Feeling Alone and Confused

[Jaspeniiiinnn]

Hello everyone! How do you manage with feeling alone and lost while in a relationship especially after trust has been broken. My boyfriend seems to have changed. But honestly the love I had for him I don’t even know if I feel it anymore. Or maybe have never felt it and the hurt made me realize I wasn’t in love or I’m just hoping I don’t feel it anymore so things will be easier on me. I was talking to my therapist and came to terms that I’ve never felt happiness or felt a secure environment. And was wondering if I’ve just shut off from him because I don’t know if I can get over it. He tells me that I’ll just become cold to him suddenly with no warning. Does anyone know what will help? Is it time? Am I the problem? 

[MissCanuck]

29 minutes ago, Jaspeniiiinnn said:

especially after trust has been broken.

What did he do to break your trust? 

[Capricorn3]

Once trust is broken, it very rarely ever comes back and without trust, you have nothing (imo).

[Jaspeniiiinnn]

46 minutes ago, MissCanuck said:

What did he do to break your trust? 

 

He was planning on meeting up with his ex fwbs and asking her for pictures she even agreed and she knows about me too. He invited her to his birthday party before he invited me. He told me that I’m controlling because I told him that it makes me uncomfortable that they were still in contact. 

 

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[Jaspeniiiinnn]

36 minutes ago, Capricorn3 said:

Once trust is broken, it very rarely ever comes back and without trust, you have nothing (imo).

Is there a way to get it back? Or am I just hoping it can be built back up? 

[MissCanuck]

3 minutes ago, Jaspeniiiinnn said:

He was plannig on meeting up with his ex fwbs and asking her for pictures she even agreed and she knows about me too. He invited her to his birthday party before he invited me. 

 

Why did you continue dating this clown? 

I would have dumped him for that, no questions asked. 

[Jaspeniiiinnn]

Just now, MissCanuck said:

Why did you continue dating this clown? 

I would have dumped him for that, no questions asked. 

Well it’s been over 5 years and I have tried to leave but every time I do he stops me (like blocks the door, follows me downstairs, cries and begs.) and I feel like if I leave it would have all been for nothing. We even almost had a baby but I miscarried in December. 

[MissCanuck]

4 minutes ago, Jaspeniiiinnn said:

I feel like if I leave it would have all been for nothing.

Look up the sunk cost fallacy. 

5 minutes ago, Jaspeniiiinnn said:

I have tried to leave but every time I do he stops me (like blocks the door, follows me downstairs, cries and begs.)

You can leave if you really want to. He can't stop you from ending this relationship, and if he blocks the door, you call the police to remove him. 

Your self-worth is in the tank, darlin'. 

 

[Kwothe28]

27 minutes ago, Jaspeniiiinnn said:

He was planning on meeting up with his ex fwbs and asking her for pictures she even agreed and she knows about me too.

Yeah, get away from that. He is only deflecting because he is doing innapropriate stuff. That is why he labels you as controlling because you dont allow him to ask for his ex naked pics. This has just run its course and he doesnt respect you at all. 

[Wiseman2]

4 hours ago, Jaspeniiiinnn said:

Well it’s been over 5 years and I have tried to leave but every time I do he stops me (like blocks the door, follows me downstairs, cries and begs.) and I feel like if I leave it would have all been for nothing. We even almost had a baby but I miscarried in December. 

Sorry this is happening. It's good you're in therapy. Do you live together? Please discuss the abuse with your therapist.  Please read up on abuse relationships and contact domestic violence agencies for information advice and support. Is it your place his place or are you on a lease? Please find a way to extricate yourself from this. It's unclear why your therapist won't help you. Especially when he's blocking doors and abusing you. 

[Andrina]

Even people who have been together 20 or more years end relationships for their own good to be able to live happier lives. Get some supportive friends and relatives to help you escape this mental and physical abuse. This is a sickening situation. Get a restraining order if he stalks you at your new location.

[TeeDee]

9 hours ago, Jaspeniiiinnn said:

Is there a way to get it back? Or am I just hoping it can be built back up? 

Only he can restore your trust by his actions.  But he's not doing that.  

He doesn't sound all that invested.  You feel lonely because you know he has one foot (& maybe some other parts) out the door. 

You will feel less lonely if you stop trying to repair / restore this relationship that he doesn't seem to care about.  Break up.  Being alone is better than this.  It will clear the decks for you to find somebody trustworthy.  

Please accept my condolences about your miscarriage. 

If he blocks the door etc. when you try to leave, don't announce to him that you are leaving.  Leave when he's not there & don't tell him where you went.  

[smackie9]

11 hours ago, Jaspeniiiinnn said:

Well it’s been over 5 years and I have tried to leave but every time I do he stops me (like blocks the door, follows me downstairs, cries and begs.) and I feel like if I leave it would have all been for nothing. We even almost had a baby but I miscarried in December. 

I have been down that road myself. You quietly leave when he's not there, leave the keys in the mailbox with a note....then disappear. Block/delete/change your number. 

[catfeeder]

15 hours ago, Jaspeniiiinnn said:

How do you manage with feeling alone and lost while in a relationship especially after trust has been broken.

Personally speaking, any relationship that would have me feeling lost and alone with a partner who would betray my trust is one I'd leave behind quickly--and never look back.

The past teaches us what we want to cultivate going forward versus what we will change. If we use those lessons wisely, we can pursue a joyful future. The future will exist regardless of how we spend it--whether we choose to find happiness and love, or whether we squander it focusing on suffering. Either way, we will never get any time back to re-live over again.

There is no time like the present to make a change. If you need help with a plan to exit safely, consider using one of the domestic violence prevention sites on the Internet for a referral to a local counselor. These networks offer resources that are not known to the public, so it may be helpful to inquire with more than one.