The lack of love in my life is tearing up my soul

[Zerohero]

Dude I've had all the stuff you wished. Heck, I was just like you my freshman year at the UNI I'm at. Then it all just went to hell. Now here I am, alone again. All my friends moved away, I get lots of offers from girls, but the compatability is not there ya know what I mean? I dunno, but I don't like the idea of searching for my mate, when it just happens out the blue is when it's so much more special. Trust me on that one. Don't go looking for it. Best advise I could give you is get your mind off it anyway you can. It's ok to feel the way you feel. People are shocked when I tell them most things cause they concider me a good looking guy, but there is much more to it than looks.

 

Anyway, I wish you God speed, Good Luck, God bless, and what ever else any religion or who ever made up to say good by.

[dlplight99999]

I'm in the same pitiful situation as most of the guys here but it's important to realize the state of matter at hand. I don't want to lecture anyone; I'm just trying to bring some facts to light.

 

Male to female ratio is around 105:100. Also, a woman of a particular age would be sought by men within the similar and older range groups. To that, add in geographic and time/place constraints. And then apply the probability meeting a single woman and the likelihood of her being attracted to you. I'm not saying it's impossible; it can surely happen but the frank statistics of this is not for the faint of heart and you have to embrace for the likelihood of never finding love.

 

In my daily experience at one of the country's largest munipical medical centers, I'm noticing that around 35-40% of the male patients and 7 % of the female patients here are single. ( not that I care personally but we are required to have these info for completing the social history portions of their medical charts ) Slightly less than half of my male colleagues are single too. Personally, I'm realizing that our problems are nowhere near unique.

[Zerohero]

Man those statistics suck. Guess it's good to know it though.

[ShySoul]

What is love? People are saying that the lack of love is tearing up their soul. That they have never or will never have someone to love. But why the obsession with finding romantic love? Why not embrace the love that is already in your life?

 

Do you have friends that love you? Do you have family that loves you? Do you have people in your life that you can count on, trust, talk to? Do you love yourself? When you make up in the morning, do you have things to look forward to? Places to go and things to keep you busy? If you have people who care about you and honestly want what is best for you, you have love. It may not be romantic love, but you still have love.

 

Be grateful for what you do have, don't take it for granted. Instead of focusing on what you don't have, focus on what you do have. Cause you don't want to lose it at some point and regret not appreciated it while it was there.

[Kyoshiro Ogari]

Very true, but there are different types of love. I have the love of my family and friends and my teddy bear, and I do not take it for granted. But I feel empty because I don't have love that makes my heart beat faster. It's like collecting baseball cards. You've got all the players except one, that rare and special card that you probably need to buy 10,000 bubble gum packs in order to get. But you keep buying all those packs of gum until you finally get that card. See that huge grin on your face as that card glows in it's golden aura? Now your collection is complete and you are whole... and you have that rare and special card that you put all your energy and effort and allowance money to get.

 

That's a lovelife. And I want that card, dag nabbit!

[Zerohero]

Very true, but there are different types of love. I have the love of my family and friends and my teddy bear, and I do not take it for granted. But I feel empty because I don't have love that makes my heart beat faster. It's like collecting baseball cards. You've got all the players except one, that rare and special card that you probably need to buy 10,000 bubble gum packs in order to get. But you keep buying all those packs of gum until you finally get that card. See that huge grin on your face as that card glows in it's golden aura? Now your collection is complete and you are whole... and you have that rare and special card that you put all your energy and effort and allowance money to get.

 

That's a lovelife. And I want that card, dag nabbit!

 

Dont we all...

[wlfpack81]

And let's add this too if it hasn't already (didn't feel like reading this whole thread again). People also want to experience physical love and you know what I'm getting it. And most people don't want to have to pay for it, won't force it upon someone (or at least I hope they aren't thinking of that) and unless your a total messed up person you're not going to turn to your mom, sister or cousin to get your rocks off. Of course Palmula Handerson only works for so long and after a while that doesn't even get you what you need.

