Interracial Dating

[xcountryprincess]

My friends and i were talking (3 of us black and the other 4 were white) and the topic of interracial dating came up in our conversation. We all said that we had no problem dating outside of our race, however one of my friends came up with a very valid point.

 

When we all go out together it seems like my white friends are approached by many different nationalities of guys where as by black friends (me incuded) are normally (i say normally because this isnt ALWAYS the case) only approached by black guys.

 

So i guess my question to all of you (particularly the guys) is are you afraid to approach african american females because you feel they won't respond positively or are you simply not really attracted to girls off different nationalities?

[Superfreak]

In my opinion, from what I've noticed in my school and community at least, is that black people in my area in general on average tend not to associate outside their own racial group (I am speaking on average, as there are of course exceptions). This is in stark contrast to other minorities, whether they be Asians, Hispanic or Indian etc. whom although too sometimes associate with their own race, they are much much more likely to have a more multicultural group of friends. Having friends from different races means that the group and you as an individual aren't seen by others as selective in terms of race when picking friends. But when you do have exclusively one race of people you hang out with, it's very intimidating for someone to try and "penetrate the circle" as they sometimes just assume "well if she only has black friends, maybe she just prefers only black people". This is at least what I think is the main reason black's aren't always approached as much for dates as other races. It's the (more often than not incorrect) view that they prefer only their own race and are not accepting of others.

 

As for not being attracted to blacks, well I don't think ther is a single one of my friends that would kick Beyonce out of bed

[xcountryprincess]

As for not being attracted to blacks, well I don't think ther is a single one of my friends that would kick Beyonce out of bed

 

Lol, that made me laugh.

[ShySoul]

As for not being attracted to blacks, well I don't think ther is a single one of my friends that would kick Beyonce out of bed

 

Though they would have to be in that situation to begin with, which would be a feat in itself.

 

I personally don't care an ounce about race. I'll talk to anyone and I'll date someone if I connect with them. Race is never an issue. But I have noticed often that blacks tend to associate more with people off their own race. It's like they create a feeling of needing to be with their kind or protecting their own culture. While thats good, it can go too far and people may not want to violate that inner group. I agree with Superfreak. Though really its silly.

[pchellak]

I come from a state where there aren't many blacks. But the VERY few black girls that i've come accross seem to feel that every body in the world is against them. I dont know why they feel that way; I dont find that trait very attractive.

[btbt]

Quote:

But I have noticed often that blacks tend to associate more with people off their own race. It's like they create a feeling of needing to be with their kind or protecting their own culture. While thats good, it can go too far and people may not want to violate that inner group. I agree with Superfreak. Though really its silly.

 

 

Hmmm...sounds logical that people stick to their own kind, but there is another side to the story. Maybe blacks, and other racial groups, hang out with people like them because they don't feel accepted by whites. I'm not generalizing; it all depends on the community you live in, how large the racial groups are, if there is a history of racial tension etc.

[JRM]

I personally don't care at all. If you're hot, you're hot.

 

Things is with many black girls, it seems, is that they act all "ghetto", and are discriminative towards any non-black race. As pchellak said earlier, that isn't very attractive.

[btbt]

For every black women who seems to prefer only black men, there's a white man who prefers only white women -- isn't that discrimination too? Do we complain when white people only date white people? That isn't attractive either.

[ShySoul]

Hmmm...sounds logical that people stick to their own kind, but there is another side to the story. Maybe blacks, and other racial groups, hang out with people like them because they don't feel accepted by whites. I'm not generalizing; it all depends on the community you live in, how large the racial groups are, if there is a history of racial tension etc.

 

Yes, some whites do make blacks feel accepted. But I'm taking about some groups assuming that white people won't be accepting without even giving them a chance. When I was young I visited relatives in Houston, in a mostly black community. My cousin felt the need to tell me that she talked to her friends and said I was ok even though I am white. And the odd thing is, I have black in me to even if I'm very light skinned. It's the idea that automatically she would think I'd be looked at as an outsider because of my skin color, even when I share the same racial history as them.

 

When it comes to race my stand has always been to focus on the one race that we are all a part of, the human race.

[btbt]

I like what ShySoul said at the end of his post. I guess it's odd to me to have a conversation about whites feeling excluded by blacks. Most of us aren't racist, but the U.S. is hardly a racism-free. I'm not saying that whites can't feel excluded -- ShySoul gives a good example -- but if we are saying that blacks are discriminating, we whould look at the bigger picture and see that they are sticking to their own kind (in some cases) because they have been discriminated against first. I'm sure most of you who are white never discriminated against blacks, so I'm not saying that. I'm saying that there is a larger social atmosphere in which blacks do not feel equal in this society. It's 2005, but it's true, from the largest cities to the smallest rural town.

[ShySoul]

but if we are saying that blacks are discriminating, we whould look at the bigger picture and see that they are sticking to their own kind (in some cases) because they have been discriminated against first.

