Why do I feel like it's not over? Daily Log..

[FCTex]

I'm doing good today. I felt good, I had a good day at work for the most part. I thought about my ex a good bit today however...

 

It was a slow day, and I had to go into the lab, and do some testing. Well, my ex, works there during the summer, while she's not in school. Seeing as how she just went back to school, I was doing what she was doing a few weeks earlier. We'll.. I found notes for stuff, with her hand writing.. I even found a note pad, with stuff on it and at the top it had our names on it with a heart inbetween them... That was kinda.. hard to see...

 

In any instance, I havent contacted her today. She hasn't contacted me since last night. I'm honestly, getting better with all of this by the day. I still have my down times. I miss her greatly. I love her even more..

 

I don't know why I feel like this, but, with the time I have, analyzing her, and me, and our realationship... Our love, our memories. I just feel like I'm falling in love with her all over again. I get butterflies in my stomach to think about the first time we met, and went out. When I think of some of the memorable things we've done. I can't help buy space out sometimes at work, and think about funny stuff we did, and our good times, and I find myself smiling and even laughing, just out of no where.

 

All in all, I'm not hurting by thinking of this anymore. Her calling me upset me some, but infact it was the opposite. I found comfort in her call. I found a small amount of success that she was thinking of me, and decided to give me a call. For whatever she's feeling right now, I hope it's happiniess when she thinks of what we had.. I still wish she'd want to get back together, but I'm moving on. I feel good about it. I want her to chase me, and work if she really wants to me back. Hurt me once, shame on you. Hurt me twice, shame on me; as the old saying goes.. I'm not falling again.

 

I feel good though. I am not great, and sometimes I feel fake still. I feel like I'm trying so hard to fill a void that is so big right now. I feel pressured to find companionship, and at the same time, I'm still somewhat reluctant for anything, because I do want her back, and I do miss her.. But I'm also finding good things in the fact I'm not mad at her. I'm not angry. I wish her the absolute best in the world for her, even now.. I do want to be part of her life, but right now I dont want to be anything but fond memories to her. With a little more time, and her contacting me more, I think I can find something within myself to be social with her, go out, contact each other from time to time.. I've been praying alot, and I honestly believe we'll give it another shot, but I'm not dwelling on it.

 

I only dwell on my happiness with her, and the happiness I wish for her.

 

anyone have any suggestions now on how to slowly maybe try and get a life back with her? It's her will, I know that, but should she be giving me signs of maybe wanting me to come back into her life, in the instance of getting a relationship started again, how would I go about it? I dont wanna push it, and I dont want to give to much, but I dont want to appear to have moved on from her as well.

[FCTex]

I've had a pretty good weekend.

 

I didn't see or talk to the ex since I last mentioned when she called me. No e-mails, AIM, text, or personal meetings. Nothing. No Contact.

 

Her dad and I spent alot of time together Friday after word, due to problems there, and we kinda cut up, and acted like old times. He also took me to pick up my truck from the off road garage after work that night.. So I'm happy that everything is cool with he and I. I even hung out with her brother at work sat morning, which was good as well.

 

I still think of her. Alot. I wonder what she's doing, and who she's with, if anyone. Wondering if she still thinks of me.. when I'm driving around, if I see a car like hers, I almost break my neck trying to see if it's her..

 

But I'm being strong. I'm not getting upset. I feel lonely from time to time, but I'm doing a good job of filling that time, so it's less and less every day. I've been talking to other women, just filling that space again I think, nothing serious, no real dates, just new women to talk to, and judge. I dont think I want anyone right now. I want her back still, but I'm coming to grips everyday that it passes that it might just be over for good between us. if she really loved me, the way she showed and said, then she'd come back to me. I can't wait for that to happen though.

 

I almost want to call her, but I think I'm gonna wait atleast another week before I contact her, that is, if I do. I'm doing well enough right that I think a month after the break up, that perhaps I wont be so attached to the lack of contact, and not hearing or seeing what I wanna hear that I wont be so down when those wishes don't get fullfilled.

 

I dont think I'll be let down anymore. Maybe if I saw her with another guy I would... But I dont know yet....

 

So, a month is upon me, for the break up that is. 3 weeks for the offical breaking up, since one week was in limbo for "taking a break"..

 

We'll see what happens this upcoming week. Maybe she'll call me.. Maybe she'll want to me up for the labor day weekend.

[Cindy11]

I can totally identify with your pain. I just want to know what my ex is thinking, doing. Does he miss me, is he thinking about me? I hope he is ... one minute I'm sobbing, the next minute, I'm ok. I feel like disappearing as well but I know that's not possible. I want to get over this so bad and move on. I don't have many friends. Most of them are out of state and that's tougher. Thank god for this forum. It has definitely helped me.

[FCTex]

It does get better. I can some light at the end of the tunnel..

 

I'm just trying to get used to the fact that she's more than likely not going to come back to me. A month is coming up.. Sept 6th will be one month since the day I cried my eyes out and wanted to die. I'm come pretty far.

