THE NICE GUY V.S. THE JERK

[jordan_2]

ok so over these past months I've come to realize that there is a lot of different interpretations to the terms "nice guy" and "jerks."

 

NOw let me try my best at defining these two different types of guys by interpreting what others have posted in the forums.

 

Nice guy- the nice guy has been known as the guy who always treated women right and never got any reciprocation or any attention from women in return. These so called "unsung" heros became the somewhat sympathized and in most cases, pitied groups of men around.

 

Now a days, people can come to see that this term "nice guy" is being used more loosely. For one, a lot of us here in the forum have come to realize that these nice guys are in fact insecure and can not admit to themselves that they are in fact the ones with the problem; instead of the women who do not pay any attention to them. If these men spent half the time changing their own attitude instead of sobbing over that blonde who "doesn't notice how much he's been there for her," a lot more women would be taken by now.

 

the Jerks: stereotyped as the jocks, "stronger" arrogant, pverly confident jack..s who don't care for anything other than a women hanging on to him.

 

These types og guys are no more in a better situation than the nice guy. "Jerks" tend to give of a persona of confidence and in some cases arrogance, and it is this personality that seem to attract women. The truth is however, that this attitude is merely a cover up, a facade to prevent everyone from seeing the true insecure person underneath.

 

By having a woman lust for him, the jerk can cover up any slight hints that he is insecure (sadly, the woman in turn becomes a trophy, merely and object for the man).

 

Another problem with these "jerks" is that part of their insecurity is not being able to give themselves emotionally, so when they do get past the first phase of a relationship, they bail out and find a new girl to cling onto their arm. It's a temporary problem to a greater emotional issue.

 

 

 

Now somewhere in between the jerk and the nice guy, is what I believe every man would truly strive for. A "real guy" (as I will coin the term now is someone who is not over confident, but confident in himself and genuinly respectful towards himself. By being happy and respectful he can (both consciously and sub-consciously) reflect this personality through his actions, and by doing so, he can attract a woman through the purest most admirable way possible. So I guess I'm trying to say, be honest with yourself and if you are truly sincere about a relationship, it will develop and become something you could never imagine.

 

 

opinions always encouraged

[easyguy]

It's about time someone made the point that there are more than 2 types of guys out there. It's oversimplified. You wish the world was that simple. Personalities go much deeper than "nice" and "jerk".

 

I agree about the "real guy" thing. It does take something in between.

[ShySoul]

Hence the reason I have always made it "the real nice guy" instead of simple "nice guy." This isn't a nice guy.

 

Now a days, people can come to see that this term "nice guy" is being used more loosely. For one, a lot of us here in the forum have come to realize that these nice guys are in fact insecure and can not admit to themselves that they are in fact the ones with the problem; instead of the women who do not pay any attention to them. If these men spent half the time changing their own attitude instead of sobbing over that blonde who "doesn't notice how much he's been there for her," a lot more women would be taken by now.

 

That is what you call the "insecure person." These people are the ones who whine about how everything is unfair and they can't get women, or that they allow themselves to be walked on. But these are not real nice guys, and its unfair to true nice guys to be associated with them.

 

A true nice guy is described by simply looking at what nice means. These people are: amiably pleasant, kind, virtuous, respectful, polite, helpful, generous, does what is right because it is right. Sometimes they will get annoyed and vent frustrations. That is not because they are insecure, that is because they are constantly being mistaken for an insecure guy who doesn't stand up for himself. If you are constantly being told that as a nice guy you need to learn to stand up for yourself, are weak and have no confidence, don't understand women, etc.... that wears on you. There comes a point where you can't keep it inside and need to say something.

 

When something is repeated enough times, you can start to easily believe it. More real nice guys are told that nice guys finish last and the like, more they will start to believe it. So that in itself will make someone less secure. If a nice guy lacks confidence, it is because they have it beaten out of them.

 

Your right on with the jerks though.

 

What you define as a real guy is what a nice guy has always been. Hence why I say that nice guys are the only real guys around.

[jordan_2]

"a rose by any other name is still a rose"

 

lol ok shysoul i understand what your saying...

 

what i was trying to get at though was the fact that people have categorized these types of guys already, I am merely just using those terms to help people relate to them easier, but I totally still agree with what your saying.

[ShySoul]

Ok Jordan. But as a nice guy I find it annoying when people catergorize us as something we are not. It's like any other stereotype, unfounded and inaccurate.

[corvidae]

So us guys have to be confident, but not arrogant, respect ourselves and somehow convey all this to the women in our lives (without being egotistical about it)? You know you don't really control how others see you.

[asdf]

women tend to prefer confidence and above average manliness in a man and dislike neediness or insecurity. it really has little to do with "good" or "bad" because there are plenty of women who like good guys and plenty who like bad guys.