 

I agree that racism still exists in all areas and among all races. It's sad that it still does and it won't be solved over night. But it can't be solved if those who are discriminated against choose to hold onto it and even choose to return the favor. Two wrongs don't make a right. I've seen blacks (in no way representing the majority of there race I know) who use the past as a weapon to justify things they know they shouldn't do, as if they are now entitled to special treatment. This just makes them guilty of much of how they say whites treat them. The way to get over racism is to recognize the mistakes of the past, work on correcting them through equal treatment now, and come together regardless of race. I think most people get this, but there are still those who let the mistakes of the past prevent them from looking to the future.

[pchellak]

Hey ... Maybe san fran is a different place, But where i live, the people are still kindof racist. The folks here (mostly white country guys) are ok as long as people (especially white) dont date or marry outside their race. This is even true among my friends, most of whom are white, will not date outside their race because they think their relationship will not survive the social pressure.

[ShySoul]

True, San Fran is a very diverse environment and is one of the more progressive areas. I'm also helped because my family taught me to be accepting of everyone. And my college was ranked as one of the most diverse colleges. So I've been exposed to many different times of people. And what I've seen is that we're all the same at heart.

 

Other areas may not be up to this. There are pressures and I have no doubt they are strong ones. Hey, that exists around here as well. But the longest jorney begins with a single step. Each person has to ask themselves, are they going to give into that pressure or are they going to follow their hearts and fight it. As good and accepting as he is, even my dad makes racist comments. But that doesn't mean I need to listen to them. As long as we let social pressures dictate our lives, things will never change. But if we rise up, then progress can be made.

[asdf]

Okay, I'm Chinese, and immigrated to a western cultured city, with although dominantly white, still had a lot of racial diversity compared to other western cultured cities (a hot spot for immigration). What I've found is that most people do stick to their own race. And in each race, there are a lot of racists. Now, white people usually have to deal with the racism label, because they are the dominant subclass of society as opposed to a minority. I think most minorities are actually a lot more racist than most percieve them.

 

What I've found is that people are just afraid of change. Immigrants come to a new country, and find it easier to mingle with people who are culturally like them, and speak the same language. Racial segregation is usually self imposed these days. Those people who act all "ghetto" are just doing it in a way to separate themselves.

 

For interracial dating, I'm Asian, and I happen to only be physically attracted to white girls. I don't know why, it's just my thing and what I'm attracted to. That being said, I do prefer a white girl with a black girls butt

[Sheyda]

I think most minorities are actually a lot more racist than most percieve them.

 

I agree. We have some black teens who go to the same school as my brother and when I was in school with him, they would all pick on me and my brother on the way to school (we were the only Eurasian children on the school bus). They still pick on my brother when they can. Once they stole his football and when he managed to get it back and an adult came over the black children played the race card and said that my brother was being racist to them!

 

It's quite sickening that black people have fought so hard against racism for equal rights and now their descendants are using racism to get away with bullying others.

[pchellak]

 

It's quite sickening that black people have fought so hard against racism for equal rights and now their descendants are using racism to get away with bullying others.

 

 

It seems like you are doing the same mistake some people seem to be doing in this forum i.e. generalize a group of people based on a few. I hope that you will not hate the entire group based on a couple of experiences; You will probably end up taking revenge on some poor black guy/gal and the cycle will go on.

[dizzy_bruce]

 

It's quite sickening that black people have fought so hard against racism for equal rights and now their descendants are using racism to get away with bullying others.

 

 

It seems like you are doing the same mistake some people seem to be doing in this forum i.e. generalize a group of people based on a few. I hope that you will not hate the entire group based on a couple of experiences; You will probably end up taking revenge on some poor black guy/gal and the cycle will go on.

 

I disagree with you Pchellack, I think what Sheyda wrote was very true.

 

In England, it is not simply 'a few' black people that use racism as an excuse to harass people, it happens all the time! I've been mugged by black guys three times, and I wasn't looking for trouble at the time. They feel that by being racist towards others it makes up for the racism that they, and their ancestors, suffered.

 

Even ignoring the number of blacks out to get me, Sheyda's point is valid. If only one black guy went around using racism as an excuse for bullying, it would insult the sacrifices their ancestors made for racial equality.

 

I don't think that her point was that we hate all blacks because some of them are rascals, but that it's a shame they use racism to justify racism.

 

Where did that part about taking revenge come from lol?

 

Anyway, like that other guy said if you're hot you're hot. I've had girlfriends of a few different races, and inspite of my experiences I would go out with a black girl (she would have to be a hottie of course lol).

 

Bruce.

[Sheyda]

dizzy_bruce - You're right about my point. I was not in any way saying that all black people did this and I did not generalise. When I said "their descendants" I did not mean all black people, I was specifically referring to the children who bullied me and my brother and who still attack other children around our area who are not black. And yes, it still insults their ancestors even if it is just a small group of people.

 

Pchellack - I never mentioned getting "revenge" on anyone. I have no problem with black people and I have plenty of black friends who I know are nothing like these bullies. It would be incredibly stupid to attack an innocent person just because they look like someone who hurt me in the past. I am not that dumb or vengeful and I do not support bullying. If I were anything like that, the only people I would ever talk to would be Chinese. I have been bullied by all races (except Chinese people), but I know better than to generalise; people are individuals and their personalities are not governed by the colour of their skin.