 

I'm proud of myself. I've changed as a person, more in one month, than I think I could have in 3. I feel more mature, yet, more in touch with my age. I feel like I'm my age. 20. I feel like I need to go out and have fun. I'm more social. I have self esteem. I've lost 10 lbs, due to not eating, but i actually found some muscle I didnt' have.. I have girls intrested in me. It's just hard to get back into things. I havent dated in 1 1/2 years. I havent been open to seeing other people. I was an honest boyfriend for those years. I can count on my hand how many girls I've even hugged in the last 1 1/2 years. I never cheated, never kissed, never strayed, and never thought about cheating. It's just hard to get the ex out of my program, and get on to moving on.

 

I still miss her alot.. I wish she'd contact me sometimes.. Some days I go by without wanting it. Somedays like today, I wish she'd call me. I got hurt at work today, and almost went to the ER, and I wanted to call her to go with me if she could. I hate doctors, and she was the only person ever that I felt good to go to the doctor with... I wonder what she's doing.. I wonder if she thinks of me at the same time in the morning... I wonder if she stumbles accross things of me, or that make her think of me, the same way I do. I wonder if she's "me proofed" her new place. If i'm just a memory to her.. I don't want to be just a memory. I want to be a part of her life still, one way or another.. I just think that I'd need to get past the point of if I saw her with someone else, would I be upset? I would be right now, so I know I'm not ready.

 

I feel lonely. Yet my friends are nothing but open arms right now. They are so awesome.. I can relate to my good friend, his ex and my ex were best friends back in the day, and they both appear to be doing the same(experiencing, being free) thing right now..

 

She's ripped my heart out, and I'm finding it tough to get through sometimes. I'm not dwelling on it. It's just hard sometimes to have a random thought, and realize to yourself that you are SINGLE. That you dont have that special someone lookin out for you, or thinking about you everyday. Someone who doesn't verbally and physically show you how your loved, and how special you are. It's not a great feeling to be void of that...

 

I miss her.... She was my lifesaver.. I'm just hung up on the what if's and should haves. I should have given her more space. I should have been more understanding, more supportive. More open, more giving.. I should have said things to her, that I want to tell her so bad right now. It's all past now... When something happens exciting to me, I dont have anyone who I feel genuinely cares about it.. it used to be her.

 

I feel like she's died.. I don't hear her name, her family doesn't really speak of her much, atleast that I hear in front of them.. She doesn't get online when I do, so I dont see her name on there.. She doesnt call, text, e-mail, anything.. I feel like my loved one just died. Gone. Forever.

 

Gone...Forever.. Hard to swallow, but I realized that she hurt me in all this. That with the time, the one month, that I've realized I can walk, I can run, I can sing, scream, and beam a smile to people. I can dance, and laugh.. I can party, and sleep.. Without her.. Sure it's nice to share your happiness with someone, but I'm finding that I dont need a "crutch". I don't need her. I want her, but I don't need her. She's not my happiness right now. She was, and would be, and brings me happiness, but she's not my sole happiness. Which you can't place on a person...

 

I love her. I miss her, I want her....I don't need her...

 

It gets better.. I feel better... I'm going to find someone worth all my love, compassion, trust, and my life. Someone who will once again respect me, and my feelings.. And only then, will my ex realize after time, that she threw away one of the most amazing things of her life.. Us.

[FCTex]

Okay..

 

So tonight I felt like I needed to reach out to people to keep from contacting the ex.

 

Tonight might be one of the hardest nights.. I have NO idea why... I want to talk to her so bad.

 

I called an old friend, who used to be a roommate/sorority sister/good friend of my ex.. She was also my friend before my ex's. In any case... It was good to talk to her. Confess how I was feeling..

 

Anyways. I'm here, right now, because I was lookin at music online, chatting with a buddy, and look on my list, and my ex was online. I haven't seen her online in a while, and she's away right now studying... I'm so tempted to start a conversation... So tempted to tell her to have a good week.. So tempted.. So wanting to, but I'm not.

 

I'm gonna just log off when I'm done.. Not going to say a thing... she's not there..

 

But darnit! I want to talk to her. i want her to know I'm thinkin of her still. I want her to know I'm here...

 

Why am I so bad tonight? I'm doing so good!!

[L8RISER]

As I'm sure you've found out, breaking up truly is an emotional

Rollercoaster. And unfortunate you are no where close to being finished with it. My first relationship lasted a little more than a year; on-and-off, terrible fights, slept with other people during the breaks, and generally screwed with each others minds. In the end, I was the one to make the final break. Even then it took me 8 months to stop think about him. As horrible as the relationship was, it still took that long. I stopped wishing I was with him again after only a couple months; I was the one to leave him after all (though I slipped up a couple times.) But I continued to think about what happened in out relationship, the mistakes we made, the words that were said during our fights - those things stayed in my head for a long time. After 8 months passed since the break up, and 4 months of silence, I found out he was in hospital and checked in on him. By doing that I showed myself and him that I was no longer angry. And finally I could leave our memories in the past where they belong.

