Should I stop dating a person with "trauma"_

[JayJ34]

I have been dating someone from my work place for 3 weeks now. Lets call her Ava. Our work is not affected at all. That is not the problem, and even if we stopped dating, from my point of view we are both mature enough to not let what happens between us influence how we work together. 

We agreed to date casually, she asked if it would be a problem for me when she would date other women (she is bisexual), and I told her I dont have a problem with that, I am not looking for something serious with her, especially because she is moving away in September. She somehow does not want to date other men right now, and I personally could not date several people at once, I somehow cant handle it emotionally. Everything is fine so far. 

What I realised, she is not really mentally stable. Her ex cheated on her and was really jealous. She isnt over him yet. And it shines through here and there.

There is a new coworker. She, the new coworker, is unexperienced and I like to take care of new coworkers so that they dont get overwhelmed with work, just like I did when I started and no one cared for me. 

Today when I met up with Ava, I told her that I think I should give the new coworker some advice. This sentence triggered Ava. She asked me why I would think of the new worker out of nowhere. I was helping Ava with the cooking, shegot upset and told me that I dont need to help her, she could do it herself. After I sat down, she said "Now that you dont have to do anything, you can text the new coworker". I was just thinking, what the actual f***.

I dont know why, but the way she said it and how she looked at me made me feel so so bad. Firstly, what I said was not meant in any way of dating or attraction but rather in caring for other people, and secondly, I already said that I could not date multiple people at the same time and I dont even want to do that etc..

I am 20 and Ava is 26, so she has more dating experience and apparently she carries some kind of trauma. I am stable and confident, I dont let people disrespect me and I know my worth, but I also would say that I am an emotional person. I do not let my emotions control me, no matter how I feel, what has do be done will be done. And today in that very moment, when felt so bad, I couldve cried. I dont know why, and I have to figuere that out to work on it.

I told her I did not mean it the way she thinks it is, her response was "All my exes talked about women that I dont have to worry about, and somehow these women were the ones they cheated on me with". When she calmed down, she realised that she needed to apologize.

But I have been feeling sh*tty for the rest of the day from that moment on, it felt like she was another person when she got triggered. No matter what I said it would not reach her, and even if it did, she would intepret it in a way to reinforce her trigger. Like talking to a wall but getting insulted meanwhile.

Do any of you who read this have experience with people like that? Because except this, I do enjoy her presence and her personality, but I am certain that this was not the last time a situation like that will occur.

[LotusBlack]

You and her are not a couple but just dating and have the intention to keep it casual. In addition, she is leaving shortly. Despite the fact you don’t like to multi-date, you are not exclusive and she has no right to be upset with you and expect you to behave as an exclusive boyfriend would. Furthermore, she is able to date other women if she wishes to, so it is a double standard.

I think the woman you are dating is emotionally immature and short-sighted. I would move on from her because even though you said you are both mature enough not to cause professional issues due to your romantic involvement, she is already doing so. You are trying to assist your new colleague and the woman you are dating is taking issue. I would strongly advise you to stop involving yourself with her immediately because she clearly WILL make issues at work if you progress further in your involvement, because she already is.

[Wiseman2]

7 minutes ago, JayJ34 said:

 

 

7 minutes ago, JayJ34 said:

I dont know why, but the way she said it and how she looked at me made me feel so so bad. Firstly, what I said was not meant in any way of dating or attraction but rather in caring for other people, and secondly, I already said that I could not date multiple people at the same time and I dont even want to do that etc..

I am 20 and Ava is 26, so she has more dating experience and apparently she carries some kind of trauma. I am stable and confident, I dont let people disrespect me and I know my worth, but I also would say that I am an emotional person. I do not let my emotions control me, no matter how I feel, what has do be done will be done. And today in that very moment, when felt so bad, I couldve cried. I dont know why, and I have to figuere that out to work on it.

I told her I did not mean it the way she thinks it is, her response was "All my exes talked about women that I dont have to worry about, and somehow these women were the ones they cheated on me with". 

Sorry this is happening. She seems unstable on multiple levels. Especially jealous and on the rebound. It's good she's leaving in September, then you won't have to deal with her and all her issues and "trauma". Frankly, she needs a therapist, not a BF.

[catfeeder]

1 hour ago, JayJ34 said:

...we are both mature enough to not let what happens between us influence how we work together. 

This may be true of you, but given this woman's hostile and creepy reaction to a minor comment about helping a coworker, is it worth the risk? Decide how much you want to tip-toe around a mine field to appease a potentially unhinged person.

[MissCanuck]

I wouldn't continue dating this woman.

She comes with too much drama and that’s only likely to get worse. And if you think she is mature enough to handle being your coworker even if it doesn’t work out with you, boy, are you in for an unpleasant surprise. 

Please reconsider this whole situation. 

[Kwothe28]

Son, let me give you some advice: Never stick your D in crazy. No matter how hot she is. Because as you can see, you got nothing but troubles from it.

[TeeDee]

Waaaaayyyyyy too much drama for 3 measly weeks. 

You are also operating under 1 very serious miscalculation;  You think you are both mature enough to be professional at work if you stop dating.  You may be mature enough to do that but that's not in the ballpark of what she's capable of.  Prepare yourself for a real sh1tstorm at work.  Do tell HR or your boss because I guarantee Ava is going to attack the new girl because you mentioned her name. 

[smackie9]

Get away from her as quickly as you can. You think things are going to be OK no matter what happens...you have another thing comin. Never dip your pen in the company ink. She might be able to control herself at work but, outside of work could land you 4 flat tires.