides to school. She lived on the way, but the ex insisted I was going out of my way. She insisted there was something going on between us. After so much of that I almost wished there was so at least then I'd be in trouble for something really happening. The truth is she never had anything to worry about, but by showing she didn't trust me she pushed me away a bit.

 

We all meet people that we don't like and can't really find a reason why. Don't trust her? Fine, don't. Can't say I blame you. But at the same time don't push him away by making a mountain out of a mole hill, cause that's what it is at this moment. Insignificant. She's kissing his rear hoping to improve her career, surely, and likely is attracted to him if he's as much a looker as you say. It happens. But don't push him away over this unless you have reason to believe he IS having an affair. Better be damn good reason too.

[melrich]

then i think I really messed up when I went off about how much she was flirting and how he was looking in her eyes.

 

Yeah to a certain extent this sort of response may validate to your husband the maybe she is someone to consider having a fling with.

 

But I don't think bringing it up if it is bothering you is a problem. It will only become a problem if you continue to obssess about it. You've raised it, just let it go. If you meet this woman again, be polite but otherwise pretend she does not exist.

[annie24]

Ditto. I really agree with you. A year ago, my former friend and I split up our friendship because she kept accusing me of going after her ex (yes! her ex! even though she had a new boyfriend). Nothing was going on - he was a classmate of mine, and thus we spent some time together, but there was nothing romantic going on. After all the fighting and the yelling - I almost wish that I HAD hooked up with her ex, just so she would have been mad with me for a good reason.

[DN]

Time to trust your husband. Don't foirget that if you argued with him over this you were at least implying that he is untrustworthy. I think you should reassure him that you do trust him and then let it go.

[miracle29]

Wow for the first time today..i have a smile on my face. You guys are awesome..thanks for your help.

[PartlySunny]

By ghetto I mean that she has a trashy mouth. But I don't mean just cursing, I mean, street talking.

 

I have no idea if they are sleeping together. He claims he is just helping her out because her best friend (from 3rd grade on) kicked her out of her apartment and she lost her job at the same time (I know for a fact the job part is true, anyway). And that this is a temporary situation. I also know it's temporary because his entire family is supposed to come down for Thanksgiving and I'm supposed to be "hostess" and they have no clue we're not together yet, and he would never tell them about this other woman (some of his family is supposed to stay with him).

 

Does he want her? My gut instinct is no. The thing is, my b/f is 27. He has NEVER been without someone. Before me, he had a "friend" or whatever you want to call it - friend with benes (didn't want her for a girlfriend, but was having sex with her). He broke it off with her when we got together. I believe he feels like he has to have a backup in case things go wrong with us.

 

Yes he has cheated on me with her. While we were dating, and not really serious, I caught him with her. I left him, he tossed her, we got back together and from then on, the two of us became much closer and the relationship took off. Then we had problems (unrelated to this) in June, and I had him move out. He started hanging out with her again, said she was a distraction from the pain of what was going on with us (since I was seriously distancing myself from him at that point) and I do believe that. But as I see it, he had a choice: to run away from his problems, or try harder and do what he could to make things better. He chose to make things worse.

 

The thing that she gives him that I don't is big time ego strokes. She is needy and clingy and dependent, and takes whatever she can get from him. The thing that just makes me laugh, is that she's in this apartment with him, and he's still driving around in his car with my lipstick kiss that I smooched on his rearview mirror. It was over a month before he told me she was there because he knew I'd be upset. (Like I said, I've barely been seeing him at all, so it's not like I've been used to hanging out over there). How does she feel, knowing that he's in love with me, and not her? Why would you want to snag someone who is just sees you as a backup/distraction? I just don't get it.

 

As far as obese, I'd say she was wow, I dunno.. 250? She's apple-shaped. Big in the stomach.

[Dannysgirl]

Personally miracle, if I were you I'd be having a little chat with this cow in the ladies room. Intuition is a powerful thing and if you suspect she's after your man she probably is...

Thats not to say that will will succeed, but just to make sure tell her that you know her game and find it laughable that she thinks she's got a ghost of a chance with him!

Don't continue to bring this up with your husband afterall he has no designs on her! Just have a quiet word with her and tell her she's got about as much chance of getting with him as she has of waking up and actually being attractive!

 

I personally have had to do this in the past with girls who were throwing themselves at my boyfriend right in front of me! most of the boyfriends I have had since I began dating were very attractive guys and I found that because I am very tiny some arrogant women who thought they were 'better' than me just because they were taller would think 'well why is he with HER, as soon as he gets a load of me, he'll forget all about her.'

Obviously that never worked but they would keep trying so I ended up having to have that ladies room chat with quite a few girls...

I made one of them cry once because I called her 'an ugly scrog' after she pushed between my boyfriend and I on the dancefloor and started putting her hands all over him!

 

Trust your instincts and tell this woman to get booted.

[miracle29]

OUCH...first of all in response to Partlysunny, DUMP HIM. Now that I have the facts I know without trying to think that YOU CAN DO BETTER. I also thank you for your input, and had to stop drinking my water when reading she was $250. He's a complete fool, and she and he could use eachothers stupidity. Its blatant disrespect, you did the right thing, I'd start seeing others and dating for a bit. He's got issues, and this Aardvark faced female has too many to name. I'd like to help you take her into the..."ladies room" LOL. Keep your head up and know that he (Bipolar right?) needs you, you don't need him. (two snaps)

 

Dannys Girl, remind me to never make you mad, man you are funny and had me rolling with the comment

she's got about as much chance of getting with him as she has of waking up and actually being attractive!

OUCH..that was cold. Thanks for your input..you had me rolling.

 

[miracle29]

UPDATE:

 

I spoke with my husband and told him that I dont like her, but that its not him i'm against. I let him know that even though this cretin may be licking her paws for him, I know he's not even remotely interested...as for her...

 

SONG: Gwen Steffani's "This my S***" the song that she says "Few times i've been around that track....

 

This woman better keep her dirty paws to her self, or i'll be cliping them. But I dropped it with him, so he wouldnt think it was him i was mad at.

[PartlySunny]

Thanks Miracle!

 

Well, I did dump him. Unfortunately, he comes in to my job once a week, and has been acting "friendly." He has a tendency to not be able to take no for an answer (I know it's partly my fault too, as I'm too much of a caring person - unless of course, I'm angry, in which case I can fight with the best of them)

 

But it's done now. Finally. Took a long time to peter out.

 

I agree with you though.. I think your husband is fine and nothing to worry about, but I'd be giving that little b***h some pretty snide and nasty looks if she keeps this up. And if you need ladies room help, I'm right there with ya!

 

(Oh, and to top it all off the ex-bf has borderline personality disorder which made him abusive. What gives me a devilish little sense of satisfaction is, even there were times when he treated me terribly, he treats her 10 times worse!!! ).