Cindy11

Hi everyone, I hope everyone is doing good and hanging in there. I'm back from the best vacation I have ever had. It was unbelievably fun. I had a wonderful week but it went by pretty fast. On the first day, I met a guy who is totally crazy about me. We spent everyday together. No sex. He's a wonderful man that lives not too far away from me. I explained to him that I'm not interested in getting serious because of my breakup and he is aware that I'm seeing someone already. He totally understood and supports my decisions. The point is that I have let go of my ex and I thank god everyday that I am where I am today. I keep saying to myself "what was I thinking". I realized that there was so much that was wrong with my previous relationship. I also realized that I, too, have made mistakes and if I were to ever talk to him, I will take full responsibility and apologize to him. I certainly do not want to go back to him. I just think it's the right thing to do. Thanks for all of your support and I look forward to reading the posts. I will keep you posted.

Let's see .... it's been five weeks of NC for me. Today, I am going on a cruise for a week and I am getting pretty excited. I haven't been really thinking about my ex in that last 2 weeks. I realize on a daily basis that he's not the one for me ... he's certainly not my "soulemate". I've been reading most of the posts and wanted to tell you guys that it will absolutely get better. You just have to give it time. I've been dating here and there and it's been good. There is a guy that I told you about in my last posting ... he's crazy about me. But I know I don't feel the same way as he does, at least not now. As they say, don't put your eggs in one basket. Well, I'm not going to jump into another relationship right now because I am really enjoying the single life. You guys just have to get out there and start going out with friends or even date once in a while. Believe me, you will realize that your ex is not worth it. Take care and I will be back on the 10th.

It's been 31 days with NC. I've had my ups and downs. The longer we don't talk, the better it is. It made me realize that my ex has major issues that are impossible to work out. Even if he met someone else, he will have the same issues. It would take years of counselling. Yesterday, I went on a blind date. A friend of mine has been wanting me to go out with this guy for about 1 1/2 years ago and, of course, I said no because I was with my ex at the time. He was so frustrated with me because he knew I was not very happy and new that this guy is everything I was looking for and vice versa. He has told him so much about me in the last three years but no chance of getting together because both of our situations. I met him for coffee in the morning and I could not believe it. Major chemistry and major connection. It's like we knew each other for a very very long time. We only met for 45 minutes and he wanted to see me last night as well. Of course, I said yes. We went to dinner and a movie and it was unbelievable. I did not think about my ex once. He is very sincere, nurturing, caring, successful, smart man with a Harvard degree. I feel like I'm Cinderlla. I spent the night at his house in the same bed cuddling and talking all night long and that was it ... no sex. We only got 2 hours of sleep. When I woke up this morning, we had breaksfast in bed that he made. This is too good to be true. I am a big believer in THINGS HAPPEN FOR A REASON and always have been. For those of you that are still heart broken, remember that your breakup happened for a reason. There is a MUCH BETTER person out there for you. I am not saying that I am over my ex and I am sure that there will be times when I will still be sad ... I'm ok and I will get through this on my own. He wants to see me again tonight. It all sounds great but I have my guard up and he knows it. Will I see him? Absolutely! I am not going to stay home and think about my ex. I need to move on with my life. I hope you all can come to that point where you realize that your breakup happened for a reason and there is a light at the end of the tunnel. You just have to believe it and everything will follow. The ex will call and I will completely ignore him and that makes me feel so good. Good luck everyone and stay strong. I will keep you posted.

I wrote a letter to my ex yesterday but didn't send it. After reading it a couple of times, I realized it's not worth it anymore. So the letter does help. It helps to open you up and get a lot of anger that's built up out. I highly recommend that you write this letter but DON'T send it. When you read it several times, you'll understand what I'm talking about. Good luck.

Going on four weeks of NC I had dinner at this guy's house. He made dinner for me, which I thought it was sweet of him, but it was also too soon. I would have rather gone out than have him cook dinner for me. He had candles lit all around the house. It wasn't very uncomfortable. I realized that he wanted to be a romantic dinner but it was too much. Anyways, the dinner was ok and realized that we really didn't have much in common. Oh, and of course, I kept on comparing him to my ex. I'm sitting there thinking in my head, "my ex would do this different, my ex would act different, my ex wouldn't do this or that, etc." After dinner, we watched a movie and I was so emotionally drained that I told him that I was tired and that I should go home. He was ok with it and he asked me if I wanted to do something on Saturday night. I told him that I did not know. He said to let him know if I wanted to do something. The next day, I sent him an email thanking him for dinner and that was it. For some reason chemistery vanished. Obviously that's because I'm not over my ex. All I did was cry and cry. I couldn't stand what was happening or how I was feeling. I felt like the date set me back. A friend of mine called me today and asked if I would be interested in meeting this great guy blah blah. I said hey, why not. So tomorrow morning I'm having coffee with him. We'll see. I feel like I have to force myself to go out and do things. I do get asked alot to go on dates but I turn them down. I feel like I'm just not ready. I hate my ex for he's done!