 

there are also women who like shy men, although they are fewer in number.

[darkblue]

If there is one more 'nice guy' topic opened - I think I'll go insane .

 

The majority of women are attracted to confidence in a man.

 

But they don't want him to mess them around. thereforeeee, Be Nice, But Not A Pushover.

[Markers]

If there is one more 'nice guy' topic opened - I think I'll go insane .

 

 

I went insane already

[ShySoul]

If there is one more 'nice guy' topic opened - I think I'll go insane

 

I was already insane from the get go. 8) There will always be this topic, as long as guys try to mask their insecurities by being a bad boy, as long as there are those who stand up for being nice and doing what is right, and as long as people keep distorting "nice guy" into something it is not.

 

So us guys have to be confident, but not arrogant, respect ourselves and somehow convey all this to the women in our lives (without being egotistical about it)? You know you don't really control how others see you.

 

Which is why I say to not even think about the whole issue. Just be you. Everyone is innately good, that goodness will shine through. Nice guys have the problem when they try to be nice to impress people. One, they usually go overboard and become they insecure guy. Two, there motivations have become tainted, they are no longer being nice simple because it is right. The jerks convince themselves they need to be arrogant to mask their insecurites, which ultimately leads them to no success with women, or very superficial success at best. But if you don't try to convey anything to people, and are just you... thats when you will convey they most. You will come off as genuine and sincere... because thats what you are being. If you just live your life and focus on what makes you happy and your best self, you will have confidence in yourself. That confidence will naturally show. You will also be accepting of your whole self, so you will have enough confidence to show your insecurites, but still enough confidence to not let them control you.

 

That kind of acceptance of your whole self makes you a more well rounded person. Cause we are all these things. The key is knowing to embrace our whole selves.

[darkblue]

I was already insane from the get go. There will always be this topic, as long as guys try to mask their insecurities by being a bad boy, as long as there are those who stand up for being nice and doing what is right, and as long as people keep distorting "nice guy" into something it is not.

 

I... You know what? It's just not worth it... lol.

[MetallicAguy]

try to mask their insecurities by being a bad boy

Well if bad boys are insecure why do women go for them? lol. Women don't like insecure guys.

[ShySoul]

I... You know what? It's just not worth it... lol.

 

Stopping before you deliver the punchline? Come on. I was hoping someone would play off that line, better you then alot of others.

 

Well if bad boys are insecure why do women go for them? lol. Women don't like insecure guys.

 

Women don't go for them. If they pay attention it is because of 1) a phase that she will grow out of, thinking that she is young and needs to live it up wild style which is something bad boys try to do 2) a desire to change the guy and show him the real man he has hidden deep inside him 3) the bad boy is really good at masking those insecurities so it appears like they aren't insecure.

 

But women see through all of this in time.

[darkblue]

Quote:

I... You know what? It's just not worth it... lol.

 

 

Stopping before you deliver the punchline? Come on. I was hoping someone would play off that line, better you then alot of others.

 

Very well, Shy.

 

I don't feel the need to constantly reply to people that are concerned that their 'nice guy' attitude won't pay off.

 

I don't believe that all 'bad boys' are masking insecurities - some of them are just stung and bitter from past experiences and refuse to be hurt in the future. They then pretend not to care what is best for the woman.

[MetallicAguy]

Well, if he really is insecure they wouldn't go for him in the first place if they can "see right through him". Women sense that ****, so yeah if they realized he was insecure they wouldn't go for him.

 

They go for bad boys get over it. They go for nice guys too, but a lot of guys don't show very much interest in those women.

 

live it up wild style

LOL. I'm sorry but I don't live it up wild style lmao I'm not a swinger. I'm an inbetween, not an *** not a nice guy that's softer than the pillsbury doughboy.

 

 

 

a desire to change the guy and show him the real man he has hidden deep inside him

I said that on an old post, different words for it.

 

Guys that aren't nice aren't insecure, nice guys are insecure. A great chunk of my friends are nice guys...they are insecure. I don't know any nice guy that is not insecure.

 

the bad boy is really good at masking those insecurities so it appears like they aren't insecure

Even then it still leaks lol.

[darkblue]

They go for bad boys get over it. They go for nice guys too

 

Were you thinking out loud? That's a conflicting point...

 

So, they go for bad boys - get over it.

 

Oh, no; wait you have a chance - because 'they go for nice guys too'.

[MetallicAguy]

They go for nice guys too, but a lot of guys don't want that girl. I can't say that certain women don't like these nice guys because shysoul got a "nice gf" XD.

 

Just use whatever works for you no one gives a ****.

[JRM]

Well if bad boys are insecure why do women go for them? lol. Women don't like insecure guys.

