beatless

I agree with this. I'm in my mid-fourties and I had a relationship with exact "life problems" that everyone have on these forums but one partner does not want to deal with the problem so she broke it off recently and once again I have a major setback in my life. I really really wish I'm 22 now. Now 'missingmylady' I understand how you feel. Six years in relationship should have come to marriage. I know you want to salvage this but make sure this is really what you want.

Thank you, congrats that it worked for you. Dating seven years is a long time. Based on the 8-month relationship with the other bf, so you did not have any contact with her for 8 months? There might be a chance for me....... it's just been just 2-months since I talked with my GF.

Well said and I agree with this. It's been 2-months since my GF broke with me which came out of the blue and up to now I'm still confused. I learned this technique from a relationship counselor. He suggested to stay away for a month or two, then try to contact in a friendly manner. No relationship talk, just ask her out for coffee. Has anyone tried this? Stayed away for 2months then tried to contact? Any success?

Oh geez, I had to break out more than that, I had to save her panties by me b/c she had sooooo much juice coming out I had no choice but to use her panties to wipe my face or I'll drown-- LOL... onetime I remember I had to run to the bathroom to wash my face b/c I was starting to gag, she was in ecstasy... she had to laugh at me b/c while running my junior was hard and flapping up and down LOL... it must have looked funny

Hi there, I just read your post and what you described look similar to our problem. My ex did most of initiating, but somehow (in my own point of view) at the wrong time, like during a football game or when we just had a large dinner, etc. I'm not blaming her for the problem b/c I think it's my fault. Like you she rank sex quite up there in the relationship. One of my problem is that alcohol affects me sexually on both desire and performance, after dinner my "junior" does not work too well But I'm always good to go like a lion early in the morning but she's not--- she's too sleepy and grouchy then

Hey there, I read your story and it is possible that alcohol affected your performance? It does for me and in fact I may have the same situation like yours with my breakup, I'm middle age man so there may be more issues with me. Were you attracted to her "physically"? It could be the alcohol..

Well said DropToZero. temjin132, I am sorry for your major breakup, hang in there. Don't be upset and I know it is very very rough as I am currently in a breakup situation as well, one I could point out from my experience is that it was easy for your ex to move on from the breakup because there is no "attraction" for you. I know b/c a couple of years ago I broke an 8-yr relationship not b/c I was having an affair but I lost attraction for my ex. My decision was even made easier b/c we fought a lot and for our 8yr relationship she was so unsupportive of me. Just a thought, your ex cheated on you while you were still together-- that alone really should be a big red flag. I know it's tough to lose the one you love and you are probably still reminiscing those "happy days".

Hi Heloladies21, thank you for your advice. My plan is to finally contact my ex after two months of complete nc with her. I feel it's either she's willing to at least talk to me as a friend for now, no relationship topics, just about our job, the weather, and our dogs. The girl who gave me her number lives just next town and we had talked a couple of times. It is so difficult though to be honest when I kept thinking of my ex who I used to kiss, hug, have dinner with and slept on the same bed every night. If my ex decide that she does not want to see me then I would have more solid feelings to move on with my life....... And cut down on drinking..... which I'm getting tired of doing

Thank you Nikkers04, I do still feel for my ex. I am planning to contacting her for the first time since the breakup. To tell you the truth I have not even mention the breakup to my parents, they will be very upset and it's something I cannot deal with on top of what I have right now. If my plan fails and my ex still does not want to see me then I would painfully have to move on with my life.

Yep, it is best to just keep no contact with her for a while. I know... it is not easy. Everyday I'm getting upset stomach from the pain myself. My ex is civil enough to store my personals in a storage and she paid for it. Today is not an easy day, I had to go to the storage and take some more of my stuff, and I saw some of the cards and gifts she gave me and couldn't help getting really teary eyed. I felt like dying in there, I had to force myself outside and have some air. So yeah hang in there and keep in touch of any updates. I am planning to send her my first contact email by next week life is sure complicated...

As far as terrorism, that's all everyone should do, go on with the business as if nothing happened. Those barbarians should not get the satisfaction. Yep, most of people I talked to (outside this forum) also suggested to do the healing and grieving and try to have a happy face. I thought about it by going onto someone else shoes, if I look depressed - that is really not attractive, I could just imagine how my ex would think if I come up to her looking depressed. She would most likely lose respect for me. Of course this is not easy because we both are still thinking of the way it was with our ex (the happy days). At least me I have to make myself think that it may not be the same even if me and her get back together again. Yes it is learning how to forgive and trust her again.