FCT, thanks so much for the great posts. I must have read them at least 5 times. They definitely help alot. I will continue to read them when I'm feeling down. Again, thanks so much.

You can't control who she hangs out with. It is your ex's fault for allowing this woman to control every move she makes. She will eventually see what this woman is doing to her. I don't know when, but it will happen. When that happens, be prepared. She might come back knocking on your door. I don't want to give you false hopes but at the same time, I hope you will be strong enough to tell her that it's over. I hope the tip will work tonight and I hope you will not have any bad or good dreams of her. I, too, am very frustrated.

I will remember the will thing I honestly don't know what a woman means by needing space. My needing space is "me" time. I never said to a man that I need space. I say "me" time which means I like to spend time alone giving myself pedicure, manicure, facial, etc. To me, I would think space means time to think about the relationship. I am not sure if it could be a cop out to end the relationship slowly. I honestly don't know. I remember my ex saying long time ago that maybe we need some time apart to analyze things. He has told me this many times "never say never". So I have a feeling he's still thinking that. I don't know .... this whole break up thing confuses me. Sorry, I don't think I helped.

I understand exactly what you're going through about the NC. I don't understand it either. People in here highly advise it so I figure hey, it must help. As far as having nightmares, I am not sure if this will help you or not but it has certainly helped me tremendously. Before I fall asleep, I try not to think about him and say to my "no more bad dreams" several times. I know this sounds weird but let me tell you that it really does help me and I hope it helps you as well. Try it and let me know if it works. Take care of yourself.

Hi guys, My advice is to box them up and mail their things. My ex and I broke up a month ago and he boxed everything up and mailed them to me. Man o man did that kill to see the package. Whatever you do, don't leave it on the door step. That's another form of contact. I highly recommend that you box everything and mail it. Good luck.

Well tomorrow it will be a month since my boyfriend and I broke up and three weeks of NC. What a killer! I am sad and I am very lonely. I keep wondering if my ex is going to call me. I've been trying to keep busy but doesn't help much. I even tried the on-line dating thing for the first time and met one guy last Saturday night at Starbucks. There was major chemistry on both parts. We both were very honest. He knows my situation and he's obviously fine with it. He couldn't understand why I didn't have a boyfriend and so I wanted to be honest with him. We had coffee and both decided to go out afterwards. We went to an intimate bar. We spent about 5 hours together. For some reason, we were like magnets. We were both very physically attracted to each other but knew we really couldn't do much about it. Anyways, he called me on Sunday and invited me over for dinner on Tuesday ... I accepted. He wanted to cook for me. The thing is I am very attracted to this guy which I find it amazing because I am still in love with my ex and want him back so bad. Are my feelings wrong? Should I hold off and wait before I start dating. I read in here about how everyone advises other people to go out even on dates. I have to admit, I feel like I am cheating. Is this normal? My friends keep telling me that the day I move on is the day my ex is going to contact me. If and when that happens, they told me that I should be prepared. I wish I could just forget him. I know I have so much to offer but I also know that I am offering it to the wrong man that can't give me what I want in life. It's not like I'm asking for the world.

A friend of mine emailed the following to me and thought it would be a great idea sharing this with all of you. so here it goes.... Read Each One Carefully and Think About It a Second or Two 1. I love you not because of who you are, but because of who I am when I am with you. 2. No man or woman is worth your tears, and the one who is, won't make you cry. 3. Just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to, doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have. 4. A true friend is someone who reaches for your hand and touches your heart. 5. The worst way to miss someone is to be sitting right beside them knowing you can't have them. 6. Never frown, even when you are sad, because you never know who is falling in love with your smile. 7. To the world you may be one person, but to one person you may be the world. 8. Don't waste your time on a man/woman, who isn't willing to waste their time on you. 9. Maybe God wants us to meet a few wrong people before meeting the right one, so that when we finally meet the person, we will know how to be grateful. 10. Don't cry because it is over, smile because it happened. 11. There's always going to be people that hurt you so what you have to do is keep on trusting and just be more careful about who you trust next time around. 12. Make yourself a better person and know who you are before you try and know someone else and expect them to know you. 13. Don't try so hard, the best things come when you least expect them to. REMEMBER: WHATEVER HAPPENS, HAPPENS FOR A REASON.

