I Feel Sick!

[littleone22]

Last night, I was waiting at my boyfriends house while he was at work.

I was laying on his couch, and had some wine, and just got really chill.

 

He welcomed me to stay at his house, and we could visit when he got home since we wouldn't see each other this weekend. He told me to chill out and relax

 

To make a long story short, he didn't get off of set until later that evening, and he called me saying that he was on his way back. I said, "ok, cool." We had talked throughout the day, and everything was cool.

 

I was very chill from the wine I was drinking, so he must have misinterpreted that as "attitude."

 

He called me right back, and with an angry voice says, "What is with the attitude!?"

 

I asked him what the heck he was talking about, because honestly I didn't care if he was late, I was just chillin out.

 

He absolutley went off! He started telling me how long of a day he has had, and how his girl (me) is not being supportive of that, and being a lazy a*s on his couch.

 

That blew me away, because he told me he was cool with that earlier that day. I had cleaned up his place, bought some food for him, so its not like I was lazy the whole afternoon.

 

Anyways, with the temper he had, I got really scared. He has been pretty verbally abusive lately, and its been kinda scary. He is kind one minute, then one little thing I do will just set him off.

 

So, I was getting all my stuff together really fast to leave since he was on his way home, then he calls me again, just irate!

 

The last words he said to me were "you are a M**thr F***er!!" then he hung up on me! I could never dream of calling him such names, no matter what he did to me!

 

I know he has an anger problem, but this was just so shocking to me that he could come up with such things to accuse me of. I wasn't even giving him the slightest bit of attitude, that is the truth. He wouldn't hear my "excuses" and just lashed out at me.

 

We haven't talked since then He didn't even call to apologize, because i am guessing, as in most situations, he feels he did nothing wrong.

 

What should i do?? Im so hurt right now. I'm going away this weekend for a bachelorette party, so I don't think I will call him.

[annie24]

I don't think you should ever call him again! What a jerk! He really sounds like he has an anger problem. You cleaned his apartment, bought him food, and he calls you lazy and names! Is this the man you want to be the father of your children?

 

This is a bad bad bad guy. Break up.

[RayKay]

Sounds like either he was stressed and took it out on you, or misinterpreted what you said and took out on you...and in either case he is a disrespectful, cruel jerk.

 

Verbal abuse IS abuse, but too many times we "make excuses for it" only to find over time our self esteem is shot and we have accepted this terrible behaviour from someone. And...if they never even apologize for it, it makes YOU feel worse, and it is unlikely they will change anytime soon.

 

I say it is time to move on from this guy, you deserve MUCHO better than that treatment.

[littleone22]

Well, he just sent me an email, and said these exact words:

 

you just wont own your behavior ...

>you never have been able to do that ...own it and say im sorry

>..you simply cant....same ole sh** ...and yes u gave me little girl

>attitude

 

That is his exact email, and I am so sad over it. He replied to my email telling him that I did not give him attitude, I had 2 drinks, and I was just buzzed. I told him to have more faith in me, and believe me. He never believes me anyways. It was a long email, pretty heartfelt, but he once again chose to focus on the negative.

He didn't even mention anything good I do for him, just all the bad.

 

Im hurt, because I love him, we have been together for 2 years, and it will be hard.

 

He is not right for me, and his response shows that I will only be more miserable than happy with him if I chose to stay.

 

He doesn't even say if he wants to talk again.

[annie24]

yeah, he sounds like a jerk.

 

If he can't trust you, what kind of a relationship can you have with him?

[littleone22]

Its that he will never believe me.

We were getting along so well, and then he lashes out like this.

I understand he was tired, but for him to say what he said to me is inexcusable.

Maybe he will cool down and we will be ok, but I don't know if its even worth continuing with him. We have been together for 2 years, and its hard to leave someone after that long.

[OceanEyes]

He doesn't even say if he wants to talk again.

 

This is a pretty clear indication to me that you still want to 'work things out'. Every time you let this man abuse you and forgive, you're inviting him to continue doing it. Do you want to be that girl?

 

I have a girlfriend who was dating a guy who did coke a lot, and every time he did it he would get violent (verbally and even physically at times). At first all of her friends were there telling her that she would be okay, that she should have some respect for herself and get rid of him. After listening to her going on and on about it for 6 months, we eventually stopped. It wasn't that we didn't care, but we knew that no matter what we said, she wouldn't ever listen to us or believe us when we said "he's an idiot".