 

I can tell you that she is thinking about you. She probably is missing you. It's only been a month. You can't just erase from your mind or heart someone who you spent a year and a half of your life with. She may even wish she was lying beside again. It seems easier for the dumper, but I can tell you that it isn't. You gotta remember that she left you for a reason, and even though you may not agree with it, even though it may be ridiculous, even though it may seem so wrong - she had a reason, she made a tough decision (and it is always tough), and she has every right to make that decision. And I really, really, really know it's hard to accept that. But if she came back to you now, she would only be reminded of why she left in the first place. I hooked up with my first ex a couple times after dumping him. I really felt alone. At first it seemed nice, like old times. We had a few drinks, watched movies, and had sex. But when I woke up in the morning and looked around, I though "what am I doing?" It was the past, I gone back in time. It wasn't the future. And that is what you have to force yourself to remember. Breakups are about the present and the future, not about the past. The past was great; you loved each other and shared each other's lives. And at some point you will be able to happily remember those past memories, but you will never be able to live in them. And I know right now all you can do is remember the past; there seem to be no future. And you have to go crazy, beat yourself up a bit, pace around the house, stop eating, stop going to the gym, make crazy phone calls, and chew your nails. But at some point, once that is out of you, you have to step back, look at the situation and yourself, and think "this is really insane!" And not only insane but exhausting, and actually boring. Really you only have had three weeks to full digest what has happened, and that's not long time. Months from now, you'll think you're fine, and then see something or hear something and it will take you right back to the moment of rejection. You gotta realize that is going to happen. It's normal, everyone goes through it. You just gotta expect it. Eventually the time between having "moments" gets longer and longer, and then one day those ghosts are gone for good.

 

Your girlfriend may seem cold in her words and in her actions, but she has to be. She has made a choice and she has to force herself to stick to it however hard it may be at times. She can't allow herself to fall back it to the past, and she can't give you any reason to think that she would. She has to be strong with you, and when she's weak, you have to be strong for her and for you. You don't want her to come back to you out of guilt. You have to tell yourself that above all else you love her, and want her to be happy. And I totally understand that you want her to feel like she has lost something valuable. And maybe you don't want to hurt her, but you want the "revenge" of her missing you. The best way to do that is to be mature, successful, kind, generous, giving, and respectful of her feelings – to be the kind of person everyone would want to be with. But you can't expect that to turn things around. Maybe one day, if you do things the right way at this moment, you can be friends, but anything beyond that is mostly the stuff of movies. And you can still dream...sometimes you have to dream...sometimes dreams are all we have.

 

Trust me, man; I know exactly how you feel right now. I was dumped two weeks ago by someone who I very much love. We were together for 2 years, and live together. He's not even here to talk about it. He's at his parents. During a phone call two weeks ago I confronted him with the question "do you want to fix our relationship or break up?" The answer was "I'm sorry…" And it's really hard to accept that. Nothing seriously wrong happened in our relationship. The romance just seemed to slow fade over the last few months. I convinced myself that I was OK with that, that I could handle a breakup, but I was fooling myself, and no doubt my attitude sped things up. We agreed not to discuss it over the phone, and so I have to wait two and half weeks till he comes back. It's as like I am frozen in time at the most painful moment of a breakup just hanging there. Though I know these words I am writing to be true in my mind, right now I am totally absorbed by thoughts in my heart. I'm going crazy too - deep in denial and trying to make up "deals" that would keep us together. My ex is leaving me for the same reason as yours. They need to experience being single. There is an 11 year age difference between me and my ex (I know..."what were you thinking?") And although the issue is one of age, it isn't about age difference. We actually got along very well together, and at one point were very much in love. As much as it hurts to think that he is leaving me so he can sleep with other people, I actually totally understand. As much as I hate it, and it hurts, he's got to do it. He has to go out into the world without anyone to carry him. He has to meet people, sleep with them, get hurt, be lied to, fall for people who want nothing more than his body because that is the ONLY way he will learn the value of a relationship. The only way he will learn that lying in the arms of someone who knows you…and loves what he knows is better than all the great sex in the world! And I know that somewhere down the road he will learn that, and want what he had with me, and it won't be with me. That hurts more then anything. And maybe some people can find their mate for life when they are young, and stay together forever, but are their lives any rich? Is their love any more rewarding than what you felt for you ex, or what you will feel for you next girlfriend? You gotta feel the lows to true understand and appreciate the highs.

 

I know it's hard to be around your friends when you feel like you're

"faking" it. You're pretending to be cool with things because the truth is actually embarrassing in a way. When you're in love you feel so strong, and then when it's gone you almost feel ashamed of how weak you became. And so you hide it. It's good to talk to let it out, and it's hard because the person who you would run to when you feel like this, is the one person in the world that you can't talk to. And friends are great, and are there for you, but it's not the same. But forcing yourself to happy-ish around your friends, and not ramble on endlessly about your pain is actually a good thing, and helps you put the past to rest. When you are loved you get addicted to the love, which is good. But when that love is gone, you become addicted to memories of the love you shared, which is bad. It's called thought-addiction, and it keeps you in the past, and in pain. And it's normal to morn what is lost, but eventually you have to force yourself to stop thinking about her and what was. It's really hard, but it can only happen if you make it happen. Take those photo and gifts put them in a box, and put that box somewhere where it can't be seen. Bury it if you have to. But don't throw them out. Put them away for the future. Right now, I am in the apartment that my ex and I share. Everywhere I look I see him. His stuff is everywhere. I can't put it away, because until he can make arrangements, this is still his home. I don't want him to be uncomfortable. Even when his stuff is gone, there will still be walls we painted together. This is the first person I ever lived with, and there are memories everywhere. I find that it helps to change yourself. Change gets you away from the past which is what is causing you to hurt. Do something you've always been meaning to do; a new hobbie, sport, hair cut, rearrange furniture, get a tattoo, new wardrobe. Do something different, and create new memories that will push the thoughts of the past back to where they belong.