 

Yea relationships are more than just sex but sex is one of the good side effects of being in a loving relationship.

[Zerohero]

One of the best experiences in life is having sex with someone who is deeply in love with you , and vice versa!

[ShySoul]

Kyo,

 

I've said it before and I'll say it again... you've got a brain and a wit that anyone will fall in love with. If you turned your energy away from how things don't look good without that romantic love and towards how good things are with what you have, you'd be radiating so much positive energy that the ladies would flock to you.

 

Sex might be a good part of the relationship. It might be enjoyable and something you want. But it just a side dish. The love is the main course. And that love will come to us all. Instead of worrying about when it will come and that we don't have it yet, kept on the positive side. Focus on the many other joys in life, and let that joy fall into place when it comes.

 

I've had more heartache and reason not to hold out hope then most every will even imagine. I get in very dark and depressing moods. But I always remember that after the rain comes the rainbow and that things could be worse. We are all blessed in so many ways, why waste away the wonderful times we could be having worrying about what we don't have.

[wlfpack81]

...why waste away the wonderful times we could be having worrying about what we don't have.

B/c it's the last thing that I haven't been able to freaking complete yet. Thankfully I have a good family situation and always have. I got good grades in school, went to college and got decent grades there and graduated. Then a few months after graduation I got a job in what I went to school for. So that's

 

1) Good family life

2) Education completed

3) Financial situation right now where I want it to be

 

So what's the one thing that's missing and has always been misssing? Oh:

 

4) Love life

 

Until I get that I'm incomplete and in school it doesn't matter if you have an A going into the end. If you don't finish the class then it's an INCOMPLETE. End of story...

[registered]

ok, just want to add my thoughts to all of this...

 

I'm 18 (oh-so young, some may say...) and no kiss, no gf, etc.

 

I am pretty confident and have good self-esteem, I think I have a big heart - I have and continue to work on this. I think this is important for many things other than attraction and finding love/friends.

 

People always say, "it is a matter of time" or "keep trying". I even say these things! But I don't believe them. And just because people say them I am not going to, lol, though I appreciate the encouragement

 

I have been alone for a long time, though in different senses (I have had "girlfriends" over the years but when you are 11 or something it really so doesn't matter...when I was a kid I was popular with girls). It never used to bother me but in recent times it is really hurting.

I don't think it is the lack of love that is hurting (like people say, we always have ourselves, and other people won't necessarily make us happy), but it is the belief that I will never have love, or simple friendship that really hurts. I think this is more the problem for every one in this situation, but this is just my opinion.

 

I don't believe this belief is an irrational one. To me, I think there is a little more to being attractive then being confident, being approachable and putting yourself in a situation to be found or to find others.

I have tried and tried and tried - I don't want this to beat me. I wouldn't be here if I didn't think it was that bad - like I said it never used to hurt. It is the belief that my life will be like this forever that hurts.

I have this belief for a reason though. Oh, and btw, I don't just think I am lonely, I _am_ lonely lol. There is a difference.

 

But please don't get me wrong. I have a positive att-itude. I am hopeful and all we can do is keep on trying, and improving and working hard! This does sound like a contradiction, because I don't sound too positive.

I only think this because I know it is good to do this and keep a positive mind. But I don't actually think it will do anything for me. This is realism, not pessism...that's my (poor) excuse lol.

My advice is, keep a positive att-itude, but don't expect too much. Just hope.

So many people are not going to like me saying this though^^ And it is fair enough, they are actually more likely to be right - maybe I am just feeling sorry for myself.

 

As far as rectifying our situations go, well I am not sure, but I have experience trying, and have received lots of advice and read books etc.

Keep a positve att-itude and it is one thing feeling positive and another thing showing this in your body language, speech,actions, and etc. But my opinion is that showing this will get you somewhere, but won't necessarily get you where you want to be.

