shorty20 Posted July 13, 2005 Share Posted July 13, 2005 ok, so I have a friend that is Bi sexual, and she is getting married in about a month.... recently we've been talking, and I just have a question for the guys here... ok, so her soon to be husband is off at boot camp right now, and she has cheated on him several times... with other girls. Now, if you were this guy, would you consider this cheating, or would you just think, "wow, thats hot, wish I could have been there!" i'm just wondering, because personally i think that her cheating with other girls is just as bad, but he takes her back every time... he always forgives... and I don't know if it's just cuz it's with other girls, or if it's because he's her doormat.... well let me know what you guys think Link to comment
Day_Walker Posted July 13, 2005 Share Posted July 13, 2005 Well first of all two girls having sex with eachother is only hot when both of them are hot. I would say that its still cheating if its with a female. The best thing that he could do in this situation is join in when she is with another girl then afterwards break up with her cuz of the constant cheating. Seriously it still is cheating but hopefully he learns from his lapse in judgement before he gets married. Link to comment
Jetta Posted July 13, 2005 Share Posted July 13, 2005 Yes it's still cheating. How he responds to it is his choice. Link to comment
lady00 Posted July 13, 2005 Share Posted July 13, 2005 Yep. It's cheating. Gender is not the issue. Maybe he forgives her cause they are girls and he thinks there is no emotional attachment or something in him tells him its different. But, it's pretty much the same in my mind. I mean, if she having just sex with some guy, without attachment, I'm sure he would flip out. Link to comment
abcd1234 Posted July 13, 2005 Share Posted July 13, 2005 Yes, it is still cheating. But it is his life so it is up to him to make the decision about whether to take her back or not, he probably has his reasons even if they are not clear to everyone. Link to comment
BellaDonna Posted July 13, 2005 Share Posted July 13, 2005 I believe that it's cheating. Whether it is with a male or a female, it's still cheating. Either way she's giving her body to someone else, other than her fiance. I think the reaction to this situation will depend on the person. Apparently she doesn't think he'll approve of it if she's doing it when he's away. The sneakiness alone would is a warning sign in and of itself. She's playing him for dumb because he's not here. She is already straying BEFORE the wedding, who knows what she'll do later. Unless of course they have one of those "open" relationships.....then that would change things I guess. BellaDonna Link to comment
RayKay Posted July 13, 2005 Share Posted July 13, 2005 Yes it is definitely cheating. I will never get that...I sometimes see people who are bisexual who think its not cheating as long as they are with the opposite sex from their partner.. Anyway, cheating is cheating, whether there is emotional involvement or not....bottom line is though he accepts the behaviour it would seem and that is his choice. Maybe he justifies it to himself somehow, or excuses it as it is with a female. Personally I think it would illustrate her poor character and serious lack of commitment and respect. Each to their own. Can't believe they are getting married. I know a girl that is engaged, and cheats continously on her fiance (he is another country right now)...as long as there is no "emotional attachment" she figures it is fine...). Link to comment
shorty20 Posted July 13, 2005 Author Share Posted July 13, 2005 well i was just talking to her, and she's told me it was only cheating if you were feeling emotions during the kiss. She's like "sometimes I just kiss for the fun of it, and if it's just a kiss it's not cheating" I personally think if she was devoted to her fiance, she wouldn't put herself in situations like that. Wouldn't let the opportunity to cheat to even exist... and considering how hard it is for her to say no to girls, I think that includes even just hanging out with girls alone, because she obviously has no self control with this issue.... I don't know.... I just hate it that she thinks it's ok to kiss girls... but she wouldn't think twice about saying it's cheating to kiss a guy. She also told me if alex, her fiance, decided to kiss a guy, that that wouldn't be cheating, but he's not gay! So, she's saying it's ok for her to kiss girls, just because she's a girl, even though she's bi, and in my opinion prefers girls over guys... Link to comment
RayKay Posted July 13, 2005 Share Posted July 13, 2005 I think she does not truly love him if she feels that way, and does not put his feelings before her own sexual impulses. She is selfish. And should not be getting married with this attitude. And he should show her the door ASAP...I know she is your friend, but she deserves to learn her lessons hard. Link to comment
btbt Posted July 13, 2005 Share Posted July 13, 2005 Sounds like cheating. Maybe the fiancee doesn't mind because it leaves a door open for him, not necessarily with guys but with women (you can imagine how the argument would go -- but you've slept around too!). Sounds like a recipe for disaster. The larger problem is, if your friend really likes women better, how will this marriage work? Maybe they have something worked out, but it will take a very open mind on both parts. Link to comment
shorty20 Posted July 13, 2005 Author Share Posted July 13, 2005 so what do i do if I'm supposed to be the maid of honor in this wedding? I don't necessarily think she is doing the right thing... i've already boughten my plane ticket, and am her only friend.... do i still go through with it? Link to comment
RayKay Posted July 13, 2005 Share Posted July 13, 2005 so what do i do if I'm supposed to be the maid of honor in this wedding? I don't necessarily think she is doing the right thing... i've already boughten my plane ticket, and am her only friend.... do i still go through with it? That is for you to decide based on your own personal feelings and views. Personally I would not, but I also tend to not choose to be friends with someone I consciously know is actively cheating...just my own personal belief. I would politely tell her if I were you I could not agree with her marrying this man based on her actions, you are sorry as you care about her, but you just cannot accept her going through with a marriage based on that - but that is ME, what you would do is another thing altogether...you need to decide that. You may lose a friendship keep in mind, and that may influence your decisions, but perhaps for your own moral standards you need to do it. Link to comment