Actually, a lot of "bad boys" are actually insecure and use the women they get as compensation for something they feel they lack. And the women they attract often just cant help but be attracted to them due to some event or events that occurred in her upbringing.

 

Same goes for nice guys. They are too insecure and afraid of being rejected to shoot for the big one, so to speak. Women usually attracted to them because their attitude just isn't as appealing as that of the "bad boy", or they just come off as creepy

 

Truth be told, the only secure guy is the real you.

[ShySoul]

I don't believe that all 'bad boys' are masking insecurities - some of them are just stung and bitter from past experiences and refuse to be hurt in the future. They then pretend not to care what is best for the woman.

 

Stung, bitter, pretending not to care.... sounds like insecurities to me.

 

Even then it still leaks lol.

 

Which is when the woman realizes the truth.

 

Guys that aren't nice aren't insecure, nice guys are insecure. A great chunk of my friends are nice guys...they are insecure. I don't know any nice guy that is not insecure.

 

Everyone is insecure in some ways. A nice guy is generally more secure though. They just fail to realize that sometimes because of a sensitive nature or the harsh words of others.

 

LOL. I'm sorry but I don't live it up wild style lmao I'm not a swinger. I'm an inbetween, not an *** not a nice guy that's softer than the pillsbury doughboy.

 

Aww... the philsbury doughboy. Mentioning him shows you do have a soft side. Nice guys aren't soft. They can probably be wilder then any of the so called jerks or bad boys, they are simple wise enough not to be. My theory, those in between never branch out to far and become predictable, settling into easily defined patterns. So even when they think they are being unpredictable, they aren't. But the guys who venture to the extremes, either good or bad, tend to do more. Nice guys can be wild, wild guys can be big softees. When determines which way they go is who they person is and their willingness to face their emotions and stuff.

 

They go for nice guys too, but a lot of guys don't want that girl. I can't say that certain women don't like these nice guys because shysoul got a "nice gf" XD.

 

Just use whatever works for you no one gives a ****.

 

You care, otherwise you wouldn't bother to post on the subject, even specifically bringing up my name. Plenty of other people posts, so they care in some way as well. And I would think that women care, we are talking about what they prefer you know. They are the ones that have to put up with the guy, no matter how he acts. "Whatever works" isn't a good suggestion, because it doesn't tell you anything. What do you mean by working? Working in the short term or working in the long term?

 

Same goes for nice guys. They are too insecure and afraid of being rejected to shoot for the big one, so to speak

 

And then they do shoot for the big one and end up happier then they could ever have imagined. Or they have a girl who actually initiates things with them. Women find nice, shy, innocent, etc to be just as appealing or even more so.

[MetallicAguy]

Aww... the philsbury doughboy. Mentioning him shows you do have a soft side.

LOL.

 

 

 

Nice guys aren't soft. They can probably be wilder then any of the so called jerks or bad boys, they are simple wise enough not to be

If they were smart they'd choose to be, I'd think that girls like adventurous fun guys .

 

You care, otherwise you wouldn't bother to post on the subject, even specifically bringing up my name. Plenty of other people posts, so they care in some way as well. And I would think that women care, we are talking about what they prefer you know. They are the ones that have to put up with the guy, no matter how he acts. "Whatever works" isn't a good suggestion, because it doesn't tell you anything. What do you mean by working? Working in the short term or working in the long term?

 

Yeah I do care, when you make these full of **** comments about guys different than yourself up. I mean no one cares about what works for you, if your a nice guy or something else. Guys out there, just try both, if one doesn't work you have your answer. If one style doesn't work on that woman you are probably going for the wrong women.

 

Working in the short term or working in the long term?

Nice smart ***. I mean working like what works for you. Like being a nice guy fairy who thinks he's holier-than-thou because he's had one gf, if that works for you great *2 thumbs up sarcastically*, it doesn't mean it's going to work for every other guy out there because you got lucky once. Or just being a different guy that isn't a soft nice guy.

 

And then they do shoot for the big one and end up happier then they could ever have imagined

Only thing bad about that, is when they break up and that awesome emotional connection they once had snaps I don't think the nice guy will know how to handle it. Let's just say it'll be a huge emo moment .