[pchellak]

Sheyda,

I realize you did not say you will take revenge. But if you generalize and keep thinking that black guys in general are not behaving right, you may subconsciously do something which you wouldn;t normally do. I think the black guys who use racism, may do it because they keep thinking about the past (sometimes even subconsciously).

It is just like how some guys hate women in general just because of 1 female. That was all i was trying to say, to accuse you was not my intention.

[ShySoul]

I don't think Sheyda was generalizing. She was saying that most, or at least a number, of the black people she has been around has been like that. Many of them do use racism to justify racism. But I don't think she was generalizing or would look at blacks as a whole differently. I'm in an area where there is a good deal of drug dealers who happen to be black. Doesn't mean I'm going to be assuming that of other blacks. I have a few black friends and almost started a relationship with a black girl.

 

The problem with holding onto the past and even inadvertantly using racism to make up for the past, is that it just serves to justify the same stereotypes that blacks are against. It forms a cycle that never ends.

[pchellak]

Ok ... I agree i may have been a little harsh But it just gets on my nerves when people try to generalize. Sheyda did generalize and say the following

 

It's quite sickening that black people have fought so hard against racism for equal rights and now their descendants are using racism to get away with bullying others.

 

and there are others in this post who seem to agree with that statement.

 

I just thought i should point out that generalizing is a bad idea for anyone (including me). I have to admit that i do that too sometimes.

[ShySoul]

Perhaps she just forgot to add in a word like "some." It's easy to forget a word like that when your thinking fast and writing trying to get your ideas down. It's not generalizing to say "some of their descendents are using racism to get away with bullying others."

 

Same thing when talking any large group of people, its easy to forget to add some conditionally like some or many.

[wlfpack81]

I'm sorry but I have to agree with pchellak that the statement made by Sheyda was a generalization. Unless you have freaking met every black person on the planet you can't say that all use racism of the past as an excuse to by racists now. I'm sorry that you were treated like you were by those people but dislike them b/c they were aholes, not b/c they were black aholes.

 

I mean whites get angered when some blacks try to label all white southerners, conservatives as racists (or any white person racist in general) so did you really expect me (black male) to sit here and not get a little upset at that comment and the follow up post from dizzy_bruce?

 

And dizzy_bruce blacks out to get you!? Please, if there were really blacks out to get you b/c of your race you'd probably be dead now. And how do you know that all 3 of those muggings by blacks had race as a motivation? Not saying they didn't b/c yes there are hate crimes that are done against whites by blacks though they're rarely reported. I mean in the heat of them attacking you if they muttered racial slurs then obviously yes it was but if they did nothing of the sort then it's a 50/50 call.

 

But IMO despite what the media wants to make it seem like (us evil black males praying on the innocent, especially pure white women) the majority of crimes involving blacks that do happen is poor black on black crime. Pay attention to that word poor b/c that's the cause of most crimes. Go to Russia, China, or any other country and you'll find higher cases of crimes, drugs, prostitution in those poor areas as compared to others. Just that in this country no one wants to admit that all the BS of the past has had a big hand in having a lot of blacks in poor areas. If you're granddad was born in poverty, and your dad was born into poverty then there's a pretty dang good chance you will too as it's hard to break that cycle. I was lucky enough that my dad went into the army when he did and was able to get out of poor, small town e-ern NC and into middle, farily diverse se-ern VA where I was born.

 

And just to let you know dizzy I don't hate all whites b/c some of them are rascals.

[wlfpack81]

And w/that I'm done with this little side subject b/c the thread was already getting hijacked.

 

As far as the subject on dating outside the race. Well, usually I would say love is blind however, I'll be honest after thinking about it for a while I don't even know if it's worth it b/c of all the BS I'd have to put up with from blacks and those apart of the race of the girl I'd date. I mean I am attracted to all races but man the constant stares, comments would take a heavy toll on such a relationship.

 

I mean I live in Oklahoma right now which is super duper conservative. If I did happen to date a girl who wasn't black it'd probably have to be any race but white b/c I honestly don't think I could handle the crap that would be thrown on me and my potential g/f in this state or anywhere in the "Heartland" of America. If I were to date a girl who happened to be white I'd have to be in a "Blue" state so to speak though even there I would still get crapped on just as much. And for the record yes the comments that I would get from blacks if I dated a white girl would suck just as much as the comments I'd get from whites however, I wouldn't worry much about a black girl/guy trying to physically harass me over the issue. However, being honest with me being here in OK I would worry about the possibility of physical threats, harassment from the few who don't have an open mind on this issue. I mean a year or two ago in NJ two white guys beat up another white guy (not sure how well they knew him) b/c he happened to date a black girl in the past. This was in NJ which is more liberal than OK. I mean if an event like that happened there then I shudder to think about what could happen to me here.

[pchellak]

In an ideal world anyone can date anybody else and no one would have a problem with that. Thats just not the case in the real world. Thats why a some people hesitate to date or start a relationship with a person outside their own race. It is much easier to stay away from an interracial relationship. Of course, it is also a matter of preference 8)