Apart from that be yourself! Don't feel you need to change....so long as you bathe, take some care of yourself and are not rude and make people want to dislike you. - but here is a question for everyone that says, "be confident, show you personality etc.": Why is it that extremely shy, or extremely rude, or extremely abusive, or extremely sad, or exremely unpleasant people can get into relationships, and even be happy? What makes them more attractive then our mate Greg who has the a big heart and is scuh a nice guy?

 

But be confident, highlight your personality (looks don't have to matter is you don't want them too, I think this is very, very true), just don't expect this to be a remedy for the situation!

People always tell you this and people who always have no success can't believe that they have a good personality, are confident, maybe are even good looking and still have no success. But there is more to it then all of this. That is what I think. Are there any other explanations?

 

What is this "more" I speak of? I wish I knew. I think the first ingredient is meeting people, but meeting people in a way that suits and belongs to your personality - other people have said this. But it is not easy, and this is a problem - like someone said about motorcycle riding/clubs. A similar problem would be, what if someone likes the internet and spends heaps of time on it, but still wants to meet someone in real life? What do they do?

People say, well, get off your arse and get out there. That is cheap advice, really. I don't want to go to pubs and bars because that isn't me!! Lol.

Honestly, I have many interests, but they aren't conducive for meeting people. I have had to do things I didn't care much for, but believe me, no matter how hard you try, eventually you will have to face the fact that this isn't for you.

I am always looking for new interests though and new clubs to join (I am in a few). So I will keep at it, and so should YOU! Lol.

 

Personally, I think hope for us lies in girls who are similar to us. And they are out there, though, I believe that they are not as common as us guys - this is opinion though, and is likely very wrong.

That is not to say any girl, no matter how successful, attractive, lonely, whatever they are, doesn't want us. But my experience is that it is more likely that someone in our position will be more attracted to us.

 

I just want to add a touch of my reality to the issue. Optimism is nice, but it won't get you that elusive first kiss or girlsfriend. Why are so many people like us optimists? Why are so many pessimists (I do fit this category I think)? Really, there is more to it then simply hoping, or simply trying, and obviously more to it than being down and depressed.

 

Though we can help along and try to force/suggest attraction [i have received heaps of advice from really great people (and it is very useful, find it out! ask me if you want, I am no expert though) and I have read books, and not those silly ones they sell on the internet lol, like "101 ways to pickup" or something lol], there is a lot to attraction that we cannot control and that superficial cover ups can't hide. A lot is so extremely subcounscious (and this varies person to person) that it cannot be helped, maybe just covered up or improved a little. So don't blame yourself.

Survival of the fittest; I don't care if people believe this or not lol, but with primitive man if he were unable to have a first kiss or love (or rape? whatever they did) like us by our age, then he wouldn't reproduce! And so wouldn't survive. Today, we may be a bit more civilised (I actually really doubt that, I think the opposite is true^^ ) and things are different so people like us are going to "survive" but we are only surviving in one sense - we still have to deal with the harsh consequences and all that we don't have, no matter how primal those urges or aspirations may be.

 

Please, I don't offer this as gospel! I am not right, just wanting to be considered. I want people to tell me if they think I am wrong, please, I and everyone will appreciate it.

 

If you want to pm me (even just to abuse me ^^ lol) I will be very happy to receive your message

 

Best of luck everyone, hang in there.

 

 

P.S. I love how a certain "dirty" 3 letter word got censored out of the word a t t i t u d e. Lol.

[ShySoul]

registered, . Thanks, I couldn't figure out why my sig was being censored. Geez, talk about a sensitive system.

 

wlfpack81, You just said how incredible blessed you are. Do you realize how many people don't have the things you have? Good family life? That's something I've never known. Education completed? You know how many people can't afford it, how many never have that opportunity? Stable financial situation? Plenty of couples who have been married for years don't have that. You have lots to be greatful for and should take the time to appreciate it more.