 

I understand that two years is a long time, and that it's tough to just let go. But don't expect things to magically change. They won't, and he's proven that over and over again. Stand up for yourself and refuse to be a doormat.

[CATLOVER]

What a CREEP

I forgot to read how old you are but you know what as you get older life becomes more complicated what with work and bills and children an so on, the last thing I can assure you that you will need is a man in the picture with an abuse problem. By the way he has only just started ...if u accept his behaviour it will escalate and it is abuse. Now I dont think for a second you can just break it off and not feel a thing. You have 2yrs and it will hurt to go.....but only for a little while...if you stay with him though, the pain may just turn out to last years more or even a lifetime.

You deserve better.

Hope this helps

[littleone22]

Thanks so much everyone!

 

I am being a doormat right now. Its true. He hasn't even apologized yet, and here I am trying to apologize and swearing I didn't give him attitude.

 

It shouldn't even matter, because I know it will only get worse if I stay.

 

He has the potential to become physically abusive, and to tell you the truth, I think verbal abuse can hurt just as much.

I was shaking and crying last night after what he said, and he has the nerve to write that email to me saying I can never own up to anything.

 

There are men out there who would not treat me like that, and that is what i have to keep believing. Its hard to think that way though when I am used to this man.

[RayKay]

Ah, see, his verbal abuse is "working for him" though if you are apologizing for things you did NOT do. I was in a relationship once where I would be the one doing the apologies too....for no reason! I would apologize for being upset even that he yelled or was cruel in the first place!

 

 

There are indeed men who would NOT treat you this way, and whom will respect and love you and your feelings. This guy is not it. I know you have been with him 2 years, but it is not getting better...and people HAVE moved on from longer relationships. You can do it

[littleone22]

Thanks for the encouragement. It helps, because right now I am still a little blinded, yet I know the only way to meet that sort of man is to leave the one I am with.

 

It is true I know, and I have to think of all the ones who have done it before, ones who have been in longer relationships, and had the courage/strength to leave.

[BellaDonna]

You sound like a very intelligent person.

 

Yet it still might be hard for you to get rid of him if he apologizes. If you feel weak- just remember the terrible feeling he gave you when he treated you that way.

 

His behavior is totally inexcusable and unacceptable. He sounds like a big baby too- tantrums are normal for toddlers, not for adults. He can't just swear and yell and treat you like garbage whenever he is stressed.

 

All men are not like this. You deserve so much more!

 

 

BellaDonna

[littleone22]

Bella Donna:

The sad thing is he hasn't even apologized. He just emailed me again saying he will not go back and forth, and he ended the email with, "you did give me attitude."

He will not give up! It has to be his way or no way. There is NO convincing him I wasn't giving him attitude.

Who knows what he is thinking right now, but I do believe myself to be a great girlfriend who is not perfect, but tries time after time to prove to him how much I do love him, mistakes and all. I'm not trying to brag, but I do so much for him that he choses to overlook.

He has done some pretty nasty things I have let go because I love him.

He doesn't seem to do the same with me.

 

I am going to have fun this weekend with my girlfriends, and try not to think about calling him. He doesn't deserve it. He doesn't think of my feelings.

[RayKay]

My ex who did not like to apologize, did it because of a past relationship where he was the one always apologizing *even when she cheated on him* and he did not like feeling "powerless" from that...he just did not like to admit when he was wrong.

 

But you know what, it takes a bigger person to admit a mistake...and it hints at insecurity when you feel you cannot apologize or refuse to even admit your hand in the argument. You know, even if you HAD given attitude, the way he "dealt with it" was FAR FAR off base and got way out of control.

[BellaDonna]

The sad thing is he hasn't even apologized. He just emailed me again saying he will not go back and forth, and he ended the email with, "you did give me attitude."

 

HE is the one with the attitude problem- and he's simply trying to project it on you.

 

I am going to have fun this weekend with my girlfriends, and try not to think about calling him.

 

AWESOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

I hope you go out and have an excellant time. You don't have to deal with this insensitive jerk who makes you unhappy.

 

 

BellaDonna

[littleone22]

That is exactly right. No matter what happened, his reaction was very uncalled for. No one deserves to be called what he called me.