It's been 3 weeks now with no contact. My medication has been helping me tremendously. I don't feel so depressed and anxious. I've been going counselling and that has also helped. It's been extremely hard having to adjust to a different life. Before, I used to travel a lot with my ex. We have been to wonderful places and there are lots of memories and now zero travel. The other day, I was checking my computer for recent pictures of myself and I ran into bunch of pictures of him and us a... that didn't bother me. I looked at them and said I miss him and love him but that's all I can say. I know he loves me and misses me and wants to be with me but I also know that he doesn't think he can give me what I want. He has told me that several times times but the meaning hit me recently. One of my friends says that's a cop out. It's not that he doesn't think he can give me what I want, it's that he doesn't want to give me what I want. That may be true but I truly believe that he will wake up one day and realize that he lost the best thing that has and will ever happen to him. If he should call, I will not take his calls. I have to move on with my life. I'm not going to force finding someone but if it happens, that's great and if does not, that's great too. I just have to learn to live alone and be ok with it. So far so good. For those of you who have recently broken up, I can honestly tell you that time heals all wounds. It will get better and you'll get stronger. The no contact is the most important part of trying to get over your ex. Hang in there. I can't say that I am 100% fine because I'm not. I still have a long way to go. I don't feel tempted to call him and that makes me feel great. Thanks for all your support and I will keep you posted.

Well it's been 2 weeks and 2 days ... but who's counting? It's been soooooo hard to deal with all this breakup. I've been going out with friends and trying to keep busy. I've been asked to go out several times but declined. I don't feel comfortable at this point to go out on a date. I miss him so much and I wonder why doesn't he call? Does he miss me? I guess I'll never get the answers to my question and they keep popping up. I've been doing great so far not contacting him. Although, I almost did couple of days ago but I stopped myself. What I would give to forget him. I've also been taking one of the medications. I think it's been helping. The other one I cannot take because it makes me feel weird. I believe he left today for Germany for about a week for business (I was supposed to go with him but he decided to make it a guy trip as well) ... this is suppose to be a very busy month for him. I keep thinking that when he's not so busy, then he'll have time to think about me. It's just hard. I know I can't be with him because I'll never be a priority or #1 because of everything else in his life. But damn it! I love him! Thanks for all your support. I really do appreciate it.

It's been very hard ... I've been an emotional wreck. I went to see a psychiatrist yesterday. We talked for an hour and he came to the conclusion that I definitely need something to calm me down and to help me deal with what's been going on. He prescribed two different prescriptions. One will start working in about 1-2 weeks and the other one starts working right away. All I have been doing is crying and making the wrong judgments. The other day, I drove down the wrong way on a one way street. I cannot believe how this has affected me. I decided to go visit friends in another state for the Labor Day weekend. Right before I flew, I took both medications and it did help. I feel stable, calm ... I didn't think about him as much during my flight. If I did, it was negative thoughts. Maybe it is helping. I can't stand the fact that I have to take something to help me cope. All I know is I have to live day by day and I know he's not the one for me but it's hard. It's hard not knowing if he, too, is miserable. I only hope he is. I know alot of you think it doesn't matter if he is or not but I just want to know. Hopefully, that thought would fade away soon. I know I have a lot to offer. My friends, co-workers and even strangers tell me that I am a great catch. They think I have it all. They all envy me but they don't know what's on the inside.

Here I am again. I haven't posted anything in the last few days because I've been feeling sooooooooooooo miserable. There is no life in me. My counselor thinks that I should take an anxiety pill to help me deal with this and recommended a psychiatrist to talk to. But I am not sure about that. I don't want to take anything. It's just not me. Then I thought about it again and decided to at least talk to the psychiatrist. I just wish there was a pill that you can take to forget about someone. I miss him so much. I still wonder what's doing, if he loves me and misses me and will he contact me. I wish I had the answers to my questions.

Well here I go again.... I still can't believe it's over and I am not ready to give up yet but I can't make him want me. I still wonder and wonder. He's got such a busy life that I feel he doesn't have time to think about us and what I'm going through. Then I think if I did go back, hey may not be able to change the things that broke us up and we'll be back to square one. I want so bad to believe that he still wants me and loves me. He used to always tell me how beautiful I am and he couldn't take his eyes off of me. It doesn't make any sense and I just don't understand. It's been 6 days and I've lost 4 lbs. ... I don't need to lose weight. I don't know that I can get through this. He's the one man that I loved more than anything or anyone. I wish there was a pill that I can take that will make me forget about him or to just take the pain away.

I have been going counselling. I have a session tomorrow afternoon. I also have been reading "How to Survive the Love of a Love". It's a great book. I don't have a lot of friends and my family would never understand. I also think that he really hasn't been doing much thinking about us because of the whole New Orleans situation. (There I go again, making excuses ... sorry). About a month ago, I scheduled a 7-day cruise leaving Oct. 2nd. A friend told me that I should go (this was scheduled when my ex and I were together ... it didn't seem to bother him at all ... he's very secure). I just wish it was now and not in Oct. I think I'll try to go to away this weekend. Because I know if I stay here, I will lose my mind ... just don't know where to go to.

