Napoleon Bonaparte Posted July 15, 2005 Share Posted July 15, 2005 I have a question for both genders regarding relationships. How many of you are frustrated, heart broken or worried because you have fallen in love or developed a very strong potential for love (crush or a spark of infatuation) for a friend of the opposite sex who only see's you as a friend? How many of you started off 'just friends" and suddenly you find yourself wanting more? I am doing a series of observations about the dating world in order to form a new opinion about the social dynamics between the sexes. If you would, tell me briefly about what is happening and how you are going about trying to let them know that you are interested (if you are even letting them know) etc. Link to comment
DropToZero Posted July 15, 2005 Share Posted July 15, 2005 Halfway raises hand..then recalls hehe and pulls it back down Almost did....glad I met someone else before I let it get to me tho...I think it was just a feeling of wanting someone b/c I hadn't really 'had' someone in a while..then that 'maybe....' feeling starts to settle in when it comes to you and your friend which happens to be a girl. But like said....no longer and glad I didn't b/c I think it would have screwed many things up. Link to comment
Cyndane Posted July 15, 2005 Share Posted July 15, 2005 Hmm, sounds all to familiar to me...have you any ideas why this happens? Link to comment
Napoleon Bonaparte Posted July 15, 2005 Author Share Posted July 15, 2005 Cyn of course. But I am annalyzing dating books, personal exp, etc etc. Trying to come to a conclusion of how the best way to change it. Link to comment
Inquisitor Posted July 15, 2005 Share Posted July 15, 2005 If this happens to anybody my advice is be extremely careful coz this is my situation and it doesnt stop hurting, especially if u act like nothing's wrong and u keep hanging out with them. And i still like her. i need a good long Link to comment
Hope75 Posted July 15, 2005 Share Posted July 15, 2005 Cyn of course. But I am annalyzing dating books, personal exp, etc etc. Trying to come to a conclusion of how the best way to change it. Change it how? And why change it? Link to comment
love_is_key Posted July 15, 2005 Share Posted July 15, 2005 I have to say... thank you Napoleon... this subject is overdue... I was approached by a man who seemed to be really into me... we started spending time together and shared so much in common it was almost scary... we became good friends... a short time after that he sat me down and expressed that he had a girlfriend and that we should not go any further. So, with sadness I abandoned the notion of being with him and we kept the friendship. I was there for him through his unhealthy relationship. I gave advice, cheered him up, and just stood by him. Well... they broke up. After their split, he came to me again and this time we became intimate... I was so happy because I was so sure that we would finally be working towards "something"... how foolish I was. After much intimacy and spending time together, he still declares that we are... and will be... just friends... he states he's not ready for a relationship. Yet... when I try to back away he won't let me... I feel so confused/trapped... now it seems we always I wish I had not taken the next step with him... now all I want to do is run... from the feeling of shame and hurt pride that I fell for him. Link to comment
Napoleon Bonaparte Posted July 15, 2005 Author Share Posted July 15, 2005 love this man sounds pretty selfish or at least totally ignorant about your own feelings. You need to take a breather from him and date other men who are emotionally available. I am studying the matter on how best to change the dynamics of a relationship (friendship in this case). The reason why is because there are a lot of people suffering and frustrated because they are stuck being "just friends." I am not in this position. But I see it happening and besides being painful for a lot of people, I think a good friendship is important for a relationship. Link to comment
love_is_key Posted July 18, 2005 Share Posted July 18, 2005 A good friendship is important for a good relationship... but like my issue... many times if a guy has you as a good friend... it's hard for him to cross over... at least that's my friends dilemma... my friend said that because we were friends a long time before we became intimate, it's hard for him to see me as a "mate"... Awwww what da hell? I guess this may be a disfunctional example... Link to comment
ShySoul Posted July 18, 2005 Share Posted July 18, 2005 Count me in as being in love with a girl who says we should be friends. But I'm not feeling down about, instead I'm feeling great. True, she did like me at one point and then said we should be friends. But we are still close and I believe those feelings are still there, she's just afraid of starting something serious. In time it will be more than friends, I'm positive. She has also said that she dreams about falling in love with her best friend. And that her previous relationships have started out as friendships. So it does happen and there are women who want it that want. If you are in that position, don't give up. It can happen and you'll be happier for it. Link to comment