 

He lost it! I was so blown away at his response.

 

You are so right, even if there was attitude, it should not be this big of a deal. He tells me I cause drama, but he doesn't realize that him making such a big deal out of things is just that, DRAMA.

 

I should be the one telling him what a drama queen he is, and complain about his temper, etc. I won't do that though, and I never have. He has a very hard time accepting an apology or accepting someone else might be right besides him.

 

I think this is grounds to just leave him, from what all of you have been saying too.

 

NC is the best way, and he has not called since, so it won't be too hard I am hoping. I will not miss his verbal abuse, and the sooner I am out the better off I am. I just need to put that thought into action.

 

Thanks to you all again..

[OceanEyes]

You know, all of this negative behaviour from him could actually help you find that strength that is definitely IN YOU .. and give you the courage to stand up to him and say "listen up - I won't let you call me names and treat me any way you want - GROW UP!".

 

Honestly! Let the way he's behaving SINK IN. Don't fight it or try to 'understand' or 'let it go' because you love him. The way he's behaving doesn't suggest that he feels the same way. Let yourself get angry with him; anger is much more productive than sadness or fear. Remember everything he's said and done lately, then stop corresponding with him through e-mail and get out of the house. Go out with your girlfriends and don't give him the satisfaction of knowing that he's gotten to you.

 

Be strong!!

[darkblue]

Verbal abuse, yes. But do you think it goes deeper than that. He done it just to get at her, thereforeeee wouldn't that be classed as emotional abuse?

[RayKay]

Verbal abuse, yes. But do you think it goes deeper than that. He done it just to get at her, thereforeeee wouldn't that be classed as emotional abuse?

 

Well yes...but verbal abuse and physical abuse is emotional abuse too as they are very closely linked...verbal abuse as I said hurts her self esteem which is emotional, and has her apologizing for things she did not do, which is emotional abuse. It is not so important what KIND it is, it is more important to realize that it IS abuse, and none of it is okay.

[MetallicAguy]

Have you ever told him to think about the hurtful things that he says to you? If he reacts in a way proving that what he said wasn't hurtful or something like that, you should just decide to break up with him, I mean you should breakup with this guy anyway he's an ***. He sounds a lot to me like a controlling, abusive (verbally, physically) guy, I don't think you deserve it no girl does. You need to find a guy that will reciprocate your feelings, this guy definitely will not. A guy that makes you cry and **** and doesn't care is a ****.

[littleone22]

He just called me...

 

He had the nerve to yell at me again, and then asked me "Why did you give me attitude!?" He demanded it.

 

I told him it was not attitude. He wouldnt hear it. He said, I will give you one more chance to tell me why you gave me attitude, or else "f** the relationship."

 

When I told him again I didn't have attitude, he said, "f*** you, f*** you."

 

how could someone be so cruel and act like that. He blamed me for destroying our relationship.

 

It just kills me..

 

We got disconnected, but I am tempted to just never speak to him again. What has gotten into him? He doesn't even apologize for his behavior yesterday.

 

Im so sad right now. =(

[Tigris]

Get rid of him! It sounds like he hits women!

 

If he's like that now what is he going to be like if you ever move in with him!

 

Find someone with a caring nature. You deserve better.

 

Good Luck

[littleone22]

Thanks so much you guys!

 

Anyone who makes me cry like this obviously is unhealthy in many ways.

[BellaDonna]

When I told him again I didn't have attitude, he said, "f*** you, f*** you."

 

He has major issues, to say the least...and seems to have no control over his impluses. It would be bad enough if he said it once- but he says it twice in a row, really looking to hurt your feelings. It just reminds me of the toddler that says "no no no no" over and over again when it takes a tantrum. If he's this immature and implusive- it could easily turn into physical abuse.

 

I wouldn't even answer his calls anymore, if I were in your shoes. Let him sit there alone and swear at himself.

 

BellaDonna

[saltwatergirl]

Well, forget about what he won't do or wont apologize for, stop trying to explain yourself, stop waiting for him to respond again, as a matter of fact stop everything about him and IGNORE his antics. He's gone? GOOD RIDDANCE. You don't deserve ANY of this. Run don't walk as fast and far as possible.

 

Never cast your pearls before swine!

 

Salt