amanda22 Posted June 30, 2005 Share Posted June 30, 2005 okay so i was going through my ex bf's phone and found a pic of his ex gf and him at a cliff overlooking the beach. she was wearing a long white dress and was holding a bouquet of flowers. he was wearing nice khaki pants and a white shirt. my first reaction was that it was a wedding photo what do you think? i also know that he gave her a past present future 3 diamond ring and told me it was a "promise ring" im freaking out. do you think they got married? they were always talking about it since they started going out (but they broke up after 5 months). i cant sleep and i feel sick. how should i bring this up to him without sounding like a snoop? that pic is burned in my memory and it hurts. i really want to find out what its all about... please help Link to comment
amanda22 Posted June 30, 2005 Author Share Posted June 30, 2005 oh, and if you dont think it was a wedding pic, than what else could it be??? Link to comment
Iceman26 Posted June 30, 2005 Share Posted June 30, 2005 Not to be mean, but does it matter? Hes your EX. But if you must know, then ask him. Link to comment
Cassyniner Posted June 30, 2005 Share Posted June 30, 2005 How is it you were looking through his phone to see the pic? Is the photo dated? Link to comment
annie24 Posted June 30, 2005 Share Posted June 30, 2005 How did you get ahold of his phone in the first place? Like Iceman said, he is your ex. It could be a wedding photo, maybe not. I dunno... you could always ask him, "So, have you done anything interesting in the past few months, like gone hiking, or uh... gotten married?" You could always say you heard it through the grapevine.... I'm sorry - it's hard, but if they really did get married, at least you have closure and can move on. Good luck. Link to comment
amanda22 Posted June 30, 2005 Author Share Posted June 30, 2005 iceman- it shouldnt matter but it does because i still love him and we are hanging out more and more. and i would like to know if he got married!!! cassyniner- he had his pic in saved photos. they were going out from dec-may and the photo said it was taken in march on a saturday. he constantly said they wanted to get married and im wonndering if they did and just didnt tell anyone. its a weird pic. i dont know what to think. Link to comment
amanda22 Posted June 30, 2005 Author Share Posted June 30, 2005 annie- i could ask but he might deny or lie. i want to tell him that i heard it from someone but what if it was a secret wedding and they didnt tell anyone? then he would wonder how i know. and we dont really talk to the same people so he might start questioning how i know. i was going to let it go but seriously that pic is bothering me. i cant say i went through his phone and saw it.... Link to comment
Cassyniner Posted June 30, 2005 Share Posted June 30, 2005 I'm still confused--when did you guys break up, and how is it you have his phone? Link to comment
amanda22 Posted June 30, 2005 Author Share Posted June 30, 2005 cassie- we broke up last dec 04. he went out with this girl and instantly said she was the one. she left him and now we are hanging out again. he left his phone in the room while he went downstairs to talk to his mom and i flipped through his pics in his phone. Link to comment
Cassyniner Posted June 30, 2005 Share Posted June 30, 2005 I would just ask him...you need to know if you seeing a married guy! Link to comment
amanda22 Posted June 30, 2005 Author Share Posted June 30, 2005 yeah, i thought i would see what you guys say to see if im being irrational about the pic, but i cant help thinking, who wears a long white lacey dress to the beach and holds a bouquet????? someone told me that maybe they just did a pretend wedding or took vows, but then i wonder who took the photo? its just all so weird. so how do i bring it up to him??? without saying i went through his phone. i can say i heard but he will DEMAND to know from who (its the way he is) i can ask but he'll ask how i know... Link to comment
Strandysmommy Posted June 30, 2005 Share Posted June 30, 2005 It would seem that if she left him, they'd be getting a divorce now then wouldn't it? The picture you describe sounds like a wedding photo; but it's kind of a moot point now if she left him. Is he wearing a wedding band? Oh and were you guys hanging out when you saw the pic on his phone? Did he show it to you? I am guessing no on that one... I guess I'm with the others in saying "what does it matter?" especially if she left him! Link to comment
fairyfemale Posted June 30, 2005 Share Posted June 30, 2005 Next time you're hanging out w/ him, ask if you can see the pics he has on his phone. (I ask my friends all the time if I can flip through the photos in their phone!) When the pic is still in there, you can confront him! If he says no, ask him why not? Make it a game and play a little bit. You can say stuff like "why can't i see it, do you have dirty pictures or anything?" When he still doesn't want to give it, you take his cell and run away. Just pretend you think he has something dirty or inappropriate on there. Link to comment
Cassyniner Posted June 30, 2005 Share Posted June 30, 2005 Or you could just let it go for now-you probably don't want to tell him you were snooping. If he really did marry the girl, he should tell you about it at some point--if he doesn't then it gives you a pretty good idea of his level of honesty doesn't it? Would you really want to be with someone who would hide a marriage? Link to comment
misery12 Posted June 30, 2005 Share Posted June 30, 2005 If he wasn't ashamed of his potential wife, he'd tell you he was married himself.. so you'd know.. and if he hasn't told you, would you want to be in a relationship with a guy that doesn't tell people you're commited to each other? Link to comment