 

Just because you find someone, doesn't mean everything fits into place and you get an A on the test of life. There will always be issues and things you feel are missing. Even should you find the love, you still won't be complete cause you'll probably want a family. You're life isn't incomplete, it's filled with everything you are suppose to have at this moment in time. The lack of romantic love isn't about you, it simple means you haven't found the right person you are compatible with. The only problem with people who are upset with not having that relationship, is that they become obsessed with it to the detriment of their own well being. They beat themselves up over it and always think negative. Thus negative things always happen. But you have to dream big, you have to be open to every possibilty that comes your way. The love may fill up a longing in your heart, but it does not define you. You define yourself. Your life can be just as complete without a girl by your side.

 

When you don't even think about it, it will find you. It may take time, but it happens. And then you will be able to offer each other so much more then you imagined. But if you maintain the attitude of how you need the girl to give your life any meaning, thats not going to work out well. And if you carry the attitude that things will never work out, things never will. So live in the moment. Enjoy what you have now. The future has any number of possibilities. Since we aren't psychic (ok, I am occasionaly ) we can't tell what will happen. Work on making the rest of our life good, and the rest will fall in place when it is right.

 

registered, I agree with most of what you say. At 18 you are young. But you have a positive attitude. Just being myself, staying positive, and letting love come to me worked for me. Sure, still waiting on a girlfriend. But I've had the most romantic first kiss of all, and two girls in love with me this year. So it's paying off slowly but surely. It is a matter of time. Took me 22 years before anyone paid attention to me. That's a lot of time. Then I had a rush of attention. Best friend just turned 22, he's still waiting. But I know he'll have someone in time.

 

It is the fear of being alone that hurts the most, of not being loved. It's something everyone fears. But that's why it is importance to embrace the love we do have. It might not be the same, but it will keep us from feeling unloved and unappreciated. There are people dealing with much bigger concerns then not having a girlfriend. The are people in relationships wishing they could get out. There are people who have had to fend for themselves and don't have people they can count on who love them. Consider yourself blessed for the love you have, not cursed for the love you don't have.

 

As for getting out there, sure it could help. Doesn't mean it will. Even if you are online a lot (like a certain someone writing this post), you can find someone and fall in love with each other (like that certain someone did). Key is to just follow your natural personality and what you enjoy doing.

 

Optimism is key. Hope is one of the cornerstones of life. What kept me going when I was down and depressed? Optimism. That combined with just loving myself and being me lead me to someone special. And what helped me embrace what I was experiencing instead of being afraid? Optimism. What kept me believing in us when things seemed rough? Optimism. Optimism played a pivotal role in getting that first kiss and would have got me that girlfriend had it not been for her lack of optimism. Oh well, everything will work out.

 

Attraction isn't something we make happen, it is something that happens. It exists between two people at the right time. It happens to all of us. And remember, the best things are worth waiting for.

[registered]

Thanks for that great post shySoul.

How down and cynical was I when I wrote that msg?! Lol.

 

I love what you said, it's very good advice. It's great to hear that you have had things look up for you on the love front. Well done!

[ShySoul]

Your welcome registered. Don't worry, we all get cynical. Things are actually looking down on me from the love front lately, and even I've got cynical a bit in the past few days. But I'm holding onto that optimism. Afterall, when its all you really have, can't lose it, right?

[NR498E]

greg you obviously need to change somthings.Get up get out of the house go directly to the mall buy some NICE clothes and start talking to girls.Make your self look good and youll feel good.You obviously have some confidence issues we all do.But talk to girls learn to laugh in the face of rejection and for gods sake dont come off as wussy or not confident.You have got to change yourself Greg.Nobodys gonna throw the girl of your dreams in your arms.If you keep doing the same thing, witch sounds like nothing, you can certainly expect the same results.Theres a million books written on this subject: invest the money.If you dont know how to do somthing you have to learn theres no shame in that.Best of luck to you.

[teacup]

honestly, relationships and love and all this stuff isnt as great as it's cracked out to be. i've experienced it and i dont feel any better or happier as a person.

 

in fact, i think before i knew all this stuff i was way better, way better off and way happier. this "love" almost destroyed my life. it's not worth as much as you think it is.