 

The thing to take away from this is that after our ex's have been single for a while they are going to realize how great it was to be in a relationship; how much easy life can be with someone who holds you up when you feel weak; how many more experiences you can have when you're with someone who you trust and believe in. And while it may not be with you or me, it was the power, strength, and honesty of the love that we gave them that taught them the greatness of loving someone. We set the standard. No matter how much distance grows between my ex and me, no matter where life takes each of us, part of him is me, and part of me is him. And that is how the memory of us will live on in the future. We change each other forever, and without a doubt for the better. I'll never be the same, and I'm glad.

[Bobby101]

What an amazing post L8RISER !

 

That has helped me immensly. Wow !

 

Good luck and wish you all the best !

[FCTex]

WOW!!!

 

All I have to say, is thats the reply, and the words I wanted to hear and see here.

 

I'm blown away right now.. You really gave me a perspective I was trying to detail together, from my ex's point of view..

 

I do miss her. And part of me DOES want her to miss me, and "hurt" so to speak, without me.. I do respect what she wants to do, and like you said, it's horrible to think it's just them wanting to go out and be carefree, and date around, and do as they want, when they want.. But your also right in the fact, that months down the road.. They'll be hurt by their own choices, their doings. They will only then realize how easy love was. How easy the love poured from each other in the relationship. How having someone there for you 24/7/365, anywhere... Was the most special thing someone could have..

 

I'm letting her go. And while I know I say I'm doing well, I know I have a long road to heal. I find myself doing better and better everyday.. and I don't want my ex back right now. I don't. Honestly, as God as my witness, don't want them back..now... Maybe in the future, should that be in the cards, I'd love to reunite, and see whats going on. I want to be friends, and she her changes.. And have her judge mine.. But right now, I can't. It's hard.. I know she misses me, and I know she's missing our habits.. And it really sucks that she knows she has to stick to her guns, because after all, SHE was the one that turned this whole thing upside down, by breaking up with me.

 

Please keep tabs of my thread L8Riser... Your insight, and words, really bring a smile to my face. They really make me feel better about my situation, in a sense, that it's all natural, the feelings and the denial, the hurt, and the range of emotions.

 

And I find some of the best comfort in your words, that I set her standard, and that she'll always remember me, and our memories. We were each others first real loves, and first real, serious relationship.. I'm glad we changed each other, she's really turned my life around.

[Demond34]

You definitely made a first impression with your first post. I hope that people take a minute to read what you wrote. Excellent post!!

[L8RISER]

Thanks guys. It's good to know what I'm saying resonates with people, and helps them out. The truth is, writing that post made me feel so much better about my own situation (appetite is back, and I can actually sleep - it's a start.) I think communicating with people who understand what you are going through, yet know nothing about you personally allows you to see things from a perspective outside of you present ordeal, with all it's craziness. Talking to friends, family, and the ex, the people who know me; my emotions get in the way of my vision. The advice I gave was also really advice for myself.

 

I even think that one day I'll be able to look at this breakup and think that it was the right thing to happen for both of us, though it's hell right now. I had no way of know that this special person, breaking up with me, ever existed before we met. And we never would have met if I hadn't gone through a breakup before that.

 

I know I'm on the edge still, and will be for quite a while, but my thoughts on the future now. When I see people holding hands and kissing, I don't think that use to be me, but that WILL be me.

 

Thanks for the thanks.

[FCTex]

I'm doing good today.. Had a pretty rough day, but I've started talking to a girl I've recently met. Just random conversation. Met her once before a long time back, but the stint of our knowing each other doesn't extend more than online, and phone. She seems really awesome, fun to talk to, really cute. I find myself almost looking forward to talking to her. Meeting her tomorrow afterwork to grab a bite to eat, and get some coffee..She calls pretty often, and even brought up, us meeting up tomorrow. So we'll see.

 

I don't know if this contact with a new girl, and the other intrest that has sparked in the last week, while being out and partying, has me not thinking of my ex...

 

I still miss her. I think of her often.. Her mother called me tonight, just to see what was up, and to ask me a question about her new computer and her ipod.. Even asked if I'd come over to help her, and that she'd make me dinner one night... So I dont know what I wanna do about that. Kinda weird right now.. But I guess part of me wants to go over there. I miss them alot, awesome people, and if I show that I'm doing good, and things are good with me and between them, then I guess part of me feels some success in all of this.

 

I went online, to her facebook profile, and saw that the guy she's suppossedly "seeing" according to her profile, made a comment to her, and called her "pookie" and then put just kidding next to it. I don't know how to take that comment. Kinda pissed me off that some douchebag is calling her a pet name, and flirting with her. Part of me doesnt care though. She can do as she wants, who am I to get jealous? I'm flirting with a girl, so she can't be mad at me.. It's a mixed emotion. I know I shouldnt snoop like that. I shouldnt force myself to go look, and find out.. I'm only making myself upset a little at times..... I'm gonna stop that I think..