amanda22 Posted June 30, 2005 Author Share Posted June 30, 2005 all good points but... strandy- i freaked out and thought they maybe got married one weekend in mexico, then they wouldnt have to get divorced? i dunno, or it doesnt count in the states? and he used to wear a silver "promise ring" on his wedding finger, but took it off when she left him. haha no he did not show me the pic! i did it secretively when he wasnt around. and yes she did leave him for her old ex! she is very finicky and im worried that she will come back to him and take him away fairy- haha. it doesnt work like that with him. he is VERY protective of his phone and would NEVER let me even touch it let alone go through his pics. if i ask and push the subject even slightly to look through his phone, he will get mad and say I SAID NO! trust me i tried that one a long time ago.... cassy- i want to let it go but i just cant. its haunting me. i even started having nightmares about watching them on the beach getting married and i just wake up feeling sick and crying, so i want to know the truth to get closure. misery- he made it VERY clear that he loved her and wanted to marry her, but i think if he actually did he might not tell me because he knows it would just kill me. agggg. its all just so frusterating. a friend said they would send me an anonymous email saying to ask him about his marriage. that way i can show him the email and act surprised and say what is this about!!!???! what do you guys think? will he see through it? that its a fake email? i dunno... Link to comment
misery12 Posted June 30, 2005 Share Posted June 30, 2005 Well try getting into a humurous conversation with him.. and jokingly bring it up.. like "so have you married her yet?" or something like that. He won't lie. Link to comment
amanda22 Posted June 30, 2005 Author Share Posted June 30, 2005 misery, i dont know if i could pull it off casually cause its a stressful topic for both of us. we dont talk about her much. i hate her and he is hurt and angry about the breakup. we dont talk about her cause it is a very tense topic. he might get upset if i get jokey with him about her cause its still somewhat recent. thats another prob, we dont bring her up in our convos. we just stay away from that topic. we dont even talk about anything that is closely related to her. i also know he asked for his ring back and im even scared to ask him if he has gotten it back yet cause i dont want him to get upset or mad at me or feel that im being nosey... Link to comment
Iceman26 Posted June 30, 2005 Share Posted June 30, 2005 I think the bottom line is you need to get it out in the open with him, because it is really bothering you. If he wants to get back together, he will want to put any doubts/fears you have to rest. Its a frickin phone, and if he makes that big of a deal about you looking through his pictures, then he probably has something to hide and thereforeeee isnt worth wasting your time on anyways. Link to comment
misery12 Posted June 30, 2005 Share Posted June 30, 2005 I agree with Iceman, the only real way you're going to solve this is to ask him yourself. By posting on here all we can give you is advice, we cannot give you an answer to your question because frankly, you know more than us right now. The only answer you will get from any of us, is to tell you to ask him about it. I'm sorry, but it seems that is the only way you'll find out, and you can put this misery and worrying to rest. Link to comment
lady00 Posted June 30, 2005 Share Posted June 30, 2005 misery, i dont know if i could pull it off casually cause its a stressful topic for both of us. we dont talk about her much. i hate her and he is hurt and angry about the breakup. we dont talk about her cause it is a very tense topic. he might get upset if i get jokey with him about her cause its still somewhat recent. thats another prob, we dont bring her up in our convos. we just stay away from that topic. we dont even talk about anything that is closely related to her. i also know he asked for his ring back and im even scared to ask him if he has gotten it back yet cause i dont want him to get upset or mad at me or feel that im being nosey... I think you need to slow this train down. It sounds like this guy might be on the rebound. At the very least he needs to work thru/let go of his anger over the breakup and his bad feelings about the ex...trust me those things have a way of creeping into new relationships. It sounds like they were serious and he isn't over it...also, SHE left HIM...would he have left if she didn't break things off? Link to comment
amanda22 Posted June 30, 2005 Author Share Posted June 30, 2005 yeah. im gonna ask. i have to! its killing me! but i just dont know how. im sure it will come out when the time is right or when i just cant hold it in anymore! haha. we'll see... Link to comment
amanda22 Posted June 30, 2005 Author Share Posted June 30, 2005 lady- i honestly dont know if he would have left. i would like to say no but in talking to him, it did seem as though there were some relationship issues. she also had issues but he said he loved her so much he would stick with her. but he did say he could see (the breakup) happening about half a month before it happened. yet, i dont think he would have left her. Link to comment
lady00 Posted July 1, 2005 Share Posted July 1, 2005 be careful with this one...put yourself in his shoes...let's say you recently broke up with a guy that you had strong feelings for and are angry at the dude...how would you feel if an ex came back into your life and started giving you attention...you'd probably like it...but that doesn't mean that you would be ready to date yet or even think about dating. If he still holds a great deal of anger towards his ex then maybe he isn't ready to be seeing anyone yet...you could end up hurt in this situation unless you take things really slowly and try to protect yourself. In my opinion, you know you're ready to move on and see other people once you no longer feel strong feelings (be they anger or other feelings) towards your ex. Especially because he was the dumpee in this case and didn't necessarily want the relationship to end...he sounds like he's hurting right now and when someone is hurting, it's a good idea to take things very very slowly and consider carefully what you're getting yourself into. Now, I know you two are not together but it sounds like you could be headed that way so I just thought I'd share my thoughts on that. Anyway, good luck with everything. Take care. Link to comment
amanda22 Posted July 1, 2005 Author Share Posted July 1, 2005 thanks lady. thats a good pov. i know he likes me as a friend but i dont think anything more. i need to get away from him cause knowing that only hurts. i talked to him the other day about general stuff and his ex and what not and came to the conclusion that they prob did not get married but had some romantic moments or what not. i dont know. i think im just gonna let it go. everything has just been confusing and painful since he has been back in my life, i think i want to get away from it... thank you so much. Link to comment
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