 

i mean....yeah i wouldnt want to give the attention up.......but sometimes it feels pretty empty and cheap.

 

the best love is loving yourself. and that is the truth.

[ShySoul]

the best love is loving yourself. and that is the truth

 

Yes, always love youself.

 

in fact, i think before i knew all this stuff i was way better, way better off and way happier. this "love" almost destroyed my life. it's not worth as much as you think it is.

 

Unfortunately not all loves end well. Some leave us down and defeated. But it does, in a way, make us better off. It shows us we are strong enough to survive, and helps us to appreciate things when we do find that real love we all want. You can't let some bad expereinces and hurtful loves ruin your outlook on love period.

[SexySadie7]

okay.. people.. let's get this all in perspective. I know what it feels like to be lonely but if you are only 21 years old.. or even 32.. heck that's not old either you have plenty of time and opportunities ahead of you.

I do know what it's like to deal with issues of being the "ugly duckling" in your group.. All my girlfriends were much better looking than me.. but still I did manage to get boyfriends.

You just got to focus on your good qualities..are you fun to be around? DO you have any kind of interesting hobbies, like playing an instrument or good at anything? Are you interesting or provocative to talk with?? Do you listen well to people? Whoever wrote this had me in stitches,

"Good looking guys are in the starting lineup. Us not so good looking guys are on the bench waiting for the good lookers to get injured."

Now. .THAT'S a funny guy!! I love to laugh.. The song by Cyndi Lauper. "girls just wanna have fun" is so true.. Who the heck cares if you aren't the "hot" one in the group? Most "hot" guys are so shallow anyway, or have been with so many women, they don't even appreciate a nice girl when they find it.

I tell you, when I first go out of college.. I was applying for this job at this company and met this guy, who I really didn't think was my type.. His skin was not so good. he wasn't really that good looking, he was kinda funny looking to be honest, but somehow he managed to get my number from the receptionist and gave me a call after I left the office where he was also seeking employment.

I agreed to go out on a date with him, but the first half hour, I was thinking to myself, "why am I doing this? this guy is totally NOT my type."

I tell you.. he turned out to be the most interesting, intelligent, funny, creative, talented guy I had ever met in a long time.. We ended up being roommates and I eventually fell in love with him.

I really didn't care that he wasn't this hot "hunk" cuz he had SO many other good qualities... among them being one of the best lovers I've ever had. : )

And talk about talented, i'm not talking behind closed doors either.. This guy was the most amazing artist... i was in such admiration of his talent cuz you see I had studied art in college too.

We had so much stuff in common it was such a pleasure to hang out with him.

You see... it's not always what is on the outside that counts.. it's what is on the inside... But.. if he hadn't taken the iniative to get my number somehow I would of never even ended up knowing him other than saying hello.

Just get out there and let the world see what you are made of man...! You sound like a very funny articulate guy. Anyway.. women are so sick of the hot "player" types... there are so many lonely women sitting home alone or out there every weekend hoping to meet a nice guy who will just love them for them, you wouldn't believe..

So.. how we gonna meet nice guys like you if you don't get your cute little behinds out there so we can meet ya? LOL

Besides.. just because you've been in a relationship doesn't make you happy.. I could refer to a website where most of the people there have been divorced at least one or two times.. You have no idea.. what a miserable bunch of people there are at that website.. I get depressed just readin their posts.. they are totally disillusioned, bitter beyond belief.. cuz their idea of love failed..

You see you guys who's not experienced love yet.. the world is your oyster man...

Your glass aren't half empty.. they are half full..

so don't be down on yourself.. besides if you've never even kissed a girl then you are sure not going to be able to transmit any sexually transmitted diseases to any pretty girl either! Do you know the statistics for how many young people under 25 have STDs? it's frightening man...

Well.. best of luck to you all..

I think you've got more going for you than you realize..

Have any of your really lonely people thought about joining like a bowling league? You don't have to be particularly athletic, it's fun and you get to meet different people.. It would somethign to look forward to also.. I have thought about it myself.