As I sit here and wonder, cry, stop crying, wonder.... I read in here a lot about NC. By contacting him, is this going to set me back? I guess it is from what I read. I feel like crap. I find it interesting how quickly he called me back and right before he got off the phone, he said I'll talk to you. Am I hanging on to every word he says? I guess I am. Will he contact me again? I am so numb again and I just keep crying over and over. Thanks for all your support. I can definitely use it.

I have to make a clarification on my last break up with him. He told me that with the issues that we have, he doesn't see marriage in the future. Right after he said that, I broke down real hard and got up and packed up all my stuff and moved out. It KILLED me what he said. He knew all along that's what I want but I never nagged him about it. I guess I felt like he still wanted me as his girlfriend but did not want to get married. I felt I couldn't waste anymore time with someone that didn't want to marry me. Out of so much anger, I told him not to contact me. So this morning I woke up feeling ok and couldn't help but, of course, to think about him. Again, does he miss me, what is he doing, etc. I turned on the TV and saw that New Orleans was hit pretty hard and I was worried. I want to know if he was ok and if he made it back home ok. I just broke down and called him on his cell. He didn't answer. I left a message telling him that I was just calling to tell him that I was watching the news and knew that he was in New Orleans and if he and his daughter are out of there safe. That was it. How do I feel after doing that? hmmmmmm .... weird, numb. As I typed the last sentence, he called me and told me that he went through alot in the last couple of days trying to get out of New Orleans, couldn't get a flight out on Sat., they rented a car to drive to Austin and in Houston, the car got struck by a lightening twice. Later the airbags fired off and your couldn't see 5 feet ahead. I guess I could go on but at least they're safe and back home. I told him that I was sorry he went through all that and that I am glad he was safe. And, of course, like an idiot, I told him that I love him and miss him. He said he loved me and missed me too. I didn't want him to get off the phone but he said ok well thanks for checking in and take care and it was best for us to be over. He again said he loves me and misses me. It killed me. Now I sit and wonder what's he thinking again. Did I do the right thing by calling him? And here I go, crying again. God it hurts so much!

I'm still very sad and confused. As of now, I have decided not to contact him. I gotta ask myself, if I contacted him, then what? What if he rejects me, what if he says he misses me and nothing else. I want more of him but I know it's not possible. He's a very successful man with 3 children (that have had a hard time seeing their father moving on, lives in to states and travels quite a bit). I, on the other hand, I have no baggage (kids, divorce, etc.) and I, too, am very successful. I know I deserve better but it's still very hard. I miss him so much. I want to hug him so bad that it hurts. I hope this gets better because I don't think I can take going through anymore pain. It's killing me slowly.

I can totally identify with your pain. I just want to know what my ex is thinking, doing. Does he miss me, is he thinking about me? I hope he is ... one minute I'm sobbing, the next minute, I'm ok. I feel like disappearing as well but I know that's not possible. I want to get over this so bad and move on. I don't have many friends. Most of them are out of state and that's tougher. Thank god for this forum. It has definitely helped me.

My ex has 2 daughters and 1 son. I knew he was going to New Orleans this weekend with one of his daughters to help her move into her apartment (she's enrolled at Tulane University) and he was going to be back on Monday. With what's been happening in New Orleans, Hurricane Katrina, everyone is evacuating. The airport is closed so I don't think he can get a flight out. But then again, he is a planner so I also think he probably left knowing this but I don't know. What should I do? Should I call to see if he's ok or ignore it? Should I have a friend call him instead? Would he see this as an excuse for my contacting him? What do you think?

I would love to hear your opinion on how men handle breakups vs. women. Most women are absolutely devestated by the breakup. They go through so much ... crying, anger, depression, etc. and most men occupy themselves with work, friends, etc. so they can't think about it. Why do men realize that they made a mistake a week, 2 weeks, or so later and decide they want to make the relationship work. I guess you can say my boyfriend and I recently broke up. This would have been the 3rd time. The last two times, about a week after the breakup, he decides that he wants to make the relationship work. He called me over and over and over (at first, I didn't take any of the calls) he left messages saying that he can't live without me, he needs me, etc. So I went back. I miss him so much and I'm so devestated. I feel like I'm dying slowly. When we broke up, I told him not to call me, email me, send me flowers and he said he wouldn't do any of those things. It's been four days and I keep hoping that he will call me. Will he or won't he? Any advice you can give, I truly appreciate it. I want to make the relationship work but I feel like I'm the only one that's giving it all. I just don't know what he's thinking. I am so numb. I don't want to do anything. All I want to do is sleep so that I could forget about it but when I wake up, I feel like crap! Thanks for reading this.