I see you were around during the awful London bombing. I hope things are going back to normal a bit there. It will take time just like our GF breakups. I know because I'm from New York during the Trade Center. I sometimes get nervous going up into a tall building, still. I am going to do the same, is send my ex an email. Although I see some posters suggested waiting a bit more longer. How are you doing emotionally as far as being able to talk to her with a happy face? I am feeling a bit better compared to last month but on occasion I would have sad moments. This is especially when I think that the chances of her coming back and meeting me is slim.

unfortunately, it does affects me on both... performance and usually I desire to sleep instead

I was adviced from my friends that the best way if I wanted to try of getting back to my ex is to stop any communication with her, phone, email, snail mail and wait a month or so. This is to show that you can live without her and that you can be happy again. They said that being in control of yourself will be attractive to ex'es... So yeah maybe try the NC

Hi bangdaddy, sorry for the breakup, hang in there. It is not easy, I know because I'm going through that now. It has to be rougher for you because that's a 5-year relationship. I could feel when you said when she gave your stuff back. My ex wanted me to move out quick and she actually rented a storage to store my personal stuff. Everytime I picked up my items at the storage the pain of seeing them where it used to be in a happy place are now packed in boxes, I felt like dying there

Hey scorchio, I'm about the same time of 1 1/2 month n/c with my ex and yes it is a killer. Everyday life is unbearable. I also tried looking for a new gf and did attracted someone, she gave her phone number but you know I'm not emotionally ready. So yep going into a new relationship is not a good idea. What I've been doing besides talking to friends is everytime I feel the pain, I talk a long long walk outside. At my job, instead of eating in the office I take a long walk to get my lunch and walk back and eat back at the office. Are you ready to contact your ex or still planning? At 1-1/2 I am planning to contact my ex sometime this coming week or next. Hopefully she's willing to go for coffee. If this fails and she refuse to see me then I might have to be ready to move on with my life. Not very easy!!

I recently(1-1/2 month ago) had a breakup with my GF, she broke it off and yes for anyone who has not felt this emotions they are intense. The grief is/was a lot, I felt like dying. What made it tough is that like your relationship we also what supposed to be a future, supposed to be a long term relationship. Then work problems happened, everyday work related stress affected me and our life. I became a tired and less energy person. And most important our communication were really lacking. I believe we both afraid to open up with each other on the problems to prevent rocking the boat. And when we cannot hold-in anymore and finally talk it out, we both were angry and end-up verbally fighting. Anyway I wanted to finally solve my work problems (quitting the job) with her support but then it was too late. She had enough and wanted to break our relationship. After a month and going on two, yes time do help heal but I still feel pain on occasion. I got myself a pet dog for companion. I want to do what you have done is to contact her for coffee and avoid talking about our relationship. We have not spoken to each other for all these time. I see you both are talking again, is there a possibility of going back?? With all of you reading this and tried to get back with an ex, what are the chances of success, high? low? very low? Yep I tried finding another girl, one had given her phone number to me but somehow I did not feel excited... I felt I am not ready. Maybe it is too early to be dating someone?

BTW, alcohol always affect my sex drive, I usually cannot perform Although for some people the opposite is the case, different body functions.

same with me, i can be a rabbit in my teens and 20s then as i got older, more successful in life, in my career, in my job, and the more everyday stress, I noticed my sex energy slowed down quite a lot

can't help reading these posting and at the age of 20's you both are young and lots of time... when you get to mid-life and went through all that, you'll look back and say to yourself 'wow good thing i did not settle on a bad thing and find someone who would appreciate a good person' on the other hand, have you heard of "Good guys finish last" you treated her well, you took care of her, you went above and beyond for her. independent women don't care for that.. you noticed pretty women date "bad boys"? ie. Heather Locklear & Tommy Lee 0X i know, because I was 'a good guy' then, and lost everytime

Dear dumbfox, After reading your posts, wow, we are in a similar situation except that I'm the one who got dumped (and the guy) and wanted to work things out with my gf but she was not willing at the time. This event happened to me late in May. I had moved out already. Our relationship is similar to you (except for the problems), we did not have fights but when we do it was verbal but not loud. And I also could say the same that yes we do have problems like all relationships do, but in IMHO not serious enough that it cannot be worked out. No infidelity, or physical, or financial problem are involved, which are problems that can break relationships. I am also the one who moved my "comfortable" life from the eastcoast to the northwest for her. The difference from you is that it's 3000 miles away, 5 to 10-hour flight away from friends and family. I know exactly how you feel. I'm a bit better but still some pain. The first couple of weeks, the pain were extreme. I was confused and just messed up. Very tired. I had to do a lot of walking exercise when the pain comes. We have not speak to each other in 1-1/2 month and my plan is to contact her later this month and see if she wants to talk even if it's not about our relationship, just our dogs (we also own) and have coffee. I know what you are going through. It is certainly not easy. We also had "communication" problem, I believe we both have the problem. She is similar to your BF, when I try to talk about things she gets grouchy and starts saying bad words and that usually triggers my anger which starts an intense verbal argument which I usually lose. On the other hand I tend to keep problems to myself I guess hoping not to rock the boat and to avoid arguments--- can't win. But with this experience I know now for sure that communicating and not going to bed angry is very important.