Have a nice weekend everyone..

I love how everyone tries to encourage people on here..

That site i mentioned where most of the people have been divorced or had bad relationships.. it's like misery loves company... since they've been dumped.. anyone who gets on there with a relationship problem is told that they are getting played on and will probably be dumped too..

It's pathetic.. see.. it's not so bad not having experience.. you also don't have any bad experiences to be heartbroken about.. believe me.. that is alot worse.

Take it easy everyone.

[BillyJean714]

To the OP: Ever thought of it this way? Would you rather have gone through relationships that tear you up inside, or would you rather be patient and save it for that "One" special person who you know truly cares for you?

 

I know you have a lot of love to give, but when you give your love to the wrong person, it becomes a vicious cycle of repeated heartaches/relationship failures.

 

Prior to all of my dating experiences, I was a peppy girl with a positive, go-getter attitude. Nothing could stop me. I was always cheery, happy, smiling. Classmates would always tell me not to change. People would always say how much it makes them feel great when they see my smile. It was nothing but pure bliss, pure joy.

 

Be GLAD you didn't give your heart to the WRONG person, considering that you are a genuinely good person. Once you're broken, you'll never be the same. For good and bad, you NEVER will.

[Kyoshiro Ogari]

I agree sort of. I guess it depends on the person who is wanting for a relationship. When "The One" isn't there when you're in your 30s, then what are we supposed to do? Supposed to think? If this mystical One ever comes then yes, it is worth the wait. But how long are some people supposed to wait to be loved? A lot of people who have been in relationships, even the bad ones, don't understand the emptyness and pain of being alone and/or lonely. It's sort of like picking your poison. If you've been in an abusive relationship then yes I completely understand. That pain is greater than lonliness, I understand that. But still, being alone is a ton of bricks on the heart as well.

 

The Lonely don't know what being loved feels like. Just imagine a soul floating alone with no end in sight. For those who have never been in a relationship and can't fathom what it feels like to have someone love us, that is what we see: no end in sight. Until we find someone, we feel trapped in a closet (minus R.Kelly, Tom Cruise & John Travolta for all you South Park fans out there) with no air and no escape. That's why the expression is "It's better to have loved and lost than not to have loved at all." It's claustrophobic being lonely. And some people, like my 32 year old self, is sick of waiting for these circumstances to bring us The One. I said it before, if I was meant to wait this long for The One, then life is playing a cruel joke.

 

But at least broken hearts and lonely hearts have cures: Another soul for us to love. But again, as someone who has never had a girlfriend, I can't fathom the idea of a remedy. It's too foreign to me.

[ShySoul]

"It's better to have loved and lost than not to have loved at all."

 

From recent experiences I have to wonder if that statement is really true. Is it really better to love someone with all that you are and be ready to committ yourself entirely to this person, only to have it blow up on you leaving you hurting and gasping for breath? Is it really better to feel the sting of what could have been, what should have been, and what

almost was, gnawing at you constantly? Feeling like you have nothing left to give?

 

Isn't it better to save it all for one special person? Do we really need to go through the hurt of giving our heart to the wrong person? It can't be to find out what we want in a relationship, cause in our deepest of feelings we already know. It can't be because we need to experience such gut wreching pain and emptiness. What is the point? Why not just forget all relationships until you meet the person you are absolutely certain you will always be together with. Do it once, do it right, do it forever.

[Alabama]

But what if you never get that chance to find your true love? Even though you went through such pain to find it, and lost it, than it wouldn't it have been better to experience love? I think so. Sometimes in life we only get one chance and if we don't take it, than who knows when it will happen next? There are no guarentees in life, after all.

[ShySoul]

If it was true love you wouldn't have lost it, it would have worked out and lasted for all eternity. Whomever our true love is, the person will come into our lives and we will now. It will work. And none of the pain of past relationships or breakups or game playing or foolish situations where the other party doesn't understand how you feell... will be necessary.