love_is_key Posted July 18, 2005 Share Posted July 18, 2005 Thank You Shysoul for saying that... I agree and wish you the best with the woman you want. My friend also, I feel is afraid of a commitment, though he has deep feelings for me... he's been in some really bad relationships and seems to have a need to be "free" in this period in his life... I'm going to wait... but I'm also going to date other men... that will make things less stressful on "our thing". Link to comment
ShySoul Posted July 19, 2005 Share Posted July 19, 2005 love_is_key Best of luck with your situation too. It's hard when you need someone with every ounce of your heart, but they can't give that to you at the time. But when you really love someone you give them what is best for them, even if its time apart and not what you are hoping for. I've tried to meet other girls, even had a couple interested in me for a change. But when the heart is set on one thing, its no use fighting, which is why I have to see this to the end. Link to comment
MetallicAguy Posted July 19, 2005 Share Posted July 19, 2005 Well if you start off friends then change your mind, change your mindset from "just friends" to acting like "potential lover" what you set your mind to is what you get . Link to comment
Napoleon Bonaparte Posted July 19, 2005 Author Share Posted July 19, 2005 Shy, Love, how long you known your potential partner/closefriend? How long since you've felt feelings for them? Have either of you been intimate with them? Are either of them interested or dating anybody else? (and none of thise info will be used against your P.O.V in debates if you are somebody I frequently disagree with. This info is for my own theorizing.) Link to comment
ComputerGuy Posted July 19, 2005 Share Posted July 19, 2005 Count me in as someone who has fallen for seomeon who wants to be friends....and because of it, I probably blew the friendship as well. Link to comment
Napoleon Bonaparte Posted July 19, 2005 Author Share Posted July 19, 2005 comp happened? I would like everybody to tell me their stories. I think there is definitely an obvious pattern here. Link to comment
love_is_key Posted July 19, 2005 Share Posted July 19, 2005 Hey guys... to answer your question Napoleon... I have known my "friend" for a little a year and a half. We became intimate about five months ago. When we first became intimate things were lovely... but he became to be inconsistent with spending time/talking with me. That's when the relationship we have became stressed. He has admitted to taking a woman to lunch... she works with him... I know it's more than he's telling me though. For instance, we agreed yesterday that I would pick him up from work and we would go to an outdoor concert. Afterwards, we would spend some time intimately... well when he came out to get in my vehicle, he seemed very distant, and agitated. I didn't say anything... when we got to the concert, unlike the norm, he was not affectionate with me... still I said nothing... so after the concert he suggested we go have a drink. When he got a little "juice" in him... the root of his frustration came out... he told me that his ex-girlfriend called him and informed him she was pregnant by her current boyfriend... that was the bottom line for me... I told him that I can't stick around and go through all of this confusion... I asked him what did he want from me... he asked me to love him... and I thought... where the hell does that leave me? If I'm giving "all" I am to him... and he's not returning the love... then I might as well sign my name on the dotted line... to take a fool's journey... For all who are going through these things... be secure in the fact that you are special... because you still have the capacity to truly "love" in this world... we are a dying breed... and know this... that the ones who are fulfilled by our love, yet do not count us worthy to give the love in return... someday they will regret it deeply. The final thing I have to say... is as long as I stay around, loving and nurturing my friend, he will take me for granted... I need to release him, redefine my dignity, and decide "if" I will ever give him the privilege of being loved by me again... Sorry guys... I just had to get that all out! Link to comment
Davidsan Posted July 19, 2005 Share Posted July 19, 2005 k well ive known a girl for 3 years i havent really been her friend since like a few months ago ive liked her for 3 years and have dated other girls and i just need to have her i am canfident around her and every one else and she nows i like her but she keeps sayin to just be friends and it turns out shes been liken my friend i just wana tell her how much i want her but i now i must be patient ill wait as long as it takes to have her i dunt care cuz im in love with her more then ever now cuz i havent seen her sicnce june or talked to her cuz she visting relitevs in russia... well sorry just sayin my story it mite be bit messy cuz i was say wat came to mind heh i do that alot... Link to comment
love_is_key Posted July 19, 2005 Share Posted July 19, 2005 Awwweeeee Davidsan... you're such a sweetie! Link to comment