[Shinobie]

Ok im getting tired of these posts too.But a lot of u guys think us nice guys wont stand up for anything.I will stand up for my gosh damn self if i notice the situation is out of line.Just because i say i do nice things doesnt mean i let people just walk all over me.Im only a lil too nice to my friends but thats because they have given me so much joy in life and made it fun.Yes im skinny but i dont care dudeill say something for myself.We shouldnt jump to conslusions about bad boys and u shouldnt about us.Maybe we should make a mutual agreement or something.We dont know enough about each human being to generalize or stereotype people.Because we are all complex human beings.We all have some others things about ourselves that we think that we think about other human beings.But some people use it in a bad way.But hey im a 18 year old i dont know all that much yet im still learning so some of my stuff i think is dumb but dont generalize me man for being a nice guys.And u have no right to put down shy's girlfriend.U have no fricken right at all too put down women that dont give that same appeal no gosh damn right.Since i say im a nice guy u prolly think im some stupid fool that any women that finds me attractive is what is ugly too you but what iono what i can find attractive or cute is different too people.Its all so confusing i dont know.I just know it changes nothing was not like this in middle school.Girls were just sweet but a lot of guys were getting somewhat overwhelming for their ages.Then when i hit high school and moved up here i was like wtf happened????Btw metallica you are 15 and in high school and that place is a jk so u dont know much prolly as well as i dont know much but we still try to bring up our ideas but i still feel as though im confused.Im just sayin dont label nice guys the wrong way cause u dont know how i am to begin with.

[MetallicAguy]

I didn't really get that post Shinobie I honestly didn't know what the hell you were talking about lol. Except that last line.

[Shinobie]

Well why u didnt is because when i think.Im constantly thinking and my mind never stops.I constantly analyze what im saying and i basically make my opinions very confusing.Cause they are not worded in the right way.If someone brings up one thing.I can bring up like a lot of ideas and just let out too much i guess and not make sense.A Racing mind is prolly why i cant sleep.Just trying to say im not exactly like the nice guys u label and i do different things.I was also talking to my friend on msn messenger so maybe a reason it turned into a jumbled mess if u dont understand it iono.And maybe i shold have quoted the people i meant it for but i never bothered to learn how to quote more then one person shold have looked.

[ShySoul]

If they were smart they'd choose to be, I'd think that girls like adventurous fun guys

 

Who says they aren't? It's just that there since of adventure is different. Hey, taking a trip to Hawaii, the Bahamas, Nashville for a weekend of country music heaven, or fascinating cave formations in Kentucky formed eons ago.... can have lots of adventures and fun. And the greatest adventure of all is simple life.

 

I mean no one cares about what works for you, if your a nice guy or something else. Guys out there, just try both, if one doesn't work you have your answer. If one style doesn't work on that woman you are probably going for the wrong women.

 

I post for the nice guys to encourage them to see that what they are doing works and so they don't get frustrated enough to turn to something that really isn't them. I want them to see that they don't need to try anything else, they have everything they need already. No one should try something that they wouldn't otherwise do just to see if girls will like it. They should be themselves and let girls appreciate who they are.

 

Nice smart ***. I mean working like what works for you. Like being a nice guy fairy who thinks he's holier-than-thou because he's had one gf, if that works for you great *2 thumbs up sarcastically*, it doesn't mean it's going to work for every other guy out there because you got lucky once. Or just being a different guy that isn't a soft nice guy.

 

Did you sleep well last night? You seem to be in an angry mood. Take it easy. If it was just getting lucky once, that doesn't explain the other girls attracted to me or the one saying she wanted to go out with me. Unless I'm really lucky, which doesn't make sense since I've always seemed to have bad luck. I'm not saying to be a nice guy cause it works. I'm saying be nice because you should be nice. It just so happens that in the long run it does pay off in that way. And, for the 7,890 time, nice does not mean soft. Nice means nice.

 

Only thing bad about that, is when they break up and that awesome emotional connection they once had snaps I don't think the nice guy will know how to handle it. Let's just say it'll be a huge emo moment

 

They hurt. Everyone in that position hurts. But the tough, bad guy is likely to try to cover it up, say it doesn't matter when it really does. He afterall, doesn't want anyone to know he isn't as strong as he makes out to be. So that hurt gets buried inside where it will continue to haunt him longer. The nice guy is likely to be devastated for awhile, but then he will bounce back. I know cause it did happen to me. Me and my girl have had our problems. She's tried to pull back and not get to close, saying we should be friends. And I was devastated, horrible feeling. But after a few days we talked again, and things got better. I kept up as usual, and things got better and better. It all worked out for the best. And through it all, my being nice was never an issue. If anything the fact that I was so understanding, nice, and patient drew her back to me.

 

Shinobie,

 

You tell them man.

[MetallicAguy]

If it was just getting lucky once, that doesn't explain the other girls attracted to me or the one saying she wanted to go out with me

Just because they seem to be interested doesn't mean they're going to accept you on a date lol. It's not guaranteed. Everyone should know that.

 

 

But the tough, bad guy is likely to try to cover it up, say it doesn't matter when it really does. He afterall, doesn't want anyone to know he isn't as strong as he makes out to be.

Shy, just because guys that are not nice guys doesn't mean they cover up their feelings.