 

It's not better to love and lose it. It only leaves you dead. Look at all the people who become bitter, jaded. Look at the people who lose faith in the magic and wonder of love. How can people pledge their heart and soul to someone, and then later decide that they were wrong and want to take it back. As far as I know, I only have one heart and soul to give. And when I give it, I give all of it.There is no holding back. If I give it to someone, I have nothing left to give to another. Everything that I am is with that one person and if they trample on it I am left with nothing. It doesn't just hurt, it's a black hole inside of me. How can someone ever love again when they endure that?

 

And if they dont feel like that, how deep was the love to begin with? Can it really be considered true love?

 

What if you had never experienced love before? Real love on that level. Then you experience it only to have it suddenly ripped away from you. Now you not only have to go through life wondering if you'll ever have real love, you'll have to remember that you had a chance and it all fell apart. Double Whammy. Not just one pain, but two. The little momentary joy from the experience is enough to overcome a lifetime of pain? I'm not feeling it.

[registered]

Well ShySoul you bring up some things that I am interested in myself.

 

If I give it to someone, I have nothing left to give to another

Isn't it better to save it all for one special person? Do we really need to go through the hurt of giving our heart to the wrong person?

Why not just forget all relationships until you meet the person you are absolutely certain you will always be together with.

Do you think this is a wise attitude to have? What do other people think?

 

How many people find true love with the first person they love? How many people have? Could people please post their experiences...maybe I will start a new thread.

 

Aren't you setting yourself up for disappointment feeling this way? I mean what if you give your all to one person and it doesn't work out? Surely you will want to try again with someone else?

 

Also I am sure many people have relationships with people who they don't love...they seem to still be able to find hapiness later on.

 

Also, what is life without pain? Some things hurt, but we learn from these things. Isn't pain in love something that helps us grow and mature?

 

I hate to refer to people collectively and I know that all situations are different but I just feel that many people do not experience this "first love, only love" sort of thing.

 

The fact that many (I would say most, but I am not basing this upon anything other than casual observation) people don't experience things this way to me suggests that this is the normal, accepted way of how love happens.

 

I feel that because this seems like the most common way people live and love it is not a good idea to wait and wait for that "true love" and hope that oppoortunity will knock. Isn't it better to get out there, be active in finding that someone, and make the most of our chances? (I think we all have the same chances if we can overcome whatever holds us back, be that shyness, lack of social skills, low self-esteem etc).

 

I'm just curious ShySoul, I don't mean to question you with malice. You have a lot of positive things to say. I am just here to learn and am open to what everyone thinks

[ShySoul]

No problem registered, if I can spark an intelligent conversation then I'm happy.

 

I don't expect anyone else to think like that. It doesn't usually work that way and most never think it can. But why not be different? I believe I'll find true love with the first (or second in case something goes wrong) person I love. And believing is seeing. If I believe it, it can happen.

 

If I give it all to one person and it doesn't work, I will be disappointed. But either it works out with her in the future, or it doesn't work at all for me. Is there anything wrong with that? If I don't have the love left to give someone, that's simple how it is. I'll be fine on my own.

 

People have relationships with people they don't love because they are more focused on the relationship then the love. And thus it doesn't and can't work out. Just cause people do it, doesn't mean its the best course of action or what I want to take.

 

About feeling pain and it teaching us - what if you've mostly felt hurt and pain in your life? What if your heart has been broken over and over again otherwise? What if love is not something you have had much of? Then you value it more and hold it in higher esteem. So that love that you want to find is something more then it is to most people, its an answer to your prayers, all of them.

 

Most will not have one love, only love. But because it is so rare, those lucky enough to have it can experience something that can't be described.

It may not be "normal" but who wants to be normal? I'll be me. And I know I'm not alone out there.

 

People are free to be active if they choose. I just find that all to often people spend so much time looking that it becomes a chore. It can get frustrating. It can cause you to doubt yourself. My thought is to take life as it comes to you, a relationship will happen when it happens and it will be right.