ShySoul Posted July 19, 2005 Share Posted July 19, 2005 Well if you start off friends then change your mind, change your mindset from "just friends" to acting like "potential lover" what you set your mind to is what you get I find there isn't much difference. Just remove the word "just," add on some deeper feelings, and you've got the same thing. Since potential lovers should be friends anyways. Shy, Love, how long you known your potential partner/closefriend? How long since you've felt feelings for them? Have either of you been intimate with them? Are either of them interested or dating anybody else? I met her in January so thats been 7 months. We spent hours every night talking so that made it seem like much longer, like we were old friends. She said she liked me almost instantly but was afraid to say anything to hurt our friendship. I started liking her after um, a month and a half. One of the reasons we went to just friends was because we were both nervous about taking another step and being intimate (and by that I simple mean kissing, cuddling, etc., nothing sexual). We both wanted to, and told each other that. But schedules kept us from being together in person as often as we wanted and when we were we would freeze. So she decided friends worked best. Since then we have both talked to other people and have had a couple people interested in us, and us interested in them. But nothing has ever happened, or any dates made. Which is why I still think I have a chance. On my side, no other girl I've talked to has been able to touch me like she has. Now that I'm not going to be afraid anymore and just follow my heart, I can give her what she needs. On her side, I think she is afraid of opening up because of being hurt in the past. And the guy who really hurt her tried to get with her again recently, so that made it more difficult since she almost let herself get pulled back in. I think she senses that I'm not like that but doesn't know if she can risk her heart again, so we get really close, seeming like there's more there, but afriad to close the deal. So, we are really close friends. I love her and want more. I think she does to but is in a place where she needs a friend instead. In being the friend I hope that she'll feel comfortable enough to open up and hopefully become more. Have no idea if that helps. But it was theraputic to write it, so thanks for that. Link to comment
mshollywod Posted July 21, 2005 Share Posted July 21, 2005 I too am joing this club. But unlike the rest of you my pitiful self could even get the courage to tell him that I liked him. We had the strangest kind of relationship. We were co-workers/friends who went out to games, concerts, parties etc but our relationship was never established. Til this day couldn't tell you if we were friends or dating. It was never discussed. All my friends have told me that I've allowed the "window of opportunity pass". I think it's all crap because even though his actions may or maynot have indicated he was interested he should have said it somehow. But all my girlfriends claim I gave him the impression that I wasn't interested. (I won't bore you with all of the details, you can read it all of my post especially I believe my 1st and 2nd posts to get the jist) it breaks my heart to talk about if for too long. I haven't heard from him in a month (which considering how we used to communicate it's a big deal) He calls me every 30 days it seems when you used to call me a couple times of day even if it was to be silly. Plus he used to call me back immediately when I called now it's every couple of weeks. I've heard he might have met the girl of his dreams at a wedding he attended in either May or June. Which is funny but anyway. Plus his birthday is on Monday. The only reason why I haven't told him how I felt about him is because I didn't want to ruin the friendship but lately I'm beginning to realize there really isn't much of a friendship left to preserve so to speak. Don't get me wrong he's still sweet but he's just not my sweetie that I've know for almost a year. So guys tell me...on the off chance I happen to see him this weekend to celebrate his birthday (I wish)...should I tell him how I feel and be so bold as to offer him a birthday kiss. I might never get the chance again being that he no longer calls me to hang out like we used too. I can't believe it's been since April 22nd since we've hung out and we used to at least once every other week. Summer is almost over...oh...the plans we could have had. I'm trying to move on but ever time I meet anyone I like that's not my sweetie. Oh, God help me! I need perspective. In case my post sounds crazy I've known this guy for almost a year and things were great between us until about mid April. Link to comment
Napoleon Bonaparte Posted July 21, 2005 Author Share Posted July 21, 2005 Dude it's only been a month. People go years without talking and end up together. And it is unlikely he met the girl of his dreams in that amount of time even if he is dating somebody Link to comment
mshollywod Posted July 21, 2005 Share Posted July 21, 2005 Let me rephrase he calls me it seems every 30 days when he used to call me a couple times a day. How can that seem normal? He never wants to go anywhere anymore when I make recommendations before he used to jump to say yes before I even completed my sentence. Trust me women can tell when something is off. A month is enough time for you to know if you truly like someone. Link to comment
Napoleon Bonaparte Posted July 21, 2005 Author Share Posted July 21, 2005 ms He might have a crush on you or he might have been interested and figured you didn't want to take your clothes off around him cuz you saw him as just a friend. Your best bet is to e mail him and tell him what you are telling us. what you will NOT do is have sex with him in a ambigious friendship without a commitment since feelings are already there unless you wanna get hurt Link to comment
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