 

I miss her still. and I find myself thinking about her pretty often during the day. Alot of things remind me of her. I wonder if she's thinkin of me... I'm sure she is.. She's gotten online a few times, and I've seen her on.. I don't speak to her at all though, no contact....

 

Anyways.. L8Riser I appreciate your comments. I find it comforting too to give advice to others, when I really should be following it myself..

 

Hold tight everyone.

[patience]

try not to go to websites where she posts, and take her off your buddy list so that you don't know when she is online

 

it's weird that her mom is in contact with you...doesn't she know you're heartbroken???

[FCTex]

I assume she knows I am. I put on a fake persona when I see her and talk to her... I just.. I dont know. Part of me wants to be strong in front of her family. I know she knows I'm heartbroken. I've cried at work infront of her dad, and I'm sure he's mentioned how I was acting that first week at work to her...

 

i'm ok with I guess....

[FCTex]

Great day. Going to meet another girl for coffee and chit chat tonight. Party on the weekend.. Decent work day..

 

The ex texted me today. I was really surprised. Hasn't contacted me in over a week, and the last time we had contact, she called me.. It was pretty odd.

 

She said she got a new acoustic CD of a band we both love and found together one time, and said it was awesome and wanted to know if I wanted a copy..

 

I already have the CD, but the real question is.. Do I reply?

 

I didnt reply to it yet... Dont know if it's her wanting to make some sort of contact with me.. Or her wanting to see how I react to it, wanting to meet up with her to get the CD, or what.. Who knows.

 

Anyone have suggestions? I would love to see her, love to get back, but I just don't want to make it hard. I don't want to play games.. Seems like she's trying to feel me, and see how I am doing.

[7CardStud]

I think you should tell her, if she is trying to play games with you... Because her texting you about a cd, is so random it seems like she is trying to contact you. Tell her if she has any respect for you at all, she should leave you alone. Because i know everytime my ex made contact with me, it was like... If you want to get back together, I will think about it. Otherwise PLEASE don't talk to me.

[FCTex]

I texted her back last night, and just said sure I'd like a copy. I think I did it to see what she said really. I don't care about the CD.

 

She hasn't texted me back.. I don't really care. I met up with one of the COOLEST women ever last night, and her and I are hitting it off..

 

 

Question is.. I think I really want to see what happens with this new girl, I don't want her to be a rebound.. Because she's AWESOME.. I don't hardly think of all my problems, ex included when I'm out with her..

 

But anyways. I'm doing good. going out this weekend.. I'm slowly getting better.. I still miss the ex, and I love her, and would love to get back, but who cares...

[FCTex]

So.. Great weekend.. Awesome weekend.. Lakes, parties.. girls, friends.. Fun times..

 

Had a walk down memory lane Friday night.. My Ex's sorority sister and ex roommate was down to see her ex(my friend) for the weekend.. We talked some.

 

I'm doing fine with all of this. Moving on, slowly, but surely. I'm not upset, not mad.. Just miss her, but I can keep that under wraps. I met a new girl. We're not dating really. Met her for coffee last week.. talked for 3 hours. Lots of fun, really gorgeous girl.. Wasn't sure how she took to me. We talked online, and on the phone, and text for a few days, and then I met her at her house Sunday evening. Took her to eat.. rented some movies and watched them at her place that night. Fell asleep on the couch together, cuddled up.. Stayed the night, and slept in bed with her(no sex though), and we shared some kissing, and etc.. Had a fun time. She's very clingy now.. sorta, but not really.. Just.. really into me I think, which I think could be a problem. Read on.

 

Mind you, I haven't made contact since I last said, which was a week or so ago, replying to her...

 

I was on the phone last night with the new girl, and... out of the blue, my ex calls me.. I didnt answer it, and she left me a voice mail.. I continued to talk and she calls me again.. I ignored it again.. She then sends me a text while I'm talking that said... "Hey, when you get this, will you call me please." I was kinda shocked.. Thought something was wrong, because she has YET to call me that much in even a month! so I check her voicemail, and she sounds really upset, but like she's trying to hide it. Just asked me to call her today or tomorrow, if I want too." Well, while I was checking my voice mail, she called, and I answered it

 

 

I ask her if everything is okay, and she said yes.. and immediately goes into.. I miss yous.. She told mer how things were going, asked how I was, and I replied very upbeat, and in a "matter of fact" tone. Just very friendly... She started crying a little, and told me she missed me, and that she thinks of me every day.. She asked if i thought of her any.. We asked about pictures of each other, and she still has mine in her new apartment(which she moved into right after we broke up).. She told me she really misses me and that she still loves me.. She blurted out asking if I was dating anyone right now, but quickly said it wasn't her business and that I didnt have to answer. I didnt say I was.. I'm not. She said she wasnt..

 

She then goes on to, asking what I'm doing this weekend, and if we can meet sometime to eat lunch or dinner, or "hang out" any. I told her I had plans for the weekend(I dont really.. nothing big).. But could maybe meet up this week for dinner if thats what she wants. She said she wants that. She wants to see me and talk to me. She wants me to see her new place, ect..

