What do I do?

[bangdaddy]

My girlfriend of 5 years broke up with me, just about june 19th.

She says she need time to think, about us. Well first off her dad died, and i tried to be beside her all i could. Her mom then tried to commit suicide, after her dad died and after that everything went down hill. I said her mom is trying to control her. She lets her go to work and over to her friends house but whenever shed try to come over here shed call and say something like shes going to commit suicide. She didn't think her mom was trying to stop us from being togehter. She hasn't talked to me or been around me since june 20th. She says theirs no one else. I even had a friend thats a girl call her and she told her that she needed time to think and for me not to call her. Just give her time to think about stuff. Figure stuff out. She also wanted me to get a job, so i done that. I got one where i can earn 1,000 dollars amonth. I would do anything thing for this woman I love her with everything that I am. My parents are mad at me for trying to get back with her because they think shes no good to do what she done to me, but the rest of my friends say wait it out except one that says forget about her. i'm in such pain. I grind my teeth at night, and now have ulcers. My parents say i don't need her i'll find someone else. But i refuse to give up that easy. I want to start a family. I'll wait as long as it takes. So everyone if you were me what would you do? Thanks for reading and helping me.

[fate or freewill]

Sorry your in such a tough spot.

 

I think the best thing you can do is wait it out, your girlfriend has a lot to grieve over, how long has is been since her father died?

 

In addition, with her mom threatening suicide, she's got twice the issues to think about.

 

What you should be doing is taking care of yourself, this way if she comes back to you, you'll be healthy and ready to pick things up again and if not, then you'll at least be healthy enough to make it through better.

 

Go to the doctor's and get a mouth guard so you don't grind your teeth down to nubs and get something for those ulcers as well.

 

Good luck

[bangdaddy]

thank you very much.....it helps to hear others thoughts....i think he died sometime in may i think.... me and him really had a good relationship he was so funny....i miss him too...but it sucks to have your parents telling you if she really loved you she wouldn't have done this....but i think she just needs time...and i need to be strong like you said. its just so hard to lose her..she gave me most of my stuff back and i thought i'd give up living right there. I had a dream last night of her standing in front of me saying.." I want to get back together with you." Probably just my hopes manifesting themselves in my dreams.

thanks for your thoughts and words they mean more than you'll ever know.

I think your ava rocks...you know what you get when you cross george bush and james dean? a rebel without a clue.

[Meow18]

Whether or not you want to be with her, you need to respect what she wants and needs right now. She wants time to think and space. You need to give her that time.

 

Calling her and begging her (not exactly saying you do this..) to get back with you is just going to make yourself look desperate and it won't allow her the time to think about things, which will only make things worse. This is a very difficult time for her.

 

Things will work out the way they are meant to if you just give her time. In the mean time, go out and have fun. It's good you got a job. Just keep yourself busy and try to just give her space right now.

[bangdaddy]

thank you maggie, I love her so much. To tell the truth i have called quite a bit not like once every day but maybe once every other week and her mom says she doesn't know where she went. I think she told her to say that. I told her i'll wait as long as it takes. Thank you again.

[Meow18]

You should make sure she knows you are there for her if she ever needs to talk or just wants someone around. Other than that, don't call her. It will only push her away more. Just give it time.

[bangdaddy]

I know i'll give her all the time she needs, i just feel like a total tool.

I lost my job, and she wanted me to get one. I guess i just keep looking.

Thanks for all your help. I just really hope no matter how long it takes that she figures out what she needs to figure out. I just hope she doesn't forget about me. you think she'll call me on my birthday, lol. How long do you think it'll take? One of my friends said a month but i think longer. I feel so sorry for her. Its hard to keep my head above the water. It feels like i'm drowning. I lose my soul mate then i lose my job...such is life. You think its just par for the course that she doesn't call me at all? The times i've tried to call her she would talk to me but really didn't want to. I just want her to be happy. Thanks everyone for all your help and advice.

[bangdaddy]

I've sent her a couple of letters and probably shouldn't have before i started asking questions here. So my next question is should i send one last letter telling her i'll wait and i'll be there for her no matter what and don't worry about me. Or should i just stop?

[beatless]

...and i need to be strong like you said. its just so hard to lose her..she gave me most of my stuff back and i thought i'd give up living right there. I had a dream last night of her standing in front of me saying.." I want to get back together with you." Probably just my hopes manifesting themselves in my dreams.

.

 

Hi bangdaddy, sorry for the breakup, hang in there. It is not easy, I

know because I'm going through that now. It has to be rougher for you

because that's a 5-year relationship. I could feel when you said when she

gave your stuff back. My ex wanted me to move out quick and she actually

rented a storage to store my personal stuff. Everytime I picked up my

items at the storage the pain of seeing them where it used to be in a

happy place are now packed in boxes, I felt like dying there

[beatless]

I've sent her a couple of letters and probably shouldn't have before i started asking questions here. So my next question is should i send one last letter telling her i'll wait and i'll be there for her no matter what and don't worry about me. Or should i just stop?

 

I was adviced from my friends that the best way if I wanted to try of

getting back to my ex is to stop any communication with her, phone,

email, snail mail and wait a month or so. This is to show that you can

live without her and that you can be happy again. They said that being

in control of yourself will be attractive to ex'es...

So yeah maybe try the NC

[bangdaddy]

I get it thanks alot for your thoughts, its hard to do but i'll try my best.

Shes probably testing me. I just thought that if i gave her a last letter saying take your time...cause i ended the last letter in a wussy way i guess you could say. I don't want her to think i can't live without her. I just want her to know i'm here for her if she needs me. it probably is better just to shut my trap for i get my foot caught in it. Thank you. I feel for you buddy that must suck to see your stuff setting in a storage place. damn. I haven't even touched my stuff in the bags she gave me. Its so hard after 5 years i could never get allof her stuff out of my room. (well i know i could but it would take a little while)i just hope she returns. thats all. i just hope.

