Ex-Boyfriend wants me back but still won't commit!

[faith30]

This is a long story but i will make it short. I was with a guy for 4 years and during 1 year he cheated on me with 2 different women (he claimed) He did this because he couldnt handle the fact that i he wasnt my first and i was his. Throughout the relationship we had many problems over it and almost broke up a few times over it. During the time we had problems over it is when he was cheating.We also had problems throughout the relationship with him taking a further step with me as in commitment. I explained to him that i thought 3 years ( at the time) was enough time to move in with someone and take a further step and he said he wasnt ready. I let it go and time went by and i found out he cheated by snooping! I confronted him about the cheating and we talked and he told me why he did it (not that i believed him) and explained that 1 of the reasons why he wasnt ready to take a further step was because he was cheating and didnt want to live with me because of the guilt and now that i knew about it that he would make a commitment and things would change and he wouldnt cheat again and blah blah! Well i knew that i couldnt forgive him for cheating if he still lived far from me (about 45 min) I knew it would take time to trust him again and i decided that maybe i could forgive him if we were able to move forward and go on and maybe live together and start a new life bascially. Well he said he would move in with me in 3 months and 3 months go by and NOPE! he lied bascially so i would stay with him. The reason why i stayed with him and tried to fivgive him is because i thought that if we moved forward and started a new life togehter that things would be better and i wouldnt have to live in the past (with what he did) So at the time when he was telling me we would move in together he bought a house with a friend and i snapped!!! I thought "i can forgive u for cheating because i love you" and you cant even make a commitment to me!? what the heck!!!! So i broke up with him and told him why i made this decision and it's been about 8 months and he still calls me and says "i will commit to you" "im sorry" "i will never cheat on you again" But i tried to explain to him that his refusal to move forward only makes me go back ya know?? its not fair! he expects me to go back with him while hes living 45 min away with his friend in a brand new house wait for him for another 3 or 5 years however long it takes him to "feel ready" and on top of it trust him!!!!!!!!!! how is that fair????? do yo uguys agree with me? because he seems to think that is fair!!

[RayKay]

He sounds like a selfish jerk.

 

If he felt bad you had been with others and he had not, he should of talked to you, not cheated, there is NO excuse for that. Instead of accepting responsibility, he fed excuses and in a way turned the blame on you...

 

It does not take 3, 4, 5+ years to decide if you want to commit to someone or not. Either you do or you don't, do you want to waste another 3 years with him to find out he is still "not ready".

 

Even if he realized his "mistake" now, he treated you with way too much disrespect, and he should learn to accept the consequences of his actions.

 

You deserve someone who does not need to cheat to "make up for your experience". You deserve someone who knows they want to be with you, and whom share the same commitment to the relationship and goals you do. If it takes him 5 years to decide if you should move in...how long will it take to decide if he wants to marry you? Honestly, it should NOT take that long..if it's right, you know.

 

Stop taking his calls, work on moving on and finding the love you deserve with someone who is READY for an adult relationship that includes love, respect, honesty, commitment and compassion.

[Hope75]

Agreed with RayKay.

 

It's none of his business who was part of your love life or sexual experience before he came along. It's not a contest about who has had more partners. The fact that he viewed it this way as an excuse to justify his affairs is a major red flag.

 

When you found that he was cheating, you both should have tried to work out your problems and regain trust before you decided to live together. If you couldn't trust him when he lived 45 minutes away, you wouldn't be able to trust him if he lived with you either, and all moving in does is try to help you to control his behaviour, which would likely backfire in your face.

 

It's along the same vein as a couple having problems who get pregnant because they think a baby will solve all the problems, when in reality they break up and later realize that they needed to fix their problems before they had a baby, all that did was temporarily mask the problem, or even exacerbate it.

 

At this point, too much damage has been done. He's told you before he wouldn't cheat again, and he did...actions always speak louder than words.

 

You've spent 4 long years waiting for this guy to commit and all he did was hurt you over and over. I think it's time to let this wreck of a relationship go and wait for what you know you deserve, love, respect, and commitment from someone you care about.

 

Best of luck.

[btbt]

The thing about the virginity is a poor excuse, as are the other excuses and lies he's told you. I'd get rid of him. Cheating once, may be forgivable, but twice? It shows bad character and disrespect for you.

[annie24]

In the words of Savage Dan, my fav sex advise columnist, "DTMFA!" Which stands for "Dump the MF already!"

[Ryanny86]

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