 

I'm very confused by this call.. It was about 40 minutes long, and we talked about alot.. I made her feel bad a few times, but nothing big... Told her I think about her everyday, that I can't forget her.. But that I can't talk to her or text, or call, because it hurts me when I dont hear anything back. I told her I couldnt do that.. She was really pushing to see me, and I didnt really give in, I was very adult about it, very mature. I was polite to her. She told me she lost some more weight, and that she was doing good in school so far, and I praised her alot for that, told her I was very very proud of her for getting to where she wanted to be. I told her I still had the stuff she gave me, pictures.. CD's.. anything.. still around and that I still use it.. She cried..

 

This morning at work, she sent me a text message asking if she can see me tonight.. Which again, was a surprise, that she wants to see me now.. And it was early.. like 9-10am, so I know she was thinkin of me early and all night.

 

We're planning on meeting tomorrow night however.. But.. I dont know what to expect. She said she has some stuff to tell me, and that it's not bad, because I asked. So I'm lookin forward to hearing what she has to say.. If she wants to try again.. I think I might be okay for trying it, barring a few things that need work... if she wants to be friends.. I'm not for that. I'll tell her politely that I'm not ready for that, and I wish her the best.. I can't really think of anything else she might tell me.. If she's going through all this trying to get in touch with me, and meet up, then I can't see it anything other than a reason for her to want to get back. It's been one month, so it hasnt been long in reality.

 

However.. the timing is really messed up, I've got this girl who's growing more fond of me by the minute, that I dont want to drag along should me and the ex work it out. And then again, I dont know what going on in her head, so I dont want to ditch this new girl, only to hurt her, find out my ex wants to play games again, and then me be sitting there with nothing.

 

On the flipside. I'm in control now. I feel the control, the power. It's my choice. I don't have to see her. I don't have to do anything with her. I can't stay as I am, and do as I want.. She's got to get ME back, because she after all decided she wanted to space and time. I gave it to her, and she couldnt handle it.

 

So.. any advice on that anyone?

 

It's been ONE MONTH TODAY. Since she started this break up..

 

I'm confused, but you know what. I'm not going to get hurt. I feel strong enough that no matter what happens, I'm not going to be like I was a month ago today... I'm excited to see whats to happen, I want her back and boy am I surprised she's calling and wanting to see me like as soon as possible. But I'm not getting my hopes up too much..

 

Any help?

[melrich]

Yes I agree don't get your hopes up too much.

 

You can see now that you are progressing. 2 weeks ago you would have leapt at the opportunity to meet with her. Now you are vascillating, if I meet with her, what about this other girl...etc. You are now unconsciously seperating from your old relationship.

 

You are right to think abouit the consequences for the other girl, rigght to question whether you want to meet up.

 

You need to ask yourself some tough questions.

 

I magine you are back with her, things are what they were, try and project yourself there. Is that what you really, really want or is it just an ideal or even just an ego thing...don't forget ego, it is one of the biggest drivers of our reactions to being dumped.

 

I made her feel bad a few times, but nothing big...

 

Don't do this. It really is immature and is again caving into your ego. Sure the tempatation is there but really try and discipline yourself to respect the other person not matter how badly you feel you have been treated.

[FCTex]

Thanks for your insight..

 

I really do think I've come far, even in this short period. I almost feel kinda of awkward that I've come this far, during something so horrible.. I can't explain it..

 

I thought about your question today, because trust me.. I thought about everything.. If we got back, things would be the same. MINUS a few things.

 

First off, I've realized to not be clingy, not be needed, and to be independent. I lost that. I found it again, and I love it. It's not very attractive to be any of those, even for just a short period of time. It's not cute. She MAKES me happy, but I can't put my TOTAL HAPPINESS on her.. If that makes sense. You can't rely on people in your daily life to make everything good for you, YOU make it happy, no them. They only assist. I can be happy without her, and even happier with her I've found out..

 

Secondly. I think we'll be more open to expressing and communicating things that bother us. We had a somewhat LD relationship, that toiled into a regular visit relationship. It wasn't long distance anymore. Things have to change, and I think we both thought that the "old way" which was fantastic, would work the "new way", which it didnt.. We just brushed little things under the rug so to speak, until they became a MOUND under the rug, and we both became blind to each others feelings, and wants and needs.

 

Thirdly, Jealousy. I not just not jealous. I've honestly come to grips that she prolly kissed another man.. I doubt it, but she might have certainly had sex, or slept in the same bed and was intimate in any other form, with someone else. Thats fine. She wasn't with me, and I wasn't hurt. Sure, I don't want to hear it, but you know what I'm not jealous. I wont be forced into be jealous this time around. Hindsight lets you see how rediculous it can get, and I might be lucky enough to get a second chance. If not, I've learned something eitheir way.

 

And Finally.. I've learned alot about people. I've learned alot about myself. I've met new people, I've reunited with new people, and I think I've undertaken some new things for myself.. I had problems, and so did she. I worked on mine, and I believe she might have on hers. Who knows.. I've realized that I've got alot to offer women, and even friends in general. I've come to grips with alot of things, some I didnt like. I've fought through my depression, alone, and I overcame it, even at the time of a break up. I'm not going to want to get back, and suffocate each other. I want my friends, my family.. My time.. Everyone needs it, and I believe that my ex and I, lost alot of our MY TIME, and traded it in for US time, which wasn't spent very well.