shorty20 Posted July 13, 2005 Author Share Posted July 13, 2005 but the thing is that he KNOWS that she cheats.... she only cheats when he's not there... when he's there, she's so into him, but when he's away her mind wanders... he knows her beliefs and knows all of her problems and yet still wants to marry her.... I don't know if I could bear letting her down by not being in her wedding.....I'm all she's got Link to comment
someguy69 Posted July 13, 2005 Share Posted July 13, 2005 If she's going to be with other women... she should share them with him too Link to comment
HellFrost666 Posted July 13, 2005 Share Posted July 13, 2005 If they have an understanding that allows her to do it (yea it's still technically cheating, but it's acceptable cheating... If it was me I'd think it was pretty hot. After all that is every man's fantasy. Link to comment
btbt Posted July 14, 2005 Share Posted July 14, 2005 You have to figure out your role as a friend. We can't control everything our friends do and sometimes have to accept them without judging them. However, if you think this bad for *her* interest -- based on your caring for her a person and not your judgment of her -- then it might be worthwhile to have a talk with her. Maybe you should tell her exactly how you feel -- that you are uncomfortable being the bridesmaid but want to ditch her. It's not fair for her to ask you for your support if you do not truly support her choices. But, it's not nice to ditch her either. Tricky situation; I guess a long heart to heart with your friend may point you in the right direction. Link to comment
Lexicon85 Posted July 14, 2005 Share Posted July 14, 2005 I think it's silly to indulge all of these impulses, but really... if the couple is okay with it, who are we to make such harsh judgements? I have been struggling with the issue of fidelity a lot (intellectually) lately. I'm not sure where jealousy comes from, though I know that I am certainly susceptible. I would be every jealous and disappointed should my boyfriend cheat on me with another woman. I think I would possibly be jealous because I want to feel like my body is special, and isn't being compared with other women, and that I am fulfilling all of his needs. However, if he asked to experience something with another man, I would not feel as jealous. Why? Because this is something that I can not fulfill- if there is a curiosity in that arena, I think I would hurt but I would understand, as we are both young and not fully developed. He would have to tell me that he was interested first, introduce me to the man, make sure everything was safe, and invite me!! Well... maybe it wouldn't be that easy... I don't know... Obviously something to be discussed, but my point is- every couple might not have the same views on what is acceptable and if your friend is in such a relationship, I recommend refraining from judging. If her boyfriend knows about everything, then leave it up to him. And which is worse? Emotional or physical infidelity? I just don't know anymore. Link to comment
AuroraMaria Posted July 17, 2005 Share Posted July 17, 2005 Yes. It's cheating. And it's really sad. You should make her tell her fiance, or tell him yourself. (It's what I would want, if I were being cheated on... the truth.) Link to comment
lady00 Posted July 18, 2005 Share Posted July 18, 2005 Yes. It's cheating. And it's really sad. You should make her tell her fiance, or tell him yourself. (It's what I would want, if I were being cheated on... the truth.) The even sadder thing is, he already knows. And he accepts it. Link to comment
Lexicon85 Posted July 18, 2005 Share Posted July 18, 2005 Yes. It's cheating. And it's really sad. You should make her tell her fiance, or tell him yourself. (It's what I would want, if I were being cheated on... the truth.) The even sadder thing is, he already knows. And he accepts it. The sad thing??!!! If he she's fine with it, and he's fine with it, I suggest you respect your friends' decisions and butt out of the whole thing. They are living their relationship in the way that they choose- it is not anyone else's place to tell them what to do if there is no dishonesty between the couple. It is not cheating- cheating implies dishonesty. Link to comment
RayKay Posted July 18, 2005 Share Posted July 18, 2005 Yes. It's cheating. And it's really sad. You should make her tell her fiance, or tell him yourself. (It's what I would want, if I were being cheated on... the truth.) The even sadder thing is, he already knows. And he accepts it. The sad thing??!!! If he she's fine with it, and he's fine with it, I suggest you respect your friends' decisions and butt out of the whole thing. They are living their relationship in the way that they choose- it is not anyone else's place to tell them what to do if there is no dishonesty between the couple. It is not cheating- cheating implies dishonesty. Um, from what I read it is not like she talks to him about it beforehand...she does it knowing it bothers him, he finds out, for some reason "takes her back anyway" with promises and then she does it all over again. That IS dishonesty. Link to comment
Lexicon85 Posted July 19, 2005 Share Posted July 19, 2005 I still think it's their relationship issue, not yours. If she does tell him, and he does take her back, and it's happened multiple times, he's aware of it as an issue and it's obviously okay ENOUGH for him to marry the girl. He didn't go to you for your advice, and I'm assuming neither did she... While her behavior is definitely unfortunate and immature, I certainly would not refrain from participating in her wedding because of your moral judgements/perspectives. Link to comment
shorty20 Posted July 20, 2005 Author Share Posted July 20, 2005 i disagree lexicon... standing up next to the bride and being her maid of honor to me, means u support her, and u support the couple, and you believe in their marriage. Too many people take marriage lightley in this day and age, and I didn't wnat a good friend getting hurt because she cheated again, and this time her HUSBAND wouldn't take her back.... I don't know if that makes sense but if I don't agree with her getting married I can't stand up at her wedding and watch the whole thing.... I just can't. I did, however talk to her. I told her exactly how I was feeling. That I thought she really needed ot think this threw and make sure that she was done cheating, and I brought up the fact that Alex may eventually grow tired of taking her back time after time.... and she said she understood, that she was going to be going to a support group... she was trying hard and making an effort to stay busy and keep herself occupied so she wasn't tempted to cheat. I felt so much better after talking to her, and I am now actually kinda looking forward to being in her wedding.... Link to comment
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