WAAAAAAAAAA

[salmonhead_uk]

Oh for GOD SAKE!!!!!!!!

Just for some unknown reason thought I'd test Google with my exs name...low and behold he is on there...for some site I won't divulge too much...with pictures and everything....

I cleared any pics of him months ago so wouldn't have to see him and there he was on my computer. Im such an idiot. I just stared and stared and stared..what did i think that would do exactly????? Maybe I might see something in the pictures about why he's gone and become a total "£$%^&&^???? Who knows. grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!

 

It would have been our 2nd year anniversary today. That's why I'm doing this. So stupid. What's worse is I can pinpoint that those pics were taken only a couple of weeks before he cheated on me. So when I look at his face I see hers all over it.

 

Goodness sake....I'm such a bitter B*&(^!

Sorry all - rant done. Own fault. Leaving mobile at home tonight in case the alcohol affects my senses (yes i deleted his number and yes I still remember it off by heart)!

[Mun]

Somtimes we are the makers of our own misery... and I am the first to admit that.

 

I hope that now you can put a rest to your relationship and move on. It has been two years, it's been 2 yrs for me too. My opinion is that someone who is an ex of two years has no business in my life anymore. Especially if it was someone who cheated on me.

 

Good luck to you and have some fun out there. You should.

[Napoleon Bonaparte]

Sal if you were cheated on by somebody you trusted you probably have the right to be bitter. However you can't blame anybody but yourself on this instance.

[shes2smart]

Cut yourself some slack, girl. Anniversaries (or what would have been anniversaries) can be difficult. If you're not vigilent, you'll do stuff like what you did.

 

My suggestion to you is be kind to yourself the rest of the day. Take a nice long bubble bath, dress up in your favorite outfit, and take yourself out for a nice dinner...bring a good book if you want...something completely escapist..."junk food reading" if you will.

 

It gets better with time...the significance of dates will fade...honest. In the interim, if you know you're going to be drinking, let a friend have custody of your cell phone so you don't do something else you'll regret.

[salmonhead_uk]

Only been 2 months to those who obv now think I'm insane! 2 months since broke up...2 years together! Or did I miss understand...

But yes you are all perfectly correct, and I knew I was being a silly - but you know when you do silly things like that and you have to tell someone so thought I'd tell you guys!

I dunno, I'm really happy - just peeved at myself...doing that sort of thinking is like stopping smoking and then just having one to see if it's worked!!!!

So yeah, worried that everyone now thinks I'm some crazy girl who has spent 2 years worrying over someone. Maybe i am just a crazy girl anyway!

And yeah, anniversarys and stuff - crikey if we did the anniversary of EVERYTHING or everyone we ever knew doing something upsetting we'd end up using up plenty of dates wouldn't we...

Just thought I'd share my embarrassment and slight humour at what id done!

[Napoleon Bonaparte]

Yeah I can cut you slack on this one. The dope just lost you two months ago. Of course you are likely to be curious.

Just don't turn that curiosity into a need to get back with him cuz he will probably cheat again.

Cheers

[salmonhead_uk]

I won't don't worry. Even the romantic notions I thought of at the beginning - he might turn up at work with a bunch of flowers and say sorry/he might come over and have lost a stone and wish he hadn't hurt me...yada yada yada - even those don't hold up anymore. I'd feel awkward and angry to see him. I don't have ANY contact with him and have forced myself to just think exactly what anyone outside of the situation would think - what a cruel loser.

So, just to update you on the fact that I went out - didn't drink too much, danced about with friends, flirted some with the cute bartender who invited me back to his (I didn't but in some warped way it was nice), laughed, cried for about 30 mins in the toilet, which i knew would happen. But not once did i think about calling him or anything like that. I don't need his support over something he did, and i don't need him around to be smiling - says it all!

Thanks for replying to me for being such a weirdo...probably sounded like the next step is stalking...I'm not as messed up as it possibly seemed!!!!

Oh, and I got a medal and a 31min score for a womans charity run I did today...from smoker of 20 a day to super jogger!!!

[Mun]

I remember crying in the toilet, in the shower, when I was driving, first thing in the morning....they all sucked.

 

Congrats on winning the medal !!

 

 

~~~~~~

 

I just noticed I misread your break up of two months as being 2 yrs.

[salmonhead_uk]

Haha!

I know...it scared the hell outta me when you said I should be totally over it - don't think i explained very well! Don't worry though!

I've gone past the crying stage the most part - it was the drunk in me coming out! Day to day i mostly feel really good, happier than most of the times in my last 2 years - new lease of life and all that. At first I was worried it wasn't real emotion, but then I after a couple of weeks I realised that he was right to dump me - - the only thing I regreted was being such a mug that i was prepared to push to go out with a guy who cheated on me! Silly me! My friends were totally shocked too - very out of character.

So yeah, I really enjoyed the run, except that it was so hot. I smiled all through it. God, there have been a few milestones over the past 2 months and now there is one that i have left - him possibly coming to my uni.

I've done - going on holiday without him as he'd dumped me

The 2 year mark

Seeing a big theatre production alone I didn't want to go with him

and now it's just the uni thing - it's annoying as its been my place for the last 2 years while iv been studying and now he's decided to join and do his first year during my last. But I figure...I'm gonna be a 3rd year not a fresher, we won't mix, I'll have my uni friends where he will have to start afresh, and I have NOTHING to be ashamed of!

oh and I got my uni results A 2:1 all those exams and essays last month that i thought i would ruin - i didn't!!! YEY! (thats 1 grade away from the top mark at British uni).

 

[arwen]

So, in fact, you ARE safe on your own, girl.

 

Ilse.

[salmonhead_uk]

Hmmm, yes may be time to change it - good call Ilse xx