 

I'm wishing for the best. I'm stuck between a hard decision, but perhaps going into the meeting with the ex tomorrow night with an open mind, and an open heart will show me something. Maybe I'll realize I don't want to be with her anymore. Maybe I'll hear something that'll be the finale for it all. But maybe I'll hear something that'll make me shine. Make me the happiest man alive. Who knows. I'm not getting my hopes up, because the way I look at it. I've grown, I've lived, and I've matured. I lost something special a month ago, and it must be special to her, to realize she maybe didnt really want "space and to take a break". Maybe she just needed to go out and realize that having someone at home every night, to cuddle with, to complain to about a bad day. Somone who cares, who listens, someone who has the others best intrest in mind, right there, for the all the time, everyday, all day, wasn't a bad thing. Someone who will protect, and love them, through anything, and everything.. I'm that to her, and she is to me.

 

I'm praying it'll work out..

 

However, I've got this other girl on the leash so to speak, and I really, don't want to hurt her, I'm trying to keep her at bay, to see what boils over with the ex tomorrow, or this week. Eitheir way, I'm not going to end up being alone this weekend, and I wont be crying, THAT is a promise.

[FCTex]

I met my ex last night.. As I planned..

 

 

I was with her for about 4.5 hours I guess it was. She showed me her new place, and met only 1 of her new roommates.. I was kinda awkward at first, but things were fine..

 

We both avoided the relationship talk, but caught up on things, and went to eat... Then we talked about us..

 

Basically, she's been missing me. She loves me, misses me and thinks of me all the time.. She was still wearing the diamond promise ring I gave her. Still had pictures of me.. She was missing me in her life, bcause of the NC I was doing with her.

 

She really told me that she wanted to get back to talking, and hanging out some, and just being in each others lives.. little by little.. That she does think about getting back together, and wants to, but doesn't know when, or how.. She wants to get back to our old selves, before we tried to change each other so much.. She sounded open to the idea of getting back together, but wants to do it gradually. Wants to hang out and see how we act with each other, and the like. As in, if I get jealous when she goes out with friends, like I used too, or so on..

 

I'm okay with that. I was let down, because I thought she really wanted to be back, however, I'm not broken down by it. I knew that it really wasnt going to happen, and I'm excited at the idea of showing her what she's missing. That will be fun, I'm just not thrilled at the idea that it's always possible that we wont work out, or get back. I'm moving on still however.

 

It was good to see her.. good to hold her, and kiss her, and hug her. It was good to see her be open, good to see her cry.. It was good to cry with her. She wants me to call her, and her call me, and see each other. Right now I think I'm going to go back to NC, and let her do most of the contacting, and I'll just answer.. I think keeping the control in my situtation, is what is helping this all.

 

I'm also going to date other people. I'm going to keep it open, for things to happen, but I'm not going to wait around and do nothing while I try and prove to my ex that she's better with me. I'm not second best, and I wont ever be. I'm not going to settle for that.

 

 

I think I got some of the final answers I wanted.. I think from the visit, I can see how I've REALLY grown from all of this. I controlled myself very good. I cried a little, but it wasn't alot, and it wasn't like it used to be. It was me just putting my heart out to her..

 

We both found ourselves last night, almost fighting to keep back feelings. Fighting to not call each other, baby, or dear, or honey.. Fighting back holding hands.. We laid in bed and talked, and we'd hold each others heads.. rub noses together.. play with each others hair.. We kisses, but mostly just on the face, ears, and head.. Just a little on the lips, but nothing out of the ordinary. We hugged.. for long times, and cried. I can feel that she misses me, and really wants to get back, but that she's fighting it... I can't figure it out.. I have a feeling we'll try again, but with some time.. I do miss her, and she saw what she was missing in me last night and that made me feel good..

 

 

I'm doing okay though.... I'm content now... Seeing her, and hearing her feelings, and her apologies for how she handled the break up.. How she just.. let it go, and didnt explain.. I can smile back now, and think..

[Fivek]

You are incredibly lucky, FCTex, and you've gone through hell and back to get where you are today. I applaud how you're handling this situation. Hopefully my situation turns out like yours someday...hopefully, but that doesn't keep me from moving on.

 

Good luck, and keep us posted!

[Natedoggld182]

i am jealous, i hope somthing good will come my way as well,

[Juha]

Tex I am so happy for you...After all the posts about the hell people go through it is nice to see something positve...

 

I hope things progress and you two get back together better than before...

 

I can only hope for this to happen, but I do not see this outcome for me unfortunately...I am moving on and taking care of me...I dont really want anyone in my life right now unless it is F.W.B...

 

Day 3 of NC coming up...

[FCTex]

Thanks for the replies everyone.

 

You know.. I was thinking about it alot last night... And even the night I got back home from seeing my ex.. I was kind of let down, and upset. But still, at ease of the situation.

 

Before i went to see her, I turned all her pictures up, I made sure I looked and smelled good, just like I used too.. I even put on the promise band she got me when we were together and wore it..