[Meow18]

Bangdaddy, I can't even imagine how hard this must be. I really hope that things work out for you though. It's obvious that you are so in love with this girl and that you would do anything for her. She's very lucky to have someone who think about her the way you do.

 

Just hang in there. It will be hard, there's no question about that. There will be days when you are so tempted to call her, but don't. You need to get out and do stuff. Try your hardest to go on with your life.. Although that's always easier said than done.

 

I believe that what is meant to be will happen. It might not happen tomorrow, but it will happen. Try to be happy that this is a girl who is deciding what she wants. That she is strong enough to be able to take time to herself to think about things. And if she comes back to you, then you will reallly know that it is meant to be, and your feelings for her will be a lot stronger (if that's even possible).

 

But don't let all this ruin your life. Don't let this be all you think about. Whether she comes back or not, you still have your whole life ahead of you.

[bangdaddy]

I just hope she just knows somehow that i will wait as long as it takes and i just want her to be happy. I just hope she figures out what she needs figured out. One of my friends thats a woman ( a great woman) asked her she still has feelings for me. thats a good sign as good as could be expected huh? lol.

I made a promise to her dad before he died that i would take care of her no matter what, I hope one day I can fulfill that promise.The whole thing at the start almost took me from this earth, but like one of the last things she told me "don't commit suicide, then we wouldn't have a chance to get back together." I think that and all my friends and all of you guys is the only thing that kept me here. I thank all of you from the bottom of my soul.

[beatless]

Yep, it is best to just keep no contact with her for a while. I know... it is not

easy. Everyday I'm getting upset stomach from the pain myself.

My ex is civil enough to store my personals in a storage and she paid for

it. Today is not an easy day, I had to go to the storage and take some

more of my stuff, and I saw some of the cards and gifts she gave me

and couldn't help getting really teary eyed. I felt like dying in there,

I had to force myself outside and have some air.

 

So yeah hang in there and keep in touch of any updates.

I am planning to send her my first contact email by next week

life is sure complicated...

[bangdaddy]

You know it. Life isn't easy. I can imagine standing there looking at cards. I still have a t shirt of hers i found it the other day. God i wished i hadn't. I picked it up looked at it. I thought don't do it don't. but i did i put her shirt to my nose and inhaled. God what a scent. I didn't really cry. Just kinda sob/mumble. Something like that. I feel for you dude. I hope things work out for us.

[bangdaddy]

I don't want her to find some guy that treats her like junk. I know shes smarter than that but some guys that I know can be deciving. Not all but some. This is so hard, not hearing from her. I miss her so much.

[bangdaddy]

whoever gets to be with her, for the rest of their lives is the luckiest man alive.

[bangdaddy]

yeah its over now i'm trying to be the happy ex. I hope it works out ok, she doies seem to like to rub it in my face that shes happy, and all about her new "friend".

[shockeddismayed]

Hey Bangdaddy,

 

Man... I really feel for you. Like many of us here, you are in a tough spot. But here is my advice, gleaned from other wise people on this board, and from seeing sooo many situations like yours.

 

1) Everything is not always as it seems.... sometimes you think life is going to continue as it is, indefinitely... but there are always curveballs. Be prepared for what life throws at you and don't think in absolute terms. Thinking in absolute terms would mean "she found someone new, it is over forever". This could be true... but it may not be. Either way, you need to focus on being ready for life.... that means.

 

2) Focus, focus, focus on healing yourself. FORCE yourself to do something everyday that it good for you and for your future. You lost your job? That happens... it happens especially when you are in a new job, but are focussing on your personal life. FORCE yourself to get back out there.... FORCE YOURSELF to hand out the resumes. At first you can tell yourself that this is good for your chances with your EX... but as you heal, you will realize that this is good for YOU!

 

3) DON'T contact her... DON'T. There are MANY reasons for this, but on the top of the list: a) she asked you not to, b) it hurts, and you need to heal, c) you have limited time to right yourself and your own ship... the more you focus on her right now (or on contacting her) the less you are going to be healed and ready to start a happy new chapter in your life... that chapter could be with her... but it doesn't NEED to be.

 

4) I can't emphasize #2 & #3 enough. The way I look at it, if you do NC and focus on yourself you are in a win-win situation. Your ex needs time... but more importantly, YOU need time... you need time to build your self esteem back up... to remember your inner passion... to get a job you enjoy.... to build a solid foundation of happiness in your life... one that is solid enough to *share* with someone, but not *give away*. Women want to be with men who are solid and dependable, who are happy and can share that happiness with them. The win-win here is that if you rebuild that foundation for yourself you WILL BE HAPPY.... then, if the right girl comes along (whether your ex or someone else), they will see it and want to share it with you. WIN-WIN!!!!!

 

GET BUSY! It is going to be super hard to start this process... you feel crappy... you are going to want to procrastinate and mope.... this will make you feel worse. Force yourself to make these positive steps daily. One forced step daily. Before you know it, instead of making one forced step forward, you will be making ten... 9 by choice, and one that requires some effort or force. Imagine how quickly your life will be improving by then!!!!

 

Good luck... we're all behind you!

 

S&D

[saltwatergirl]

S&D is right, you should listen to him because he always seems to know what to say and do in situations. It is very hard to not contact someone but you MUST NOT pick up the phone. Get very, very busy.

 

After a while even if your ex does return, you might be too far removed to even want them back. A sad but probably "best" outcome.

 

Salt