cant go on like this

[hopeless1607306437]

ok well ive never really talked on a message bored to people i dont know but latly ive had no one elses. to start ill need to tell you why i cant go on living the way i do....

first of all im 14 and was just diagnosed with acid refex disease, high blood pressure, sever stress disorders, and to top it all of i have an ulser in my stomach, oh and you cant forget now that i tried to commit suicide im not aloud to leave the house and i need to go to theripy 5 times a week. i have no real friends because all they do is stab me in the back and call all the kids who dont wear clothes from the gap "freaks" well those are some of the little things...

ive never had a boyfriend because i dont believe in love... all of my life i have always thought that there was no such thing as love.... mainly because those were the last words i ever heard my mom say before she left us and moved far away.

my dad doesnt think i aplly myself in school because i have 2 B's and 2 A's i think those are great grades but they re still not good enough for him. the only person i trust is my brother and he just move about half way accross the country and i dont ever speak to him n e more.

my dad just recently told me that i need to watch what i eat because the doctore said that they arent sure if i have a more serios problem than the one i already have. they think i might have chronic anxiety. right now i take 5 pills of many anti depressents and vitamins and zantac and prozac...i take more pills that i need i think

about to weeks ago my step mom became my step mom.... that was a little before i slit my rists and i hate her more than any thing...she is the devil and to be honest with you she is the reason im always stressed and mad and i hate her she always is acting all perfect and sweet in front of my dad and now that my brother isnt here to pretect me she takes all of her anger out on me and she hearts me sometimes and so i hurt her bake and i get in trouble and am grounded for another few weeks.

i guess i love my lab top more than anything in the world right now its the only thing that i will always have with me and i can rely on for some help and its my only source to the outside world... they are sending me to a bording school/mental house were i can work out my "issues" and go to theripy all day

also i hate my theripist... i caught him falling asleep so the whole time he was asleep i played solitare on his computer instead. i thought i got more fun out of that than talking to his big butt.

well i guess i will check if n e one looked at this when im in the "school for misguided teens" i dont know what im gonna do and if im not hear soon dont be alarmed it just because im gone to a better place like a stupid school in arkansa about a million miles away

[JustAnotherFriend]

Hi there,

Its very sad to see that you are on anti-depressants at an early age like 14. I can only imagine how much life has pushed you.

Let me give you somethings that can change your Login name from 'hopeless' to 'hopefull'

First of all I am glad that you are being sent to a boarding school. I am certain its better than you staying with your step-mom and constantly hating her. Now when you stay in another place, you will make new friends and will begin to see life from a totally different angle. When you are away from day long hatred, you will get and opportunity to develop your personality like that of a normal teenager. I am sure there will be some nice people in your boarding school who will understand your problem better than your family will. Please try and be optimistic.

About your therapist falling asleep....I want you to know that all therapists are not like that. He must have been an unprofessional or inadequately qualified one. Some of them have really been able to give new life to people. Its ok if you find it hard to have faith in one. Whats more important is...have faith in yourself and the fact that you will be fine someday.

Try to reduce the dose of your anti-depressants and put in some sincere effort in getting rid of it totally. It all depends on you and how badly you want to become ok. Will power plays miracles here.

Dont lose touch with your brother. He makes you happy, so make sure you speak out to him whenever possible. When you are at hostel , he can come down sometimes to meet you. These things make a difference.

There is nothing wrong with posting your problem on a message board. Talking helps. Some times talking to your close ones doesnt work out as well as talking to strangers. There is always someone out there who understands what you are going through.

Tell yourself everyday that you are important and will not let others take you for granted. Your life is about to change for the better.

Take care,

Your friend

[kamurj]

eNotalone loves you "hopeless"!

 

You have lots of friends here, I agree with the post prior to this that there will be time you will change your login from hoopeless to hopeful. We will be here waiting for a good news from you.

 

Dont be hopeless, even if everthing else in the life feels to work against you love yourself, believe yourself. Everyone of us came to life to accieve something. Yeah, I have tried counseling, thearapy... thing and it often sucks, agree.

 

Anyway, let us know how are you doing.

 

eNotalone.com Team

[Yoshimashin]

Ive seen what your going through. One of my best frineds,ill just call him by his first name, Tony, has gone through almost the same thing. He doesent have many desises,but he has AADHD very badly. Taking ridilen doesent even help it that much. He lives with hes dad that doesent pay that much particular attention to him and his step mom doesent eather.His real mom is a drug addict and is in and out of rehab all the time and he hasent seen her in years. When he was 14 or so,he tryed to kill himself by slitting his wrists and had gone to a place much like yours. I finnaly saw him about a year later when he came back. Now he is happy with his life. He has a job,a girlfriend and of course,the awesomeness of me! WEll the moral is that things can only get brighter when at the worst...just try to find things that make you happy and try to forgive and forget things that have made your life miserable...good luck to you,though you shouldent need it

[rabsy]

Don't know what to say but I hope life works out for you. Your far to young to be going through what your going through, not that anyone of any age should going through it. Bording school will be good for you. Have hope

 

ps. I know this reply is well late.

 

Just joined the forum

[saber92973]

Sorry for the late reply but I just read your message. I know how hard being 14 can be. I was ALWAYS in trouble and felt like the world was against me. As for the step mom....well I never had one but my 10 year old daughter does and well let us just say the woman is VERY unpleasant! I would suggest getting a pocket tape recorder and when she starts in record her and let your dad listen to it. Maybe he will see her other side . Many people (not just the your step mom ) have two sides to their personality. My ex mother in law is a good example of that...sweet as pie in front of her son and everyone else and a total b**** to me! No one believed me when I told them how she acted....so I kinda know how you are feeling. My daughters step mom acts like Miss goody two shoes to her husband but then turns around and treats me and my daughter like second class citizens. I don't put up with her treating my daughter badly. Most of the time people like that are just generally unhappy people and they feel the need to make everyone else unhappy right along with them. Just hang in their....trust me things will get better! Don't let her or anyone else get you down....go to school (by the way those are very good grades) keep on the right track and everything will work itself out in the end!

[sonofcreator]

Hi, I just have basically one piece of advice to give you, and it might sound rediculous, but this is it.>> Everything happens for a reason. That includes bad things, too. There are no mistakes, only lessons. If one did not experience the bullshit they often do, they wouldn't learn a thing. I'm sure your mom left your family because you were somehow better off without her. you'll never know why exactly she had to leave, she just did. But also, you need to be thankful that you live in a country that has laptops, and that you don't have to eat garbage to survive. Everyone goes through different degrees of challenges in their lives, and they must be dealt with in a productive manner. Suicide is a coward's way out of life, and those who kill themselves will have trouble getting into heaven. You can believe in God, but to get help from Him you must first ask. You must ask others for help in order to help yourself. Just one prayer is all it takes, and if you feel you have nothing left, just try calling for Jesus. Compare what you have to lose with what you have to gain. Try and forget about what anyone has ever told you. Don't be afraid of love, because you know it exists. you just need to love the right people. Live your life in light, and always listen to the voice of morals inside you. Act as you are always being watched, because you are! don't be greedy, don't act lustfully. Give, don't steal. Smile, don't frown. Ask for forgiveness and it will be granted. I love you.