 

When I got home, I took it all off. I put her pictures back down, and I sat there. I didn't want to see her. I felt like maybe I was moving on, separating my relationship from my pain and my life, but i wasn't.. I can't.

 

 

I miss my ex. Alot. Seeing her only made me miss her more, but in the sense that I feel like I'm missing out, not missing her. I saw and heard her say alot of things I didnt really like. She wants to get back to her old self she said.. Well.. to be honest, her old self wasn't the greatest. I loved her then, and I do now, but she did change for the better.

 

She's drinking/partying alot more. I'm fine with that, by all means, I enjoy drinking and going out with friends, but I feel like she's doing it just because she can again, all the time. She's smoking again. She only started it when she was at school.. She stopped for me because I hated it. She told me she's smoking again now, because of her nerves and the like. She made me feel like the break up and the stress of school and moving made her smoke again.. I also just can't help but think of her being sexually intimate with someone else. She used to be pretty "giving" before I met her. She had little respect for herself, until me, but she wasn't really wild. It just hurts to think that she might be doing that all again.. And thats sad. I'm not upset that she could be out doing that. I doubt she is right now, but the possibility is always there.. But at the same time, I'm also trying to move on as well, and I'm not going to lie. I'm trying to date and sleep with people as well.. to an extent however. Deep down I dont know if I even want to.

 

I've grown up alot I think... I dont even feel jealous one bit for whats going on.. I'm accepting of it right now.. Sure I want to get back together, but I'm realizing time heals. Time mends, and Time runs it all.. Her and I will only have to really dig deep and admit our feelings about each other to OURSELVES before we can try again..

 

She wants to get back, I just think she's having too much fun. The second it all gets old, the second that the parties are over.. The second that she falls on her face, or someone hurts her, I'll be the first she calls. That makes me mad. I'm not second place. I'm not the back up, just in case boyfriend. I'm better than that, and the fact that in only 3 weeks I'm able to meet a NEW person, proves that..

 

I'm not waiting on her. I am however fighting holding back moving forward with a new person.. I want to keep my doors always opened. I want to have an open relationship with my ex.. I know we'll try again, and I want to hurting by any parties involved to be the less possible.

 

I havent talked to the ex since I left that night though.. I sent her a text this afternoon, since she said she wanted to be in contact, telling her to have a good day, and have a safe weekend out. I got nothing back.

 

But you know what.... I wasn't let down. For the first time I honestly, didnt care if she answered me back or not. I felt good showing her I was mature and cared, and could look past it.. I sent her another message hours later, asking why she was ignoing me after she was the one that wanted to restart contact, but that it was okay, and to again have a great week.. She sent several messages back after that point, saying she wasn't ignoring me. Then, telling me to have a great weekend and that she'd call me later in the weekend. Then she sent another saying it was really great to see me the othe rnight, and to catch up, and that again, she wasn't ignoring me.

 

I haven't responded, and I don't think I will. I'm gaining my control again. She took some of it back by the visit, and us breaking down... I'm going to remain in contact, but only with her contacting me most of the time. If she wants me in her life, she's going to have to ask, and show.. Not just ask.

 

Best of luck everyone. My story/daily log, is for everyone, not just me. I hope everyone takes away something from this. Be it the brutal honest fact that stuff doesnt work out, and the accept the end, or the diamond in the rough appearance of how things can play to work out..

 

Thanks everyone. Keep checking back

[Fivek]

I'm glad to see your keeping your guard up. I'll be honest when I say up front "eye for an eye." She dated someone else, and perhaps you should try this other girl out ... your ex needs to be shown that everything has consequences. Honestly I'm not sure what to say, the problem seems to be that you are still in the healing / moving on phase, and while both of you have grown, its quite obvious you've done a lot more growing than she has due to the pain. Pain and failure are the fastest growing methods... I recommend, if you REALLY want her and you to work out, that you don't reconcile for quite a while, and in that time, you date other people.

 

I've seen other posters say they've reconciled within a few weeks, lasted a while, then broke up in the long run because they went back to what they had before.

 

The saying "You can never go back" is true... you cannot change who you are today from who you were 1 1/2 months ago. The problem is, she's still in the past, and you aren't.

 

You're in control now. She needs to work for you, and by work I mean REALLY work.

 

Honestly I think second chance relationships tend to work much better when its a long-term reconciliation because both parties have been able to fully heal and make amends in the situation as long as they are willing to work for it. And by long term, I mean several months at least.

 

The main problem I see here is that you are viewing her with lingering traces of regret, doubt, uncertainty, and those feelings are perfectly natural, because she broke up with you, and you are still in the process of moving on. Just don't go with the opinion that this is how you will "feel" about her forever... there may come a time when that love hits you smack in the face again in an even stronger fashion.

 

Good luck, keep us posted.

 

EDIT : Dude I want you to know something before you make any decisions though. They say first love is the strongest love you will ever feel. Don't make any hasty decisions. Just because both of you are in different state of minds right now doesn't mean the end goal won't be worth it. I just don't want you to do anything you would end up regretting down the line in life. If both of you are willing to work at it, the love you will have is the strongest kind there is. I just want to put both viewpoints out there to make sure you keep an open mind to ALL situations.